{"id":13936,"date":"2023-11-29T13:09:07","date_gmt":"2023-11-29T18:09:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/?p=13936"},"modified":"2023-11-29T13:16:55","modified_gmt":"2023-11-29T18:16:55","slug":"13936","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/index.php\/2023\/11\/29\/13936\/","title":{"rendered":"This explains how God\u2019s punishments of Eve have affected everyone: by Bill Taylor"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Bill Taylor<\/a> to Roger Fulk Sr.<\/a>\u00a0My wife has found that most wives do not now where they stand with their husbands. I just did a 4-week series in our church adult Sunday school mostly discussing what God’s punishments of Eve after the fall meant for wives today. This explains how God\u2019s punishments of Eve have affected everyone:https:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/…\/hear-voice…<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage Under Threat: Hear the Voice of the Bridegroom Concerning Holy Matrimony (successful-marriage.blogspot.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

THINK <\/a>ABOUT EVE\u2019S LIFE IN THE GARDEN<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

She didn\u2019t need a house – it never rained (Gen. 2:6[88]<\/a>).  They were naked; she didn\u2019t need clothes (Gen. 2:25[89]<\/a>).  She could always find fruit to eat (Gen. 3:2[90]<\/a>).  Adam didn\u2019t provide food, clothing, or shelter, God did that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first thing they did after their eyes were opened was worry about clothes.  Our multi-billion dollar fashion industry works because women care so much about clothes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made Eve not only to keep Adam from being alone, but to help him:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  Genesis 2:18  <\/strong>Did Eve help Adam by working with him to sew the fig leaves?  Or did they sew alone?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A wife\u2019s need to help her husband wasn\u2019t punishment; her strong desire to help was built into her from the beginning.   After the fall, God\u2019s punishments of Eve explain how women would get along with men.  God told Eve what would happen to her and to her daughters, generation after generation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unto the woman he [God] said, I will greatly<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.  Genesis 3:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Greatly Multiply <\/a>thy Sorrow Through Sensitive Emotions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Most women have more sensitive emotions than men do.  Being sensitive helps women learn how to please husbands, but God multiplies sorrow to women because their feelings are easily hurt.  The Bible says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every wise woman buildeth her house:  Proverbs 14:1a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A woman\u2019s emotions are the cement that builds her house.  There\u2019s no logical<\/em> reason for a wife to pour her life into serving her family, women do this on emotion.  Men, would you like to be married to you?  Could you do what your wife does?  How can women do what they do?  Women build homes and churches through love and emotion, but they can\u2019t unless they\u2019re free to express<\/em> their emotions and are appreciated for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God punished Eve by giving women a strong<\/em> emotional desire to please men (1 Cor. 7:34[91]<\/a>).  Husbands rule through praise: women do more of what\u2019s praised if they aren\u2019t criticized.  If all they get is criticism, they\u2019ll do more of what\u2019s criticized the most.  God gave women strong emotions on purpose,<\/em> it was not<\/em> an accident:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a prudent wife is from the LORD<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 19:14b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPrudence\u201d means thinking ahead; the way a woman\u2019s mind works, that is, her prudence, is of the Lord.  God made women think the way they do on purpose.<\/em>  The mixture of logic and emotion God gives a woman makes her want to serve her family and build her home while showing us how God\u2019s love works<\/a>, page 33.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Pro. 12:18<\/strong><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Be wise.  Keep your words to your wife healthful for her<\/em>.  Just before our wedding, my wife asked that I never fuss at her.  \u201cI want to love you very much,\u201d she said.  \u201cThe more I love you, the more criticism hurts.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.\u201d  That made sense \u2013 the Bible speaks of women as \u201ctender and delicate.\u201d  I don\u2019t want to make it hard for her to love me, so I watch what I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God multiplied conception.  How many babies would a woman need to populate the earth if nobody died?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thy Desire shall be to thy Husband<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A woman desires<\/em> to belong to a man whom she can please by making him happy with her drive to be with him (Song 1:2[92]<\/a>, 8:2-3[93]<\/a>,) just as a man desires to have a woman belong to him (Song 7:10[94]<\/a>).  Although Eve wanted to be with Adam enough to be OK with Adam claiming her and naming her when he saw her (Gen. 2:23[95]<\/a>), God increased<\/em> women\u2019s desire to be with a man as part of His punishment<\/em> of Eve.  Men should treat their wives as precious, undeserved gifts from God who made women want<\/em> to be with men, but not all men do.  Warning!Keep thy heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman must never let herself fall in love or even get emotionally involved with a man until after<\/em> he marries her.  She\u2019ll fall in love after he takes her to wife.  90% of how a marriage goes is determined by how a man values his wife, but 90% of her value to him is determined by how she values herself before they marry.  A woman sets her price by what she does.  If her price is a few dinners, she isn\u2019t worth much.  Her price should be his promise to commit his life to caring for her until death<\/em> by marrying her before<\/em> she gives herself to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He Shall Rule Over Thee<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Eve wanted to be independent instead of following God\u2019s perfect leadership (Gen. 3:6[96]<\/a>).  God make her so that she would desire that her imperfect, sinful husband would rule her instead of God.  He made her depend on her husband for food.  Marriage should<\/em> bring a wife joy (Song 8:2-3[97]<\/a>), but she can\u2019t make him any<\/em> happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9[98]<\/a>).  How happy does he want to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve heard my wife\u2019s simple \u201c5 times\u201d rule for keeping husbands happy.  There’s no simple way for a man to keep his wife happy because women differ much more from each other than men do.  Men and women have the same need for belonging, but they express it differently.  Men know what they want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You want your wife to open her body to you.  She wants you to open your heart to her.  You want to put yourself into her body.  She wants to put herself, that is, her words, her thoughts, her feelings, into your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You leave your seed inside her body where it affects her mood and can give her a baby.  She wants to leave her essence, her being, in your heart where it affects your thinking about her, how you treat her, and how you relate to everyone else.  People can see<\/em> if you belong to each other by looking at you or hearing you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband and wife should be \u201cone flesh\u201d as Adam and Eve were before God separated Eve from Adam\u2019s body (Mk. 10:8[99]<\/a>).  A woman at work tried to attract me.  \u201cI was angry when you didn\u2019t even notice,\u201d she told me.  \u201cThen I realized, \u2018Oh, he belongs to his wife\u2019 so I went after someone else.\u201d  I\u2019m careful to have women in my office meet my wife so they\u2019ll know<\/em> I belong thoroughly to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman read some of our material.  \u201cI was angry at how much you knew about me,\u201d she said.  \u201cThen I realized you\u2019re clueless, your wife<\/em> told you how women think.\u201d  I had to listen<\/em> and understand<\/em> what my wife said in my heart<\/em> so I could write about it.  God gave me a drive<\/em> to write about marriage.  I\u2019m clueless about the emotional side of marriage, so my wife has to help me.  Although helping me takes a lot of her time, she likes my wanting her help and appreciating her help.  People who know me at all know that a lot of what\u2019s in our books came from her.  Having her works praise her is one of the rewards of being a virtuous wife (Pr. 31:31[100]<\/a>) but that works only<\/em> because I want her help, ask for it, and make sure she has time to help me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need hours and days of back-and-forth talk or you can\u2019t be one as Jesus expects (Mt. 19:5-6[101]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A wife wants her husband to open his heart to her as often as he takes her and more<\/em>.  That\u2019s how he gets knowledge of her as God expects (1 Pe. 3:7[102]<\/a>).  If he opens his heart as sincerely, as deeply, as patiently, as often, and as gladly as he expects her to open herself to him, she\u2019ll know<\/em> he belongs to her.  Belonging to each other as taught in the Song (2:16[103]<\/a>, 6:3[104]<\/a>) gives them both a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women open their hearts to each other all the time and don\u2019t understand how scary it is for men.  1 Cor. 11:9[105]<\/a> says that women are made for men.  Men aren\u2019t taught how scary it is for women to belong to men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT DOES GOD EXPECT OF WOMEN?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house,  I Timothy 5:14a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

My wife had done enough babysitting to know that a job puts great strain on women.  They have neither the emotional energy nor the time to raise their children.  God expects a mother to give her children 3 gifts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first gift<\/strong> is putting your life on the line to give your child life.  Death in childbirth is less common than it was but still happens.  A pregnant woman walks the valley of the shadow of death out of love for her child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus created us knowing<\/em> Adam would sin and that He would have to die to give us salvation.  Mothers illustrate His love for us by wanting children enough to risk their lives; fathers should uphold, praise, and help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second gift<\/strong> is a husband with a strong emotional, financial, and duty-bound tie to your child.  Although a man may have some vague knowledge of the birds and the bees in his head, down in his heart where it counts, a man doesn’t really believe he has anything to do with making babies.  Your baby is clearly yours – you had it last – but what has your baby to do with him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember the old saying – “The time my father got me, his mind was not on me.”  What was he thinking? Was he thinking at all?  The only way to give your child a father is to belong to him thoroughly<\/em> before you get pregnant.  If you require him to commit himself by marrying you before<\/em> you give yourself and then convince him that you belong to him by encouraging him to have you, your child will also belong to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The third gift<\/strong> is the gift of a mother.  Having risked your life to give your child life, having given up your independence by belonging to your husband, God expects you to give up your career and dedicate your life to nourishing and cherishing your family.  Women with jobs have neither time nor emotional energy to be mothers.  They can\u2019t teach their sons how to be Biblical husbands or their daughters to be Biblical wives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must be content to live on what your husband earns, encourage him in his career, and mother your children.  Proverbs 31 was written to men.  31:1 shows that King Lemuel\u2019s mother taught him how to nourish, cherish, and bless his future wife.  This teaching is mostly by example and it takes more time and energy than career women can supply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the grace of God, a very few single mothers are able to raise children successfully, but this is rare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT DO WOMEN DESIRE FROM HUSBANDS?<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When we married, my wife\u2019s job paid her expenses.  Taking her to wife on our wedding night gave her a powerful<\/em> feeling of belonging to me and depending on me.  Losing independence was the most frightening experience of her life even though she knew that God wanted her to bear children and guide a house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two years later, she quit her job because our work schedules didn\u2019t fit.  Giving up her paycheck and depending on me was nearly as frightening as belonging to me even though God tells women to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread (Gen. 3:19[106]<\/a>).\u201d  God gave no way for Eve to eat.  As Naomi told her daughters goodbye when sending them back to their families to find husbands, she prayed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD grant you that ye may find rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9<\/strong>a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When wives depend on husbands for food, knowing<\/em> that her relationship to her husband is strong and that he\u2019s glad<\/em> to feed and clothe her is important<\/em> to a wife \u2013 she and her children could starve if he leaves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friend told me his dog growled when a puppy ate from his dish.  \u201cKids are OK,\u201d he said, \u201cif they don\u2019t eat off my dish.\u201d  When I told my wife, she said, \u201cNo!  I want me and our children to eat off your plate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People see her eat off my plate.  Women have said, \u201cI wish my husband would let me eat off his plate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard to overstate how important it is for a wife to be certain<\/em> that her husband values her and is pleased with her.  She has to know him well in order to be sure that what she does will make him happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAccording to knowledge\u201d doesn\u2019t mean to obey her, it means knowing her needs, preferences, thoughts, and feelings and think about her when making decisions.  If a woman prefers vanilla and her husband always brings home chocolate, does he love her?  Will she feel loved?  The only way a man can get this knowledge is though hours and days of open-hearted conversation.  This is scary for men, but there\u2019s a reward \u2013 the better your wife knows you, the more easily she can please you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Father her Children<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Pr. 30:16[107]<\/a> states that an empty womb is never satisfied.  A woman desires children.  Having been given children, she desires that their father want<\/em> to stick with her and enjoy helping her raise them (Eph. 6:4[108]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi wanted Ruth and Orpah to have food, clothing, and shelter but she also<\/em> wanted them to find comfort, rest, contentment, and security in constant reminders that their husbands valued and appreciated them as taught in the Song.  A woman desires that her husband like<\/em> feeding, clothing, and housing her and her children and that he delight<\/em> in opening his heart to her and praising her for her help (Pr. 31:31[109]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watching any couple shows whether she\u2019s resting<\/em> in her husband.  Many women get this instead:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: Eat and drink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 23:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can say<\/em> he loves a woman and feed her without giving his heart.  God has the same problem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Matthew 15:8<\/strong> see also <\/em>Isaiah 29:13[110]<\/strong><\/a>, Mark 7:6[111]<\/strong><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi wanted each daughter to find a husband who poured his heart into nourishing and cherishing.  God isn\u2019t the only one who appreciates a cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:7[112]<\/a>) \u2013 wives appreciate cheerful giving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29<\/sup>Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30<\/sup>For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your wife took on the yoke of pleasing you when you took her to wife.  Do you make it easy for her to learn of you?  That\u2019s a major reason she wants you to open your heart \u2013 learning of you lightens her yoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She Wants to Learn of You<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Our church had a split; we needed new leadership.  I was pondering my qualifications for church office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.  I Timothy 3:12<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWife,\u201d I asked, \u201cdo I qualify, I don\u2019t rule you, I hardly ever tell you what to do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she said, \u201cyou rule me utterly.  Your ways aren\u2019t natural to me, but we\u2019ve talked enough that I know how you want things done.  Just about everything I do, I know how you want it done and I do it your way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She served me out of love as Christ died for sinners out of love.  Learning of me so she had confidence that I\u2019d be pleased made my yoke easier and my burden lighter as learning what Christ expects of us makes His yoke easy and His burden light.  I\u2019d talked with her enough that she could follow me but not enough to realize how my ways ruled her.  It hadn\u2019t occurred to me that there was any other way than my way.  That\u2019s another reason for a man to talk enough for his wife to learn more about him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We found cases where my way was a lot<\/em> harder and wasn\u2019t worth her extra work.  Changing back to her ways lightened my yoke as she learned more of me.  She\u2019d always accepted my rule, but because I didn\u2019t realize how much I was ruling her, my yoke wasn\u2019t as light as it should have been.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EMOTIONS SCARE MEN<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Women share their hearts all the time in helping other women bear the burdens of husbands, children, and guiding houses (1 Tim. 5:14[113]<\/a>).  They find it hard to understand that it\u2019s as frightening for a man to open his heart as his wife desires as for a woman to open her body as her husband desires or to follow him and depend on him as God desires.  A man\u2019s emotions are as powerful as a woman\u2019s.  Japanese say \u201cOne hair of a woman’s head pulls more strongly than ten yoke of oxen.\u201d  Chinese say that a man in love rides a wild horse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotions scare a man, and he must realize that his physical drives can scare his wife as much as her drive for emotional talk frightens him.  Although he may declare his love to her, he may not admit his love to himself.  Having created Peter, Jesus knew how Peter felt.  Peter saw Jesus weep and grieve over the cities of Israel (Mt. 11:23[114]<\/a>, 23:37[115]<\/a>, Lk. 10:15[116]<\/a>, 13:34[117]<\/a>).  Peter did not want the sorrow of loving people and seeing them fall away so he hid his emotions from himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

John 21:15-19 tells how Jesus asked three times whether Peter loved him.  Peter finally admitted to filios<\/em>, brotherly love.  Did Jesus’ questions make Peter love Him?  No, Peter already loved Jesus \u2013 he wept bitterly when he betrayed Jesus (Mt. 26:75[118]<\/a>) \u2013 but he didn’t want to feel<\/em> love, knowing how love can lead to sorrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man won\u2019t admit to himself that he loves his wife, he can\u2019t convince her that he loves her and she won\u2019t be able to comfort him as he expects.  Opening herself to him makes her more sensitive to his feelings about her.  If she knows he values her skills, feelings, thoughts, and everything else about her, feeling loved more strongly makes her happy.  She won\u2019t mind being humbled and will rejoice in his delight in her.  If she doesn\u2019t think he\u2019s pleased with her, she won\u2019t want to be more sensitive to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman has a thousand thousand ways to avoid her husband\u2019s desire, but the fault is often his.  She can\u2019t make him any happier than he makes her.  A man finds happiness in marriage by convincing<\/em> his wife that he loves her and that he\u2019s truly<\/em> happy to care for her and be with her.  Words are cheap; love requires action<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I John 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Serving your wife as Jesus commands (Mk. 9:35[119]<\/a>, 10:42-45[120]<\/a>) shows love.  That makes her happy which makes him happy.  The Song of Songs starts<\/em> with the wife praising her husband for getting physical with her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.  Song of Solomon 1:2<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song<\/strong> of Solomon 7:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

She likes getting physical because he appreciates<\/em> her.  Husbands and wives want to please each other:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I would have you without carefulness.  He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  There is difference also between a wife and a virgin.  The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 7:32-34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I talked to a woman who\u2019d heard the word \u201cBible\u201d but didn\u2019t know anything about it.  I told her it said a lot about men and women.  She asked what, so I told her that the Word of God taught that women were made for men.  She went blank for 30 seconds, then said, very slowly, \u201cYes, we are<\/em> made for men.\u201d  More silence.  She said, \u201cAnd there\u2019s not a thing we can do about it.\u201d  I said she had to take care which man she belonged to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women are<\/em> made for men (Gen. 2:18[121]<\/a>), so a wife generally cares more about pleasing her husband than he cares about pleasing her.  Scripture warns 5 times (Pr. 19:13 b[122]<\/a>, 21:9[123]<\/a>, 19[124]<\/a>, 25:24[125]<\/a>, 27:15[126]<\/a>) that an unhappy wife is a hardship; some say, \u201cIf mamma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not criticism of how God made women; it\u2019s a warning to men.  A man can command a woman, but he can\u2019t make her like it.  There is no joy this side of heaven for a man anything close to having a woman like<\/em> belonging to him, so keeping a wife happy about choosing<\/em> to belong to him is worth a lot of work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 17:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men, don\u2019t<\/em> dry your wife\u2019s bones.  Can you give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she wants to please you?  She can\u2019t please you if she doesn\u2019t know what you want.  The only way she can be confident of pleasing you is for you to open your heart often enough for her to learn your ways in detail<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a woman finds she can\u2019t please her husband no matter how she tries, we often see death in her eyes, even in photos.  Men, if you want to be happy in marriage, be happy with your wife<\/em> and convince her that you\u2019re happy with her.  That makes her happy.  There\u2019s no joy this side of Heaven greater than having your wife like<\/em> belong to you, but convincing her can be difficult because women are so different.  Learning how to praise your wife so that she<\/em> feels appreciated is part of opening your heart to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many men are afraid<\/em> to open their hearts for fear of being hurt or vexed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death<\/p>\n\n\n\n

;  Judges 16:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotions scare men.  He may declare<\/em> his love, but may not admit his love to himself.  God says he can:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 doth safely trust in her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

,   Proverbs 31:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After His disciples went fishing instead of starting the church<\/a>[127]<\/a>, Jesus asked Peter, \u201cDo you love me?\u201d three times <\/em>(Jn. 21:15-17).  Having created Peter, Jesus knew Peter wouldn\u2019t want to admit<\/em> his love because Peter had seen Jesus\u2019 sorrow when Jews refused Him and went to Hell (Mt. 23:37[128]<\/a>).  Jesus didn\u2019t make<\/em> Peter love Jesus, but changing<\/em> and admitting it to himself<\/em> made him willing to spread the gospel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For if there be first<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not.  II Corinthians 8:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man won\u2019t change<\/em> to admit<\/em> his love for his wife to himself, he can\u2019t convince her<\/em>.  Being willing<\/em> to love her and happy<\/em> to learn how to nourish her will make her happy in finding rest in belonging to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gen. 24:67 \u201cIsaac brought her into his mother Sarah\u2019s tent\u2026\u201d  A woman desires a place to live and much else.  Few men understand their wives many<\/em> needs; few women have the words to explain.  Discuss these Bible verses about a woman\u2019s many needs<\/a> on page 37 to see what she thinks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women see the Bible differently from men; her view helps open the mind of God.  My wife saw David and Goliath as a story in human relations!  She saw David\u2019s older brother criticize him for coming to the battle before<\/em> asking why.  He didn\u2019t know David\u2019s father had sent him.  He\u2019d seen Samuel anoint David to be King and trashed him anyway!  He trashed his future king!  How dumb can you get?  I hadn\u2019t seen that.  She helped me see Ruth as a romance story: poverty-stricken widow goes to a strange land to find God, works hard, shows virtue, marries a rich man, and is in Jesus\u2019 line.  Her 6 rules for finding rest in marriage<\/a>[129]<\/a> still work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEN DON\u2019T KNOW WHY WIVES CAN\u2019T GIVE COMFORT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Few men know that the Bible says four times<\/em> De. 21:14, 22:9 and Ez. 22:10-11 that a man \u201chas humbled\u201d a woman by taking her.  We now know that opening herself triggers hormones that change her brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God wants children to have fathers.  God arranged that a woman wants<\/em> to cling<\/em> to the man who takes her.  Humbling herself by clinging to her husband and serving him gladly helps her children have a father.  The hormones of humbling make her more sensitive to how he feels about her.  If he\u2019s pleased with her, feeling that<\/em> more strongly comforts her as she sees how much he delights in her.  If she has doubts about his love or feels criticized, being more sensitive to negative feelings will make her not to want to give herself.  A woman has a thousand ways to avoid her husband\u2019s desire, but it\u2019s generally because she doubts his love for her.  She won\u2019t want to feel dependent on a man who refuses to belong to her.  Such insecurities fuel many fights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opening herself to her husband takes a great deal of emotional energy, and opening his heart to his wife takes a lot of emotional energy.  The Marriage Arch<\/a>[130]<\/a> shows how to recharge each other\u2019s emotional batteries.  A man wants his wife to yearn to receive his seed; she wants him to yearn to receive her speech.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gen. 24:67 \u201cand he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.\u201d  Isaac didn\u2019t just say<\/em> he loved Rebekah, he convinced<\/em> her that he loved her, and then<\/em> he was comforted.  Having a man think he\u2019s told her of his love means nothing, has he convinced<\/em> her?  When we give the Gospel, we\u2019ll tell a sinner that God loves the world.  That\u2019s true, but it does the sinner no good unless there\u2019s conviction that God loves him or her.  A man thinking he\u2019s told his wife of his love, or fed her, or bought her a house, doesn\u2019t convince her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: Eat and drink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 23:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can say<\/em> he loves a woman and provide generously for her without giving his heart.  My college roommate who was best man at my wedding had a serious<\/em> heart attack.  I spent hours in the waiting room with his wife and daughter.  His wife was really<\/em> angry \u2013\u201cHow can he just die and leave me all alone?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seemed<\/em> that she was tied to him, but when I told stories of what he and I had done in college, some of the jobs he\u2019d had, and talked of his goals and ambitions, it was evident that he\u2019d told her nothing of his past or where he was going.  She had no idea what he was doing.  How could she help him?  She was frustrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His heart recovered a bit.  Life went on, but his wife died suddenly in a car accident.  He was devastated even though their relationship had been pretty empty and pretty rocky.  A month or so later, my wife and I had coffee with him and his daughter.  My wife asked, \u201cDid she know how much you loved her?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He said she\u2019d known, but when he spoke of being sorry that they\u2019d had a quarrel before his wife drove off to her meeting and died on the way back, his daughter exploded, \u201cShe didn\u2019t know!  You never told either of us you loved us!\u201d  He thought providing for them proved it.  He was surprised to find that it didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another attack killed him a few months later, 35 years to the day after he was best man at our wedding. The call came during our anniversary dinner.  As his executor was cleaning out his house, we bought the bookcases he and I had made before he\u2019d married.  His daughter had lived with them her entire life but had never been told he\u2019d made them.  He was typical of what some women call \u201cisland men.\u201d  It\u2019s like they live off on a remote island all by themselves without any emotional connection with anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I understand the Apostle Peter\u2019s desire not to admit his love for Jesus.  He wanted no part of the sorrow Jesus had felt.  I not only had the sorrow of losing my friend, I had the sorrow of knowing he\u2019s probably gone to Hell and the sorrow of knowing the sorrow he put on his wife and daughter because they didn\u2019t feel loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I knew why he didn\u2019t open himself to them, however.  It was so scary for me to open my heart to my wife after we were married that I remember vividly the moment I realized just what opening myself to her would mean.  I did this by faith; it was years before I began to see just how important this was to her.  My friend wasn\u2019t a Christian, he didn\u2019t know God, so he didn\u2019t know that God expected him to trust his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seed and Speech are a Man\u2019s and Woman\u2019s Form of Communication<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Women communicate heart to heart; men communicate belly to belly.  It\u2019s a sacrifice<\/em> for a man to talk as much as his wife needs.  It\u2019s a sacrifice<\/em> to meet a husband\u2019s needs.  She thinks he wants to do<\/em> the same old thing over and over.  He thinks that she wants to talk about the same old thing over and over.  God expects a man to open his heart to his wife often enough and thoroughly enough that they learn each other\u2019s needs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man fails to honor his wife by listening to her enough to know how best to nourish and cherish her, his prayers are blocked.  This can take a lot of talk.  Just before our wedding, my fianc\u00e9 told me she was really<\/em> looking forward to being married.  I was too.  I thought we were on the same page, but she went on.  \u201cI like talking to you.  Once we\u2019re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We were not<\/em> on the same page.  We weren\u2019t in the same chapter.  We were in totally different volumes!  That\u2019s more talk than a man can imagine<\/em>, she was expecting hours per day!  We\u2019d talked a lot <\/em>while dating because we couldn\u2019t do anything else.  I thought once we were married, it would be a done deal and we wouldn\u2019t have<\/em> to talk about it any more.  The Holy Spirit led her to tell me that talking to her a lot more than I could imagine <\/em>was an important part of our marriage covenant from her<\/em> point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s probably the only<\/em> reason I was willing to open my heart to her after we were married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had no idea how vital this was.  A woman can\u2019t follow or obey unless she knows what he wants.  She can\u2019t do what he wants unless he opens his heart to her so that she knows him well enough to know<\/em> what he wants.  Then she can be sure<\/em> he\u2019ll be happy with her, which makes her happy and helps her understand his praise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A wife\u2019s need for talk isn\u2019t fulfilled until she\u2019s<\/em> OK.  A man\u2019s need to be physical isn\u2019t fulfilled until he\u2019s<\/em> OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opening my heart was scary, but Pr. 31:11 says \u201cThe heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.\u201d  God wanted me to know that it was OK to open myself to her.  The Bible teaches women to call their husbands \u201cLord.\u201d  It helped that she\u2019d call me \u201cSir\u201d as the spirit moved her.  That gave me confidence that she respected me even when I made mistakes.  That made it easier for me to open my heart and show my love for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wrote a letter, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you.\u201d  If a man can look his wife in the eye, tell her that, mean it, and live it<\/em>, the marriage will most likely work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want to be happy in marriage, be happy<\/em> enough to convince<\/em> your wife that you\u2019re happy with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MARRIAGE IN TWO WORDS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Marriage can be explained in one minute<\/a>, see page 30.  This section explains marriage in two words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation is two words, \u201conly believe (Lk. 7:50[132]<\/a>).\u201d  God\u2019s rule for a man and woman coming together is three words, \u201conly in marriage.\u201d  Staying<\/em> married is two words, \u201conly praise.\u201d  This can be hard for people who weren\u2019t taught the love, joy, and peace which come from Christ, but people learn as they grow in Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife.  I want my words to be health to my wife so she\u2019ll want to hear me.  I say, \u201cThat didn\u2019t work as well as we<\/em> planned.  What went wrong?  Let\u2019s learn to do better next time.\u201d  I say \u201cwe\u201d because she tries to do everything the way I want it done.  That puts me<\/em> in all she does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you die, people will remember the very last thing<\/em> you said.  Don\u2019t say anything which wouldn\u2019t please you as a last memory of you.  You can apologize, but you can\u2019t un-say anything, not ever<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, \/ Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit \/ Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, \/ Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.\u201d \u2015 Omar Khayy\u00e1m<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I was making an appointment.  The young lady saw that I treasured my wife and asked how long we\u2019d been married.  When I told her 52 years, she wanted to know how we did it.  I gave her \u201conly praise.\u201d  Her eyes bugged out.  \u201cThat\u2019s hard<\/em>!\u201d she complained.  \u201cWhat do I do if I\u2019m really<\/em> upset at him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you an adult or a child?\u201d I asked.  \u201cWe teach kids not to lose their temper, not to throw angry words at each other by the time they\u2019re 2, age 3 at the latest<\/em>.  If you aren\u2019t grown up enough to keep your temper, are you grown up enough to marry?\u201d  Following Christ leads you to grow in grace so that you can do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 5:1<\/sup>Be ye therefore followers of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as dear children;  Ephesians 4:32-5:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus expects us to follow after God.  God sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because His blood has washed away your wife\u2019s sins.  You must look on your wife as God sees her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christ is our example for how we treat each other.  He answers prayers even before we ask.  A husband should know his wife\u2019s needs well enough to meet them before she asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage is<\/em> simple: Believe in your heart<\/em> that God is good and that He made men and women so that we can work together to build joyful marriages.  \u201cOnly praise,\u201d open your hearts to each other, and follow God by seeing each other, treating each other, and talking about each other as perfect (Song 4:7[133]<\/a>).  That\u2019s God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage.  Nothing else works as well.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 3 – Thou <\/a>Shalt Love the Lord Thy God<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s command \u201clove the Lord thy God\u201d is in scripture 14 times<\/em>!  This shows the logic<\/em> of God\u2019s plan for us.  Choosing<\/em> to love Him as He commands helps us serve Him better.  Couples who strive to love and serve each other as they love and serve God will give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul prayed \u201cthat your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment (Phil 1:9).\u201d  Pray that God will make your love abound for Him, your family, your church, and the lost.  People who see your joy in loving each other and loving them will want God\u2019s love for themselves!  Any group or society based on loving God and each other as He commands will bring joy to everyone who joins in loving God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38<\/sup>This is the first and great commandment.  Matthew 22:37-38<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.  Mark 12:30<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.  Luke 10:27<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.  Deuteronomy 6:5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Therefore thou shalt love the LORD thy God, and keep his charge, and his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments, alway.  Deuteronomy 11:1<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And it shall come to pass, if ye shall hearken diligently unto my commandments which I command you this day, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, 14<\/sup>That I will give you the rain of your land in his due season, the first rain and the latter rain, that thou mayest gather in thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil.  Deuteronomy 11:13-14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him;  Deuteronomy 11:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.  Deuteronomy 13:3<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If thou shalt keep all these commandments to do them, which I command thee this day, to love the LORD thy God, and to walk ever in his ways; then shalt thou add three cities more for thee, beside these three:  Deuteronomy 19:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.  Deuteronomy 30:6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In that I command thee this day to love the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it.  Deuteronomy 30:16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.  Deuteronomy 30:20<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.  Joshua 22:5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God.  Joshua 23:11<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Loving God with your soul is mentioned 8 times, walk in His ways 4 times, love with your mind 3 times, strength twice, might once, and so on.  God commands us to choose<\/em> in our minds to give more<\/em> than just our hearts.  We\u2019re expected to love God with everything we have!<\/em>  This is a deliberate, practical choice.  Deciding<\/em> to love in this way binds couples together with God, with each other, and with the church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EXPLAINING MARRIAGE<\/a> IN ONE MINUTE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You can explain both marriage and salvation in 30 seconds.  Parents spend years getting kids into good colleges but not much time, talent, toil, or treasure teaching them how to have good marriages.  We don\u2019t expect kids to drive without being taught, how can we expect good marriages without teaching?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nobody deserves salvation; every person is a sinner who deserves to go to Hell (Rom. 3:23[134]<\/a>, 5:12[135]<\/a>, 6:23[136]<\/a>).  If you accept salvation, God gives you the gift of eternal life (Rom. 6:23b).  God doesn\u2019t see your sins, He sees the righteousness and purity of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Ps. 103:12[137]<\/a>, I Cor. 6:11[138]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God and His Son see you as perfect (Eph. 5:25-27[139]<\/a>, Rom. 8:1[140]<\/a>, 1 Ki. 8:61[141]<\/a>, 15:14[142]<\/a>, 2 Ki. 20:3[143]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Accepting Jesus\u2019 free offer of salvation makes us servants of Jesus Christ (Ps. 100:2[144]<\/a>, Rom. 1:1[145]<\/a>, Tit. 1:1[146]<\/a>).  We belong permanently<\/em> to Jesus (Jn. 10:29[147]<\/a>, 1 Cor. 6:19[148]<\/a>), serve Him out of love (2 Cor. 5:14-15[149]<\/a>), and strive to walk in good works as Jesus taught (Eph. 2:10[150]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects us to serve spouses, families, and churches (Rom. 12:10[151]<\/a>, Eph. 4:12[152]<\/a>, 5:21[153]<\/a>, 1 Pet. 5:5[154]<\/a>).  Focus on God through Christ.  What God does is perfect; serving Him by serving your spouse is a perfect calling (Mk. 9:35[155]<\/a>, 10:42-45[156]<\/a>).  Focus your eyes on your perfect God, not<\/em> on fallible people (Phil. 2:1-8).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage in a Half-Minute.  If they\u2019re still listening, you can go on:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eph. 4:31-32[157]<\/a> tells us to forgive each other as God forgives.  God forgives completely<\/em>; He forgets our sins (Ps. 103:10-12[158]<\/a>, Is. 43:25[159]<\/a>, Heb. 10:17[160]<\/a>).  When God washes away our sins (Heb. 9:14[161]<\/a>, 10:19-22[162]<\/a>), what\u2019s left is perfect<\/em> and without condemnation (Rom. 8:1[163]<\/a>, 15:13[164]<\/a>).  Eph. 5:1 commands<\/em>, \u201cBe ye therefore followers of God.\u201d  God sees us as perfect, so we must follow God and see our spouses as perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the key to marriage.  Treat your spouse as perfect, praise your spouse as perfect, say your spouse is perfect for you, and thank God for putting you in a perfect marriage (Ps. 68:6[165]<\/a>).  Marriage prospers if the husband treats<\/em> his wife as God\u2019s perfect gift to him and she acts<\/em> as God\u2019s perfect gift to him (Jas. 1:17[166]<\/a>).  He\u2019s to love, nourish, cherish, honor, and sanctify her (Eph. 5:29[167]<\/a>, Song 4:7[168]<\/a>, 6:9[169]<\/a>) as perfect, she\u2019s to obey him and submit to him in reverence (Eph. 5:22, 33[170]<\/a>, Col. 3:18[171]<\/a>) even though neither of them deserves the other!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage in One Minute.  If they\u2019re still listening, you can go on:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We must love God with perfect hearts.  \u201cLove the Lord thy God\u201d is in the Bible 14 times<\/a><\/em>  (Deu. 6:5, 11:1, 11:13, 11:22, 13:3, 19:9,30:6, 30:16, 30:20, Joshua 22:5, 23:11, Mt. 22:37, Mk. 12:30, Lk. 10:27)!  1 Kings 11:4 and 15:3 speak of David having a perfect heart<\/em> with the Lord his<\/em> God.  David sinned, but he never<\/em> turned from worshiping God to worshiping anything else.  Faithfulness and repentance kept his heart perfect with God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects us to keep our hearts perfect with Him and with each other.  We must not let our hearts stray toward anyone else or anything else (Job 31:1[172]<\/a>, Song of Solomon).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As David was perfectly confident in God and rested in what God gave him, we must learn to rest content in each other and in what God gives us (Ruth 1:9a[173]<\/a>, Mt. 11:28[174]<\/a>, Phi. 4:11[175]<\/a>, 1 Tim. 6:6[176]<\/a>, Heb. 13:5[177]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love God by loving your spouse; serve God by serving your spouse, praise God by praising your spouse is simple, but \u201csimple\u201d isn\u2019t \u201ceasy.\u201d  It\u2019s simple to walk from Maine to California \u2013 put one foot in front of the other, repeat \u2018til you get there \u2013 but not easy.  Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a stroll across a continent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Groups of God\u2019s people in a local church should act with hearts as perfect as David\u2019s:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All these men of war, that could keep rank, came with a perfect heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 to Hebron, to make David king over all Israel: and all the rest also of Israel were of one heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 to make David king.  I Chronicles 12:38<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The people agreed with one perfect heart that they wanted David as their king.  God gave us one way to relate to Him, that is, with perfect hearts and never<\/em> go after other gods.  Husband and wife must both have perfect hearts with God.  Both must have perfect hearts with each other and never go after anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As God graciously gives His salvation to those who earnestly seek Him (De. 4:29[178]<\/a>), He graciously gives the blessings of marriage to couples who seek Him and enter into Holy Matrimony with one perfect heart.  \u201cHoly\u201d means \u201cset apart to the Lord for His purposes.\u201d  Holy Matrimony belongs to God, not to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re not talking about gluten-free, no calorie diet<\/em> matrimony as lost people do, we\u2019re taking the real deal, we\u2019re discussing Holy Matrimony which bride and groom should enter with one perfect heart.  There is no vow in salvation; your marriage vows are the most solemn, binding vows any human can ever utter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we work out God\u2019s salvation in fear and trembling (Phi. 2:12b[179]<\/a>), we work out God\u2019s gift of marriage as we mature, grow, and learn.  David never lost his salvation, but his sins took away his joy:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Restore unto me the joy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of thy salvation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and uphold me with thy free spirit.  Psalm 51:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation belonged to God and not to David.  He knew that God would faithfully restore his joy in God\u2019s salvation once he restored his relationship with God through repentance and confession (1 Jn. 1:9[180]<\/a>).  Be prepared to confess to one another and forgive one another to restore your joy in marriage (Jas. 5:16[181]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE LOVE OF GOD<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My parents convinced (2 Cor. 5:11a[182]<\/a>) me to accept Christ as my Savior when I was in 2nd<\/sup> grade.  I loved Jesus because He loved me enough (Ro. 5:8[183]<\/a>) to accept the punishment for my sins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rev. 13:8 speaks of \u201cthe Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.\u201d  Jesus knew<\/em> Adam would sin before He said \u201clet there be light\u201d to start creation.  Jesus knew<\/em> He would have to die before He created<\/em> Adam, yet He loved all of us enough to create us anyway<\/em>!  What does His love say about the way He ordained marriage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD:  Isaiah 1:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Be logical.  Jesus loved us enough to create us even though He knew He\u2019d have to die to save us from our sins.  Would a God who loved that much<\/em> create men and women so that we couldn\u2019t build joyous marriages?  God designed us so couples can find joy in working together to create safe spaces where children can grow.  God put powerful<\/em> drives into men and women to bind us into families which bless us if<\/em> we follow His plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?  Matthew 7:11<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God gives good things if we ask<\/em>.  A wife is a good thing.  We must follow the salvation instructions God put in His Word to go to Heaven.  We must follow His instructions in His Word to have joy in marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD DEMONSTRATES HIS LOVE THROUGH WOMEN<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard<\/em> to understand how a Holy, perfect God can love wretched sinners like you and me (Ps. 8:4[184]<\/a>, Heb. 2:6[185]<\/a>).  God knew that, so He gave us mothers to show<\/em> every one of us how His love works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mom and Dad taught me what I needed to know to accept Christ as my Savior when I was in 2nd grade.  I loved Jesus because He loved me enough (Ro. 5:8[186]<\/a>) to accept the punishment for my sins \u2013 taking the punishment for my brothers\u2019 sins was hard for me to think about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was 14 when I saw the difference between true Christians and fake Christians.  I had to choose<\/em> as Joshua and Elijah chose<\/em> (Jos 24:15[187]<\/a>, 1 Ki. 18:21[188]<\/a>).  I decided that I really did<\/em> love Jesus, so I couldn\u2019t<\/em> be friends with the fakes.  Every Christian must choose whether to follow the crowd or to stand for Christ (Eze. 22:30[189]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rev. 13:8 speaks of \u201cthe Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.\u201d  Jesus knew He would have to die before He created Adam<\/em>, yet He loved all of us enough to create us anyway<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard to understand loving us enough to die for us before we were born.  God shows us by having mothers risk death<\/em> to give life.  Before modern medicine, a woman had about a 98.5% chance of surviving pregnancy.  Without birth control, women had so many pregnancies that 1 woman in 8 died in childbirth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every<\/em> girl<\/em> knew someone who had died in childbirth.  Every girl<\/em> knew that she<\/em> would walk the valley of the shadow of death for each child (Gen. 35:18[190]<\/a>, 1 Sam. 4:20[191]<\/a>), yet women wanted to marry and bear children (Gen.30:1[192]<\/a>, Lk. 1:25[193]<\/a>) anyway<\/em>.  Women want children badly enough to risk death; Jesus wanted the pleasure and glory of creating us so badly (Rev. 4:11[194]<\/a>) that He chose certain<\/em> death before<\/em> creating everything!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus knew He would weep when people He loved wouldn\u2019t accept His offer of salvation (Is. 53:3[195]<\/a>, Mt. 23:37[196]<\/a>, Lk. 13:34[197]<\/a>) and that He would have to die to save us from our sins, yet He created the world which led to my birth anyway<\/em>.  I was born before antibiotics could fight childbed infections.  My mother gladly risked her life to give me life and did it again and again for my brothers.  That\u2019s the woman\u2019s part of Gen. 5:1-2 \u201cin the likeness of God made he him,\u201d when \u201che [that is, God] called their<\/em> name Adam\u201d to include Eve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your mother risked her life to give you life, shed her blood in painful<\/em> labor to birth you, then labored<\/em> to keep you alive; Jesus died to give you more abundant life (Jn. 10:10b[198]<\/a>) followed by life eternal (Mt. 25:46[199]<\/a>, Jn. 4:36[200]<\/a>, 12:25[201]<\/a>, 17:3[202]<\/a>).  Thank them both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let your mother know you appreciate her wanting you<\/em> in spite of the peril and pain she\u2019d bear giving birth to you (Pr. 31:28-29[203]<\/a>) and thank your wife for being yours.  Then thank Jesus for creating you in spite of knowing that He would have to die<\/em> to take the punishment for your<\/em> sins (Jn. 15:3[204]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What did you do to earn<\/em> Jesus\u2019 giving His life and His blood (He. 9:12, 22[205]<\/a>) to pay the penalty for your sins and my sins?  Nothing.  There is nothing<\/em> we can do to earn salvation (Is. 64:6[206]<\/a>, Ro. 3:10[207]<\/a>), it is an undeserved gift of God (Eph. 2:8-9[208]<\/a>) He died to give us life because He loves us (Eze. 33:11[209]<\/a>, Ro. 5:8[210]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If someone gave you a gift, would you hand over money to pay for it?  That would refuse the gift.  Trying to get to Heaven by being good, being religious, going to church, tithing, doing good deeds, is not only impossible (Ro. 3:11[211]<\/a>), trying to earn your way into Heaven blocks you from accepting Jesus\u2019 offer of salvation from your sins (Gal. 5:4[212]<\/a>).  You\u2019re trying to pay for a freely-offered gift whose price is far<\/em> more than you could ever<\/em> pay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What did you do to earn<\/em> your mother\u2019s risking her life to give you life and then pouring her life into keeping you alive and teaching you how to behave as an adult?  Nothing.  She risked her life before she knew anything about you.  She gave her life freely based on the emotional drives God put into her and looked forward eagerly to your birth as she felt God forming you within her womb (Is. 49:5a[213]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some mothers harm their children.  God didn\u2019t want that, it\u2019s because of the sin which came into the world when Adam refused to confess his sin and would not ask God to forgive him.  God asked Adam, \u201cHast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat (Gen. 3:11)?\u201dIf we confess our sins<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  1 John 1:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God doesn\u2019t change (Mal. 3:6[214]<\/a>).  God would have forgiven Adam if he\u2019d confessed.  Instead of admitting his sin, Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit and blamed God for giving him Eve!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 gave me of the tree, and I did eat.  Genesis 3:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God told Adam to keep<\/em> the garden (Gen. 2:15), which meant to protect it.  Gen. 3:6 says \u201cshe took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.\u201d  Note two important<\/em> words \u201cwith her!\u201d  \u201cAdam was not deceived (1 Ti. 2:14),\u201d so we know that he heard what the serpent said.  People forget that Adam was there with her the entire time<\/em>!  Why<\/em> did he let the serpent deceive his wife?  Why<\/em> didn\u2019t he protect his wife whom God had trusted<\/em> to his care?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be realistic, men, blaming your wives when things go wrong won\u2019t help you any more than it helped Adam, you are<\/em> the leader, so it\u2019s on you<\/em>.  God designed women\u2019s minds and hearts carefully<\/em> so that a mother\u2019s love for her<\/em> children usually<\/em> illustrates His love for us, His<\/em> children.  Adam\u2019s sin brought so much sin into the world that a few mothers fail to love their children as God planned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve seen mothers reject children when men reject mothers after getting them pregnant without marriage.  Women blame the father even though they wanted children and stopped taking birth control pills without telling him.  Such mothers often reject a child who looks or acts enough like the father to remind her that the child\u2019s father sinned against her by taking her without marriage even though she wanted his baby<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if the father stays with the woman, he may resent the child because the mother got herself pregnant by stopping her pills without his agreement.  The mother got a baby, but at what cost?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Psalm 106:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In several cases we know, the father accepted later children when he\u2019d agreed<\/em> to be a father.  Even years later<\/em> his resentment of his oldest and his acceptance of his younger children are evident to anyone who knows the family.  What could we say when relatives asked why kids were treated differently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents\u2019 breaking God\u2019s rules about sex brings leanness into their souls.  This comes from the birth control pill.  Before the pill, a man knew<\/em> that if he came together with a woman, he\u2019d be a father within a year.  The pill lets couples \u201cplay house\u201d instead and pretend<\/em> that God doesn\u2019t care that they\u2019re breaking His laws.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman\u2019s on the pill, a man feels she expects<\/em> to have sex, so why not with him?  If she isn\u2019t on the pill, she can say \u201cNo, I\u2019ll get pregnant.  Not unless we\u2019re married, and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d  That\u2019s taught in Gen. 24:67[215]<\/a>.  If a man\u2019s offer to a woman doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter, it\u2019s not Biblical<\/em>.  If he can\u2019t pay for her, all he can do is play with her and discard her.  God hates that!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made men possessive to help give children fathers.  If a man has a strong emotional, financial, logical, and psychological connection to a woman, she chooses to belong to him, and encourages and establishes his possessiveness of her as taught in the Song of Solomon before<\/em> she becomes pregnant, her children also belong to him.  If she\u2019s not his, the kids are hers, and she can look after them herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God’s love and God’s salvation are undeserved gifts of God.  Most mothers show how His love works.  We should love Him because He first loved us (Ro. 5:8[216]<\/a>).  His love should drive us to serve Him as He requires (2 Cor. 5:14a[217]<\/a>).  God never bullies us into obedience; He always lets us choose whether to obey His commands or not.  He yearns<\/em> for obedience (De. 5:29[218]<\/a>, 30:9-10[219]<\/a>), but He never forces us.  The choice is ours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Apostle Paul wrote that we work to spread the Gospel because our love for Christ \u201cconstraineth us,\u201d that is, makes us do it.  We serve Him because our love for Him pushes us to want to please Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the love of Christ constraineth us; II Corinthians 5:14a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In the same way, our love for our spouses should<\/em> push us to do whatever we can to please him or her.  If lost people see married Christians working to please each other out of love, they\u2019ll often ask how we handle problems the other person causes.  That gives us a chance to talk about God\u2019s love and God\u2019s forgiveness.  God forgives us, so God expects us to forgive other people in the same way He forgave us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD TELLS US HOW TO BUILD JOYFUL MARRIAGES<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A bridge built on wrong ideas about steel and concrete will<\/em> fall.<\/em>  Like steel and concrete, women and men have different strengths and weaknesses.  You can push hard on concrete, but it breaks if you pull on it.  You can pull on steel, but pushing makes it bend.  As steel and concrete become one in a reinforced slab which has the strengths of both, the forces God created to hold couples together form a one-flesh unit that stands strong against the pressures of life.  When men and women use God\u2019s forces wrong, their union is weakened.  A marriage based on wrong ideas about men and women will<\/em> suffer or fall<\/em>.  Here are some facts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        A woman wants babies.  It doesn\u2019t matter what she says, her basic nature comes out if she\u2019s happy with her husband.  If women didn\u2019t want babies, there wouldn\u2019t be any babies given birth control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        A man wants to throw a woman on his horse, ride off, take<\/em> her, and possess<\/em> her.  He may try to hide his possessiveness, but his basic nature comes out in the end, particularly after they\u2019re married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women are smaller than men and weaker than men.  The Japanese character for \u201cman\u201d combines characters for \u201cfield\u201d and \u201cstrength\u201d because a man provides strength in the field.  \u201cStrength\u201d means to \u201cpress down and control, to get the upper hand.\u201d  God made men strong enough to feed and defend women who don\u2019t have to be as large or as strong.  Women can stay home instead of going hunting or farming.  Using less food to feed muscles gives women more energy to make babies and take care of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHY GOD MADE MEN AND WOMEN THINK SO DIFFERENTLY<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God made males and females think differently to help us be fruitful and multiply.  Instead of trusting that a loving God He created us to bless each other, women complain that men are too possessive, too controlling, and can\u2019t find anything in a refrigerator.  Men complain that women are too emotional and talk too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Very few people can explain their thought processes.  This article<\/a>[220]<\/a> discusses the different ways male and female brains work to help couples talk about how they think.  Understanding draws them closer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DISCUSSION <\/a>POINTS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

These verses explain what women desire.  Discussing them helps dwell according to knowledge of her as God commands (I Pe. 3:7[221]<\/a>).  In drawing closer to God by discussing His Word, you\u2019ll draw closer to each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Present<\/strong> \u2013 a woman expects to be treated as a gift from God (Pr. 18:22[222]<\/a>, Ec. 9:9[223]<\/a>, I Col. 11:9[224]<\/a>, Ge. 2:18[225]<\/a>)
Prayer<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to lead in prayer which brings wisdom (I Thess. 5:17-18a[226]<\/a>, Ps. 127:1[227]<\/a>, Jas. 1:5[228]<\/a>)
Provision<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to provide food, clothing, and shelter for her and for her children (Gen. 24:67[229]<\/a>)
Protection<\/strong> \u2013 she expects protection from his passions, her emotions, and from all external threats
Procreation<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to appreciate her children as her finest gift to him (Ps. 128:3[230]<\/a>)
Paternity<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to be emotionally, financially, and logically involved in helping her raise her children (Pr. 19:18[231]<\/a>, Pr. 23:13[232]<\/a>, Gal. 4:1-2[233]<\/a>, Eph. 6:4[234]<\/a>, Heb. 12:7[235]<\/a>)
Pleasure<\/strong> \u2013 she desires physical pleasure from him (Song 1:2[236]<\/a>, 8:2-3[237]<\/a>)  She expects him to enjoy talking with her and to take pleasure in opening his heart to her (Jud. 16:15a[238]<\/a>, Pr. 31:11-12[239]<\/a>, I Cor. 7:3[240]<\/a>)
Praise<\/strong> \u2013 she desires that he appreciate and praise (Pr. 18:22[241]<\/a>) all of her efforts on behalf of her family.  She expects him to teach her children to praise her and appreciate her (Pr. 31:28-29[242]<\/a>)
Partnership<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to share the responsibility of educating, cleaning, raising, and guiding her children (Gal 4:1-2[243]<\/a>, Eph. 6:4[244]<\/a>).  She expects him to draw on her help to advance his career (Mt. 27:19[245]<\/a>).
Participation<\/strong> \u2013 she wants to know everything he does, to be involved in all decisions, and to use her gifts to bless him (I Cor. 7:34[246]<\/a>).
Patience<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to spend as much time as it takes talking to her enough to know her (I Pe. 3:7[247]<\/a>)
Peculiarity<\/strong> \u2013 he should know and rejoice in her unique, feminine peculiarities, to delight in how God made her different from all the other women in the world (Pr. 19:14b[248]<\/a>, Song 6:9a[249]<\/a>)
Perception<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to understand and appreciate her gifts and to enjoy her unique way of thinking and expressing herself (Pr. 18:22[250]<\/a>, James 1:17[251]<\/a>)
Pleased<\/strong> \u2013 she cares deeply<\/em> that he be pleased with her (I Cor. 7:34[252]<\/a>)
Plan<\/strong> \u2013 he must explain where he\u2019s going clearly so that she can follow him in confidence that she\u2019ll please him.  She can\u2019t follow if she doesn\u2019t know where he\u2019s going; she can\u2019t obey if she doesn\u2019t understand
Persuasion<\/strong> \u2013 she wants him to teach her and gently persuade her (Ro. 14:5[253]<\/a>, 14:23[254]<\/a>, II Cor. 5:11a[255]<\/a>, Phi. 1:9a[256]<\/a>) instead of just commanding without discussion
Part<\/strong> \u2013 she expects to be a vital part of his life, to be the axle on which his wheel of his life turns, to be the tail on his kite, holding him steady as they soar together (I Cor. 11:3, 9[257]<\/a>, Mt. 19:6[258]<\/a>)
Place<\/strong> \u2013 she expects a place to live, a place in his life, and a place in his heart (Gen. 24:67[259]<\/a>)
Peer<\/strong> \u2013 she isn\u2019t his peer, she needs him to appreciate the ways she and he are different.  The world says that men and women are the same; the Bible says they are not (Gen. 1:27[260]<\/a>, Matt 19:4-5[261]<\/a>, Mark 10:6[262]<\/a>)
Peace<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to rule gently (De. 28:56a[263]<\/a>) so that her heart can find rest in being his (Ruth 1:9a[264]<\/a>)
Potential<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to fulfil his potential in serving God, better himself throughout their married life, and help her better herself to fulfil her<\/em> potential (II Tim. 2:15[265]<\/a>)
Purity<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to value and guard her purity both before and after marriage (Pr. 31:10[266]<\/a>)
Privacy<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to value her thoughts and to keep the secret thoughts of her heart to himself (Pr. 11:13[267]<\/a>, 20:19[268]<\/a>)
Perfection<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to treat her as a perfect wife (Song 4:7[269]<\/a>, James 1:17[270]<\/a>)
Passion<\/strong> \u2013 his desire should be towards her and towards her alone (Song 7:10[271]<\/a>) and she expects to delight in it (Song 1:2[272]<\/a>, 8:2-3[273]<\/a>, Pr. 5:18-19[274]<\/a>)
Possession<\/strong> \u2013 she expects him to belong to her and she to him (Song 2:16[275]<\/a>, 6:3[276]<\/a>).  We know how a woman shows that she belongs to her husband.  How does a man convince his wife that he belongs to her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man expects the \u201cthree warms,\u201d a warm heart, a warm bed, and warm meals (Gen. 29:21[277]<\/a>).
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 4 – What Women Need from Husbands<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard to build a bridge without knowing concrete and steel.  It\u2019s hard to build a successful marriage without knowing the needs of men and women.  Pastors must be \u201capt to teach (1 Tim. 3:2[278]<\/a>, 2 Tim. 2:24[279]<\/a>).\u201d  You must teach men how to appreciate their wives and your wives must teach women how to explain their needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage is simple<\/em>: Believe in your heart<\/em> that God is so<\/em> good that He made men and women to work well together to build joyful marriages if we do it His way<\/em>.  \u201cOnly praise,\u201d and follow God by thinking, treating, and talking about each other as perfect<\/em> (Song 4:7[280]<\/a>).  That\u2019s God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible puts men in charge of families so making marriages better is the husband\u2019s duty<\/em>.  There\u2019s no<\/em> disgrace in not understanding women.  King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, was bitterly<\/em> confused and frustrated in marriage.  We have more of the Word of God than he had so we can do better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solomon owned<\/em> 1,000 women (I Ki. 11:3[281]<\/a>).  They were his property<\/em>.  There was no \u201cI\u2019m not in the mood\u201d or \u201cI have a headache.\u201d  That sounds<\/em> like a man\u2019s paradise, but how did it work for Solomon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.  Ecclesiastes 7:27-28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solomon owned<\/em> a thousand women, yet his soul was empty.  Why?  He could command whatever he wished, but he couldn\u2019t make them like it.  Having made women smaller and weaker than men, God protects women by making sure<\/em> that a wife\u2019s unhappiness spreads throughout the house even if she tries to keep it to herself<\/em>.  This gives men a reason to make their wives happy, but they need to know how to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife in the Song is convinced that her husband has opened his heart enough to belong to her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My beloved is mine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just before our wedding, my fianc\u00e9 told me she was eager to marry.  \u201cI like talking to you\u201d she said.  Once we\u2019re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.\u201d  Her reason to marry me was to talk<\/em> to me.  That was not<\/em> why I wanted to marry her (Gen. 29:21[282]<\/a>, 1 Cor 7:9a[283]<\/a>).  Do men marry to talk?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That weekend her mother told me, \u201cThere\u2019s so much to do<\/em>.  We may have to postpone the wedding.\u201d  I told her she could postpone the wedding, but I wasn\u2019t going to postpone the honeymoon.  She got it done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she saw us after the wedding, she asked if I\u2019d learned how to handle her daughter.  \u201cYes,\u201d I replied.  \u201cWith both hands!\u201d  A young woman needs to know that her husband plans to handle her with both hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A WIFE\u2019S NEED FOR OPEN HEARTED TALK<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Book of Esther tells how marriage works.  King Ahasuerus had an empire-wide beauty contest for a new queen.  Esther pleased him and became queen.  When Haman conspired to murder all the Jews, Esther\u2019s uncle Mordecai asked her to talk to her husband to try to stop the slaughter.  Esther replied:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All the king’s servants, and the people of the king’s provinces, do know, that whosoever, whether man or women<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, shall come unto the king into the inner court, who is not called, there is one law of his to put him to death, except such to whom the king shall hold out the golden sceptre, that he may live: but I have not been called to come in unto the king these thirty days.  Esther 4:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ahasuerus \u201cloved Esther above all the women (Esther 2:17)\u201d but he ignored her for a month.  Wives really<\/em> want to talk to their husbands.  Suppose the king told them not to come.  When a king\u2019s wife tried to come in to talk to him, would a guard get physical with her to keep her out?  Not if he valued his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The only<\/em> way to keep a wife from trying to talk to him when he hadn\u2019t called her was to threaten her with death!  That<\/em> is how badly wives yearn<\/em> to talk to husbands.  Proverbs 17:22 teaches, \u201cA merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.\u201d  Not being able to talk to her husband dries her bones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a saying, \u201cIf a man loves a woman\u2019s soul, one woman is all he needs, but if he sees only her face or figure, all the women in the world won\u2019t satisfy him.\u201d  Opening his heart enough to love a woman\u2019s soul takes so many days of talk that a man can\u2019t belong to more than one at a time.  Instead of having one woman enjoy belonging to him, Solomon had 1,000, unhappy women under his roof.  No wonder<\/em> his soul was empty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did David want Bathsheba when he had so many wives?  Because he hadn\u2019t taken the time to open his heart to any wife enough to love her soul<\/em>.  He wasn\u2019t satisfied, so he lusted after Bathsheba.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SUBJECT YOURSELVES ONE TO ANOTHER 1 PETER 5:5<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The more a man takes his wife, the more she wants to talk.  The more a man talks to her, the more he wants to take her.  They must \u201cbe subject one to another (1 Pe. 5:5[284]<\/a>)\u201d to make it work.  The Bible tells how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5<\/sup>Defraud ye not one the other<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.  I Corinthians 7:4-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife not having power means she should open herself to her husband to keep him from temptation.  The man not having power of his body means that he must open his heart.  If he doesn\u2019t meet her emotional needs, she\u2019ll be tempted to talk emotionally to other men.  Emotional talk often leads to physical infidelity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the problems of women having jobs is that you must please your boss to keep a job.  I\u2019ve seen women pleasing men bosses and men pleasing women bosses just a little too much<\/em> and end up destroying two families.  Meeting the wife\u2019s emotional needs and the husband\u2019s physical needs helps avoid temptation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A WIFE IS A MIRROR, SHE\u2019S NOT A LIGHT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Women multiply what men give.  Consider babies.  You give her one tiny cell.  She multiplies your seed within her, and gives you a baby with billions<\/em> of cells.  Every cell of her baby has the mark of your<\/em> DNA (Gen. 5:3[285]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you give her joy, love, appreciation, praise, and sanctification (Song 6:9[286]<\/a>), she\u2019ll multiply what you give her and fill your home with love and light to the Glory of God.  If you give her anger, criticism, or harshness, Satan will tempt her to multiply that<\/em> and your house will fill with anger and pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

YOUR OPEN HEART<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Men know that a happy woman is Heavenly and that an unhappy woman can give him a taste of the punishments of Hell.  A man’s emotions are as powerful as a woman’s, but men engage their emotions more slowly.  A man will try<\/em> not to let himself love a woman unless he’s confident of making her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Few women can explain their needs to men, and no man can figure it out.  I was blessed that my wife had asked God<\/em> to choose her husband.  God couldn’t give her to me without teaching me about her.  The Holy Spirit led her to ask that I treat her as a treasure before<\/em> dating and led her to explain herself to me<\/a>.[287]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What she said made me confident that I could meet her needs and take care of her.  That made me want very much<\/em> to marry her.  We wrote it down for our granddaughter.  She used it and it worked for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHEN I <\/a>ASKED FOR A DATE, SHE SAID, I\u2019M LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND, I WANT TO GET MARRIED.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGod made me to be a treasure for my husband,\u201d she said.  \u201cIf that\u2019s not you, we can part friends.  I\u2019m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out at all, but I want you to agree that the reason<\/em> to be together is to decide whether you and I will marry.  I\u2019m not a toy.  I don\u2019t want a man to play<\/em> with me; I want a man to stay<\/em> with me.  If you aren\u2019t willing to consider<\/em> marriage, don\u2019t waste my time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was attracted to her and I liked talking to her.  I knew<\/em> that God made all<\/em> women to be treasures for their husbands.  If she decided she wanted to be my<\/em> treasure, I\u2019d be a fool not to marry her, so I said \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the way to the restaurant, I did something from Japanese culture which hurt her and made her feel unloved.  Her father had recognized the value of her God-given emotions, but he carefully<\/em> taught her to think<\/em> about her feelings.  He insisted that she learn to think<\/em> about what she felt before acting on an emotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She could have walked back to her car and left, but she thought, \u201cThis guy\u2019s thinking of marrying me.  He didn\u2019t offer to buy me food to make me upset.  But I am<\/em> upset.  Must have been an accident.  I\u2019ll ask him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I told her why, she liked<\/em> it.  Women she tells say, \u201cWhy\u2019d you marry him after that<\/em>\u201d but decide I was a man to keep when told why.  She asked and I answered as the Bible commands (Mt. 18:15[288]<\/a>).  She thought, \u201cThis guy is<\/em> strange, but if he\u2019ll explain<\/em>, I can help him\u201d and she has.  Many wives are afraid to ask because their husbands haven\u2019t learned to explain their thoughts.  Explaining is part<\/em> of opening your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was attracted to her enough to think of marrying her.  If she\u2019d left, I\u2019d have been badly<\/em> hurt and we probably wouldn\u2019t have married.  Stopping, thinking about her feelings, and asking \u201cwhy\u201d got her a husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ON <\/a>OUR 2ND<\/sup> DATE, SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO BE A VIRGIN ON HER WEDDING NIGHT<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My friends and the culture were very<\/em> casual about sex, but I knew that God forbids sex outside marriage so I agreed.  She had asked God to protect her; now the Holy Spirit led her to ask me to protect her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taking a woman without marriage damages her.  The hormones of sex make her want to be his.  This can be scary, and it\u2019s worse if he hasn\u2019t committed himself to her.  She\u2019ll think he\u2019s a thief for taking her when he shouldn\u2019t.  If she let him have her without marriage, how can he trust her not to give herself to someone else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having her wall off her feelings and him not trusting her is a bad<\/em> start.  Men are always interested so men must<\/em> control their desires (1 Th. 4:3-6[289]<\/a>).  Women are seldom interested and don\u2019t know how to handle such strong desires when they come.  The man will say she wanted it at the time.  So what?  He\u2019s the leader; the sin is on him<\/em> as it was on Adam.  He must confess to God, to her, and to her parents to start healing (1 Jn. 1:9[290]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHE SHOWED RESPECT FOR <\/a>ME<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

From early in our courtship, she\u2019d occasionally say \u201cYes, sir\u201d when I spoke to her.  Not every time, but as the spirit moved her.  I liked that a lot, but we had no idea how important it was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women should show respect for husbands (I Pe. 3:6[291]<\/a>) and reverence them (Eph. 5:33[292]<\/a>).  Respecting you is difficult if you don\u2019t act respectable.  Ladies should wait<\/em> for a man they want<\/em> to call \u201cSir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir\u201d meant she\u2019d respect me in spite of mistakes.  We\u2019re told to confess faults to each other (Jas. 5:16[293]<\/a>).  Men really<\/em> don\u2019t like telling wives things that might cost them respect.  Many ignore Pr. 31:11 which promises that a husband can trust his heart to his wife and won\u2019t open their hearts.  Calling me \u201cSir\u201d helped me open my heart to her when God wanted me to belong to her; we\u2019re glad that she could honor me in that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHE ASKED, DON\u2019T FUSS AT ME<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Weeks later, she asked that I never fuss at her.  \u201cI want to love you very much,\u201d she said.  \u201cThe more I love you, the more disapproval hurts me.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That made sense \u2013 the Bible speaks of women as \u201ctender and delicate.\u201d  I didn\u2019t want to keep her from loving me, so I watch what I say.  We didn\u2019t know it then, but God said the same thing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Proverbs 12:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A man can be hurt as badly by a woman he loves as a woman can be hurt by a man whom she loves.  We\u2019ve tried always to be sure<\/em> our tongues are health to each other.  She tries to speak so that the 10-foot area near her is the best place in all the world for me to be, that\u2019s why I like hanging around her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHE <\/a>BELONGED TO GOD SO SHE COULD LET GOD GIVE HER TO ME<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When we came together on our wedding night, she was terrified because her hormones gave her a deep, frightening desire to belong to me and to serve me.  Nobody had warned her of this, but she\u2019d prayed for years that God would work on her heart to prepare her for marriage; this feeing had<\/em> to be from God.  She clung to her faith that God was good and prayed, \u201cLord, You must want me to belong to him.  That doesn\u2019t make sense, but if that\u2019s what You want, I\u2019ll do my best to submit to him and to belong to him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she chose to let God give her to me, her happiness became my happiness.  Proverbs warns 5 times that an unhappy woman is a hardship (19:13b[294]<\/a>, 21:9[295]<\/a>, 19[296]<\/a>, 25:24[297]<\/a>, 27:15[298]<\/a>), but the opposite is also true.  When she was happy, life was good.  When she was happy with me, life was very good.  When she was happy in being mine and wanted<\/em> me to take her, I got the taste of the joys of Heaven that I\u2019d expected when she told me God had made her to be His treasure.  I liked this, so wanted to learn how to make her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d heard men complain about women.  Her friends told her, \u201cHe won\u2019t like you once you\u2019re married\u201d and listed the same things about women that my classmates didn\u2019t like.  This disagreed with my theology.  I was convinced that God was good and had told her \u201cFor God so loved me that He gave me you.\u201d  She\u2019d told me she was a gift from God, and the Bible proved it (Pr. 18:22[299]<\/a>).  God gives good and perfect gifts (Mt. 7:11[300]<\/a>, Jas. 1:17[301]<\/a>).  Therefore, men who dislike characteristics like emotion and talking which are common to women are wrong<\/em>.  God made women that way on purpose<\/em> to bless men (Pr. 19:14b[302]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHE CHOSE TO SERVE GOD BY <\/a>SERVING ME<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

24 hours after our wedding, she said, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about being married to you.\u201d  I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re married, what\u2019s to talk about,\u201d but she had<\/em> told me talking was important to her, so we talked.  \u201cThe Bible says God wants me to belong to you, obey you, and submit to you,\u201d she said.  I thought, \u201cNeat!  We agree!\u201d but she wasn\u2019t done.  \u201cI\u2019ll do my best to do that,\u201d she said, \u201cbut I\u2019m not doing it just for you.  I\u2019m doing it for God because He<\/em> told me to.  I\u2019m serving God by serving you because God<\/em> wants me to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought about that<\/em> for a long time and I still think about it.  The next day, I told her, \u201cI\u2019m thinking about what you said.  God wants me to lead you and take care of you.  The Bible says that any man who desires to be first must be last of all and servant of all (Mk. 9:35[303]<\/a>, 10:42-45[304]<\/a>).  If I\u2019m to lead you God\u2019s way, I must lead by serving you.  You said it well \u2013 I\u2019ll serve God by serving you because God<\/em> wants me to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation means dying to your former life to be married to Christ (Ro. 7:4[305]<\/a>).  You don\u2019t deserve<\/em> her submission, she doesn\u2019t deserve<\/em> your giving your life to nourish her; those are undeserved gifts of God\u2019s grace.  Married people die to their individual lives and serve God by serving each other, children, and church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus said that husband and wife are no more twain, but one flesh (Mt. 19:5-6[306]<\/a>, Mk 10:8[307]<\/a>).  Each must die<\/em> to themselves in favor of their new family in order to become one.  You must give your wife the same love and grace God gave in saving you (1 Pe. 4:10[308]<\/a>).  As Christ chose to love you regardless of your failures and sins, you and your wife must choose<\/em> to love and serve each other regardless of failure \u2018til death do you part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As God sees you as perfect, you must treat each other as perfect (II Co. 5:14[309]<\/a>) by the Grace of God.  Watching your wife love you in spite of your sins increases your love for Christ and for her, and vice-versa.  When lost people see you give God\u2019s grace to each other, they\u2019ll want God\u2019s grace for themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation is about God giving \u2013 for God so loved that He gave.  My wife so loved God that she let God give her to me.  I so love God that I let God give me to her.  Our love for each other comes from our love for God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before our wedding, I wrote, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman, for God so loved me that He gave me you.\u201d  Could you live by that?  Many wives don\u2019t belong to their husbands, but it\u2019s often because he won\u2019t open his heart.  Beg God to increase your trust in Christ and in your wife so you can be hers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This means involving her in all decisions and including your children as they get old enough.  They can\u2019t follow you unless they know where you\u2019re going and they can\u2019t obey unless they understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

TALKING THE WAY A WIFE NEEDS IS DIFFICULT FOR A MAN<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Men and women speak in such different ways that it\u2019s difficult for them to understand each other.  Wives, giving himself to you whenever you want to talk is as hard<\/em> for a man as your giving yourself to him whenever he wants you.  The Bible tells women to submit to their husbands.  Doing that<\/em> when you\u2019d rather do something else is what submission is<\/em>.  God gives a very explicit command<\/em> to husbands:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jn. 1:1[310]<\/a> says that God is<\/em> His Word.  Ps. 138:2[311]<\/a> says that God values His word above His Name.  If a Christian doesn\u2019t love the Word of God, does he love God?  If a man doesn\u2019t love his wife\u2019s words, does he love her?  Will she feel loved?  This means knowing her needs, preferences, thoughts, feelings, and think<\/em> about her when making decisions.  If a woman prefers vanilla and her husband brings home chocolate, will she feel loved?  The only way a man can get this knowledge is though hours and days of open-hearted conversation.  There\u2019s a reward \u2013 the better your wife knows you, the more easily she can please you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This can be very hard.  My wife\u2019s sister\u2019s husband died and she flew to the service celebrating his life.  She told me about it on the phone and on the way back from the airport.  She told a friend at church sitting close enough to me that I heard it all, then told me everything she\u2019d told her friend.  She went over this very emotional experience at least 20 times.  She felt differently about it each time, but to me, she was talking about the same old thing, over and over.  I had to care<\/em> about it each time<\/em> without being bored.  That\u2019s hard.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God is just.  She thinks I want to do<\/em> the same old thing over and over.  It\u2019s new and different to me each time, but to her, it\u2019s the same.  God expects us to value each other\u2019s things (Phi. 2:4[312]<\/a>), but it takes hours and days of back-and-forth, question-and-answer to know that they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My son\u2019s wife asked about church policy.  It took 45 minutes of question and answer for me to understand her question because she thought so differently from my wife.  It took 15 minutes to explain my answer.  After another 10 minutes, it turned out that my answer was wrong.  We worked out the right answer together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no way a man can spend that much time learning about more than one woman.  God\u2019s command for a husband to know his wife means that he can have only one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A WIFE IS <\/a>WHAT HER HUSBAND MAKES HER<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve read and heard preached that God expects a man to love his wife as Christ loves His church:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26<\/sup>That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27<\/sup>That he might present it to himself a glorious church<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 28<\/sup>So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ephesians 5:25-28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus presents us to Himself a \u201cglorious church\u201d in verse 27.  Every man wants<\/em> to present to himself a \u201cglorious wife,\u201d and there\u2019s a simple way to do it \u2013 convince<\/em> her he\u2019s convinced<\/em> that she is<\/em> a glorious wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman heard that Johnny Lingo had paid 8 cows for his wife<\/a>[313]<\/a> when the going price was 3 or 4.  When she went to his house to ask why, she could see that his wife liked<\/em> belonging to him.  Johnny explained that every wife knew what her husband had paid.  His wife wasn\u2019t thought to be very attractive so he might have gotten her for 1 or 2, but he paid 8 cows \u201cBecause I wanted an 8-cow wife.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember the 3 rules<\/strong>:  God is good, only praise, and treat each other as perfect.  Remember Johnny Lingo!  A wife is what you make her.  You make her a glorious wife by opening your heart to her so that she knows<\/em> you\u2019re convinced<\/em> that she is<\/em> a glorious wife.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 5 – Sound Bite Marriage<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The Internet generation has limited attention span.  Everything must be short:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Accepting salvation is two words: \u201conly believe (Ro. 10:9[314]<\/a>).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Sexual morality, that is, when a man and woman may come together physically, is 50% more complicated than salvation, it\u2019s 3 words, \u201cOnly in marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-2[315]<\/a>).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Entering Holy Matrimony is three words, \u201cvowing, paying, taking\u201d (Gen. 24:67[316]<\/a>, Ru. 4:13a[317]<\/a>).\u201d  These men made public marriage vows before<\/em> taking the women.  Isaac supplied the tent and Boaz had wealth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Staying married is two words, \u201conly praise.\u201d  Nowhere<\/em> in Scripture does a man criticize his wife.  The Song shows a couple appreciating every little detail<\/em>.  We must rule our tongues (Pr. 25:28[318]<\/a>, Jas. 1:26[319]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Marriage is built on \u201cseed and speech (1 Cor. 7:3-4[320]<\/a>, 1 Pe. 3:7[321]<\/a>).\u201d  A husband plans to have his wife 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed<\/em>.  God doesn\u2019t often give him that much strength, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em> (Gen.29:21[322]<\/a>).  She wants him to open his heart to her at least<\/em> that often.  He puts himself into her body.  She puts herself, that is, her words, her thoughts, her feelings, her nature, into his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He leaves his seed in her body where it affects her mood and can give her a baby.  She leaves her essence, her being, in his heart where it affects his thinking about her, how he treats her, and how they relate to others (1 Pe. 3:7[323]<\/a>).  People know whether a couple belongs to each other by watching them or hearing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wants to hear him thanking God for creating marriage and for giving her to him.  He should tell her she\u2019s important to him and that he\u2019s becoming more and more involved with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He wants her to say, \u201cThat was wonderful, I like belonging to you.  Let\u2019s do that again as soon as you can.\u201d  This encourages him to stay awake and talk to her for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wants him to say how much hearing her ideas and thoughts helps him make better decisions.  She should point out that they could it more often if he was in better shape.  Giving him a motive for exercise helps him live longer and shortens her time of being a widow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple is \u201cone flesh\u201d as Adam and Eve were before God separated Eve from Adam\u2019s body (Mk. 10:8[324]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 1<\/sup>Be ye therefore followers of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as dear children;  Ephesians 4:32-5:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus expects us to follow after God.  When God looks on your spouse, He sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whose blood washes away all sins (Ps. 103:12[325]<\/a>, I Cor. 6:11[326]<\/a>).  To follow God, you must look on your spouse and think of a reflection of the perfection and purity of Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

See your spouse as perfect<\/a> (page 30), thank God for a perfect spouse, and speak of your spouse as perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

COMPARING <\/a>MARRIAGE AND SALVATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This section has many short comparisons between marriage and salvation.  Gen. 1 tells us:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.  Genesis 1:3<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches that God created everything including you, your spouse, and me.  There\u2019s more:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And God said, Let there be a firmament[327]<\/a> \u2026 and it was so.   Genesis 1:6<\/strong>
And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered \u2026 and it was so.  Genesis 1:9<\/strong>
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass \u2026 and it was so.   Genesis 1:11<\/strong>
And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven \u2026 and it was so.  Genesis 1:14<\/strong>
And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature \u2026 and it was so.  Genesis 1:24
<\/strong>And God said, Let the waters bring forth \u2026 and God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We find \u201cand God said, \u2026 and it was so,\u201d over and over<\/em>.  The Bible teaches that if God said it\u2019s so, it\u2019s so.  That<\/em> is the foundation of Christianity \u2013 it\u2019s built on the Word of God and believing<\/em> that if God said it, it\u2019s so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  John 17:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s word is truth.  God gave us His Word so that we\u2019d know what He expects us to believe about Him and what we\u2019re supposed to do.  Some say, \u201cthe Bible is authoritative for faith and practice.\u201d  God tells us what to believe and He tells us what to do.  Let\u2019s consider what God says about what He\u2019s done:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  10<\/sup>The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.  Psalm 111:2, 10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s people should take pleasure in God\u2019s works including the way He made men and women so that we can build God-fearing marriages and raise God-fearing children.  Why did God ordain marriage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. 14<\/sup>Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15<\/sup>And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  Malachi 2:13-15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We should enjoy<\/em> marriage.  We should enjoy<\/em> watching what He does for us and we should enjoy<\/em> learning as much as we can about how<\/em> He does His works.  Having a proper awe and respect for God is the beginning of wisdom.  If we have good understanding, we\u2019ll do what He commands, but it works the other way, too.  If we do what God commands, we\u2019ll get a good understanding when we look back and see how obeying His commands blessed us.  Let\u2019s look at how we\u2019re told to approach God\u2019s Word:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso is wise, and will observe these things, even they shall understand the lovingkindness of the LORD.  Psalm 107:43<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God says that if<\/em> you\u2019re wise, if<\/em> you\u2019ll observe \u201cthese things,\u201d then<\/em> you\u2019ll understand just how kind God is and how well He takes care of us.  Psalm 107 says three times<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!  Psalm 107:8, 15, 21<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If<\/em> you are wise, if you praise the Lord for His goodness, then<\/em> you will understand His kindness to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s most wonderful work to the children of men, of course, is salvation.  Salvation requires that we confess our sins, repent of our sins, ask Jesus to forgive our sins, and be born again.  Being saved requires that we die to our former lives so that we can be married to Christ:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.  Romans 7:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In order to be born again into Christ, we must die to ourselves and be married to Christ.  That is the first of God\u2019s wonderful works.  Marriage is another of God\u2019s wonderful works.  Jesus explained it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dying to our former lives of sin makes us one with Christ.  As with salvation; we must die to ourselves in order to be \u201cone flesh\u201d in marriage.  God knew we\u2019d have trouble following His plan of salvation.  We couldn\u2019t handle two plans so He made the same plan work for marriage and<\/em> for salvation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we find people whose lives are being destroyed by sin, we give the gospel so that they can be saved and show the grace of God in their new walk with Christ.  When we find marriages being destroyed by sin, we\u2019re supposed to \u201cgive an answer\u201d so that these marriages can show the grace of God to the lost.  There are many short ways to explain marriage so that you can help your friends build their marriages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation and marriage are both undeserved gifts of God\u2019s grace.  Nobody deserves salvation; nobody deserves the blessings of marriage.  A man is not worthy of his wife\u2019s submission, obedience, or her calling him \u201cLord,\u201d that\u2019s an undeserved gift of God\u2019s grace to him.  A woman is not worthy of her husband\u2019s giving his life to nourish and cherish her, that\u2019s God\u2019s undeserved gift to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation and marriage both show the grace of God to the lost.  We\u2019re required to \u201cgive an answer\u201d (I Pe. 3:15[328]<\/a>) when people ask why we live as we do.  Our marriages are our greatest opportunity to show we\u2019re different from the lost.  When the lost see a wife giving her husband undeserved grace or a husband giving his wife undeserved grace, they\u2019ll want God\u2019s grace for themselves, and we<\/em> get to tell them how to find it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        When we give the gospel, we may hear, \u201cGod can\u2019t save me, my sins are too great.\u201d  When we give the plan of marriage, we may hear, \u201cGod can\u2019t save my marriage, it\u2019s too far gone.\u201d  That\u2019s pride \u2013 how can anyone<\/em> think their sin or their marriage problems are greater than the God who created the universe?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        People who reject God\u2019s Simple Plan of Salvation spend eternity in Hell.  People who reject God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage can create their very own Hell right here on earth.  Marriage can either give a foretaste of the joys of Heaven or it can give a foretaste of the punishment of the damned in Hell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Once we\u2019re saved, our love for Christ constrains us to serve Him (II Cor. 5:14[329]<\/a>, Eph. 2:10[330]<\/a>, Phi. 2:4[331]<\/a>).  Once we\u2019re married, our love for each other should constrain us to serve<\/em> each other.  God wants<\/em> us to serve our spouses; we serve God by serving each other<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation is based on a personal relationship with Christ Jesus.  Marriage is based on a personal relationship between husband and wife.  If your relationship with Christ is messed up, you can\u2019t have a proper relationship with your spouse.  If your relationship with Christ is based on true, saving faith, you can choose<\/em> to base your relationship with your spouse on God\u2019s formula.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.  Ephesians 2:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        John 3:16-17[332]<\/a> gives all you must<\/em> know to be saved.  Genesis 24:67[333]<\/a> gives all you must<\/em> know for a successful marriage, but teaching helps.  We labor to prepare children for good jobs but don\u2019t teach Godly marriage.  Not teaching marriage is like giving them a bicycle without any training and expecting them to ride out in traffic without getting hurt.  As with salvation, \u201cdiscipleship\u201d is essential for successful marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        We must keep our hearts perfect with the Lord our God as David did.  David sinned, but he never worshiped any other god.  Married people must keep their hearts perfect not only with God but also with each other.  Couples must never worship any other god and never get involved with any other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation prepares us for the joys of living forever with Jesus and serving Him in Heaven.  God planned marriage to give both husband and wife a foretaste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Once saved, we become one with Christ.  Once married, husband and wife should become one flesh (Mt. 19:5-6[334]<\/a>, Mk. 10:8[335]<\/a>).  We can\u2019t be one in Christ without dying to our former life.  Husband and wife can\u2019t become one in each other without dying to their former individual selves in favor of serving the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Saved people should glorify God in all that they do; glorifying God helps us become his ambassadors (II Cor. 5:20[336]<\/a>).  Married people should glorify God and glorify each other together<\/em> in all that they do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Some people give money to the church to pay God for favors.  A \u201ccheerful giver\u201d gives to God out of love and not to get from Him.  The Song of Solomon shows a husband and wife giving to each other out of love and not in hope of getting from the other.  Works-based salvation is idolatry; works-based marriage is whoredom.  Works-based \u201csalvation\u201d takes you to Hell; works-based marriage makes life Hell on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation supports marriage; knowing we belong to Christ (I Co. 6:19[337]<\/a>) makes it easier to belong to a spouse.  If a woman belongs to Christ, it\u2019s easier to accept God giving her to her husband (Lk. 17:27[338]<\/a>).  If a man knows that Christ gave His life for him, it\u2019s easier for him to give his life for his wife (Eph. 5:25[339]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Marriage supports salvation.  As husband and wife appreciate and praise one another, and share God\u2019s grace by forgiving each other, their marriage reminds them both to praise and appreciate God (Ps. 100).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Rejoicing in the Lord reminds us to rejoice in marriage and vice versa (Phi 4:4[340]<\/a>).  Ecc. 9:9 says, \u201cRejoice with the wife whom thou lovest\u2026\u201d  Joy in marriage must be shared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation is two words, \u201conly believe.\u201d  Satan confuses people into thinking it\u2019s belief plus works or church so people miss salvation and go to Hell.  Marriage is two words, \u201conly praise,\u201d but many people think they should change their spouses instead of letting the Holy Spirit bring change.  When people usurp the Holy Spirit\u2019s role in their marriage, they usually miss the joys of marriage and may create Hell on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Salvation doesn\u2019t just take us to Heaven; we have work to do for Christ (2 Cor. 5:14[341]<\/a>).  \u201cFor we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them (Eph. 2:10).\u201d  Serving your family and church serves Christ in this life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Marriage doesn\u2019t just give us companionship; we have duties<\/em> to our spouses which God commands us to fulfill.  Husbands must show agapao<\/em> to wives<\/a> (Eph. 5:25-26[342]<\/a>), wives must reverence husbands (Eph. 5:33[343]<\/a>).  Agapao<\/em> and reverence are not products of emotion; they are acts of will which we decide<\/em> to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        When Jesus\u2019 blood washes away our sins, God sees us as perfect (I Cor. 6:11[344]<\/a>).  Christians must follow after God (Eph. 5:1-2[345]<\/a>) and see each other as perfect.  Marriage prospers when a man appreciates and honors<\/em> his wife as God\u2019s good and perfect gift to him and she acts<\/em> as God\u2019s good and perfect gift to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        The only way a man can see his sinful wife as perfect is for him to see her through the grace God gave him in saving him.  The only way a wife can see her sinful husband as perfect is for her to see him through the grace God gave her.  When lost people see couples giving God\u2019s grace to each other, they want God\u2019s grace for themselves, and we<\/em> tell them how to get it.  That\u2019s<\/em> how our light shines before men (Mt. 5:16[346]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Jesus said, \u201cTake my yoke upon you, and learn of me;\u201d (Mt 11:29).  A bride takes upon herself the yoke of pleasing her husband (Gen. 3:16[347]<\/a>).  The only way to rest (Ruth. 1:9a[348]<\/a>) in being sure<\/em> she\u2019ll please him is to spend time talking to him and learning of him so she knows<\/em> he\u2019ll be pleased with what she does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Jesus said, \u201cfor I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls.\u201d (Mt. 11:29)  A man must be meek towards his wife; must lead her by serving her (Mk. 10:42-45[349]<\/a>, see also Mk. 9:35[350]<\/a>).  He must talk to her a great deal in order to understand her needs well enough to lead her for her benefit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Jesus said, He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it  (Mt. 10:39).  When we accept salvation, we lose our former lives and gain a new life in Christ.  When we marry, we lose our former individual selves and gain a new life as a one-flesh married couple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        God\u2019s salvation covenant is forever; once saved, always saved (John 10:28[351]<\/a>).  God\u2019s marriage covenant ends only at death (Rom. 7:1-3[352]<\/a>, the book of Ruth).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re saved and relate to God as He desires, your marriage relationship works because you\u2019ll serve God by serving each other.  The relationship between husband and wife is based on their relationships to God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;  II Corinthians 5:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Having been reconciled to God, we should be able to minister reconciliation to each other.  If husband and wife each reconcile themselves to God and relate to God by honoring, praising, loving, and obeying Him, they\u2019ll relate properly to each other by honoring, praising, loving and appreciating each other.  Their marriage prospers, and they show the grace of salvation to the lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and rose again.  II Corinthians 5:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  II Corinthians 4:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As lost people see Christians giving God\u2019s grace to each other, they\u2019ll want God\u2019s grace for themselves.  If either party messes up their relationship with God, on the other hand, their testimony is damaged and the marriage seldom works well even if they both have been taught how marriage should<\/em> work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This book explores what God says about marriage so that you can help heal the broken marriages you\u2019ll encounter.  God ordains marriage; a damaged marriage means that someone<\/em> isn\u2019t following God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: Psalm 127:1<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

No matter how hopeless the situation seems, God promises a way out, but we have to ask:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that ye may be able to bear it.  I Corinthians 10:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  James 1:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 6 – Logic and Emotion, Head Knowledge and Heart Knowledge<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLogic\u201d as the word is used in America was written down by the Greeks ~ 300 BC.  God helped Alexander the Great spread Greek ideas by conquering from Greece to India.  Pilate wrote on Jesus\u2019 cross in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek.  The logical thought process built into the Greek language was well known.  God inspired the New Testament to be written in Greek.  I believe God spread Greek to help us learn to think logically<\/em> about Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Head knowledge is facts we know<\/em> (2 Tim. 3:7[353]<\/a>); heart knowledge is what we feel<\/em> or what we are<\/em> (Pr. 23:7a[354]<\/a>).  \u201cEmotion\u201d describes feelings in our hearts.  God wants us to love Him in our hearts<\/a>, page 29.  We can\u2019t always explain emotions, but we should try<\/em> to find logical<\/em> reasons for our feelings before acting on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLogic\u201d works with facts.  If a car has no gasoline, it\u2019s a fact<\/em> that it won\u2019t go.  No matter how you feel<\/em> about it, no matter how angry you get, the car won\u2019t go.  The fact<\/em> that a car needs gasoline shouldn\u2019t make you angry, or sad, it\u2019s just a fact you need to know<\/em> to use a car.  God expects us to rule our feelings:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When your car is out of gas, your mind should know that getting angry won\u2019t help.  We must rule our spirits so that we don\u2019t lose our temper or say angry words.  Christianity is based on logic:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come now, and let us reason together<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, saith the LORD:  Isaiah 1:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 men;  II Corinthians 5:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even with Heaven and Hell in the balance, we persuade<\/em>.  God appeals to our minds and<\/em> to our hearts.  The Lord our God is a God of purpose and plan (Isaiah 14:26-27[355]<\/a>, 23:9[356]<\/a>, 46:10-11[357]<\/a>, Jer. 4:28[358]<\/a>, Ro. 8:28[359]<\/a>), there is logic<\/em> in all that He does.  We\u2019re told to labor and reason together with God<\/em> to find out His rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For we are labourers together with God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: ye are God’s husbandry<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, ye are God’s building.  I Corinthians 3:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What an honor!  When we meet together, we labor with God<\/em>.  \u201cHusbandry[360]<\/a>\u201d is taking care of a farm.  A church is God\u2019s farm where God grows us and builds us.  Right now, we\u2019re growing and building marriages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O<\/a>BEYING GOD REQUIRES LOGIC<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.  Genesis 1:28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We need knowledge<\/em> to build Godly marriages.  We need logic<\/em> to understand how God created the earth so we can care for the earth, and work with natural resources God has given us as God helped Bezaleel do:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I have filled him [Bezaleel] with the spirit of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, in wisdom<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and in understanding<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and in knowledge<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and in all manner of workmanship<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, 4<\/sup>To devise cunning works, to work in gold, and in silver, and in brass, 5<\/sup>And in cutting of stones, to set them, and in carving of timber, to work in all manner of workmanship.  Exodus 31:3-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Figuring out what to do needs: 1) the Holy Spirit, 2) wisdom, 3) understanding, 4) knowledge 5) practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOGIC IS HOW WE USE FACTS TO REACH CONCLUSIONS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Although the emotions and feelings God put into men and women to hold families together are very strong, the Bible says we should use wisdom, facts, and logic in guiding our relationships with other people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: 12<\/sup>To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; 13<\/sup>Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness; 14<\/sup>Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of the wicked; 15<\/sup>Whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths: 16<\/sup>To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; 17<\/sup>Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.  Proverbs 2:11-17<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Logic, that is, collecting facts and drawing conclusions to deliver us from evil men and women is part<\/em> of wisdom that starts with God.  Wisdom starts<\/em> in Bible reading, prayer, and studying the Works of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fear of the LORD is the beginning<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.  Proverbs 9:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife and I had read the Bible from childhood.  We were sure in our hearts<\/em> that God is good.  I knew that all the strange things God put in women were for my good!  When she asked God if she should marry her boyfriend, He told her \u201cNo,\u201d so she asked God<\/em> to choose her husband \u2013 He knew men better than she did (Jer. 17:9-10[361]<\/a>).  God led her to tell me facts<\/em> about herself that logically convinced<\/em> me I could make her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WE LIVE ON FACTS AND EMOTIONS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Our marriage runs on a mixture of fact and emotion.  My wife reasoned<\/em> years ago that it would be simpler to care for me than to find another husband.  She studied nutrition to help me stay healthy.  That\u2019s a logical reason<\/em> to stay with her, but I\u2019m also tied to her by strong emotions \u2013 my heart<\/em> belongs to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reasoning starts<\/em> with facts and leads to conclusions as my wife reasoned<\/em> that studying nutrition would keep me alive longer and shorten her time of widowhood.  It\u2019s a lot of work to study new foods and work them into new menus.  For her to be able to help me in this important way, I had to listen to what she said about food.  I had to appreciate her research, praise her efforts, and change my ways of eating.  Men bond through shared experience.  Cooperating in this effort increased the emotions that hold us together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

John 1:1[362]<\/a> says that God is<\/em> His Word.  If a man doesn\u2019t love God\u2019s Word, does he love God?  A woman is<\/em> her words far more than a man.  If a man doesn\u2019t love his wife\u2019s words, does he love her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roberta expects to be a widow because most men die before their wives even though married men live longer than unmarried men.  God\u2019s mercy is one reason husbands die first \u2013 it really is not good<\/em> for a man to be alone (Gen. 2:18[363]<\/a>).  My dad started to die when my mother died and he lost the axle on which the wheel of his life turned.  The second reason is that women can comfort each other far better than men can comfort other men.  Job\u2019s friends may have helped when they just sat with him for a week without saying anything, but they certainly weren\u2019t very comforting to Job when they started talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although women are able to comfort a grieving man, that can take them to places they shouldn\u2019t go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE ILLOGIC OF MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Our marriage didn\u2019t start<\/em> with logic or reason.  I was attracted to a woman in the pew in front of me.  When she opened her book for the first hymn, I saw that her left hand was bare.  She was unattached, so I looked harder<\/em>.  There was no logic at all<\/em>.  To this day, I can\u2019t say why<\/em> I was attracted, only that I was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We talked after the service.  When I told her about Japan, she could draw conclusions about Japan from what I said.  When I had enough facts about her to decide that she was worth my time, I told<\/em> her I was going to date her.  I didn\u2019t ask<\/em>, I told<\/em> her.  The wheels turned in her eyes for 30 seconds, she gulped, and said, \u201cOK.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s Biblical.  Did Adam ask Eve if she wanted to be called \u201cwoman,\u201d or did he just name her?  She could see that I was strongly<\/em> attracted to her.  God made women for men (1 Cor. 11:9[364]<\/a>); she liked being wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before our first date, she said, \u201cBefore you spend money on me, you should know that I want a husband.  I want to get married.  I\u2019m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out, but I want you to agree that the goal of being together is to decide whether you and I should get married.  God made me to be a treasure for some man<\/em>.  If you aren\u2019t that man, fine, we can part friends, but I\u2019m not a toy<\/em>.  I don\u2019t want a man to play with me; I want a man to stay with me.\u201d  The Bible warns:Keep thy heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting marriage on the table helped keep her heart.  When a woman falls in love with a man who isn\u2019t ready to marry anyone, she\u2019ll be hurt.  Who mentioned marriage, Boaz or Ruth?  Not Boaz.  When Ruth gave him the idea (Ru. 3:9[365]<\/a>), it was such a good<\/em> idea he rushed out the next morning and married her.  Why was he eager?  Boaz had facts<\/em> about her.  He knew that a hard-working (Ru. 2:7[366]<\/a>), God-fearing (Ru. 2:11-12[367]<\/a>) woman who wasn\u2019t dating around (Ru. 3:10) and wanted<\/em> to marry him would make a good wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every man knows in his heart<\/em> that a woman can give him a taste of the joys of Heaven, that\u2019s why men want women.  I was attracted to her, I liked talking to her, I respected her mind, and she told me her goal was to be God\u2019s treasure for her husband!  I knew the joy I\u2019d get if she decided to be God\u2019s treasure for me<\/em>.  If she decided that<\/em>, I\u2019d be a fool not to marry her, so I said, \u201cSure.\u201d  When I had enough facts to see that she wanted<\/em> to be my<\/em> treasure and that I could<\/em> make her happy, I married her as fast as we could get a dress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FACT-BASED MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Our first talk gave me facts to support the idea<\/em> of marrying.  She\u2019d planned to marry her college boyfriend based on facts she saw.  He attended church and led the youth group.  She let herself fall in love with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something<\/em> drove her to ask God if she should marry him.  God told her \u201cNo\u201d and sent a friend of his family to tell her why she shouldn\u2019t.  It was hard<\/em>, but she stopped being with him.  She hadn\u2019t kept her heart; she let her feelings grow strong without having enough facts to be sure<\/em> she could rest in marriage to him (Ru. 1:9a[368]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she thought about it later, she realized that she had never had rest while dating him.  Some weekends were wonderful; other weekends he\u2019d criticize her for things that weren\u2019t her fault.  She\u2019d always been a confident, happy person, but he made her nervous enough that her parents worried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having been hurt, she told God, \u201cYou didn\u2019t like the man I chose, You<\/em> find me a husband or make me content to be single.\u201d  A woman should never<\/em> let herself fall in love with a man until after<\/em> he marries her.  She should decide to marry based on facts<\/em> about him and on how he treats her.  She\u2019ll fall in love later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God let her know that her husband would have something to do with Japan so she asked about being a missionary.  The mission board told her that sending single women to Japan didn\u2019t work because of the culture.  She had taken action based on the partial knowledge God gave her when she prayed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As she thought about what to say when I told her I was going to date her, she felt God say, \u201cAre you going to choose or am I?\u201d  It was a fact<\/em> that I met the description God had given in answer to her prayer.  It took her 30 seconds to decide because I was not at all<\/em> what she<\/em> would have chosen.  She heard God asking, \u201cAre you going to accept My choice, or are you going to go your own say?\u201d She gulped, and said \u201cOK.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She Asked me \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

On the way to the restaurant for our first date, I did something from Japanese culture that confused her and made her feel unloved and not cared about.  Her father had recognized the value of her God-given emotions, but he carefully<\/em> taught her to think<\/em> about her feelings.  He insisted that she think<\/em> about what she felt before<\/em> acting on any feeling or emotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She could have walked back to her car and left, but she thought, \u201cThis guy\u2019s thinking of marrying me.  He didn\u2019t offer to buy me food to make me upset.  But I am<\/em> upset.  Might have been an accident.  I\u2019ll ask him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I told her why, she liked<\/em> it.  Women she tells say, \u201cWhy\u2019d you marry him after that<\/em>\u201d but decide I was a man to keep when told why.  She asked and I answered as the Bible commands (Mt. 18:15[369]<\/a>).  She thought, \u201cThis guy is<\/em> strange, but if he\u2019ll explain<\/em>, I can help him\u201d and she has helped me.  Many wives are afraid to ask because their husbands haven\u2019t learned to explain their thoughts.  Explaining is part<\/em> of opening your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was attracted to her enough to think of marrying.  If she\u2019d left, I\u2019d have been badly<\/em> hurt and we\u2019d have been unlikely to marry.  Stopping, thinking about her feelings, and asking \u201cWhy?\u201d got her a husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Would I Rule Her?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

She saw I could<\/em> rule when I said we\u2019d date, but she needed to know how<\/em> I\u2019d rule.  We were at my apartment with my roommate.  She did something I told her not to.  She said, \u201cYou can\u2019t stop me.\u201d  She touched the tip of her little finger with her thumb.  \u201cI\u2019ve got you right here!\u201d  I carried her to the shower, and let her know she was asking for a soaking.  \u201cI don\u2019t have any other clothes.\u201d  It was summer; she\u2019d dry in a few hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said, \u201cI\u2019ll behave,\u201d and I let her out of the shower.  I didn\u2019t yell; I didn\u2019t hit her.  She knew<\/em> I\u2019d rule gently<\/em> so it would be safe<\/em> to promise to obey me.  She decided to follow me and started saying \u201cYes, sir\u201d as the spirit moved her.  Resting in me changed her body language so much that at our first visit to her parents the next week, her mother thought, \u201cShe\u2019s calm.  She feels safe<\/em> with him.  They\u2019ll be married soon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was a great relief to her parents because she had not<\/em> felt calm or safe with her earlier boyfriend.  Some weekends were wonderful but at other times, he was very critical.  She never knew how he would treat her.  Her parents were in the unenviable place of watching their daughter heading for disaster, but what could they do about it given that she\u2019d let herself fall in love with a no-goodnik?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older women are commanded to teach younger women about men (Titus 2:3-5[370]<\/a>) because they don\u2019t know!  The book of Ruth shows how Ruth relied on Naomi to help her get married to Boaz even though Ruth had been married before and had a fair idea what men were all about.  My wife\u2019s parents hadn\u2019t instructed her very much so she relied on God to find her a husband who would love her enough to give her rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man must give his wife rest, ease, and calm<\/em> in belonging to him.  When Naomi told Ruth and Orpah to go back to their parents to find husbands, she prayed, \u201cThe LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband (Ru. 1:9a).\u201d  Naomi wanted food, clothing, and shelter for them, but she also<\/em> wanted them to be sure<\/em> their husbands valued and appreciated them enough to like<\/em> caring for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Gave her Facts On Purpose<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

By the time I found her, I knew that engineers\u2019 marriages often fell apart and that my Japanese background wouldn\u2019t help.  I took her to an office party to show that my colleagues weren\u2019t happy with me.  We watched Japanese films that showed many parts of Japanese culture.  I didn\u2019t know she\u2019d had a lifetime of technical table talk because her dad was an engineer and I didn\u2019t know that her family had hosted many missionaries as she grew up.  I was glad to see that she was OK with my technical thinking and with Japanese culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My trying<\/em> to be open showed that I\u2019d open my heart to her, but the Holy Spirit had her put talk into our wedding vows.  Just before our wedding, she told me she was really<\/em> looking forward to marriage.  \u201cI like talking to you.  Once we\u2019re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.\u201d  I was put off by that much talk, that was more talk than I could imagine, she was asking for hours<\/em> of 2-way conversation per day!  God\u2019s timing is perfect.  By then I very much<\/em> wanted to marry her and went ahead (1 Cor. 7:9[371]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shortly before the wedding, my future mother-in-law told me, \u201cThere\u2019s just so much to do!  We may not be able to get the wedding done in time.\u201d  I told her she could postpone the wedding all she wanted, but I had NO intention of postponing the honeymoon.  She gulped, said, \u201cWe\u2019ll get it done,\u201d and she did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided to spend my life taking care of her even though she expected too much talk because I had faith<\/em> that God is good.  I knew<\/em> that a wife is a gift from God (Pr. 18:22[372]<\/a>).  I knew that God gives good and perfect gifts (Mt. 7:11[373]<\/a>, Jas. 1:17[374]<\/a>).  I knew<\/em> she would be good and perfect gift for me if she decided to let God give her to me.  She\u2019d asked God to work on her heart to make her the wife and mother He<\/em> wanted her to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belonging to me after we married was the most frightening experience of her life, but she trusted God and decided<\/em> to be mine.  It helped that I\u2019d written, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman.  For God so loved me that He gave me you.\u201d  She\u2019d said<\/em> God made her to be a treasure.  If I treated<\/em> her as a treasure, it would work.  Having been taught to think about her feelings by her father and learning how painful<\/em> it was to let her feelings grow strong without getting facts first, she used facts and logic before<\/em> emotion in marrying me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solomon wrote in Ecc. 2 that everything he did was vanity and chasing after wind.  This was because he did it for himself.  My work is not vain because I do it to support my wife, family, and church.  Women drive civilization by giving men a reason to improve the house, invent electricity, and other touches that make life more comfortable and make women happier and keep them in the mood.  Many American women have decided to let men have them without insisting on marriage.  If men can get what they want for free, with no responsibilities, they have no incentive to work hard, and civilization collapses.  In \u201cSex and Culture\u201d Dr. Unwin wrote in 1914<\/em>, \u201cThe sexual behavior of women before marriage is the decisive factor in cultural success.  Men are mainly motivated by sex.  If they can get it without marriage, they contribute less to society.\u201d [375]<\/a>  He\u2019s right about that – Jacob worked 7 years to marry Rachel because he wanted<\/em> her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOGIC \u2013 FINDING FACTS AND DRAWING <\/a>CONCLUSIONS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Aristotle explained logic ~ 300 BC, about the time Euclid defined \u201cEuclidian geometry.\u201d  When Rome conquered Greece 100 years later, they learned Logic and Geometry which helped them build ~ 250,000 miles of roads, some of which are used today.  The Apostles couldn\u2019t have spread the Gospel as fast as they did without Roman roads.  Did God help the Romans build roads to prepare the Roman Empire to serve Him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Rome fell around 480 AD, logic and geometry were lost.  They had to be re-learned to start the Industrial Revolution in the 1600s, ~ 450 years ago.  We can\u2019t have automobiles, electricity, water systems, paved roads, computers, or the Internet without using logic throughout<\/em> society<\/em>.  How many well-trained, logical people are needed to maintain the Internet?  To climb poles to fix electric wires to keep the lights on?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logic is so important to our society that there\u2019s a free online course<\/a>[376]<\/a> which explains how to use logic with facts to reach conclusions.  There are logic exercises in this online folder<\/a>[377]<\/a> which can be printed and shared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christianity is a Logical Faith<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Scripture can help you decide if something you plan to do is within the will of God<\/a> page 67.  Whether your decisions come from logic or emotion, these questions help you measure your plan against scripture.  This takes Bible reading and practice.  Logic training also helps you manage the technology of our civilization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cling<\/em> to these facts<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God is good.  Things about your spouse that irritate you are of God to bless you.  Ask God for wisdom to see how<\/em> your spouse blesses you.  Use logic to control your emotions.  When you\u2019re tempted to be upset, ask the other person why they did what they did (Mt. 18:15[378]<\/a>).  What was the goal?  What were they trying to do?  What did you<\/em> know that you should you have explained or taught before the mistake happened?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God tells us how to be at peace with each other in families and churches<\/a> on page 99.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning about God\u2019s logic works on our hearts so that we love Him and want Him to be pleased with us.  That\u2019s how God expects spouses to relate.  We love and serve them so that we\u2019re pleased to be together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logic and emotion are in conflict.  Love is not<\/em> logical because loving means you can be hurt.  Love is a choice we make my letting our minds rule our spirits.  We must choose<\/em> to love in faith<\/em> that love will bless us.  If we\u2019re too<\/em> logical, it\u2019s hard to love others with all our hearts as God expects<\/a>, page 29.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hebrews 11:6, \u201cwithout faith it is impossible to please Him.\u201d  A logical conclusion from facts needs no faith.  There can\u2019t be logical proof that God exists because faith would not be needed.  If people get too involved in logic, it\u2019s hard to accept God\u2019s ways because faith doesn\u2019t seem<\/em> logical, but imagining that the universe came about through random chance takes even more faith.  Scripture tells us what faith is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Hebrews 11:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faith is based on what we can\u2019t see, it\u2019s not fact until we look back and see what God did in caring for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.  Psalm 126:5<\/strong>  That happened when Ruth\u2019s husband died.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women aren\u2019t strong enough to farm without machinery.  The only way Ruth could eat was by having a husband feed her.  It took great faith<\/em> for Ruth to leave Moab for Israel when she\u2019d been told she wouldn\u2019t find a husband.  They arrived at the beginning of the harvest, Ruth went out to glean, that is, pick up grain that had been dropped.  Ruth 2:3 tells us \u201cher hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28  <\/strong>Something that seems<\/em> bad can be a real test of faith.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

By \u201chap,\u201d scripture tells us that there was no logical<\/em> reason Ruth could see<\/em> to choose Boaz\u2019s field.  Boaz offered her food and water when he found out who she was.  When Ruth asked why, Boaz told her that he knew she\u2019d left home and came to Israel looking for God.  What a testimony in the town!  He said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ruth 2:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz saw that Ruth\u2019s faith in God was strong enough to overcome fear of rejection or starvation.  When Naomi told Ruth who Boaz was, Ruth could see that God had guided her.  That made her faith factual.  We follow God in faith that obeying Him will work out, then<\/em> we look back and see how He made it happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating me was scary, but my wife could see that what God told her had prepared her to belong to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logic Can Take you Where you Shouldn\u2019t Go<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

America was founded<\/em> on religious freedom.  After a 10-week voyage, 102 people landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts, in November of 1620.  Only 53 survived their first winter.  \u201cThe cowards never started, and the weak died along the way.\u201d  Scripture tells us how to prosper economically:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; 12<\/sup>That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing.  I Thessalonians 4:11-12<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread.  II Thessalonians 3:12b<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Hard work, freedom to try new ideas that comes with religious freedom, and scientific logic made America very<\/em> wealthy.  Many Americans have come to love money for its own sake:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.  I Timothy 6:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Millions of people risk their lives and spend a lot of money to come to America illegally to share American wealth.  Logic and wealth lead women to stop having children.  Wealth means women can get jobs and earn their own food without depending on husbands or on God.  Women in Japan, Korea, China, Russia, and most of Europe are having so few babies that populations are dropping and their societies are doomed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wealth logic brings destroys traditional culture.  European nations were constantly<\/em> at war after Rome fell.  Technology started improving in the 1300s with better guns and cannon.  Better warships led Europeans to control the seas over the next 5 centuries.  When the British went to war in 1839 to force the Chinese government to let them sell opium, some Chinese wanted to absorb Western ways of thinking to fight them:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since we were knocked out by cannonballs, naturally we became interested in them thinking that by learning to make them we could strike back.  \u2026 But history seems to move in very curious ways.  From studying cannon balls we came to mechanical inventions, which in turn led us to political reforms; from political reforms we begin to see political theories, which led us again to the philosophies of the West<\/strong>.  \u2026 Through mechanical invention we saw science from which we came to understand scientific method and the scientific mind.[379]<\/a>  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The modernists lost the battle; Chinese conservatives blocked their ideas.  With no ability to defeat European weapons, China fell under European rule but kept their culture<\/em>.  The conservatives were right; studying science instead of focusing on culture is ending their culture as modern Chinese chase wealth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Traditional Chinese culture focused on God \u2013 Confucius spoke of the \u201cmandate of heaven\u201d which meant that society would fall apart if the Emperor stopped following God\u2019s laws.  Confucians, Daoists, Buddhists, and Christians all<\/em> taught that God\u2019s rules also<\/em> applied to rulers.  Tyrants dislike the idea that they<\/em> must follow the laws of God.  The atheistic Chinese Communist Party has cut Chinese people off from their 5,000 year history by \u201csimplifying\u201d Chinese characters.  Today\u2019s college graduates can\u2019t read traditional Chinese thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Japanese Learned from China<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Japanese borrowed ideas from China for thousands of years.  They learned Western logic and defeated the Russian navy in 1905, the first Asian power beat a European power in battle.  They didn\u2019t lose their culture because they were accustomed to absorbing foreign ideas.  It\u2019s possible<\/em> to adopt logic without losing culture, but both Japanese and Chinese cultures are doomed now because logical<\/em> women don\u2019t want children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more complex a society becomes, the more logic we need to keep it.  Faith is not logical until we look back to see what God did.  Studying logic leaves less time for Bible study.  The more logical we become, the less faith we think<\/em> we need.  Logic brings wealth throughout society.  Jesus warned of the danger of wealth:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.  Mark 10:25<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

All gifts God gives can be used for good or for evil.  A man\u2019s strength can nourish his wife or oppress her.  Her emotions can build up her house or drive her family apart.  Logic can lead to Christ and help us care for the earth God gave us, or it can lead to so much wealth that people stop following the Bible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.  II Timothy 3:7<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Many countries in Africa, Central America, and Asia are poor due to bad government.  It may seem<\/em> logical for Christians in those countries to try to move to America for a better life, but it\u2019s hard<\/em> to maintain a Christian walk in America as it becomes more and more secular with more and more temptations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents may follow the old paths, but children raised in American culture tend to walk away from God and from church.  Women get jobs instead of caring for their homes and men rely on women to support them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?  Matthew 16:26<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Christianity is lived forward, but it\u2019s understood backward as we look back to see how God was leading us where He wanted us to go.  Logic is useful, but God expects us to live by faith<\/em> (Hab. 2:4[380]<\/a>, Rom. 1:17[381]<\/a>, Gal. 3:11[382]<\/a>, Heb. 10:23[383]<\/a>, 10:38[384]<\/a>, 11:6[385]<\/a>)!
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 7 – What <\/a>Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Salvation takes your daughter to Heaven, but how she relates to a man has a huge<\/em> effect on how this life turns out for her.  While bringing her up \u201cin the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4[386]<\/a>), you must teach her to honor and respect your wife (Pr. 31:28-29[387]<\/a>).  Seeing you nourish, cherish, appreciate, and honor her mother prepares your daughter to expect<\/em> respect from any man who pursues her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the best ways to prepare your daughter to be a good wife is to talk to her.  Men and women have very different ways of talking.  To oversimplify, men talk to report, that is, to tell what happened, women talk to build rapport, that is, to establish emotional connections and tell how they felt about it.  Your daughter will expect her husband to open his heart to her.  This scares men, and if she hasn\u2019t learned to handle a man\u2019s \u201creport talk,\u201d she\u2019ll want to put emotion into all her talk which will make talking to her more difficult for him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll have to be careful not to make your wife jealous of your daughter especially if your daughter grows up to be a younger version of her mother.  Your wife can become jealous of her own daughter if you aren\u2019t careful to reassure your wife of your focus on her<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Teach your daughter that the emotions God put into her (Pr. 9:4b[388]<\/a>) provide cement<\/em> by which a wise woman builds her house (Pr. 14:1[389]<\/a>), but also that she must always rule<\/em> her emotions so that she doesn\u2019t hurt her family (Pr. 25:28[390]<\/a>).  Teach her to explain her emotions so she knows why<\/em> she feels a certain way.  Learning to put words to her feelings helps her explain herself and her needs to her husband.  This makes it easier for him to follow God\u2019s command to dwell with her according to knowledge of her <\/em>(1 Pe. 3:7[391]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older women know<\/em> a man\u2019s nature and can discuss the desires God put into most men, but women can\u2019t understand<\/em> any more than a man can understand<\/em> a woman\u2019s attitude toward babies.  Fathers make mistakes – page 63 explains how Jacob didn\u2019t keep Dinah<\/a> away from the \u201cdaughters of the land\u201d and David sent Tamar<\/a> to comfort Amnon when he pretended to be ill, but fathers have a better understanding of a man\u2019s goal in approaching his daughter than her mother will and can warn more strongly and in more detail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Part of the strength of her desire for attention from a man is one of God\u2019s punishments of Eve:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and he shall rule over thee.  Genesis 3:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Genesis\u2019 \u201clightly have lien\u201d explains the natural man\u2019s attitude toward forced sex<\/a>[392]<\/a>.  Fathers must teach daughters to demand<\/em> that a man follow Scripture in interacting with her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Timothy 5:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men and women must treat each other as people; they shouldn\u2019t interact as man and woman.  If a man compliments a woman\u2019s looks or tells her he loves her, for example, he may be trying to guide their talk in an impure direction because he wants her to open her body to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he does that before he and she are in a position where they could marry, she must quote that verse and say something like, \u201cScripture teaches that you should talk to me as a sister in all purity.  We can work together as people, but not as man and woman.  We aren\u2019t in a position to marry.  You\u2019re an attractive guy; I could easily fall in love with you.  If I fall in love at a time we can\u2019t marry, I\u2019ll be in a world of hurt.  Let\u2019s keep man and woman out of it and just be people.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She should also avoid getting physical:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Older women may say not to kiss \u201cbecause it\u2019ll give him ideas.\u201d  That\u2019s wrong<\/em>.  Men don\u2019t get<\/em> ideas, men have<\/em> ideas.  Kissing can give her<\/em> ideas.  When they both have the same idea, it\u2019s very<\/em> hard to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The price of a virtuous woman is beyond rubies.  My wife set her price high by insisting that I agree that being together was to decide whether we would marry; my life for her life.  She said God made her to be a treasure for her husband.  If I wouldn\u2019t seriously<\/em> consider marriage, she didn\u2019t want to waste time with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On our second date<\/em>, she told me she wanted to be pure on our wedding night.  The Holy Spirit led her to say that, it just popped out.  We had no idea how important that was until our emotions tempted us so that we nearly lost it.  Very few couples can avoid temptation when the woman\u2019s desires are aroused<\/a>[393]<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We know many girls who went to college, met a man freshman year, and controlled their emotions until junior year.  And we expect them to stay pure 2 more years until graduation?  Who\u2019s kidding whom?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A girl we knew found her husband in college.  Her father watched them the summer before her senior year and wouldn\u2019t send her back to college.  She was furious; she wanted another year of courting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I told her that her father was right.  He had a reason which she couldn\u2019t yet understand, and that when she understood, she\u2019d thank him for standing against her, her sister, her mother, and other women in the church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At a church dinner 3 years later, I went to her table as she was changing a diaper.  \u201cNow that you\u2019re married, do you understand why your dad kept you home?\u201d  She grudgingly agreed.  \u201cHave you thanked him?\u201d  She promised that she would.  \u201cNow listen,\u201d I said, \u201cyou\u2019ll be the older woman who must teach your daughter when she goes to college 18 years from now.  Will you do that?\u201d  She promised she would.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her daughter married right out of college and had a baby 4 months later.  This was her husband\u2019s failure – women aren\u2019t equipped to be forceful enough with this particular lesson – it\u2019s the father who protects.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE MAN MUST GROW UP <\/a>BEFORE MARRYING<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A century ago, a man could learn to support a wife by age 15 or 16.  It takes longer to learn to support a wife today.  If he can\u2019t pay for her, all he can do is play with her; getting involved too young never ends well<\/a>[394]<\/a>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The woman must say, \u201cNot unless we\u2019re married, and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d  Any boy can play with her; it takes a man to stay with her.  Toy or treasure, play or stay is the big<\/em> question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if she likes the guy and wants to get to know him?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There\u2018s a difference between \u201cdating\u201d and \u201cgoing steady.\u201d  If a couple sees each other constantly, staying out of trouble for even 2 years of college is difficult<\/em>.  If there\u2019s a firm<\/em> rule not to date the same person twice in a row, getting to know several people at the same time makes it far easier to guard her heart:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

As they proceed toward marriage, she must make sure he trusts her enough to open his heart to her<\/a>[395]<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women often open their hearts to each other; she\u2019ll have no idea how hard it is for a man.  This may seem too simple a woman, but having words to describe it may help your daughter explain her needs<\/a>[396]<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriages run on communication.  A wife wants to communicate heart-to-heart, her husband wants to communicate belly-to-belly.   A wife needs to be able to rest<\/em> in belonging to her husband<\/a>[397]<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She needs to listen to her own heart.  Is she calm and relaxed around him?  God expects her to follow her husband.  Can she trust him to rule her gently<\/em>?  Will he lead her in a direction God wants her to go or will he lead her off a cliff?  Women have to find out how he will lead; page 56 shows how my wife tested me to see that I\u2019d rule her gently enough<\/a> that it would be safe for her to take on the yoke of following me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your daughter must understand her own needs well enough to explain them so that a man can be confident of making her happy.  That makes it easier for him to open his heart to her, and there\u2019s no way for her to be happy unless her husband learns to like doing that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FATHERS <\/a>WHO FAILED THEIR DAUGHTERS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God created families as a safe place for children to grow up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4[398]<\/a>, Ps 68:6[399]<\/a>).  God\u2019s plan to get servants is for the servants He has to bear children who grow up to serve Him (Mal. 2:15[400]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David offered a promotion to whoever took Jerusalem (II Sam 5:8[401]<\/a>).  He had no eligible daughters to offer at that time (II Sam 3:2[402]<\/a>, 5:14[403]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These examples are for our learning (Ro. 15:4[404]<\/a>):<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David Failed Tamar \u2013 (II Samuel 13)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Amnon wanted to have her and tricked David into sending her to him to fix him a meal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He sent everyone away, raped her, hated her, and threw her out of his house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        David couldn\u2019t see Amnon\u2019s heart; he didn\u2019t know to tell Tamar to take chaperones with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Tamar thought she was getting married.  Amnon liked her and had been to see her father about her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        After the rape, David didn\u2019t tell Amnon that the law required him to marry her (Deu. 22:28-29[405]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Absalom, Tamar\u2019s brother, was right to be concerned about the matter (Gen. 34:31[406]<\/a>) but murdering Amnon wasn\u2019t the right approach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He should have approached David and urged him to force Amnon to obey the law and marry her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob Failed Dinah \u2013 Genesis 34<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He did not warn her not to go out to visit the \u201cdaughters of the land\u201d (Gen. 34:1).  Lock her up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He took no action after the rape (Gen. 34:5).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Shechem loved Dinah enough to be circumcised so that he could marry her (Gen. 34:19).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Her brothers murdered all the men involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lot Failed all 4 of his Daughters \u2013 (Gen. 19)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He put them in bad environment and gave them a taste of the bright lights of the city.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He did not teach them about God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He didn\u2019t leave Sodom even after he was taken captive (Gen. 14:12[407]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        They had lost husbands; he seemed as \u201cone who mocked (Gen. 19:14)\u201d when he told them to leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He probably had an unsaved wife?  Always bad for all children to do that, his sons all died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        2 stayed behind and were killed, his wife looked back and died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        The other two daughters, virgins, had not been trained to trust the Lord to find them husbands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        They didn\u2019t know to trust the Lord to give them husbands so they got him drunk and went in to their father in order to become pregnant( Gen. 19:31-38).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        They gave birth to Moabites and Ammonites who became wicked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amram Failed Miriam \u2013 Numbers 12:1-15<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Miriam was not taught to submit to whatever leadership God placed over her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Miriam and Aaron rebelled against Moses\u2019 leadership (Num. 12:2[408]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        God punished Miriam by giving her leprosy (Num. 12:10[409]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        The fact that Miriam was punished and Aaron was not suggests<\/em> that Miriam led the rebellion and persuaded Aaron to go along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jephthah Failed his Daughter \u2013 (Judges 11:29-40)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        We don\u2019t know her name, she is referred to as \u201cdaughter of Jephthah,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He made an unwise vow and had to sacrifice her (Ecc. 5:5[410]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laban Failed Leah \u2013 (Genesis 29:26-28)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He found her a husband by sneaking her into Jacob\u2019s tent dressed as her sister.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Her husband did not want her, partly because he had been tricked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        For many years, she had to live with a husband who resented being married to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He appreciated her later in life (Gen. 35:19[411]<\/a> and 49:31[412]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Should Jacob have been content with what God let happen to him (Gen. 28:20-22[413]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eli Failed his Daughter in Law \u2013 (I Sam 4:19-22)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He did not train up his sons to follow the Lord (I Sam 2:22-25).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        When her husband was killed, the stress brought on premature labor and his daughter-in-law died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Samuel did no better \u2013 his sons did not walk in his ways (1 Sam. 8:5[414]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saul Failed Michal \u2013 (I Sam 18:17-29)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Saul offered her to David if he killed 100 Philistines (I Sam. 18:25[415]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He wanted the Philistines to kill David; he was not really looking out for his daughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        David wanted the status of being the king\u2019s son in law (I Sam. 18:26[416]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Michal loved David (I Sam. 18:20[417]<\/a>).  Did David love her or was he just using her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        She saved David\u2019s life and lied about it when her father wanted to kill him (I Sam. 19:11-17).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Saul gave her to someone else when David fled (I Sam. 25:44[418]<\/a>); that man loved her (II Sam. 3:16[419]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        David demanded her back years later (II Sam 3:13[420]<\/a>); she left her husband and 5 sons (II Sam 21:8[421]<\/a>).  Instead of being \u201cbut one,\u201d she was now one among many other wives who had borne him children, which she had not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        She ended up despising David (I Chr. 15:29[422]<\/a>) and died childless (II Sam. 6:23[423]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abishag\u2019s Father Failed her \u2013 (I Kings 1:1-4)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He let King David have her even though David was too old to give her children (I Kings 1:4[424]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        She became a political pawn (I Kings 2:13-25).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        We don\u2019t know if her father really had much choice (I Sam. 8:13[425]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judah Failed Tamar \u2013 (Gen. 38:6-30)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        The law (Deu. 25:5[426]<\/a>) required that Judah give widowed Tamar to his son Onan and then to Shelah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        After Onan died, Judah decided not to give her to his 3rd<\/sup> son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Tamar did not want to die childless.  She had her father-in-law get her pregnant by acting like a harlot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abigail\u2019s Father Failed Abigail<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

He married her to Nabal, who was a bad guy (I Sam 25:3[427]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Delilah\u2019s Father let her become Samson\u2019s Concubine \u2013 (Jud. 16:4-20)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        The relationship did not work out well for her \u2013 she was his but he was not hers (Judges 16:15a[428]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He took her so she was his, but he didn\u2019t open his heart to her so he was not hers.  She didn\u2019t like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        What she did was not nice, but he betrayed her first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caleb and Achsah \u2013 Joshua 15:16-19, Judges 1:12-13[429]<\/a>, it\u2019s in the Bible TWICE<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Daughters were given for political purposes (Gen. 41:45[430]<\/a>, 1 Sam. 17:25[431]<\/a>, 1 Ki. 11:19[432]<\/a>, 2 Chr. 8:11[433]<\/a>).  Caleb promised Achsah\u2019s hand in marriage to whoever took Kirjathsepher.  His nephew Othniel took the city and won her to be his wife (Joshua 15:16-19).  Was this good for Achsah?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Othniel was a leader; he didn\u2019t take the city by himself, so her father found her a husband of rank (Judges 3:9[434]<\/a>) who later became a judge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        He survived battle; he was a good fighter or blessed of God, either way, he\u2019s good husband material.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        They were cousins, he must have known her.  He wanted her badly enough to do battle to win her (Gen. 29:21[435]<\/a>).  Having a husband who wants her is good for a woman (Gen. 2:23[436]<\/a>, I Cor. 7:7[437]<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Her father gave her land, he gave her springs when she asked (Jos. 15:19[438]<\/a>).  In dry country, springs are very valuable<\/em>, her father provided for her as well as he could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE MODERN DILEMMA<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are only two ways a father can protect his daughter \u2013cooperation or incarceration.  Juliet\u2019s father tried to keep her away from Romeo, whose family was hostile to her family, and told the nurse to keep her in the house.  Juliet fooled the nurse and got together with Romeo.  It didn\u2019t end well – they both died.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 8 – Is What <\/a>I Want To Do The Will Of God?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Management experts talk about \u201cdecision quality.\u201d  The idea is that the more facts you have, the more likely the decision will be right.  That sounds wonderful, but doesn\u2019t work for the really<\/em> important decisions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Coca-Cola introduced New Coke after giving samples to many people, spending a lot of money on studies, and the product failed utterly.  All their facts didn’t help them see that Coke fans didn\u2019t want<\/em> change no matter what people thought of the new flavor.  When they asked if people liked the new flavor, they forgot to ask would it be OK to replace Old Coke with New Coke.  The answer to that<\/em> question was \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They had many facts, but it wasn\u2019t a factual issue; customers had an emotional<\/em> attachment to Old Coke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many decisions don\u2019t tie to facts.  Whom should we marry?  How should we raise children?  Would it be okay for this<\/em> child to visit that<\/em> friend?  Which TV programs should we watch, if any?  Which books should be in our home?  Should our kids have Facebook or email?  Does this child need discipline, an explanation, or both?  We can share ideas with other parents and church members, but high-value decisions are made without facts because we can\u2019t know how such decisions will turn out.  We need what the Bible calls \u201cwisdom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: and with all thy getting get understanding.  Proverbs 4:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s the difference between a fact and wisdom?  Here\u2019s a fact:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. I John 2:15<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It is a fact that loving the world means you can\u2019t love God.  Applying<\/em> this fact requires wisdom:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.  I Corinthians 5:9-10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

We are in this world; we use many things the world offers.  We buy cars, food, books, clothes, and much more.  We must apply wisdom when we decide what to use and what to avoid.  How do we get wisdom?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  James 1:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asking God means praying about the decision, reading the Bible, and being ready to obey<\/em> when God answers.  My wife expected to marry her college boyfriend.  She was surprised when she asked God if she should marry him and God said, \u201cNo.\u201d  It was hard, but she obeyed God and stopped being with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christians study the Bible to learn the mind of God and to give the Holy Spirit something to work with.  There are many ways to study the Bible and many study guides with different approaches.  When you\u2019re trying to make a decision, you want to be sure to follow God\u2019s guidance:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a way to apply the Bible to decisions to help you stay in the will of God.  Ask yourself these questions about an action you\u2019re about to take:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Is it right in the eyes of God?  Is it something God tells me to seek, believe, do, or not do?<\/strong>  1 John 5:17 All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death.  Ps. 119:11  Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.  We must study God\u2019s word enough to hide it in our hearts to avoid sin.  Fortunately, God grades on the curve:  Luke 12:47-48a  And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes.  It would be best to follow God\u2019s will enough to hear, \u201cWell done, thou good and faithful servant\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Will doing this bring me near or into temptation?<\/strong>  Rom. 13:14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.  Mt. 6:13a And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  God promises to supply all our needs, but we can easily confuse wants and needs.  Apple has introduced a $1,000 smart phone.  Does anyone really need it?  Or is Apple tempting us to brag about their wealth by flashing this shiny new thing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Would this give room for the devil to work against me?<\/strong>  Eph. 4:27 Neither give place to the devil.  Will doing this give others a reason to doubt my testimony?  Will it be an excuse for them to ignore what I say about the Bible or about the promises of God?  Most lost people know what God expects of Christians.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Is there any principle in scripture against it?<\/strong>  Isa. 8:20 To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.  It can be hard to verify articles which claim to reveal facts about human nature, for example, but the Bible says a lot about the sins of the flesh.  If research is supported by scripture, it may be worth considering, but if research conflicts with scripture, forget it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Am I trusting God or depending in my own strength?<\/strong>  Prov. 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Pr. 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Am I confident that God would have me to do this, or is it doubtful?<\/strong>  Rom. 14:23 And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.  Rom. 14:5b  Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Will my doing this cause someone to stumble?<\/strong>  Rom. 14:21 It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Would this action appear evil to anyone or will it make others glorify God?<\/strong>  1 Thess. 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.  Romans 12:17b Provide things honest in the sight of all men.  Mt. 5:16  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. Would the Lord Jesus Christ do this?<\/strong>  1 Pet. 2:21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:  Rom. 8:29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.  Eph. 2:10  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.  Is this a \u201cgood work?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. Will my doing this please God?<\/strong>  John 8:29 And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11. Am I trying to impress others with my spirituality?<\/strong>  Pro. 16:18  Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, 2<\/sup>And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles’ feet. 3<\/sup>But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? 4<\/sup>Whiles it remained, was it not thine own? and after it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God. 5<\/sup>And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came on all them that heard these things. 6<\/sup>And the young men arose, wound him up, and carried him out, and buried him. 7<\/sup>And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in. 8<\/sup>And Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much. 9<\/sup>Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. 10<\/sup>Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband. 11<\/sup>And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things.  Acts 5:1-11<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

12. Do I hope somebody notices me?<\/strong>  Gal. 5:26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.  John 12:43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

13. Does my doing this edify?<\/strong>  1 Cor. 14:26 How is it then, brethren? when ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, bath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying.  Heb. 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

14. Am I being selfish?<\/strong>  Phil. 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4<\/sup>Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

15. Am I denying the flesh or feeding the flesh?<\/strong>  Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.  Luke 9:23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

16. Am I putting Christ first?<\/strong>  Col. 1:18 And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence.  Matthew 6:33  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

17. Is it expedient, that is, a right thing to do that will edify?<\/strong>  1 Cor. 10:23 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

18. Will it bring glory to God?<\/strong>  1 Cor. 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.  Mt. 6:33  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

19. Am I deceiving myself or being deceived?<\/strong>  1 Cor. 3:18 Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

20. Do I know better?<\/strong>  1 Cor. 8:10 For if any man see thee which hast knowledge sit at meat in the idol’s temple, shall not the conscience of him which is weak be emboldened to eat those things which are offered to idols.  James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

21. Am I searching for an excuse to justify what I want to do?<\/strong>  Luke 16:15 And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

22. Do I have to hide it from anyone?  Do I feel like sneaking around?<\/strong>  2 Cor. 4:2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

23. Did I handle the word of God deceitfully?<\/strong>  2 Cor. 4:2 But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

24 Will this in any way defile God’s body?<\/strong>  1 Cor. 3:17 If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy: for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.  1Cor. 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

25. Can I sincerely thank God for it?<\/strong>  1 Thess. 5:l In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

26. Can I do this in Jesus’ name?<\/strong>  Col. 3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

27. Can I go all the way with it?<\/strong>  Col. 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Eccl. 9:10 Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.  Luke 9:62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

28. Have I prayed openly, fervently, and honestly about it?<\/strong>  Ps. 66:18 If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me: Phil. 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

29. Will it increase or hinder my prayer life?<\/strong>  1 Pet. 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

30. Am I breaking one commandment in order to keep another?<\/strong>  Jer. 48:10 Cursed be he that doeth ‘the work of the LORD deceitfully, and cursed be he that keepeth back his sword from blood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

31. What does my pastor think about it?<\/strong>  Hebr. 13:7 Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation.  Heb. 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief for that is unprofitable for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

32. What does my spouse think?<\/strong>  Mark 10:8  And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  Acts 5:1-11 tells how Ananias had an idea, he discussed it with his wife, and she agreed to lie.  She should have warned her husband that this wasn\u2019t a good idea.  We know she knew better – she was \u201cbeaten with many stripes\u201d for following her husband where she shouldn\u2019t have gone (Luke 12:47-48a[439]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

33. What do my church brethren think about it?<\/strong>  Prov. 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.  Prov. 15:22 Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

34. Would I like to be found doing this when Jesus Christ returns?<\/strong>  1 John 2:28 And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming.  1 John 3:1 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

35. How will it appear at the Judgment Seat of Christ?  Will it abide or will it burn?<\/strong>  Rom. 14:10-12 But why dost thou judge thy brother? Or why dost thou set at naught thy brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12<\/sup>Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; 13<\/sup>Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. 14<\/sup>If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. 15<\/sup>If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.  I Corinthians 3:11-15<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 9 – Illogical Blends Found in Scripture<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Christianity is a thinking faith (Is. 1:18[440]<\/a>), but logic and reason aren\u2019t enough \u2013 we live by faith confirmed by logic when we look back to see what God did.  \u201cBut without faith it is impossible to please him: (Heb. 11:6).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Hebrews 11:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faith is based on what we can\u2019t see, it\u2019s not fact until we look back and see what God did in caring for us.  The Christian walk goes forward in faith that God will keep His promises to us and that He will bless our obedient service to Him.  God\u2019s people can see evidence<\/em> of His love, care, and provision when we look back and see how He prepared us to serve Him and guided us where He wanted us to go:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 2:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.  Psalm 126:5<\/strong>  That happened when Ruth\u2019s husband died.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28  <\/strong>Something that seems<\/em> bad can be a real test of faith.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It took great faith<\/em> for Ruth to leave Moab for Israel when she\u2019d been told she wouldn\u2019t find a husband.  When Ruth went to glean, Ruth 2:3 tells us \u201cher hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHer hap\u201d means that there was no logical<\/em> reason Ruth could see<\/em> to choose Boaz\u2019s field to glean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Naomi told Ruth who Boaz was, Ruth could see that God had guided her both to Israel and to Boaz\u2019s field.  That made her faith fact<\/em>.  We follow God in faith that obeying Him will work out, then<\/em> we look back and see how He made it happen.  Each step of faith makes the next step easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many atheists complain that the Bible is illogical.  This should be no surprise:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.  I Corinthians 1:23-24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Galatians shows Jews that their life-long practice of following the law was not a means of salvation; it only demonstrated their need for Christ (Acts 15:11[441]<\/a>, Gal. 3:24-25[442]<\/a>).  They must also admit that their eagerly-awaited and long-promised Messiah had come, they\u2019d missed it, and they needed His forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to see why the Gospel is a stumbling block for Jews, but why is it foolishness to Greeks?  This is because of the logical thinking built into the structure of the Greek language.  The idea of Jesus\u2019 death, burial, and resurrection enabling salvation is inconsistent with Greek thought.  It\u2019s illogical because Jesus being both God and man is impossible by Greek rules of logic.  God and man cannot be blended together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This chapter shows how Greek logic doesn\u2019t match Biblical ideas.  This is a problem with Greek thought, not with God, of course.  It also discusses many other illogical, that is, non-Greek, blends found in the Bible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE <\/a>MAIN QUESTION \u2013 HOW ARE WE SAVED?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jesus commanded Christians to go and teach all nations (Mt. 28:19-20[443]<\/a>).  We must find new disciples for Christ and help them work out their salvation by learning more about His commands.  Christians can\u2019t always agree on what should be taught and they can\u2019t even agree on how salvation occurs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The deepest cleft which separates men calling themselves Christians in their conceptions of the plan of salvation, is that which divides what we may call the Naturalistic and the Supernaturalistic views.  The line of division here is whether, in the matter of salvation of man, God has planned simply to leave men, with more or less completeness, to save themselves, or whether he has planned himself to intervene and save them.  The issue between the naturalist and the supernaturalist is thus the eminently simple but quite absolute one: Does man save himself or does God save him?[444]<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The point of division here is whether God is conceived to have planned actually himself to save men by his almighty and certainly efficacious grace, or only so to pour out his grace upon men as to enable them to be saved, without actually securing, however, in any particular cases that they shall be saved.[445]<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Warfield uses \u201cAutosoterism\u201d to describe the process of a person saving himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are fundamentally only two doctrines of salvation: that salvation is from God and that salvation is from man.  The former is the doctrine of common Christianity; the latter is the doctrine of universal heathenism.[446]<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In all religions except Christianity, man saves himself, either by performing rituals, thinking pure thoughts, doing good works, or following some specified path.  The religious authorities lay out some path by which a seeker can arrive at salvation, be it called nirvana, satori, or whatever term the religion uses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus declared that it is impossible for any man to save himself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.  John 6:44<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.  Ephesians 2:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Autosoterism contradicts the Bible.  God is involved in every salvation, but what about man?  Do human beings have anything to do with salvation, or is salvation a purely supernatural phenomenon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SUPERNATURALISM VERSUS NATURALISM<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Although there are many subtleties, if God does it all and humans have nothing to do with salvation, there are two major views of pure supernatural salvation:  double-predestination and universalism.  Double-predestination argues that from the foundation of the world, God destined some for Heaven and some for Hell, regardless of what they do.  Universalism says everyone will go to Heaven regardless of what they do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If salvation is purely supernatural and is completely without human choice, universalism has the better of the argument.  If salvation is all up to God and God is not willing that any should perish (II Peter 3:9[447]<\/a>), none will.  If God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:31[448]<\/a>, 33:11[449]<\/a>), no wicked will die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible makes it clear, however, that some will go to Hell, so universalism doesn\u2019t work:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.  Revelation 20:15<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If the population of Heaven and of Hell was determined before the foundation of the earth, there was no need for Jesus to die on the cross.  Double-predestination is also anti-biblical:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he shall judge the world in righteousness, he shall minister judgment to the people in uprightness.  Psalm 9:8<\/strong> see also<\/em> II Peter 2:4-22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When asking God not to wipe out Sodom, Abraham appealed, \u201cShall not the Judge of all the earth do right (Genesis 18:25b)?\u201d  God agreed that it would be unjust to wipe out the good with the evil.  How much more unjust would it be to consign some to Hell regardless of what they do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just, And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.  Matthew 13:49-50<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

On the other hand, it is impossible for any man to save himself.  Dr. Warfield explained the dilemma:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The issue is indeed a fundamental one and it is closely drawn.  Is it God the Lord that saves us, or is it we ourselves?  And does God the Lord save us, or does he merely open the way to salvation, and leave it, according to our choice, to walk in it or not?[450]<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Each time he states the issue of the nature of salvation, Dr. Warfield frames the question in terms of Aristotelian logic which is based on \u201ceither \/ or.\u201d  Either<\/em> God does everything required for salvation without human participation, or<\/em> human beings save themselves with God being involved only to provide the universal means of salvation.  Rabbi Sachs argues that \u201ceither \/ or\u201d is not the only form of logic:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hebrew religious beliefs only imperfectly translate into the language of ancient Greece.  Fundamental to Aristotelian logic is the law of the excluded middle:  either a proposition is true, or its negative is true.  It is this principle that frames the existence of evil as a theological problem.  Either God exists, or evil exists.  If God exists, then evil does not exist.  It is either a prelude to, or a preparation for, the good.  Seen in full context, it is not evil at all.  Alternatively, evil exists, therefore God does not exist.  This is a philosophical, detached, disengaged, analytical, left-brain way of thinking about facts.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But faith does not operate by the logic of the left brain and the law of the excluded middle.  God exists and<\/em> evil exists.  The more powerfully I feel the existence of God, the more strongly I protest the existence of evil.[451]<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Rabbi Sachs illustrates his definition of \u201cboth \/ and\u201d in opposition to \u201ceither \/ or:\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I embrace both<\/em> sides of the dichotomy I mention: science and<\/em> religion, philosophy and<\/em> prophecy, Athens and<\/em> Jerusalem, left brain and<\/em> right brain.  This too is part of Abrahamic spirituality.  People have often noted, yet it remains a very odd fact indeed, that there is not one account of creation at the beginning of Genesis, but two, side by side, one from the point of view of the cosmos, the other from a human perspective.  Literary critics, tone-deaf to the music of the Bible, explain this as the joining of two separate documents.  They fail to understand that the Bible does not operate on the principles of Aristotelean logic with its either \/ or, true-or-false dichotomies.  It sees the capacity of grasp multiple perspectives as essential to understanding the human condition.[452]<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Bible warns that Greeks would not appreciate the \u201cboth \/ and\u201d logic of the Bible:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.  I Corinthians 1:23-24<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The saving power of Christ\u2019s death is foolishness to Greeks because Aristotelian logic can\u2019t handle Jesus being both<\/em> God and<\/em> man.  He had to be both to save us, but that\u2019s anti-Aristotelian.  Could salvation blend the supernatural with the natural as Jesus blended both God and man?  Could salvation be a blend of \u201cboth \/ and\u201d instead of \u201ceither \/ or\u201d as Dr. Warfield declares?  There are many \u201cboth \/ and\u201d blends in Scripture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF PRAYER<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Prayer involves a person asking God for supernatural help.  We labor together with God when we pray for something within His will (1 Cor. 3:9[453]<\/a>).  We can\u2019t expect just any prayer to be answered:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:  And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.  I John 5:14-15<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.  James 4:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This verse promises that we\u2019ll receive anything we ask \u201caccording to his will.\u201d  Why do we have to pray for God\u2019s will?  Won\u2019t God do His will regardless?  James tells us that this is faulty reasoning, we have to ask.  In the Lord\u2019s Prayer, Jesus taught us to pray, \u201cthy will be done.\u201d  God\u2019s will won\u2019t always be done if we don\u2019t pray for it.  Instead of being entirely of God, that is, entirely supernatural, prayer blends in a natural element:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.  Genesis 25:21<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God had promised Abraham \u201cfor in Isaac shall thy seed be called (Genesis 21:12).\u201d  God promised that Isaac would have children, yet He didn\u2019t carry out His will until Isaac labored together with God by praying that God would fulfill His promise.  Jesus healed the Canaanite woman\u2019s daughter because of her faith and because she begged Him fervently (Mt. 15:22-28).  Natural prayer was followed by supernatural healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible gives general direction for prayers in affliction, but is specific about sickness:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is any among you afflicted<\/p>\n\n\n\n

? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms. 14<\/sup>Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: 15<\/sup>And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.  James 5:13-15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAfflicted\u201d means \u201cgrievously affected or troubled as by a disease: mentally or physically impaired.\u201d  Paul prayed that God would remove the thorn from his flesh (2 Cor. 12:7-9[454]<\/a>), but God refused.  We can pray to God about any trouble or burden, but this passage told the sick to call on the elders of the church to pray and anoint the sick person with oil \u201cin the name of the Lord.\u201d  As with any other prayer, nothing will happen unless the sufferer asks.  Would some of our sick get well faster if we prayed in this manner?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another supernatural element blended into prayer \u2013 the Holy Spirit helps us get it right:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.  Romans 8:26<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God does something supernatural in answering prayer and the Holy Spirit fixes up our prayers when we don\u2019t express them well.  Prayer blends the supernatural with the natural.  God sometimes won\u2019t carry out His will unless humans ask Him to do so, but when we don\u2019t know how to ask, God helps us.  God does most of it, but humans have to pray to get things started.  It was clearly God\u2019s will to release Peter from prison (Acts 12:1-11).  Would God have released him if the church hadn\u2019t been praying for his release (Acts 12:12[455]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These notes about the Lord\u2019s Prayer show how natural and supernatural blend together in a short passage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father1<\/sup><\/strong> which art in heaven2<\/sup><\/strong>, Hallowed be thy name3<\/sup><\/strong>.  Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth4<\/sup><\/strong>, as it is in heaven5<\/sup><\/strong>. Give us this day our daily bread6<\/sup><\/strong>.  And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors7<\/sup><\/strong>.  And lead us not into temptation8<\/sup><\/strong>, but deliver us from evil9<\/sup><\/strong>: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever10<\/sup><\/strong>. Amen.  Matthew 6:9-13<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

1)      God has many names and many roles.  When we pray, we\u2019re petitioning our heavenly father who cares for us and who gives good things to those who ask Him.  (Matthew 7:11[456]<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2)      We must remember where God is, and to direct our prayers toward His throne.  (Matthew 5:34[457]<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3)      We must always praise God.  God doesn\u2019t need our praise.  Praising Him reminds us to be grateful for what He has given us instead of being anxious for what He hasn\u2019t given us.  Praising Him reminds us that He\u2019s a good God who wrote the rules in the Bible to tell us how to be happy in this life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4)      It is God\u2019s will that His kingdom arrive on earth, but we are rewarded when we pray for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5)      We would be better off if Gods will were done in earth.  Satan has been cast out of heaven (Rev. 12:7-8[458]<\/a>) so God\u2019s will is done there, but God\u2019s will won\u2019t be done on earth until His kingdom comes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6)      God has promised to meet all our needs<\/em> (Phi. 4:19[459]<\/a>), but we must ask for them in prayer and give thanks (De. 28:47-48[460]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7)      We\u2019re forgiven sinners saved by grace.  As good stewards of God\u2019s grace, we must pass it on (I Peter 4:10[461]<\/a>).  If we don\u2019t forgive others, God won\u2019t forgive us (Matthew 6:15[462]<\/a>).  Our forgiveness of others sets the standard for God\u2019s forgiving us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8)      We\u2019re supposed to avoid temptation, but we need God\u2019s help to strengthen us to flee it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9)      God is our refuge and strength (Ps. 46:1[463]<\/a>), only He can deliver us from the evil Satan proposes for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10)  Acknowledging God\u2019s power and His victory over Satan gives us confidence and strengthens our faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every phrase of the Lord\u2019s Prayer shows how what we do weaves into what God will do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF DIVINE ACTIONS AND HUMAN ACTIONS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches that natural human actions affect the supernatural:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief.  Matthew 13:58<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

So Joshua did as Moses had said to him, and fought with Amalek: and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.  And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  But Moses hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.  And Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.  Exodus 17:10-13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s supernatural intervention in the battle depended on Moses\u2019 doing what God had told him to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF THEOLOGY<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

How can a holy, perfect God love sinners, all of whose righteousness is as filthy rags?  Yet He does.  How can a loving God send people to Hell?  How can a perfect God of justice allow anyone into Heaven?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?  Psalm 8:4<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

How can Jesus be both God and man at the same time?  The Bible teaches both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF ACHIEVEMENT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We speak of athletes\u2019 talent and we are aware of their training efforts.  World-class achievement blends the supernatural, that is, the abilities that God gave, with the natural, the effort the athlete, musician, or artist puts into developing God\u2019s gift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus illustrated this in the parable of the talents, Matthew 25:14-30.  The servants who used what they were given were praised.  As for the servant who did nothing with the talent he had been given, \u201cAnd cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Matthew 25:30)\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our abilities are supernatural gifts from God to us.  What we do with them is our gift back to God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God created marriage and gave us many passages in the Bible that tell us how to conduct marriages.  Marriage has supernatural elements in that God put drives, desires, and needs in men and women to draw them together.  There is no logical<\/em> reason for women to want to hang around with men or for a man to want to support a wife and family; these emotional drives are of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage also has natural elements in that each married person chooses whether to die to self and serve the family or whether to continue life as a self-centered individual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF THE CHURCH<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When Peter said, \u201cThou art the Christ, the son of the living God,\u201d Jesus replied, \u201cthou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Mt. 16:16-18[464]<\/a>).  Peter was a fallible human being.  Jesus didn\u2019t build His church on Peter, He built it on His divinity, but He staffed it with fallible human beings and warned that the church would be full of tares (Mt. 13:24-30, Mt. 13:38, 40[465]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The church is preserved supernaturally, but it operates naturally based on the decisions and actions of men and women.  The Book of Revelation teaches that Christ takes away the candlestick of a congregation if it gets too far from His program, but He promised that the church as a whole<\/em> will carry on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We sometimes speak of the church as having a mission, but we could also speak of God\u2019s mission of redemption having a church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The New Testament church means the \u201cchurch universal\u201d which includes everyone everywhere who has accepted salvation on the terms offered in God\u2019s Word, but \u201cchurch\u201d also refers to individual local assemblies that have individual characteristics and different ways of carrying out their God-ordained mission.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF MISSIONS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jesus commanded His people \u201cteach all nations (Matthew 28:19).\u201d  We\u2019re commanded to convey Jesus\u2019 teaching to everyone we can.  Paul made it clear that we must tell people about Jesus\u2019 offer of grace:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? 15<\/sup>And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!  Romans 10:14-15<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This shows the blend of missions.  Nobody can be saved unless God draws him, but we have to plant and water by preaching the gospel to them (Acts 13:48[466]<\/a>).  God gives the increase.  We must pray that God will draw the people whom we reach so that they can choose to accept the gospel of salvation.  God wants them to repent, but how we pray and how they hear us affects how God carries out His will that they repent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some object that many people have never heard; must they go to Hell because we didn\u2019t spread the gospel to them?  Paul explains that observing creation is sufficient for those whom we haven\u2019t reached:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse<\/p>\n\n\n\n

:  Romans 1:20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But and if that servant say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming; and shall begin to beat the menservants and maidens, and to eat and drink, and to be drunken; 46<\/sup>The lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. 47<\/sup>And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 48<\/sup>But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.  Luke 12:45-48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God grades on the curve.  We\u2019re held accountable for what we know, but how that works is one of the secret things that belong unto the LORD our God (Deu. 29:29[467]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation is both supernatural and natural.  God draws men to Himself.  We spread the word to all whom we can.  When someone hears, and God draws, the person arrives at the point of making an honest choice between accepting or rejecting salvation.  No man can choose salvation without being drawn but God draws everyone to the point of making an honest choice at least once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF SALVATION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches that God gave human beings freedom to choose whether to follow God\u2019s will or not:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?  Exekiel 33:11<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!  Matthew 23:37<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Human beings are disinclined to choose the \u201cstrait gate:\u201d  Some have said that the fact that so few choose to accept Christ\u2019s offer of salvation means that Satan is more powerful than God.  Jesus said that\u2019s not so:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.  Luke 10:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Satan will ultimately be defeated, but in the meantime, relatively few will choose to accept God\u2019s offer of salvation. The Old Testament states that few who claimed to be among the people of God were in fact His:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.  I Kings 19:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When David numbered Israel, Joab reported, \u201cAnd all they of Israel were a thousand thousand and an hundred thousand men that drew sword (I Chronicles 21:5).\u201d  That\u2019s 1,100,000 men.  A few generations later, only 7,000 faithful remained.  That\u2019s .63% or less than 1 in 100.  As Jesus said, \u201cfew there be that find it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Matthew 7:13-14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nature teaches the same lesson.  My wife was born with thousands of eggs in her ovaries.  Only three became persons.  Each tree in a forest sheds millions of seeds, but no new tree can grow unless a tree dies to make space for it.  Of all the seeds a tree creates in its lifetime, on average, only one<\/em> can become a new tree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation is not based on what people do; it is based on what they believe:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For by grace are ye saved through faith<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.  Ephesians 2:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.  For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.  Romans 10:9-10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.  John 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation blends the supernatural and natural.  God does all the work of salvation.  God draws a person to the point of making a free choice whether to believe or not.  If the person chooses to believe, God saves him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a further blend in salvation in that we\u2019re commanded to work out the details with God\u2019s help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.  Philippians 2:12-13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t live by my convictions, you need your own.   Working out your own salvation means figuring out what you believe and why you believe it.  That requires a blend of your efforts in prayer and Bible study and God\u2019s guidance via the Holy Spirit which He put into you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BLEND OF TIME<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The more scientists study the one-direction flow of time, the less they understand it.  God gave hints:In the beginning<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 God created the heaven and the earth.  Genesis 1:1<\/strong>All things were made by him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and without him was not any thing made that was made.  John 1:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high:  Hebrews 1:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time was one of \u201call things\u201d which were created \u201cin the beginning.\u201d  God created everything, including light, the force of gravity, physics, chemistry, biology, and the flow of time.  He upholds His creation, that is, He keeps the universe running including every breath you take and every beat of your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he is before all things, and by him all things consist<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Colossians 1:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although time started \u201cin the beginning\u201d at the moment of creation, He was \u201cbefore all things.\u201d  Our languages don\u2019t deal well with the concept of something happening or existing before time started.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And sware by him that liveth for ever and ever<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: 7<\/sup>But in the days of the voice of the seventh angel, when he shall begin to sound, the mystery of God should be finished, as he hath declared to his servants the prophets.  Rev. 10:6-7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s just as hard to think about the end of time.  God liveth for ever and ever, which implies that time as we know it will go on forever, but the Bible also says that time will end.  At that point, the mystery of God will be finished in that we will understand Him and His nature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I look forward to understanding how God could exist both before and after time.  What came before time? What will come after time?  Do the words \u201cbefore\u201d and \u201cafter\u201d have any meaning in this context?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 10 – The <\/a>Error of Calvinism<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Calvinism is the simple idea that human choice has NOTHING to do with salvation: God decides who will go to Heaven and who will go to Hell no matter what they do.  Calvinism makes Jesus Christ a liar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!  Luke 13:34<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jesus lied in mourning that they wouldn\u2019t choose to follow Him because they could not \u2013 God had already chosen some of them for Hell and they couldn\u2019t choose to accept His offer of salvation, and Jesus knew this<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lord God also lied:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?  Ezekiel 33:1<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Lord God lied in urging them to turn from their wicked ways because He knew that He<\/em> had chosen some for Hell and they couldn\u2019t turn.  John the Baptist and the Old Testament prophets also lied in urging repentance.  Predestination and free will are discussed in more detail in the next section.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE <\/a>ERROR OF DOUBLE PREDESTINATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Rev. 13:8 speaks of \u201cthe Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.\u201d  Before He spoke the world into existence, Jesus knew<\/em> Adam would sin and that He would have to die to take the punishment for your sins, my sins, and for everyone who ever lived.  In spite of knowing that, He loved us enough to create us anyway<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDouble predestination\u201d asserts that God predestined some people to be saved and go to Heaven and others to be damned to eternity in Hell no matter what they do or however young they die<\/em>.  Calvinists refer to God\u2019s \u201cirresistible grace\u201d in that when God predestinates someone for Heaven, that person will receive enough of God\u2019s grace to go to Heaven no matter what.  Let\u2019s start with reality:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9<\/sup>For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8-9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches predestination, election, foreknowledge, and free will.  It\u2019s as hard to reconcile them as reconciling Jesus being both fully God and fully man, but that\u2019s what God expects us to believe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus taught free will to Nicodemus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 in the name of the only begotten Son of God.  John 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Condemnation comes from not believing \u201cin the name of the only begotten Son of God,\u201d not from God predestinating a living soul to Hell.  You don\u2019t have to do anything to go to Hell, but you must choose to believe in Jesus Christ in order to go to Heaven when you die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Augustine taught unconditional election by irresistible grace in the early fifth century.  He taught that all non-elect babies went to Hell even if they died \u201cbefore the child shall know to refuse the evil, and choose the good (Is. 7:16).\u201d  David contradicted this: \u201cI shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.  (2 Sam. 12:23).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some say David\u2019s son went to Heaven because his father was saved.  That can\u2019t be true because sin nature is passed down through the father (Gen. 5:3[468]<\/a>) and because God judges people as individuals (De. 24:16[469]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David\u2019s confidence that he would see his child again suggests that every birth is written in the Lamb\u2019s book of life to be blotted out once it\u2019s no longer possible for the person to find God (Is. 55:6[470]<\/a>).  \u201cI will not blot out his name out of the book of life (Rev. 3:5[471]<\/a>)\u201d matches Asian custom.  When a Jew converts to Christianity, orthodox families conduct a funeral and erase the name from the family register as though the renegade had never been born.  When a sinner fails to hear God\u2019s final call to repentance, the name is blotted out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN IF GOD DOES IT ALL<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If salvation or damnation is totally<\/em> up to God, if people aren\u2019t free to choose or refuse to accept Christ\u2019s offer of salvation, everyone will go to Heaven and there was no need for Jesus to die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; for why will ye die<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, O house of Israel?  Ezekiel 33:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It pleases God when people turn and live.  Everybody will turn, live, and go to Heaven when they die if Heaven or Hell is up to God alone.  This idea is known as \u201cuniversalism.\u201d  Some people will go to Hell (Rev. 20:14-15[472]<\/a>, Rev. 21:8[473]<\/a>), however, so double predestination as Calvinism defines it is false.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapters 2 and 3 of Ezekiel show that saying people cannot choose is against the Word of God.  John 3:16 shows that God wants everyone, not just a few.  Double-pre says that God draws only the elect few with “irresistible grace” to salvation whether they like it or not; the Bible says Jesus draws everyone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  John 12:32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

DID THE PROPHETS LIE?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Calvinism declares that everyone suffers from \u201ctotal depravity\u201d which makes lost people unable<\/em> to repent.  The only way anyone can get to Heaven is for God to elect to draw them with irresistible grace.  Their beliefs and actions have nothing to do with it.  This means that Moses, Joshua, the OT prophets, and John the Baptist lied<\/em> when they urged people to repent and that Jesus lied<\/em> when He wept over Jerusalem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

!  Matthew 23:37<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

!  Luke 13:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Double predestination argues that people who are predestinated to Hell could not accept Him, so Jesus lied<\/em> when He said \u201cye would not\u201d instead of saying \u201cye could not.\u201d  He also lied<\/em> in saying that Tyre and Sidon would have repented after believing His \u201cmighty works\u201d because they couldn\u2019t repent either:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 in sackcloth and ashes.  Matthew 11:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD PERMITS FREE WILL<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jesus wanted the Jews to accept Him as Messiah.  They chose not to accept His offer of saving grace and He did not force them.  God takes our actions into account:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.  Psalm 18:20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God has given all of us free will such that God\u2019s supernatural grace is not irresistible; we are free to reject God\u2019s offer of grace and His other commands, but we bear the consequences of our choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever<\/p>\n\n\n\n

!  Deuteronomy 5:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he gave them their request<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; but sent leanness into their soul.  Psalm 106:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2 Kings 17:10-15 speaks of the Lord sending prophets and seers urging His people to turn away from idols, but the people refused.  Did the Holy Spirit lie<\/em> in inspiring this account?  Why send the prophets if the people were unable to choose to turn?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is Ezekiel\u2019s warning a lie?  How can a just God (Gen. 18:25[474]<\/a>) hold anyone accountable for not warning the lost if the wicked person is predestinated to go to Hell regardless of what we or they do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. 9<\/sup>Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.  Ezekiel 33:8-9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Double pre says that the Holy Spirit lied<\/em> in inspiring the prophet Ezekiel to urge, \u201cTurn ye, and live,\u201d – they were predestinated to go to Hell and could not choose to turn and live:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord GOD: and not that he should return from his ways, and live<\/p>\n\n\n\n

?  Ezekiel 18:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord GOD: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ezekiel 18:32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SINGLE PREDESTINATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Scripture teaches that \u201cthe elect\u201d must hear the Gospel to know what to believe:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when the Gentiles heard this [I have set thee to be a light of the Gentiles], they were glad, and glorified the word of the Lord: and as many as were ordained to eternal life believed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Acts 13:48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.  Romans 10:13<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth:  II Thessalonians 2:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is consistent with Rom. 8:28-30[475]<\/a> which explains how God\u2019s people are called: Foreknowledge, predestination, calling, justification, and glorification.  That sounds like salvation is totally up to God, but Rom. 10:13-17[476]<\/a> speaks of people calling on the name of the Lord to be saved and points out that the unsaved must hear<\/em>, which requires a preacher, and that preachers must be sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These passages show \u201csingle predestination\u201d in that some are ordained for Heaven but the word must be preached to them so that they can choose<\/em> to believe.  Being of \u201cthe elect\u201d doesn\u2019t guarantee<\/em> salvation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore I endure all things for the elect’s sakes, that they may<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 also obtain the salvation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.  II Timothy 2:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re given examples of God Himself explaining what He wanted when He called people to His service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Isaiah Chapter 6 tells how God called Isaiah.  When Isaiah protested that he was unworthy, an angel touched a coal to his mouth and pronounced his sins taken away (6:6-7).  When the Lord asked whom He could send, Isaiah said, \u201cHere am I, send me (6:8).\u201d  God doesn\u2019t call the qualified; He qualifies the called as Jesus called Saul on the road to Damascus and then<\/em> instructed him in Arabia (Gal. 1:17[477]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeremiah chapter 1 tells how the LORD called Jeremiah who said, \u201cI cannot speak: for I am a child (1:6).\u201d  God touched his mouth and said, \u201cBehold, I have put my words in thy mouth (1:9).\u201d  God doesn\u2019t call the qualified, He qualifies the called, but they have to be willing to choose to hear and obey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For if there be first a willing mind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not.  II Corinthians 8:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many refused when God called them to be prophets?  We know men who were called to be pastors but left God\u2019s path as difficulties arose.  How many refused God\u2019s command to \u201ctake unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms (Hos. 1:2)\u201d knowing the pain wifely betrayal would bring?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAbraham believed God (Rom. 4:3[478]<\/a>, Gal. 3:6[479]<\/a>, Jas. 2:23[480]<\/a>).\u201d  How many men refused God\u2019s call to father His chosen people before Abraham accepted the call?  Mary said, \u201cBehold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Lk. 1:38[481]<\/a>).\u201d  How many women refused for fear of being stoned for becoming pregnant out of wedlock (De. 22:21-22[482]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Double pre offers the ultimate copout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If a child goes astray, a parent can shrug, think \u201cPredestinated to go to Hell\u201d and feel no responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIMITS TO FREE WILL<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Men aren\u2019t given complete free will – God is active in human history:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By me kings reign, and princes decree justice. 16<\/sup>By me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges of the earth.  Proverbs 8:15-16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.  Proverbs 21:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This matter [Nebuchadrezzar eating grass outdoors for 7 years] is by the decree of the watchers, and the demand by the word of the holy ones: to the intent that the living may know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will, and setteth up over it the basest of men<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Daniel 4:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

These verses say that He puts some in positions of authority.  The Bible does not lie; God gave us the ability to choose what to believe and what to do.  Our Lord draws every man<\/em> sufficiently<\/em> and enlightens every man as much as necessary<\/em> for that individual to make an honest decision for or against obedience and salvation of his own free will.  If Saul, Isaiah, or Jeremiah had refused God\u2019s call, He would have called someone else as He called Aaron to help Moses lead the Exodus (Ex. 4:14[483]<\/a>) when Moses refused His call.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DID GOD HARDEN PHARAOH\u2019S HEART?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God told Moses that Pharaoh would not let His people go because of hardness of heart.  Did God force Pharaoh to harden his heart and go to Hell by making it impossible for him to obey God?  Ex. 9:34 says that Pharaoh \u201csinned yet more, and hardened his heart, he and his servants.\u201d  James 1:13-14 tells us that God does not tempt people to sin; people are drawn into sin by their own lusts.  Pharaoh chose<\/em> to sin and hardened his own<\/em> heart as God told Moses he would.  God is outside of time.  He knows the future but gives us free will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he gave them their request<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; but sent leanness into their soul.  Psalm 106:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ex. 10:20[484]<\/a> tells us that the Lord hardened Pharaoh\u2019s heart after<\/em> the plague of locusts.  That is consistent with Is. 55:6 \u201cSeek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:\u201d  Pharaoh hardened his own heart at a time when he could<\/em> have found the LORD but chose not to.  After that, the LORD withdrew from him so that Pharaoh could no longer call on him and blotted his name out of the book of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE JEWS REJECTED GOD\u2019S OFFER OF A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God had one-on-one fellowship with Adam and Eve in the garden.  Once Adam fouled himself through sin, God could no longer relate to him in the same way, but God still desired to relate to His creation.  Abraham was a friend of God.  God wants you to be His friend, but you<\/em> have to want<\/em> to be His<\/em> friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Art not thou our God, who didst drive out the inhabitants of this land before thy people Israel, and gavest it to the seed of Abraham thy friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 for ever?  II Chronicles 20:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  James 2:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Exodus 33:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God wanted to relate to the Children of Israel as individuals:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, and how I bare you on eagles’ wings, and brought you unto myself. 5<\/sup>Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine: 6<\/sup>And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and an holy nation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel.  Exodus 19:4-6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s people chose neither to draw nigh to Him nor rely on Him.  God\u2019s people chose not to talk to God.  Moses reviewed what had happened:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And ye said, Behold, the LORD our God hath shewed us his glory and his greatness, and we have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire: we have seen this day that God doth talk with man, and he liveth. 25<\/sup>Now therefore why should we die? for this great fire will consume us: if we hear the voice of the LORD our God any more, then we shall die. 26<\/sup>For who is there of all flesh, that hath heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as we have, and lived? 27<\/sup>Go thou near, and hear all that the LORD our God shall say: and speak thou unto us all that the LORD our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it, and do it.  Deuteronomy 5:24-27<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

How sad!  How very, very sad!  They<\/em> had heard the voice of God and lived.  They chose not to relate to God as He desired so He gave them the law.  Hear the sorrow in God\u2019s voice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD heard the voice of your words, when ye spake unto me; and the LORD said unto me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, I have heard the voice of the words of this people, which they have spoken unto thee: they have well said all that they have spoken. 29<\/sup>O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever!  Deuteronomy 5:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Individual Christians are urged to ask God to forgive their sins.  That gives us the power to be Sons of God, which is a family relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:  John 1:12<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.  I John 3:2<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

WHO BLINDED THE JEWS?<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Paul gave us another pro-choice, free will verse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.  Romans 10:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

What about this?  Elect Jews found salvation, but God blinded the rest so that they couldn\u2019t find it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What then? Israel hath not obtained that which he seeketh for; but the election hath obtained it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and the rest were blinded<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 8<\/sup>(According as it is written, God hath given them the spirit of slumber<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, eyes that they should not see, and ears that they should not hear;) unto this day.  Romans 11:7-8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the LORD hath poured out upon you the spirit of deep sleep, and hath closed your eyes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: the prophets and your rulers, the seers hath he covered.  Isaiah 29:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Romans 11:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All the Jews \u201cshall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him (Zec. 12:10).\u201d  Did God apply double predestination only to Jews and block some from salvation until the fulness of Gentiles?  No, there is a limit to the opportunity God gives each of us to repent and turn to Him:Seek ye the LORD while he may be found<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, call ye upon him while he is near<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: 7<\/sup>Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.  Isaiah 55:6-7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 9:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s people hardened their own necks for so long that they could no longer find God and were cast away:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notwithstanding they would not hear, but hardened their necks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, like to the neck of their fathers, that did not believe in the LORD their God.  II Kings 17:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But they and our fathers dealt proudly, and hardened their necks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and hearkened not to thy commandments, 17<\/sup>And refused to obey<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, neither were mindful of thy wonders that thou didst among them; but hardened their necks, and in their rebellion<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 appointed a captain to return to their bondage: but thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and forsookest them not.  Nehemiah 9:16-17<\/strong>Harden not your heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:  Psalm 95:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet they hearkened not unto me, nor inclined their ear, but hardened their neck<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: they did worse than their fathers.  Jeremiah 7:26<\/strong>Harden not your hearts<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness:  Hebrews 3:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul certainly didn\u2019t think lost Jews were unconditionally predestinated to Hell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I speak to you Gentiles, inasmuch as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify mine office: 14<\/sup>If by any means I may provoke to emulation them which are my flesh, and might save some of them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Romans 11:13-14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acts 28:17ff<\/em> tells us that when Paul arrived in Rome, he called the Jews together, and persuaded them \u201cfrom morning til evening (Ac. 28:23[485]<\/a>).\u201d  He couldn\u2019t have done that if they\u2019d been predestinated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 men;  II Corinthians 5:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And some believed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 the things which were spoken, and some believed not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Acts 28:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Isaiah predicted that some non-Jews would hear and consider Christ\u2019s teaching:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So shall he sprinkle many nations; the kings shall shut their mouths at him: for that which had not been told them shall they see; and that which they had not heard shall they consider<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Isaiah 52:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Jews were told to attract \u201cthe nations\u201d by showing how choosing to obey statutes God had given Israel benefitted them.  Scripture speaks of \u201cthe nations\u201d being astounded at God punishing Israel when they chose not to obey (1 Sa. 3:11[486]<\/a>, 2 Ki. 21:12[487]<\/a>, 2 Chr. 29:8[488]<\/a>, Jer. 18:16[489]<\/a>, 19:3, 8[490]<\/a>, 25:18[491]<\/a>, Mich. 6:16[492]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep therefore and do them; for this is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the nations, which shall hear all these statutes, and say, Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people. 7<\/sup>For what nation is there so great, who hath God so nigh unto them, as the LORD our God is in all things that we call upon him for? 8<\/sup>And what nation is there so great, that hath statutes and judgments so righteous as all this law, which I set before you this day?  Deuteronomy 4:6-8<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Modern Christians are as conspicuously visible to the lost as Jews were to \u201cthe nations.\u201d  We accomplish the goal of showing the blessings of belonging to God by choosing<\/em> to obey this command:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.  John 13:35<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

DOUBLE PRE DEEMPHASIZES SPREADING THE GOSPEL<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Belief in double predestination de-emphasizes Jesus\u2019 command to us to spread His Gospel.  When my aunt was a teenager, a visiting missionary said that Chinese maps were inaccurate.  As he traveled from one village to his next appointed meeting, he\u2019d pass villages he hadn\u2019t known because they weren\u2019t on the map.  He said that people there would go to Hell unless more missionaries were sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my aunt asked my grandfather about it, he told her that God had chosen who would go to Heaven and who would go to Hell so it didn\u2019t matter whether missionaries were sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The verses about election and predestination speak of saved people.  This supports the idea of single predestination.  There are no verses showing people being predestined for Hell.  God draws everyone to the point of making an honest choice.  How else could everyone acknowledge God\u2019s justice (Gen. 18:25[493]<\/a>, Rev. 15:3[494]<\/a>)?  Rom. 1:20 says they have \u201cno excuse.\u201d  God grades on the curve:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. 48<\/sup>But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.  Luke 12:47-48<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Those who learn the mind of God by studying His works are held accountable for what they learn.  Those who hear the word from one of His servants are accountable for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MIGHT AS WELL BE AN ATHEIST<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Calvinism teaches that God chose some for Heaven and others for Hell no matter what the do.  If that is true, what people do in this life makes no difference \u2013 their fate is already sealed no matter what.  Someone who believes that is effectively the same an atheist.  If there is no God, people can do whatever they want to do without worrying about what God wants.  What they do makes no difference.  If everyone is predestinated for Heaven or Hell no matter what they do, they might as well do whatever they want to do without worrying about what God wants \u2013 what they do makes no difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t understand how to reconcile God\u2019s sovereignty and His gift of free will any more than we can understand Jesus being fully God and fully man.  Election, ordination, single predestination, and free will are all taught in the Bible.  We are to believe them as we believe in Jesus, the God-man who was made in the flesh, whether we understand or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A verse-by-verse analysis of Calvinist\u2019s claim that God predestinating some for Hell and their denial of free will is found at<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/2021\/06\/an-examination-of-tulip-five-points-of.html\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 11 – Marriage Going Out Of Style<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The Chapter Six<\/a> on page 53 describes the mixture of logic and emotion by which my marriage came about.  The emotional, illogical part came immediately.  I saw a woman in the pew in front of me and pursued her after the service.  We had our first date in April, were engaged by the end of May, and married in August.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Settling factual and logical parts of marriage took two months: we had to make sure that we could make marriage work<\/em>.  I showed that I could afford to take care of her, that I could handle the responsibilities of adulthood, and that I would lead her gently.  She showed that she had been taught the skills to guide a house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea of romantic love, that is, emotional attachment between husband and wife, is less than 200 years old.  People used to marry for purely factual reasons; feelings didn\u2019t matter.  When God condemned Adam to eat by the sweat of his face (Gen. 3:19[495]<\/a>), God said nothing about how Eve would eat.  Women aren\u2019t strong enough to hunt or farm without modern machinery.  Until the 1960s, a woman had to persuade a man to feed her and her children or she\u2019d starve.  Hanging around a man without birth control meant that there would be babies every 2 or 3 years.  That made relationships very<\/em> important to a woman \u2013 if she didn\u2019t please the man who fed her (1 Cor. 7:34[496]<\/a>), she and her children could starve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents arranged marriages \u2013 the bride and groom often met for the first time at their wedding.  The only thing that mattered to a girl\u2019s parents was whether the man was strong enough to farm and heathy enough to last 20 years so her children could grow up and be on their own.  The boy\u2019s parents wanted to be sure she was a hard worker who could turn grain he grew into edible food and keep a house where he could live.  Emotional matters like love, tenderness, respect, and appreciation weren\u2019t considered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Powerful people used daughters as trading cards in political power games.  Pharaoh gave one of his daughters to Solomon when Solomon was a world-famous king (1 Ki. 3:1[497]<\/a>, 9:16[498]<\/a>).  During WW I, Czar Nicholas of Russia and Kaiser Wilhelm of Germany were cousins through Queen Victoria.  Many marriages were arranged to build alliances (Gen. 41:45[499]<\/a>, 1 Ki. 11:19[500]<\/a>).  Women\u2019s feelings mattered not at all<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rebecca agreed to marry Isaac when all she knew was 1) he was a relative and 2) he was rich enough to feed her.  The emotional part of marriage fell into place when he loved her (Gen. 24:67[501]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Customs and laws making divorce difficult bound men and women together so children had a better chance of being fed.  The Industrial Revolution made societies wealthy enough that parents could take emotion into account in marrying children off.  I visited Japanese friends in 1973 and saw them working through a pile of resumes to find a husband for their youngest daughter.  The marriage broker had interviewed her and made sure the photos were of her and that the resume was truthful \u2013 none of the self-serving lies which are so common on Western dating sites.  Based on her knowledge and experience, the broker sent resumes of possible husbands to the family and the family sent back their top 5 candidates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The broker sent back a list of 3 men who\u2019d put the daughter in their top 5 meaning she could marry any one of them.  When they dated, both parties knew a lot about each other including<\/em> the fact that they were serious<\/em> about getting married \u2013 paying the broker\u2019s fee ensured that.  Having logic<\/em> taken care of meant they were free to let their emotions decide.  My friend\u2019s daughter fell in love on her first date and has had a happy marriage.  The logic was taken care of by her parents and by the broker so she could safely give her heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MISSING MARRIAGES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In the West, marriage isn\u2019t nearly as common as in the past.  American customs have great influence on other nations over time.  It may help you to be warned about some of the ways American culture has damaged marriage.  Let\u2019s look at reasons why marriage is falling out of style in America.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Burning oil and coal reduced the amount of physical labor to get food enough that my Japanese friends could consider their daughter\u2019s feelings.  So many men could afford to feed her that she could choose one of them on the basis of emotion.  At that time, it wasn\u2019t yet practical for a woman to get a job and pay her own way.  Later, wealth increased to the point that women can get jobs and feed themselves without depending on husbands at all.  Customs which used to maintain marriages weakened.  There is less need to marry.  So many Americans, Japanese, Koreans, and Chinese choose not to that populations are dropping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God knew this would happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  I Timothy 5:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

At the time that was inspired, women had no alternative.  This command was put in place for a time 2,000 years later when women could choose whether to marry and whether to have children after marrying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WEAKER FAMILY TIES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

People used to marry and live near where they\u2019d grown up.  A couple had nearby relatives who could help them with children, illness, and other problems.  People now move far away from families so there isn\u2019t as much help available.  This makes the stresses of marriage and children greater \u2013 young people must figure marriage and parenthood out for themselves instead of being able to ask grandma or grandpa for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many American mothers work and put their children in day care.  We now know that skin-to-skin contact between a woman and a baby helps the child\u2019s brain grow.[502]<\/a>  Hormones on the mother\u2019s skin get into the baby\u2019s blood and have a calming effect when a mother holds or nurses her child.[503]<\/a>  This builds relationships between mother and child and helps babies learn to control their emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Day care workers don\u2019t have time to hold each child enough to do this.  They come and go so often that children can\u2019t develop trusting relationships with adults.  Children who grow up in day care have no close relationships with older people who can give advice.  They look for help from people their own age who know little more than they do.  Women tell each other how hard husbands and children are without giving useful information or encouragement.  This makes having families seem like bad burdens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOOKUP CULTURE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many Americans think nothing of having sex with lots of people, sometimes on the first or second date.  Women used to say, “Not unless we’re married, and I won’t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman says she wants to marry but lets a man have her without marrying her, he feels that she’s a liar.  Marriage means nothing to her or she would insist on it instead of just giving herself.  If she gives herself to him without marriage, how can he trust her not to give herself to someone else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intimacy without commitment is like icing without the cake.  It can be sweet, but it’s going to end up making you sick.  A woman sets her price by what she does (Pr. 31:10[504]<\/a>).  If her price is a few dinners or movies, she isn’t worth much.  If her price is that he dedicate his life to taking care of her before<\/em> getting her, she can be a priceless treasure.  What she does shouts so loudly that nobody can hear what she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he has her without marriage, what would marrying her give him that he doesn’t already have?  Men know little about women; how does a man know whom he should marry?  If he can have her without marriage, she isn’t worth marrying.  If he can’t, he will marry her if he wants her badly enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WORKING <\/a>MOTHERS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many American mothers go to work instead of staying home to care for their children.  You can\u2019t keep a job without pleasing the boss.  We often see a woman pleasing a man boss or a man pleasing a woman boss just a little too much.  They fall into sexual sin and wreck 2 families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proverbs 31:1 introduces \u201cThe words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.\u201d  The rest of the chapter is Mrs. Lemuel\u2019s advice to her son how to nourish and cherish his future wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It takes a lot of time and emotional energy for a mother to teach her son how to appreciate and honor his wife, and she can\u2019t teach him much unless her husband first teaches her son to honor and appreciate her.  Working mothers have neither the time nor the emotional energy to civilize their sons.  Women have a hard time finding a man who\u2019s been taught how to be a worthwhile husband and give up in despair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Working mothers don\u2019t have time or energy to teach their daughters about men either (Titus 2:3-5[505]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NOT ENOUGH APPRECIATION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jesus taught that men marry; women are given in marriage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.  Luke 17:27<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A wife is a gift from God to her husband, given by God as a favor, an undeserved blessing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Song of Solomon and Proverbs 31 teach that women need<\/em> appreciation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A man must teach his children to honor, respect, and appreciate their mother.  The best way to teach this is to tell her and them how wonderful she is, many times per day.  Scripture warns that anyone who fails to appreciate gifts God gives loses the blessing God intended in giving the gift:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; 48<\/sup>Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.  Deuteronomy 28:47-48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

70% of American divorces are started by unappreciated women.  Working wives get some<\/em> appreciation, if only through the paycheck, but they\u2019re often too tired to take care of husbands, children, or homes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GREAT SOCIETY<\/a> WELFARE SUBSTITUTES MONEY FOR FATHERS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

European and American welfare systems pay a woman\u2019s expenses if she doesn\u2019t get married.  Before welfare, a woman who wanted a home and children had to get a husband.  Now, all she has to get is pregnant which is a lot easier.  The women are OK with more babies because their welfare payments to up for each child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

America ran a 60-year experiment in supporting fatherless children.  We now know how it turns out \u2013 fatherlessness goes with crime and poverty.  Fatherless mobs burned down the city of Detroit and are starting on other cities.  God condemns fatherlessness \u2013 it\u2019s mentioned 43 times in Scripture:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/2021\/06\/gods-concern-for-fatherless.html\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

2 Thess. 3:10 says, “If any would not work, neither should he eat.”  It does not say “can not.”  Ecc. 10:18[506]<\/a> and Eze. 16:49[507]<\/a> condemn idleness; welfare pays for idleness and for fatherlessness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FEMINISM<\/a> \u2013 WOMENS\u2019 LIBERATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When the birth control pill arrived, feminists rejoiced that women could have sex for pleasure without worrying about pregnancy as men always had.  This is false.  The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 students for depression and other problems at a prestigious American university, she saw that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man loves a woman\u2019s soul, one woman is all he needs.  If all he sees is her face and figure, all the women in the world won\u2019t satisfy him.  Making men talk instead of having sex during courtship makes it more likely that he\u2019ll treasure her soul, but if she\u2019s just a sex toy, he\u2019ll discard her when a new toy comes along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being dumped a few times makes it hard for a woman to trust a man enough to want to marry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO-FAULT DIVORCE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The word \u201cdivorce\u201d means ending a marriage bond by some person of authority.  When Jesus said \u201clet not man put asunder (Mt. 19:6[508]<\/a>, Mk. 10:9[509]<\/a>),\u201d He meant that no man<\/em> has authority to end Holy Matrimony.  Once married in the eyes of God, a person cannot have sex with anyone else without being in adultery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As marriages fell apart and casual sex became normal, American churches seemed to be 20 to 25 years behind society in abandoning Holy Matrimony.  In 1950, mainstream American churches declared that the purpose of marriage was to benefit the two people in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This changed marriage from duty to delight.  If marriage is duty, divorce is impossible: duty cannot end until death.  If the purpose is delight, divorce should be easy: if you aren\u2019t delighted you can try again.  California passed the first no-fault divorce law in 1970, 20 years <\/em>after the church redefined marriage!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In all 50 American states, anyone can walk out of a marriage for any reason or for no reason.  70% of American divorces are started by women.  From a man\u2019s point of view, if they\u2019re living together, she can stop taking pills and make him pay child support which ends when the child is 18.  If they\u2019re married and she walks out, she can take a lot of his assets and he\u2019ll have to pay alimony the rest of her life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why should a man marry at all if he can have her without marrying?  If marriage is the only way he can have her, he\u2019ll marry if he wants her badly enough.  The emotions are still there \u2013 men want women and women want to get together with men \u2013 but the logic<\/em> of American society has changed \u2013 the facts<\/em> of American culture no longer support marriage.  Marriage has become so difficult that few couples attempt it.  Who\u2019s going to raise the children?  God made marriage so His people would raise children to serve Him (Mal. 2:15[510]<\/a>), but will there even be<\/em> any children?  We don\u2019t know.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 12 – <\/a>The Lesson of Leah \u2013 Having a Man\u2019s Baby Won\u2019t Make Him Marry You<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Scripture shows what drives men to marry.  Jacob loved Rachel the moment he saw her (Gen. 29:18[511]<\/a>) and worked for Laban for 7 years to earn the right to take her to wife:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why was he willing to do that?  He wanted her that<\/em> badly.  Women can never understand a man\u2019s physical drive any more than a man can understand how a mother feels about children, but she needs to know<\/em> this about men.  This verse tells how God intended that marriage should work:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Isaac supplied the tent.  If a man\u2019s offer to a woman doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter, it\u2019s not Biblical, and a woman shouldn\u2019t consider it.  Without that level of commitment it probably won\u2019t last, even if the family and culture force marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Taking Rebekah made her his wife because he had committed himself to nourish and cherish her when Abraham\u2019s servant set out to find her long<\/em> before he took her to wife.  Taking her without marriage would have turned her into an object or an interchangeable sex toy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Isaac loved her and then<\/em> she was able to comfort him.  God created women to be great<\/em> comfort to their husbands, but a man must first be publically committed to her and then convince his wife that he loves her more than life itself.  Then<\/em> she can comfort him.  Pr. 31:28-29[512]<\/a> and the Song of Solomon teach men how to do that by looking for ways to praise and appreciate her both privately and in public (Pr. 31:31[513]<\/a>).  Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife, not once<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man belongs to his wife as taught in the Song of Solomon (Song 2:16[514]<\/a>, 6:3[515]<\/a>), she will delight in belonging to him (Song 7:10[516]<\/a>) as her mother advises (Song 8:2-3[517]<\/a>).  This will convince both of them that she belongs to him.  If she\u2019s his, her happiness belongs to him in that he will find that making her happy makes him happier than anything he can do for himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The book of Ecclesiastes is Solomon\u2019s lament that everything he did was vanity and chasing after wind.  This was because he did it everything for himself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I made me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 great works; I builded me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 houses; I planted me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 vineyards:  Ecclesiastes 2:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman belongs to her husband, he can pour his life into nourishing and cherishing her and their children.  That\u2019s not<\/em> vanity because it\u2019s for others.  Nothing straightens a man like having a woman lean on him.  Caring for a woman gives meaning to a man\u2019s life; having her pay \u201cher share\u201d of the rent doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surveys of unmarried couples show that the women believe they\u2019ll marry \u201cin a year or two,\u201d but the men don\u2019t think they\u2019ll marry.  A woman may get tired of waiting and have a baby to get him to marry her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having a man\u2019s baby doesn\u2019t make a man love her enough to marry her.  When Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah instead of Rachel, the Bible tells us that Leah was hated (Gen. 29:31) and Rachel was loved.  Leah thought that giving Jacob a son would make him love her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.  Genesis 29:30-35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time her 4th<\/sup> son was born, Leah realized that having Jacob\u2019s sons wouldn\u2019t make him love her.  Abraham, father of Jews and Arabs and honored by both, didn\u2019t marry all the women who had his babies:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.  Genesis 25:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abraham, the Friend of God (2 Chr. 20:7[518]<\/a>, Isa. 41:8[519]<\/a>), got at least<\/em> two women pregnant besides his wives.  Did he marry them?  No, he sent them away (Gen. 24:73[520]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman wants marriage, the only sensible way to get a man to help raise her children, she must marry before letting him have her.  If a woman says she wants to marry but gives herself without marrying, he feels she’s a liar.  Marriage means nothing or she\u2019d insist on it instead of giving herself.  If she gives herself to him without marriage, how can he trust her not to give herself to someone else if he marries?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he can have her without marriage, what would marrying her give him that he doesn\u2019t already have?  Why should he take on the heavy responsibility of her and children if he doesn\u2019t have to?  Men know little about women, how does a man know whom to marry?  If he can have her without marriage, she isn’t worth marrying.  If he can’t, he\u2019ll marry her if he wants her badly enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intimacy without commitment is like icing without cake.  It can be sweet, but ends up making you sick.  The rewards of Pr. 31 are for a virtuous woman, not for one who\u2019s given away her virtue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A woman sets her price by what she does.  If her price is a few dinners or movies, she worth little.  If her price is that he dedicate his life to taking care of her before having her, she can be a priceless treasure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What a woman does shouts so loudly that a man can\u2019t hear what she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man will marry if he wants her badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNMARRIED COUPLES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Couples live together without marrying because of parents\u2019 failure to teach them how to create strong marriages which are safe places for children to grow up.  Husbands to love wives as Christ loves His people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A father\u2019s love nourishes wives, teaches sons how to treat wives and other women, and teaches daughters what to require of men (1 Tim. 5:2[521]<\/a>).  Women who expect honor, respect, and value wouldn\u2019t live with a man without marriage, but many find themselves in this position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How does a woman who wants to marry persuade her boyfriend?  If he has her without marriage, why take responsibility?  Society may accept this, but both partners are disobeying God who forbids fornication:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.  II Corinthians 6:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In most such cases, the woman wishes to marry while the man is reluctant.  Such reluctance is often well-founded; many couples who live together for years break up soon after they wed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why would a stable couple break up after a wedding?  An unhappy woman may cling to her \u201chappily ever after\u201d dream.  She thinks that marriage will make him value her more.  Once they\u2019re married and he doesn\u2019t treat her better, she knows her dream couldn\u2019t happen because he never valued her beyond a toy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Few realize that the way a man treats a woman determines whether she likes belonging to him.  When a man honors and respects a woman, she\u2019s free give herself to him as a love gift.  It\u2019s not something she owes him or that he demands.  Giving herself by demand instead of by love makes her feel<\/em> like his whore.  She needs<\/em> to be able to choose<\/em> to be glad to give herself instead of being taken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another problem in that many men expect a woman to act and think as he would whatever situation arises. He expects her to be an intellectual and emotional clone of him, without admitting that when God created them \u201cmale and female,\u201d He made them very different<\/a>[522]<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On top of that, \u201cOpposites attract.\u201d  A woman who\u2019s very neat in her housekeeping may marry a man who creates messes everywhere, and vice versa.  A shy man may attract an outgoing woman and vice versa.  Such differences often make it impossible for a wife to operate like her man, and his trying to make her do that frustrates them both.  He has to back off and let her be as God made her.  He must choose to value the gifts and abilities God chose to give her.  She can\u2019t expect him to act as she would either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men are possessive.  A man expects his wife to open herself to him whenever he wants her.  He dreams of 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.  God seldom gives him that much strength, but that\u2019s often his plan<\/em>.  Not all men have this much drive, but having a wife encourage him and tell him that they could do it more often if he exercised to get into better shape is a major encouragement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If she isn\u2019t his, if he can\u2019t have her when he\u2019s able to, he feels cheated, particularly if she was his before the wedding.  Women are possessive \u2013 she wants him to open his heart to her when she wants to talk.  She may need hours of two-way conversation per day, at least<\/em> 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men fear that if they give the security of marriage, the woman will trade her favors to get her way instead of giving herself willingly.  Bartering favors is whoredom, but many women do it when they feel it\u2019s the only way to express their wants or their basic artistic, musical, decorating, or other desires such as children.  A man who doesn\u2019t trust his woman to be his doesn\u2019t want her to feel secure enough to bargain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All women are sensitive to criticism from men, but wives are more sensitive than roommates.  When he criticizes his wife with the same words and tones as before, her hurt is greater.  Remarks that wouldn\u2019t bother her before marriage hurt so much that they can drive her away.  A man must be gentler with his wife than with his roommate, it\u2019s hard to change habits from living with her before marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This can happen with any couple when the wife decides to obey God and be submissive.  It\u2019s a long-term uphill struggle for a woman to give up leadership and independence in each area of her life and rely on her husband. This is especially difficult if he\u2019s inclined to oppress or micromanage her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be hard on a wife who wants to help her husband but he won\u2019t use her help.  Even if he\u2019s willing to be helped, he may not explain his plans clearly enough for her to follow effectively.  Some men pay vendors whom they trust to do things their way instead of explaining to their wives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women may think submitting means they can no longer be persons with their own thoughts and feelings, but will become a servant or clone.  Some believe this through experience and some have seen men treat women in this un-Biblical manner.  That shouldn\u2019t be so\u2014a wife is meant to be a vital part of her husband\u2019s life who uses her intelligence, skills, gifts, talents, and abilities to build her home, build up her husband, encourage his leadership, help him in his work, and serve the Lord\u2019s work under his guidance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is learned behavior.  He must learn her strengths so he can rely on her initiative; she must learn to help him and to follow him.  It may help if she says, \u201cMy husband, I realize that God wants me to belong to you and that I haven\u2019t been yours.  I promise to try my best before God and before you to be fully yours.  I have developed bad habits over the years that came before I realized how God wanted me to behave.  Please be patient with me as I struggle to be the wife God wants me to be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Submitting makes a woman more sensitive by taking away her independence, so a wife becomes more sensitive to criticism the more she submits.  A man should never criticize a woman, especially when she\u2019s struggling to belong to him.  Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Few women are taught just how physically-driven men are.  Women are often attracted to strong men because they\u2019re likely to live long enough to help get children ready for independent lives.  Women think in terms of times per month or perhaps week, a man usually wants more than she.  If his wife frustrates him enough, he may let his body get out of shape or gain weight so that he can\u2019t<\/em> do it as often and won\u2019t be as frustrated.  God seldom gives him the strength to do it as often as he\u2019d like, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many women who submit once a month feel that they\u2019re absolutely<\/em> submissive; there\u2019s no way a man could possibly<\/em> want more.  When we were discussing a couple\u2019s retreat we\u2019d attended, a woman told my wife, \u201cMy husband isn\u2019t driven like that\u201d while watching her husband indicating vehement disagreement without saying anything.  The next time we saw them, it was obvious he\u2019d convinced her \u2013 she acted differently because belonging to a man calms a woman.  Anyone who knows her can see the change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A husband must learn new speech patterns as his wife learns to be his.  A woman can\u2019t change overnight, nor does the change proceed steadily.  Learning to lean on her husband is frightening, particularly if she\u2019s spent years of independent married life.  Some days she\u2019s his, other days she\u2019s back to her old self.  Giving her loving support through the change and assuming leadership only as she gives it up teaches her husband why love is called \u2018longsuffering\u2019 in I Corinthians 13:1-8, but in the end, he has a wife who delights in belonging to him, a gift which all husbands should have but which few receive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman wants to share her husband\u2019s life by helping him in his work or in anything he wants to do, but she also wants him to share in what she does.  Having him sit in the kitchen and talk with her, or better yet, do some chopping as she prepares meals lightens her burden of guiding the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She has to be intelligent about accepting his help.  The chance of his doing it the way she would is close to zero.  If she complains, he\u2019ll stop trying to help.  Remember Proverbs 31:26  \u201cShe openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

INSISTING ON MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The woman usually wants marriage so it\u2019s up to her to get it.  A man marries if he wants a woman badly and marriage is the only way to have her; few men buy what they can rent, few rent what\u2019s available free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects a man to honor a woman enough to set her apart from all other women by marrying her before having her.  If a man doesn\u2019t value her enough to do that, it\u2019s going to be hard to persuade him to value her that much after having her for nothing while she paid \u201cher share\u201d of the rent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is going to make it very hard for him to be willing to accept responsibility by marrying.  A woman who decides to push for marriage must realize that she could lose him entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lovingly but firmly, she must say, \u201cUnmarried sex is wrong before God and before man.  You know that as well as I.  I love you and want to give my life to you, but I will no longer give you my body outside marriage.  Marry me, and I solemnly promise that I will belong to you.  I will live on your income and follow your leadership.  As my husband, you may have me whenever you want me even when I don\u2019t want you, but without marriage, you may no longer have me at all.\u201d  Say that and separate from him sexually!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is difficult unless she walks out the door<\/em>.  Walking out is hard, particularly if she has no place to go.  Her body likes attention and cutting off sex is difficult, especially if she loves him.  Most women don\u2019t particularly want touching until after they\u2019ve been touched, then they want it badly from time to time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If touching comes after marriage, a woman can give herself in confidence that he\u2019s committed to her.  If touching comes without marriage, she fears he\u2019ll abandon her and has trouble controlling her desire for his touch even if it has become rottenness to her bones.  It\u2019s better to stay chaste until marriage – giving herself even once makes it hard not to give herself again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He won\u2019t believe her unless she stops.  He\u2019ll think she\u2019s tricking him into marriage.  Having had her, he knows the tricks to make her fall and tries to get her again.  If she surrenders, she\u2019s lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women who give sex without marriage know<\/em> they\u2019re not respected.  Obeying Christ\u2019s command with respect to sex or trying to get out of a relationship which isn\u2019t working isn\u2019t manipulation.  Adopting a path of virtue is the best way to get him to value and respect her enough to marry her in sincerity and truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019ll marry her if he wants her badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he doesn\u2019t marry her, she\u2019ll want to marry someone else.  She knows<\/em> the pain of giving herself and her heart without marriage.  That should give her strength to tell another man, \u201cNo, that mistake hurts<\/em>, and never again<\/em>.  No sex until we\u2019re married and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOLY MATRIMONY IS A SACRED COVENANT SEALED WITH BLOOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A woman who\u2019s trying to repent of sexual sin will be encouraged by God\u2019s provision for such situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God planned that the marriage covenant be sealed with blood.   Mal.2:14<\/strong> refers to \u201cthe wife of thy covenant.\u201d  \u201cThy covenant\u201d refers to the husband.  A man offers his marriage covenant to the woman.  If she accepts his covenant, they\u2019re married when he takes her to wife after<\/em> a public declaration to God before witnesses.  What matters is the desire of their hearts.  If they intend to marry from their hearts, if they mean to sanctify each other before God and others, joining is holy and pure, otherwise it\u2019s polluted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Blood is very important<\/em> to God.  We Christians are sanctified through the blood of Jesus Christ:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 once for all.  Hebrews 10:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore Jesus also, that he might sanctify the people with his own blood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, suffered without the gate.  Hebrews 13:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Blood was very<\/em> important to God from the time He chose Abraham to be the first of His people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whereupon neither the first testament was dedicated without blood.  For when Moses had spoken every precept to all the people according to the law, he took the blood of calves and of goats, with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book, and all the people, saying, This is the blood of the testament which God hath enjoined unto you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Moreover he sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle, and all the vessels of the ministry.  And almost all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 are by the law purged with blood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and without shedding of blood is no remission.  Hebrews 9:18-22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moses sprinkled the book of the law, that is, the Bible, and sprinkled the people as a sign that they would obey<\/em> the Word of God.  All of the equipment of the temple was sanctified to God by being sprinkled with blood.  The Bible then says, \u201cAnd almost all things are by the law purged with blood\u2026\u201d (Hebrews 9:22).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God created all things from a plan, He did nothing by accident.  A woman sheds blood on three different occasions.  The first time a man takes a woman, her blood is shed.  This blood, which the Bible calls \u201ctokens of her virginity,\u201d sanctifies her marriage covenant if<\/em> he takes her in marriage, otherwise shedding her blood profanes God\u2019s sacred marriage covenant.  They aren\u2019t married until he takes her to wife (Gen. 24:67[523]<\/a>); his marriage covenant takes effect when sealed with her blood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abraham, the weaker party, gave up animals to provide blood to seal God\u2019s covenant with him (Gen. 15).  The woman, the weaker party, gives up her innocence to provide blood to seal her husband\u2019s marriage covenant with her (Deu. 22:20-21[524]<\/a>).  She loses her innocence<\/em> and learns about men, but she does not<\/em> lose her purity.<\/em>  Hebrews 13:4 says, \u201cMarriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.\u201d  If he takes her to wife,<\/em> she keeps her purity, otherwise she gives her purity away and they\u2019re both defiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16<\/sup>What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.  I Corinthians 6:15-16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s more sanctification in marriage than just the marriage covenant alone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  I Corinthians 7:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A woman sheds blood to sanctify her marriage covenant and sheds blood to sanctify her children, that is, to set them apart and make them holy, by shedding blood when giving birth.  There\u2019s no need to baptize babies, they\u2019ve been sanctified to God by their mother\u2019s shed blood.  Childbearing sanctifies the mother:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Timothy 2:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every month she\u2019s not pregnant or nursing, a woman\u2019s womb cleans itself with blood at the end of her cycle.  Her blood purifies her womb to prepare a place where God can mold and make a sanctified child.  Every month, a woman who\u2019s fallen into sin has a chance to start over again in purity if<\/em> she repents from fornication and stops doing it<\/em>.  That is far<\/em> easier said than done, but she has a way forward:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14<\/sup>I press toward the mark<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:13-14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The blood a woman sheds is important to God, but how many Christians respect it?  How many Christian men honor and sanctify by marrying her first and treating her as a gift (1 Thess. 4:3-6[525]<\/a>)?  How many Christian couples pollute God\u2019s sacred marriage covenant with the \u201clust of concupiscence?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The physical side of marriage is holy and pure (Heb. 13:4[526]<\/a>).  There\u2019s no reason to be shy; there is no reason not to teach it; we should respect and honor it.  God not only made marriage honorable, He gave women a path to recover from polluting His marriage covenant and press toward His mark in purity.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 13 – Marriage <\/a>Handout<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The foundation<\/em> of joyful Holy Matrimony is both parties being convinced in their bones<\/em> that God is good<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!  Psalm 107:8, 15, 21, 31<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The man knows<\/em> that everything about his wife that irritates him is from God to bless him.  His wife knows<\/em> that everything about him that drives her crazy is from God to bless her.  It may take years of asking God for wisdom to figure out how<\/em> they\u2019re blessed, but the way God made men and women blesses both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.  Matthew 25:40<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

BEING MARRIED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

1.      Isaac supplied the tent.  A man\u2019s proposal to a woman that doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter isn\u2019t biblical<\/em>.  If a man can\u2019t pay for her, all he can do is play with her.  That never ends well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.      She became his wife, not his girlfriend \u2013 they both<\/em> made public marriage vows before<\/em> he took her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3.      Isaac loved Rebekah and then<\/em> he was comforted.  God gave every wife the ability to comfort her husband, but comforting a man is emotionally exhausting.  Being convinced<\/em> that he loves her renews her emotional energy so she can keep<\/em> comforting him.  This requires a lot of daily detailed praise and appreciation by both husband and wife<\/em> as taught in the Song of Solomon (Song 1:2[527]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and with gladness of heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, for the abundance of all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; 48<\/sup>Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Deuteronomy 28:47-48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man limits his wife\u2019s ability to make him happy if he limits his appreciation of everything<\/em> about her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GETTING MARRIED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong>  The best advice on getting<\/em> married there is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz wasn\u2019t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth suggested it, it was such a good<\/em> idea he ran out the very next morning and married her.  Why?  Because he wanted<\/em> her.  If a woman gives a man rest outside marriage, her value falls (Pr. 31:10[528]<\/a>).  What would marriage give that he doesn\u2019t have?  Why take on responsibility?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DWELLING ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This means knowing her needs, preferences, thoughts, and feelings and think<\/em> about her when making decisions.  If a woman prefers vanilla and her husband always brings home chocolate, does he love her?  Will she feel loved?  The only way a man can get this knowledge is though hours and days of open-hearted conversation.  There\u2019s a reward \u2013 the better your wife knows you, the more easily she can please you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

STAYING MARRIED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother tells her to welcome him into her body whenever he wants her<\/em>.  Giving herself when she\u2019d rather not is what submission means<\/em>.  She has more sexual capacity than he; she can drain off all of his energy to keep him focused.  If she sends him off to work loaded, he may be tempted by other women (Pr. 6:28[529]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HUSBAND <\/a>LEADS BY SERVING<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HUSBAND <\/a>LEADS IN APPRECIATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  [saying]  29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Lemuel taught her son to praise his wife and teach his children to follow his example of praising and appreciating her.  This teaches the \u201cattitude of gratitude\u201d which blesses them all their lives.  Praise is partly to encourage his wife and partly to teach her children to respect her.  If her daughters respect her, she can teach them how to be treasures for their future husbands instead of being toys.  If her sons respect her, she can teach them how to be blessed by their future wives as Mrs. Lemuel taught her son in Pr. 31.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife.  Not once.  Really?  What about this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.  But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh.  Job 2:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Job\u2019s wife lost seven sons who were her hope of being fed after her husband died \u2013 no pensions.  Her husband lost his money and spoke of dying.  He said she spoke \u201clike a foolish woman.\u201d  That implied she wasn\u2019t usually foolish, it was halfway a compliment.  He criticized what she did<\/em>; he didn\u2019t criticize her<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 17:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A husband\u2019s criticism dries his wife\u2019s bones and can shorten her life.  Praise helps her live longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD SPEAKS TO WOMEN<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Pilate\u2019s wife expected him to value her dream<\/em>.  He should have let the help meet God gave help him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE RESPECTS HER HUSBAND<\/a> AND GUIDES HIS HOUSE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33<\/sup>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:22, 33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as it is fit in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  I Timothy 5:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women are driven<\/em> to talk about caring for husbands, children, and homes.  That\u2019s a good thing.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 14 – <\/a>Handling Disputes and Anger at Home, at Church, at Work, and in the World<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God expects His church to come together in fellowship without offense or anger:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That there should be no schism in the body<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; but that the members should have the same care one for another.  I Corinthians 12:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God also told us how to resolve any disagreement, trespass, or offense.  God\u2019s plan for finding peace requires that we have a humble, practical willingness to deal with whatever robs the soul and spirit of peace and joy.  Healing disagreement is important in any group, family, or church because we need each other:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it;  I Corinthians 12:26a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t accomplish God\u2019s purpose in our local church if the Body of Believers is divided or in anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Luke 11:17b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 18:4<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:  Ephesians 4:26<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

We must heal hurts fast because memories fade.  These are God\u2019s commands for restoring peace:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16<\/sup>But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 17<\/sup>And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.  Matthew 18:15-17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Scofield Reference Bible put the heading \u201cCHURCH DISCIPLINE\u201d before Mt. 18:15.  This suggests that God\u2019s process is only for matters that could throw someone out of church.  That\u2019s wrong – God\u2019s plan works for anything<\/em> that upsets you enough that you can\u2019t ignore it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made women think very differently from men (Pr. 19:14b[131]<\/a>).  It takes hours and hours of talk before a man can understand what a woman is saying or for her to understand him well enough to be sure of pleasing him.  If I hadn\u2019t promised to talk to her, I\u2019d probably have been too impatient to talk enough for her to feel that I valued her mind.  If I hadn\u2019t appreciated her thoughts, she wouldn\u2019t have been able to help me write about marriage.  A happy wife makes her husband as happy as he made her; making my wife feel appreciated makes her happy and her help benefits me greatly.  This draws us together and makes us one in Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n