The Biblical Husband and The Ephesians 5 … Husband and Wife
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In This Issue: The Biblical Husband
The Ephesian 5 Husband and Wife
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The Biblical Husband
Bill Brinkworth
For millennia men knew their purpose and roles. Now media, society, and social engineering have altered how husbands “should” function in a marriage. Husbands are often confused as to how they should behave in relationships and often do not function the way God intended them to.
However, as far away as man has drifted, His Creator has still preserved the way he should live. Without God’s way man will not be what He wants him to be. Families and marriages will suffer, and the world will not function properly when the man is not living up to the way God desires of him.
Here is some of what the Bible teaches about the responsibilities, needs, and purposes of a husband:
Most men need a wife.
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen. 2:18
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Pro. 18:22
“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” I Cor. 7: This verse does not say they should have a ”trial” marriage, or “shack up” together. They should marry to avoid sin! Also: Pro. 19:14 and I Cor. 11:9.
When a man marries, he is of one flesh with his wife. When one demeans or does not respect his wife, he is only hurting himself; because the two are one in God’s eyes.
“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen. 2:23-24
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Eph. 5:31 Also: Mat. 19:4-5, Mark 10:7. Eph. 5:28-30, I Cor. 7:4.
Despite what the women “libbers” are forcing others to believe, man is supposed to be the head of the household. Each sex is created differently, and each has their own strengths and abilities. One sex is not better than another. They are only different.
A man is physically stronger and is designed to protect his family and make decisions, although he is not to be a domineering bully to his other half.
A woman is certainly more compassionate, often more level-headed and is usually a sensible, loving part of a family, that the man cannot naturally provide. (Her strengths can be found in Pro. 31:13-28.)
A good marriage is not usually two of the same kind and strengths, but is often the merging of two different “halves” that make a stronger, more balanced whole. One of the halves has strengths the other half does not have, and the other side has qualities that the other is weak in. That is why, in a God-joined marriage, they are one flesh.
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” I Cor. 11:3
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” Eph 5:22-24 Also: Col. 3:18.
Man is to love, respect, and treat his wife well! She is his other half, and he should take good care of that part of him.
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence [showing kindness and good will]: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” I Cor. 7:3
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Col. 3: 19 Also: Pro. 5:18, Ecc. 9:9, Mark 10:7, I Peter 3:7, Eph. 5:25
A husband has the responsibility of providing for his family.
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” I Tim. 5:8
If married to an unsaved spouse, one should stay with them, if possible. A godly spouse’s testimony and godly living may point the mate to salvation.
“For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” I Cor. 7:16 Also: I Cor. 7:14.
Much of what the Bible tells a husband to do is either unknown or ignored today. Man’s way in marriage relationships seldom work; that is most likely why 40-50% of marriages end in divorce (according to the American Psychological Association).
Marriage is often difficult, but it is an institution created by God. He certainly knows what works and what does not. He is not trying to deny any of having a good marriage, just the opposite. A marriage will work if the husband and wife work together and follow God’s plan for them in their relationship.
“If more men would step up and be the husbands and family leaders God expects them to be, many women would not have to step in and do their “job” for them!”
— Bill Brinkworth
The Ephesian 5 Husband and Wife
Bill Brinkworth
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it … 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: … 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. … 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Eph. 5:21-33
Ephesian 5 discusses a subject which bristles the hair on the back of many necks. It takes a position that has been hated and rebelled against for generations. Unfortunately, the refusal to follow God’s commandments in this area has resulted in a current divorce rate near 50%. Paul discusses, in Ephesian 5:21-33, submissiveness between a married man and woman.
Submitting, according to Noah Webster, is the yielding or surrendering to an authority. The first surrendering to an authority discussed here is for both husband and wife to surrender to each other (vs. 21), because they have respect for God’s commandments! They are to submit to each other because God tells them to, and they should know God’s way is always best. God ordained the union between man and woman; so He certainly knows how it will work. No other way will be successful!
A wife is also to submit to her husband (vs. 22). When she is humbling herself to do so, she is doing it “unto the Lord”. What a step of faith it takes for a wife to trust the Lord in this way. I am sure most women shudder at this point, thinking all kinds of situations: “What happens if I submit to him, and my husband treats me badly?”; “What happens if I let him be the authority and decision-maker, and he makes wrong decisions?”; “What happens if I don’t get my say?”, and countless other senarios.
Those situations could come to pass, if the husband does not hold up his commitments. That is why it is so important that a marriage be between believers (II Cor. 6:14). However, there are no retractions for bad decisions in marriage partners in God’s Word. No matter the spiritual status, one is still committed to hold up his part of the marriage, as the Lord commands.
There are many marriage failures, because couples did not adhere to God’s way; but rather try to cohabit the way “everyone else is doing it”. When failures in a marriage do occur, it is usually because someone is not holding up his end of God’s commandments for that person.
Submission in a marriage is not just the wife’s responsibility. The husband also has a part to make a marriage work. His part is not just surrendering to his wife, but he is to love his wife as Christ loves His church (vs.25); as much as he loves his own body (vs. 28, 33). One should not want to do wrong to his own body; so also he must only want to do what is right and best for his wife.
Marriage is a picture of Christ’s (vss. 23, 25, 27, 32) submitting His body to die for the sins of man. Jesus submitted to His Father and allowed Himself to be payment for our sins. As we submit ourselves to Christ, we should also submit ourselves to each other. God’s way works!
“The husband should be the houseband, binding all together like a cornerstone, but not crushing everything like a millstone.” — Spurgeon
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