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God Created Women and Men to be Drawn Together
Men want women; women want to be wanted. God created us so that marriage done His way brings great joy. Couples should be able to make it work, but many find great pain in relationships.
Marriages don’t last without deep emotional connections between husband and wife, but men and women connect very differently. They must both learn how to meet the other’s need for connection.
Men become close by sharing intense experiences, unlike women who draw close by talking about their deepest feelings and share experiences by talking about them. War veterans shot at 40 years ago still get together to talk about it. Once trust forms, they’re bound ‘til death because a man’s life often depends on the faithfulness of those around him. A firefighter can die if the other person holding the hose makes a mistake.
Veterans keep getting together because even the bonds of sharing deadly combat need maintenance. It’s hard for women to share such ties. A woman isn’t satisfied by hearing how the men were shot at, she wants to know how they felt about it. Men don’t care how they felt, they care who stood and fought instead of running when the bullets flew. Men don’t believe that talking about war builds trust, “You had to be there.”
Men talk about experiences, of course, but their purpose isn’t to build relationships as with women. Men tell “virtue” stories to teach others how to behave, women tell “feeling” stories to build emotional ties. Women feel that heroic stories are unrealistic; men feel that relationship stories are pointless.
Sex is God’s way to bind a husband to his wife through intense shared experience, see page . Sex hormones also bind his wife to him, make her feel that she belongs to him, and humble her, see page .
My wife teaches that a husband wants to have his wife 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed. That horrifies most women; I was horrified when the Holy Spirit led my wife to explain her need to talk. “I’m really looking forward to being married,” she told me. “I like talking to you. We can talk more in a day of being married than in a week of dating.” She put an absurd amount of talk into our marriage vows!
Being taken to wife was the most frightening experience of her life. Opening my heart as I had promised was as scary for me as being mine was for her. The idea of letting his wife into his heart scares most men.
The more often a man has his wife, the more she wants to talk. The more they talk, the more he wants to have her. They must “be subject one to another (1 Pe. 5:5)” to make this work. The Bible tells how:
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. I Corinthians 7:4-5
The wife not having power means she must open her body to her husband whenever he’s able to have her. If she drains off all his energy, it will be very hard for other women to get his attention. If she sends him out of the house loaded, on the other hand, he’ll be tempted by other women and they could both be burned.
God expects a man to open his heart to his wife often enough and thoroughly enough to learn her needs:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge I Peter 3:7a
The only way he can get knowledge of her is through hours and hours of open-hearted talk. The man not having power of his body means he must open his heart to her often enough to satisfy her emotional needs. If he doesn’t meet her needs, she’ll be tempted to talk emotionally to other men. This can lead to adultery.
Page shows why it’s a great sacrifice to meet your spouse’s needs. The Bible teaches that its fraud against your marriage vows if you don’t make the ties between you strong enough to protect each other from temptation. These are God’s commands, not suggestions. A couple shouldn’t marry unless they want each other badly enough to meet these obligations gladly until one of them dies. She learns whether he trusts her enough to open his heart during courtship. They also find out whether they both speak kindly enough to create a “safe space” where they can rejoice in each other, page .
Contents
Chapter 1 – Secular Support for Scripture’s Commands for Holy Matrimony 1
Give Your Spouse Enough Rest to Feel Safe in Marriage to You 1
Two Books: Hooked and Unprotected 2
Chapter 2 – How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage 9
Don’t Get Physical Before Marriage 10
Putting Marriage on the Table 12
God’s Expectations When You Marry 13
Make Him Feel Safe Around You 15
Your Three Gifts to Your Children 16
Rewards of Obedience to God 16
Chapter 3 – The Lesson of Leah – Having a Man’s Baby Won’t Make Him Marry You 19
Holy Matrimony is a Sacred Covenant Sealed with Blood 23
Chapter 4 – Having Answers Before and During Marriage 25
Give Your Spouse Enough Rest to Feel Safe in Marriage to You 25
Parents and Churches Must Teach Holy Matrimony 28
Advantages of a Meek and Quiet Spirit 29
Men Don’t Always Respect or Honor Women 30
Women need Answers when a Man Approaches 31
The Course Of True Love Never Did Run Smooth – William Shakespeare 33
Putting Marriage on the Table 33
Being Confident She’s Wanted 35
Talking is More Important to Wives than Men Can Imagine 36
Talking the Way a Wife Needs is Difficult for a Man 37
Why Our Purity Was Important 38
Men and Women See Marriage Differently 40
And We Lived Happily Ever After 40
A Wife is a Mirror, She’s Not a Light 43
A Wife is What Her Husband Makes Her 44
The Simplicity of God’s Marriage Rules 44
Chapter 5 – God Explained What Happened to Women After the Fall 45
Everybody Sees how God Punished Adam 45
Think About Eve’s Life in the Garden 46
Greatly Multiply thy Sorrow Through Sensitive Emotions 46
Thy Desire shall be to thy Husband 47
Chapter 6 – What Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters 49
Chapter 7 – A Man is Pursuing Your Daughter. What do you tell him? 51
Will he Appreciate Her as God Appreciates Her? 54
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mk. 10:8) 56
The Man Must Be Able To Pay Before Marrying 56
What if she likes the guy and wants to get to know him? 57
Chapter 8 – Confessing Your Faults to Your Children 59
Chapter 9 – Having Sex Changes Your Brain 61
Don’t Touch until after Marriage 62
Men Must Possess Their Wives in Honor, Not in Lust 64
Few Americans Treat Others As People As Opposed To Treating Them As Men And Women 64
Other Science Reports Which Show How God Did What He Did 65
Seminal Fluid Absorbed into a Woman’s Bloodstream Improves Her Mood 65
9 Surprising Things To Know About Semen 66
The Britannica Confirms That Semen Contains Hormones 66
Chapter 10 – How A Man Can Open His Heart 67
Knowing versus Understanding 69
Chapter 11 – Handling Conflict in Marriage 71
Making You Angry is Usually an Accident 72
The conflict is about you, it has nothing to do with the other person! 73
When you talk about anger or hurt, never say, “you,” always say “I” 73
Good Faith is Unbelievably Important 74
What You Believe Determines What You Do 75
Relating to God and His Word 76
Chapter 12 – Sources of Conflict – Sex and Communication Styles 77
Chapter 13 – Sources of Conflict – What We Say and What We Do 85
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