Bill Taylor The ESV is making a SERIOUS doctrinal error which is discussed at https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/…/a-mans…

Marriage Under Threat: A Man’s Unbelief That Harms Marriages (successful-marriage.blogspot.com)

The Doctrinal Error from Genesis 3:16

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.  Genesis 3:16

Some scholars and pastors interpret Gen. 3:16 to say that a wife desires to defy her husband and escape his authority over her instead of interpreting “desire” as the mating desire described in the Song of Solomon:

I am my beloved’s, and his desire  is toward me. Song of Solomon 7:10

Matthew Henry wrote in “Commentary on Genesis 3,” “Observe here how mercy is mixed with wrath in this sentence. The woman shall have sorrow, but it shall be in bringing forth children, and the sorrow shall be forgotten for joy that a child is born, Jn. 16:21. She shall be subject, but it shall be to her own husband that loves her, not to a stranger, or an enemy: the sentence was not a curse, to bring her to ruin, but a chastisement, to bring her to repentance. It was well that enmity was not put between the man and the woman, as there was between the serpent and the woman.” [Italics in the original, underlining added.]

Some commentators change the word “and” to “but” so that it reads “but he shall rule over thee” to indicate that a man will defeat her rebellion and rule his wife in spite of her attempts to overthrow him.

This argument that husbands and wives are enemies draws on the use of the same Hebrew word תְּשׁוּקָה used for Eve’s desire in Genesis 4:7 where God reminded Cain of Satan’s desire to conquer Cain:

And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? ⁷If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.  Genesis 4:6-7

This interprets the “his” of “his desire” as referring to sin or to Satan.  Commentators of this view draw parallels between sin’s desire to rule and frustrate Cain and a woman’s desire to rule and frustrate her husband.

There’s another way to read the passage.  God rebuked Cain, asking why Cain sinned by being angry (Mt. 5:22) at God’s chastening (Heb. 12:8), but promised that Cain would be accepted if he did well.  The phrase “sin lieth at the door” refers to Cain choosing whether to honor God or not.

Consider verse 7b, “And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.”  Abel was younger than Cain.  Younger brothers generally look up to the oldest sibling and tend to want to be like him and follow him.  In those days, the oldest son almost always received the family birthright which is why Rebecca used subterfuge to get Isaac to bless her younger son Jacob instead of her oldest son Esau.

As Matthew Henry wrote in “Commentary of Genesis 4,” “Unto thee shall be his desire, he shall continue his respect to thee as an elder brother, and thou, as the first-born, shalt rule over him as much as ever.”  Robert Jamieson “Jamieson, Fausset & Brown :: Commentary on Genesis 4” explained why Cain murdered Abel:  “The high distinction conferred by priority of birth is described (Ge. 27:29); and it was Cain’s conviction, that this honor had been withdrawn from him, by the rejection of his sacrifice, and conferred on his younger brother-hence the secret flame of jealousy, which kindled into a settled hatred and fell revenge.”

John Wesley, who was criticized for stating that salvation was purely by faith, wrote, “If now thou do well: if thou repent of thy sin, reform thy heart and life, and bring thy sacrifice in a better manner; thou shalt yet be accepted.  See how early the gospel was preached, and the benefit of it here offered even to one of the chief of sinners.  He sets before him death and a curse; but, if not well – Seeing thou didst not do well, not offer in faith, and in a right manner, sin lieth at the door – That is, sin only hinders thy acceptance.  All this considered, Cain had no reason to be angry with his brother, but at himself only.  Unto thee shall be his desire – He shall continue in respect to thee as an elder brother, and thou, as the first-born, shall rule over him as much as ever.  God’s acceptance of Abel’s offering did not transfer the birth-right to him, (which Cain was jealous of) nor put upon him that dignity, and power, which is said to belong to it, chap. 49:3.”

Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power:  Genesis 49:3

God made it clear that if Cain chose to obey God, righteous Abel (Mt. 23:35) would desire to follow Cain as a woman desires to follow her husband, particularly if he serves God by serving her as Jesus commanded (Mk. 9:35, 10:44).  Cain would rule Abel as younger brothers generally desire to follow the oldest and women generally desire to belong to their husbands and follow them.

Older commentaries agree that Genesis 4:7 has nothing to do with wives.  Claiming that women were created to be usurpers is a much more sophisticated form of disobedience and unbelief than Adam crudely blaming Eve for his sin.  Isn’t it amazing how much men would rather blame their wives than accept responsibility?  It justifies so much sin, anger, wrath, malice, and failing to nourish and cherish their wives.  Consider the Goodness of God:

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:  Isaiah 1:18

Be logical.  Rev. 13:8 speaks of “the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.”  Jesus valued us and loved us enough to create us even though He knew He would have to die to save us from our sins.  Don’t you feel affection when you create something?  Mothers, you know how you feel about your children.  Would a truly Christian mother harm her children on purpose?

Would a God who loved us create us with fatal flaws which make joyous marriages impossible?  Did a God who loved us enough to die to save us from our sins deliberately design us so that men and women would be enemies who couldn’t find joy in long-term commitments to create safe spaces where their children can grow in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4)?”  Or did God design the powerful drives He put into men and women to draw us into marriages which bless us if we follow His plan?

THE REALITY

Thinking of wives as usurpers ignores Song of Solomon 7:10, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.”  Does “desire” mean that a man seeks to overthrow his wife?  Or is Strong’s dictionary correct in saying that תְּשׁוּקָה means “desire, longing, craving, of a man for a woman, of a woman for a man, or a beast to devour?”

Women certainly desire attention from men.  Paul told unmarried men not to seek wives (1 Cor. 7:27) but didn’t tell women not to seek husbands.  When Eve had to leave the Garden, she depended on Adam to feed her.  Belonging to a man was essential for survival which increased a woman’s desire to marry.

Believing that a wife seeks to overthrow her husband requires canceling or ignoring these verses:

It is not good that the man should be alone.  I will make him an help meet[2] for him.  Genesis 2:18

For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.  Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man

.  I Corinthians 11:8-9

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing

,[3] and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things

 to them that ask him?  Matthew 7:11

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above

, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17

the woman is the glory

 of the man.  I Corinthians 11:7b

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband:  Proverbs 12:4a

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:11-12

Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth

.  Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love

.  Proverbs 5:18

There be three things which are too wonderful

 for me, yea, four which I know not

: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid

.  Proverbs 30:18-19Live joyfully

 with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 9:9

LORD, I BELIEVE, HELP THOU MINE UNBELIEF (MARK 9:24B)

A man can’t believe that God created women to desire to defy and betray their husbands unless he believes that God is not good.  Anyone who believes that God is good reads the Word of God seeking keys to happiness.  Treating a wife as an undeserved blessing from God makes her happy, and her happiness makes the entire family happy.  Someone who believes that God is not good reads the Bible for loopholes like the illogical interpretation of “desire” in Gen. 3:16.

Why would a God who loved us enough to die for us while we were yet sinners (Rom. 5:8) create women so that we couldn’t base marriages on mutual trust and cooperation?  Does a man who’s convinced that women plot and scheme to betray their husbands truly believe in a loving God?  Disregarding verses about the value of women and believing that God would make joyous marriage impossible suggests an unbelieving carnal mind:

Because the carnal mind is enmity against God

: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.  Romans 8:7

Moses warned that the Jews would be carried into captivity unless they loved God with grateful hearts with thanks for everything He gave them:

Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness

, and with gladness of heart

, for the abundance of all things

; ⁴⁸Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things

: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee

.  Deuteronomy 28:47-48

God’s People didn’t appreciate the blessings He had given them, so He took everything away.  They were in want of “all things.”  A man who isn’t grateful to God for the gift of a wife makes her unhappy.  Her unhappiness will cost him the joy which God intended he should receive from the gift of a wife.

YE SHALL KNOW THEM BY THEIR FRUITS (MT. 7:16)

We’re commanded to judge righteous judgment instead of judging by appearance (Jn. 7:24).  We can judge the doctrine that a wife desires to usurp her husband’s authority and evade his rule over her from its fruits.

Children know if a father believes that their mother’s a traitor.  It will be impossible for him to teach his children to value, trust, honor, and respect their mother when he doesn’t trust her.

As it’s difficult for a woman to make her husband any happier than he makes her, it is difficult for a woman to trust and honor her husband any more than he trusts and honors her.  How can children learn to trust and honor God if they see that their parents don’t honor or trust each other?

Young people hear the story of Samson and Delilah.  It’s not often pointed out that Samson lied to Delilah by telling her that he loved her.  Accounts of the handsome sports hero pursuing the cheerleader are modern versions of this familiar story.  Delilah believed Samson loved her and opened herself to him but he wouldn’t open his heart to her:

And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me?  Judges 16:15a

A woman has a hard time opening herself unless her husband opens his heart to her.  It is as scary for a man to open his heart in honest conversation as for a woman to open her body which is why mutual trust is vital.

Taught as an example of a woman betraying a man without cause, the story of Delilah reinforces a father’s teaching that wives desire to overthrow and betray their husbands instead of doing them good and not evil.  How will a young man interpret Pro. 6:28, “Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?” and the warnings about dangerous women in Pro. 2 and 5 when his father doesn’t trust his mother?

Having been taught to disregard Bible passages that teach the great blessing God intended when creating women as His gifts for men (1 Cor. 11:8-9), why would a young man want to marry?  Why let himself become emotionally involved with a “strange woman which flattereth with her words (Pro. 7:5) to seek his hurt?”  He’ll want sex, of course, but why not just take what he can get?  After all, “She wanted it.”

The Sins of the Fathers

As Solomon said, there is no new thing under the sun (Ecc. 1:9).  We follow the same old sins, over and over.  How many men raised in “Christian” homes have “lightly lien” with women outside marriage because they’ve been taught that women seek to betray their husbands as Delilah betrayed Samson or that it’s OK because everyone does it?

Why would a woman who can get a job and support herself want to marry if she thinks that potential husbands have been taught that wives can’t be trusted?  A woman’s emotions tend to place her under the authority of men.  If a woman feels damaged, not valued, or disrespected by her human father or husband, how can she honor and submit to God as her Heavenly Father?  If a father acts like women can’t be trusted, how can his daughter feel that Jesus valued her or loved her enough to die to take away the punishment for her sins?

If he refuses to hear her side of any situation, if his habit is not listening (James 1:19-20), how can she believe that God hears her prayers?  If she won’t open herself to God in prayer, won’t she hear, “I never knew you (Mt. 7:23)?”  Is that her fault or the fault of the men who taught her that she would never be heard?

Men must take the responsibility God gave and appreciate their wives as God-given gifts, preserve their purity, and teach their children to follow these God-given principles.  How many women who were raised in “Christian” homes let men take them without marriage because they haven’t been taught to fear God’s judgment or to value their purity?  How can a woman love God without being shown that God loves her by being convinced that she is loved by the men in her life?

Can a leader who doesn’t listen to his wife, children, or followers expect Jesus to listen to him?  If he doesn’t open his heart to Jesus, will he hear, “I never knew you (Mt. 7:23)?”

Women and children feel defrauded, dishonored, disrespected, and can be damaged by anger:

And the servant of the Lord must not strive

; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, ²⁵In meekness

 instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;  II Timothy 2:24-25

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife

, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered

.  I Peter 3:7

God expects us to rule our emotions and our anger (Pr. 25:28).  If a man feels himself to be about to express anger, he must follow Paul’s advice to flee lusts (2 Ti. 2:22) and go away long enough to get himself under control.  Apologizing afterward doesn’t undo the damage.  A woman can grow enough scar tissue on her heart that it doesn’t affect her very much, but how, then, can she trust her heart to God through Jesus Christ?

TEACHING DAUGHTERS

Women must be taught to fear man’s passion enough to beg God for protection and to demand that all men protect them from emotional ties.  They must flee any man who won’t treat “The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity (1 Tim. 5:2).”  Being honored begins with how fathers and brothers treat her.  A boss or leader should treat all members of the group equally (Jas. 2:1, 9); danger comes when a leader focuses attention on her individually.

Women must interact with men person to person, not as man to woman.  Judges 16:18 teaches that a woman can see into a man’s heart if she looks.  God gave women this “gift of fear” for their protection.  If a man starts going beyond what’s proper for his mother or sister, a woman must cut it off.

A woman must be taught how to ask deep questions about his motivations to verify that a man will trust her enough to open his heart to her.  Boaz opened his heart to Ruth when she asked him why he was being so kind to her (Ru. 2:11-12).  This made Ruth willing to ask Boaz to marry her as Naomi advised (Ru. 3:1-5).

A father protects his daughter either through her cooperation or her incarceration.  If he convinces her that she must be careful with boys, it’s easier to get her cooperation.

TEACHING SONS

Opening his heart makes a man belong to a woman.  Many men are afraid to do that in spite of God’s promise that he can trust his heart to a virtuous wife:

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her

, so that he shall have no need of spoil. ¹²She will do him good and not evil

 all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:11-12

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness

.  Proverbs 31:26

Courtship is a time for her to demonstrate that she will respect him in spite of his mistakes and won’t shred him with her tongue (Pr. 12:18) when he and she see things differently.  A man won’t open his heart if he fears her tongue, but he can’t become “one flesh” with her as Jesus requires or be knit together in love (Col. 2:2) without opening his heart.  It’s hard for a woman to open herself to a man who won’t belong to her.

From the hour he meets her, a man must protect his wife from his passions, her passions, and external dangers.  If he teaches his children to honor their mother, they can learn from her as Mrs. Lemuel taught her son to nourish and cherish his wife.

We know the fruits of fathers failing to teach their sons and daughters.  Teaching this level of honor and trust is nearly impossible unless the father genuinely respects and honors women in general and their mother in particular.  It’s hard for a man to trust or respect his wife if they’ve committed fornication together or if he’s convinced she desires to betray him.

Absent heartfelt prayer and confession (1 Jn. 1:9), family iniquities will be visited upon children (Ex. 20:5, 34:7, Num. 14:18, Deu. 5:9) unless children are blessed to find another Christian who can teach what parents failed to teach.  Even if the man confesses, she won’t feel comfort or peace unless he opens his heart to her.  If he opens his heart to her as sincerely, as deeply, as widely, as patiently, as attentively, as often, and as gladly as he expects her to open herself to him, they will come to belong to each other over time.  Once they become one, each of them can give the other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.

It is hard to overcome sins of earlier generations particularly if those sins are common in the society or are seen in people in any leadership position – family, church, business, or government.  God’s rules are simple – no sex ever between bride and groom before marriage no matter what sins have gone before, respect, value, honor each other, and thank God and your spouse for putting you into a family (Ps. 68:6).

Love God by loving your spouse; serve God by serving your spouse is simple to say, but “simple” doesn’t mean “easy.”  It’s simple to walk from Maine to California – put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there – but it’s far from easy.  Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a short stroll across a continent.

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[1] Hookup culture hurts women.  The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 women for depression and other psychological problems at a prestigious American university, she demonstrated that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.

[2] The word “meet” means “suitable” or “appropriate,” Matthew 27:17-20 tells how a wife tried to help her husband avoid a horrible mistake.  How could a habitual usurper be suitable?  Women don’t always act in the spirit, of course, Acts 5:1-11 tells how a wife failed her husband by agreeing instead of protesting when he had the idea of sinning against God, but God’s promise of her suitability to help her husband means she isn’t a usurper.

[3] A habitual usurper is a “good thing?”  Giving a man a usurping wife is a “favor of the Lord?”

POSTED BY BILL TAYLOR AT 8:29 AM