The Rarity and Value of a Woman Who can find a virtuous woman? by Bill & Roberta Taylor
Is this what you were talking about? The Rarity and Value of a Woman Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10 A woman came into a store wearing clothes that showed her body too well. The shop owner took a good look at her, asked her to sit down, stared at her in the eye and told them something she’ll never forget in life. ′′Miss, everything God has made valuable in this world is well covered and it’s hard to see, find, or get. For example:
1. Where can you find the diamonds At the bottom of the earth, covered and protected.
2. Where are the pearls found? At the ocean floor, covered and protected in a beautiful shell.
3. Where can you find gold? Down the ground, covered in layers of rock and to get it you have to work hard and dig deep. Having said that, he stared at her again and said: ′′ Your body is sacred and unique “. You are much more precious than gold, diamonds and pearls, so you must be covered too ” And I add: ′′ If you keep your precious minerals like gold, diamonds and pearls deeply covered, a renowned mining organization with the necessary machinery will work years of extensive exploration. First they will contact your government (family), sign professional contracts (marriage) and extract it professionally (conjugal life). But if you let your precious minerals lie on the surface of the earth, you will always attract a large number of illegal miners to come, explore and illegally take those riches. Dress Up Pretty, But Decent! You can dress to be chased or you can dress to stay chaste. Only one honors God. Only one honors yourself, and only one will attract an honorable man. This article lists other things older women should teach younger women about men: https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2018/12/what-drove-jesus-11-nobodies-to-turn.html#OlderWomenTeachMarriage Under Threat: What Drove Jesus’ 11 Nobodies to Turn the
Chapter 12 – What Should Older Women Teach?
Older women should teach younger women about men because they don’t know:
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4That they may teach the young women
to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands
, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
My wife tells a young lady that her husband dreams of having her 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed. God seldom gives him that much strength, but that’s his plan.
A girl who hasn’t even dated knows that she’ll belong to a man who does that. This tends to scare her, but she’ll want him to open his heart to her whenever she wants to talk, which is at least that often. She’ll see it will be OK to belong to him if he belongs to her. If he’s happy with her, seeing his joy in having her makes her happy and she’ll want to keep doing it. The wife in the Song of Solomon agrees (Song 1:2[206], 2:16[207], 6:3[208]).
The Bible explains this man-woman thing. The moment he saw her, Jacob wanted Rachel badly enough to work for Laban for 7 years to earn the right to take her:
And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her
. Genesis 29:21
A man will marry if he wants a woman badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her. If he can have her without marriage, what would marriage give him that he doesn’t already have? Why marry?
A man’s desire for a woman can be strong enough to drive him to commit murder:
And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me
for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon. 8And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife. 9And Abimelech called Isaac, and said, Behold, of a surety she is thy wife; and how saidst thou, She is my sister? And Isaac said unto him, Because I said, Lest I die for her. 10And Abimelech said, What is this thou hast done unto us? one of the people might lightly have lien
with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us. Genesis 26:7-10
David murdered Bathsheba’s husband to have her; Isaac thought that the “men of the place” would kill him to have his desirable wife. Abimelech was angry because “one of the people might lightly have lien with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us.” There would have been no guilt for “lightly have lien” with Rebekah if she wasn’t married. She had no right to her body; raping her would have been no crime. She was married, though, so rape would have been a property crime against her husband.
In the flesh, a man doesn’t see much wrong with sex without marriage even if she isn’t willing. The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging. Having treated more than 2,000 students for depression and other emotional problems at a prestigious university, she wrote that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex. Women associate sex with commitment; men generally don’t.
When a man tells a girl he loves her, he means that he wants her to open her body to him. Men think the birth control pill means a girl plans to have sex. This makes it hard for her to say “No,” so she shouldn’t use it. When a man asks for sex, she can say, “We can’t do that – you’re a stud, you’ll get me pregnant. The pill can cause blood clots and other dangers so I’m not taking it. Abortions are risky and some women get really depressed afterward. No sex unless we’re married, and I won’t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.”
God made women for men (Gen. 2:18[209], 1 Cor. 11:8-9[210]). Marrying puts on the yoke of pleasing her husband (1 Cor. 7:34[211]). She shouldn’t get involved with a man who isn’t naturally pleased with her.
GOD GAVE MEN STRONG DESIRES ON PURPOSE
Marriage brings great trials. God put powerful desires into men to make them stay with their wives when things get tough. When a man’s attracted to a woman, he’s driven to get physical with her, and his desire increases the more he’s with her. No woman can understand this any more than a man can understand how women feel about babies. Girls must know this and be careful of any man not her husband.
How can a woman tell when a man’s sexually aroused? He’s breathing. Nurses in old-age homes say that when a man is no longer aware of them as women, he’s a few hours from death.
Giving herself to a man humbles a woman (De. 21:14, 22:29, Ez. 22:10-11). Losing independence can be frightening – Rebecca veiled herself before meeting Isaac (Gen. 24:65[212]). It wasn’t the custom to veil or Isaac wouldn’t have told her to say she was his sister (Gen. 26:7[213]). Why did she cover herself? She knew Isaac had plans and that his plans would have a powerful effect on her. She veiled herself to get a little space.
MEN AND WOMEN ARE MORE DIFFERENT THAN WE IMAGINE
The Bible tells how a man reacts to taking his bride to wife:
Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race
. Psalm 19:5
He feels like Superman, he’s ready to leap tall buildings at a single bound! What of her? The hormones produced in her body have bound her to him. This is the man she must please, this is the man who leads her, and she hopes for the best. She probably wasn’t very interested – few women are aroused except when they’re fertile. Her fertile time can be as little as fifteen minutes when his touch can arouse her desire.
Men are always interested so they must learn to control their impulses, urges, and desires.
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Women who haven’t made love may not be interested, so a girl has no experience controlling such powerful urges. Older women may tell girls not to kiss “because it’ll give him ideas.” That’s wrong. Men don’t get ideas, men have ideas. Kissing during her fertile time may give her ideas. It’s very hard to stop when they both want it. The Bible teaches that it’s better for a man not to touch a woman so as to kindle her desires (1 Cor. 7:1-2[214]). The chaperone’s job is to stop the couple when they can’t stop themselves.
A wife has many needs she expects her husband to supply. Telling a young woman about a man’s physical desires and discussing what my wife told me about herself on page 69 will help. The better she understands her needs, the better she can explain, and the more confident she can make him that he can make her happy.
A grandmother read one of our articles on how to be a husband. “Must I read what you said about being a wife?” she asked. She had married daughters. I knew she knew what men want, so I said “No.”
“Let me put it this way,” she said. “If my husband treated me that way, I would not only be willing to give him what he wants, I would not only be glad to do what he wants, I would be honored to do that for him.” Giving herself to a man makes a woman more sensitive to his true feelings about her. If he really appreciates her, feeling his joy in her more strongly makes her happy. If she believes he’s upset or critical, she won’t want to feel his negative views more strongly and will evade his desires whenever she can.
Women are so different from men that God warns men to love their wives instead of being bitter (Col. 3:19[215]). Men can irritate women, often without knowing why. The Bible shows how to handle that:
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace
in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger? Ruth 2:10
If you scream when your husband upsets you, he won’t want to listen to what you say. When Boaz told Ruth he’d told other men to leave her alone, she asked him why! Instead of ignoring her, he opened his heart to her. Ask your husband gently why he did what irritated you. He may have a good reason, or he may not have known it would bother you. There’s more detail in Handling Conflict in Marriage on page 41.
WHAT A MOTHER-IN-LAW TAUGHT
The Book of Ruth shows how Naomi instructed Ruth, her daughter-in-law, how to get married. Ruth was a widow who knew about men so Naomi didn’t have to explain a man’s physical drive. A woman should know about a man’s basic drive and then study How Ruth Found Rest in the Home of her Husband on page 125.
Here’s a summary of Ruth’s Rules for Getting Married:
1) Seek ye first the kingdom of God, it’s better to have God and no husband than to have a husband without God. 2) Realize that you’re made for him and he’s not made for you. You’re the tail on his kite, so you’d better be sure his kite has a string. If he has a string, you and he can soar together, but if he has no string, you’ll bump along the ground and get all muddy. 3) Wait for a man who respects and honors you so you can find rest in cleaning up after him and enjoy belonging to him. 4) Be hard to get, don’t give a man rest outside marriage. 5) Get advice from an older woman no matter how old you are. 6) The time of courtship is when you find out if he trusts you enough accept your help and to open his heart. Make sure he listens to you by opening his heart to you and that he values you enough to meet your need to talk all your days.
WHAT A MOTHER TAUGHT
The Song of Songs was written 3,000 years ago to show how husbands and wives should treat each other. It was passed down by hand-copying over centuries because it captures the rules for a happy marriage.
1) It starts with the wife praising her husband (Song 1:2[216]). Men don’t seem to understand women very well; maybe having a wife praise her husband teaches him how to praise her? Feeling appreciated by his wife makes a man more inclined to take care of her and to appreciate her.
2) The wife recognizes, appreciates, and encourages her husband’s desire for her (Song 7:10[217]).
Her mother tells her how to keep her husband’s desire focused on her (Song 8:2-3[218]) to keep him from noticing other women (Song 6:8-9[219]). She has more sexual capacity than he; she can drain off every bit of his sexual energy. That makes it hard for other women to get his attention. If she sends him out of the house loaded, he’ll be tempted by other women. Women are often amazed at how often men want this.
Giving herself whenever he wants her proves that she belongs to him. Men are possessive. Knowing she belongs to him helps him want to take care of her. Giving herself is humbling (Deu. 21:14, 22:29, Ezekiel 22:10-11). She won’t want to do it unless she knows that he belongs to her and values her.
Caring for a wife properly is a lot of work, but there is no joy this side of Heaven for a man that compares with having a woman like belonging to him, but he must first convince her that he likes belonging to her.
A man can’t praise his wife in such detail without paying attention to her and opening his heart to her when she wants to talk. Marriages are based on communication; women communicate heart-to-heart, men communicate belly-to-belly. How many marriages would fail if husband and wife never, not ever, criticized each other and looked for ways to give thanks instead? That’s the essence of the Song.
WHAT SHOULD HER HUSBAND KNOW ABOUT HER?
80-90% of how a marriage works out lies in how the husband acts toward his wife, but a high percentage of how he treats her is based on how she behaves before they marry. As a girl becomes a woman, how she chooses to relate to the opposite sex has great influence on her happiness. It’s important to get it right.
When a girl gets together with a boy, she can be his Toy, Treasure, Trophy, or Trash. God created women to be treasures but our society teaches girls to be toys. They dress in marketing mode. They’re taught to undulate around sending the message “Come play with me” and boys are happy to do that.
Ever watch a boy play with a toy truck? He pushes it this way and that until he’s tired of it. Then he discards it and grabs another toy. Being discarded is hard on women. Any boy can play with her but it takes a man to stay with her. Toy or Treasure, play or stay summarizes the issue for a woman. It doesn’t take many times being discarded before her heart is so scarred that she’s little more than trash in a man’s eye.
Being a trophy isn’t much better. When he tires of showing her off, he’ll discard her find a newer, flashier model. Being discarded harms women badly – after it happens too often, they feel like Trash.
A man knows that a woman can give him a taste of the joys of Heaven but few realize that she can make him no happier than he makes her. A man who isn’t sure he can make her happy holds back his emotions so he won’t be hurt. Few women have the words to explain their needs to men. If a woman wants to be treated better than a toy, she has to say so up front and show him that he will be able to make her happy. The goal of this section is to give a woman the words to explain herself so that a man can be confident he’ll make her happy and so that he will see that making her happy will make him very happy indeed.
My wife asked God to choose her husband. God had to teach me how to care for her before He could give her to me, so the Holy Spirit led her to tell me about her. This made me want to marry her because I knew how to care for her. This became the foundation for our very happy marriage. We wrote it down on page 69. Her ideas will help a woman make a man confident he can make her happy. He’ll feel safe opening his heart to her and show him that making her happy will make him very happy. The section Biblical principles her relatives should discuss with a young man who’s pursuing her on page 115 explains the value God puts on a wife. She must understand her value and insist that any man pursuing believe that she’s beyond price.
There is no joy for a man this side of Heaven that compares with having a woman like belonging to him, but he has to convince her that he likes belonging to her and caring for her for that to work.
SOUND BITE MARRIAGE
The Internet generation has limited attention span. Everything must be short:
· Accepting salvation is two words: “only believe (Ro. 10:9[220]).”
· Sexual morality, that is, when a man and woman may come together physically, is 50% more complicated than salvation, it’s 3 words, “Only in marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-2[221]).”
· Entering Holy Matrimony is three words, “vowing, paying, taking” (Gen. 24:67[222], Ru. 4:13a[223]).” These men made public marriage vows before taking the women. Isaac supplied the tent and Boaz had wealth.
· Staying married is two words, “only praise (p 17).” Nowhere in Scripture does a man criticize his wife. The Song shows a couple praising every little detail. We must rule our tongues (Pr. 25:28[224], Jas. 1:26[225]).
· Marriage is built on “seed and speech (1 Cor. 7:3-4[226], 1 Pe. 3:7[227]).” A husband plans to have his wife 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed. God doesn’t often give him that much strength, but that’s his plan (Ge.29:21[228]). She wants him to open his heart to her at least that often. He puts himself into her body. She puts herself, that is, her words, her thoughts, her feelings, her nature, into his heart.
He leaves his seed in her body where it affects her mood and can give her a baby. She leaves her essence, her being, in his heart where it affects his thinking about her, how he treats her, and how they relate to others (1 Pe. 3:7[229]). People know whether a couple belongs to each other by watching them or hearing them.
She wants to hear him thanking God for creating marriage and for giving her to him. He should tell her she’s important to him and that he’s becoming more and more involved with her.
He wants her to say, “That was wonderful, I like belonging to you. Let’s do that again as soon as you can.” This encourages him to stay awake and talk to her for a while.
She wants him to say how much hearing her ideas and thoughts helps him make better decisions. She should point out that they could it more often if he was in better shape. Giving him a motive for exercise helps him live longer and shortens her time of being a widow.
He wants her to encourage him to have her when he hasn’t asked; she wants him to seek out her knowledge, ideas, thoughts, and feelings when she hasn’t suggested that they talk.
There’s a saying, “If a man loves a woman’s soul, one woman is all he needs, but if he sees only her face or figure, all the women in the world won’t satisfy him.” He can’t come to love her soul without being willing to spend many, many hours in open-hearted talk with her.
A couple is “one flesh” as Adam and Eve were before God separated Eve from Adam’s body (Mk. 10:8[230]).
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 1Be ye therefore followers of God
, as dear children; Ephesians 4:32-5:1
Jesus expects us to follow after God. When God looks on your spouse, He sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whose blood washes away all sins (Ps. 103:12[231], I Cor. 6:11[232]). To follow God, you must look on your spouse and think of a reflection of the perfection and purity of Christ.
See your spouse as perfect (page 63), thank God for a perfect spouse, and speak of your spouse as perfect.
LET US REASON TOGETHER, SAITH THE LORD – ISAIAH 1:18
God made women for men (Gen. 2:18[233]); men are not made for women (I Cor. 11:8-9[234], Pr. 18:22[235]). Jesus taught that a wife is a gift from God and the bride’s parents to the groom (Lk. 17:27[236], 20:34[237]). The story of the talents (Mt. 25:14-30) teaches that God holds a man accountable for using every gift God gives to glorify Him including all the gifts God gave his wife. Once he marries, her groom is as accountable to God for developing and using her gifts as he is accountable for developing and using his own.
Pr. 31:1[238] shows that Chapter 31 was written to men and that King Lemuel’s mother taught him how to nourish and cherish his future wife. Working mothers don’t have time to do that so few men have learned how to bless a wife. A girl has to be ready to explain her needs and the Biblical principles for helping a man make her happy enough to receive the joy God intended for both parties when He instituted marriage.
After all, a wife can make her husband no happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9[239]). The happier he makes her, the happier he will be. She must tell him that she plans to be a treasure for her husband and that she expects him to treat her as a potential lifelong treasure before the first date.
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