{"id":14594,"date":"2023-12-28T17:10:19","date_gmt":"2023-12-28T22:10:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/?p=14594"},"modified":"2023-12-28T17:26:32","modified_gmt":"2023-12-28T22:26:32","slug":"14594","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/index.php\/2023\/12\/28\/14594\/","title":{"rendered":"John Calvin (1509-64) French Theologian and Swiss Reformer. The Gospel Simplicity and Calvin Complexity."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Marriage Under Threat: An Examination of Tulip – The \u201cFive Points\u201d of Calvinism (successful-marriage.blogspot.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"May<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Train the Trainers Mentor the Mentors Teach the Teachers For Christ<\/a><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Michael Paul Clough<\/a>  \u00b7 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Favorites  \u00b7 1h<\/strong><\/a>  \u00b7 Repost New Member Alert!John Calvin (1509-64) French Theologian and Swiss Reformer. The Gospel Simplicity and Calvin Complexity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Michael Paul Clough<\/a> Comment by: Bill Taylor Calvinism is the simple idea that human choice has NOTHING to do with salvation: God decides who will go to Heaven and who will go to Hell no matter what they do. Calvinism makes Jesus Christ a liar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O\u00a0Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not! Luke 13:34<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus lied in mourning that they wouldn\u2019t choose to follow Him because they could not \u2013 God had already chosen some of them for Hell and they couldn\u2019t choose to accept His offer of salvation. The Lord God also lied: Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel? Ezekiel 33:1 The Lord God lied in urging them to turn from their wicked ways because He had chosen some for Hell and they couldn\u2019t turn. John the Baptist and the Old Testament prophets also lied in urging repentance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The word \u201cpredestination\u201d is in the Bible, but this paper shows how the Calvinistic idea of double predestination is against the Word of God:https:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/…\/hear-voice…<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a refutation of TULIP, the 5 points of Calvinism:https:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/…\/an…<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage Under Threat: Hear the Voice of the Bridegroom Concerning Holy Matrimony (successful-marriage.blogspot.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE <\/a>ERROR OF DOUBLE PREDESTINATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Rev. 13:8 speaks of \u201cthe Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.\u201d  Before He spoke the world into existence, Jesus knew<\/em> Adam would sin and that He would have to die to take the punishment for your sins, my sins, and for everyone who ever lived.  In spite of knowing that, He loved us enough to create us anyway<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDouble predestination\u201d asserts that God predestined some people to be saved and go to Heaven and others to be damned to eternity in Hell no matter what they do or however young they die<\/em>.  Calvinists refer to God\u2019s \u201cirresistible grace\u201d in that when God predestinates someone for Heaven, that person will receive enough of God\u2019s grace to go to Heaven no matter what.  Let\u2019s start with reality:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9<\/sup>For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8-9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches predestination, election, foreknowledge, and free will.  It\u2019s as hard to reconcile them as reconciling Jesus being both fully God and fully man, but that\u2019s what God expects us to believe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus taught free will to Nicodemus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 in the name of the only begotten Son of God.  John 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Condemnation comes from not believing \u201cin the name of the only begotten Son of God,\u201d not from God predestinating a living soul to Hell.  You don\u2019t have to do anything to go to Hell, but you must choose to believe in Jesus Christ in order to go to Heaven when you die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Augustine taught unconditional election by irresistible grace in the early fifth century.  He taught that all non-elect babies went to Hell even if they died \u201cbefore the child shall know to refuse the evil, and choose the good (Is. 7:16).\u201d  David contradicted this: \u201cI shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.  (2 Sam. 12:23).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some say David\u2019s son went to Heaven because his father was saved.  That can\u2019t be true because sin nature is passed down through the father (Gen. 5:3[468]<\/a>) and because God judges people as individuals (De. 24:16[469]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David\u2019s confidence that he would see his child again suggests that every birth is written in the Lamb\u2019s book of life to be blotted out once it\u2019s no longer possible for the person to find God (Is. 55:6[470]<\/a>).  \u201cI will not blot out his name out of the book of life (Rev. 3:5[471]<\/a>)\u201d matches Asian custom.  When a Jew converts to Christianity, orthodox families conduct a funeral and erase the name from the family register as though the renegade had never been born.  When a sinner fails to hear God\u2019s final call to repentance, the name is blotted out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN IF GOD DOES IT ALL<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If salvation or damnation is totally<\/em> up to God, if people aren\u2019t free to choose or refuse to accept Christ\u2019s offer of salvation, everyone will go to Heaven and there was no need for Jesus to die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; for why will ye die<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, O house of Israel?  Ezekiel 33:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It pleases God when people turn and live.  Everybody will turn, live, and go to Heaven when they die if Heaven or Hell is up to God alone.  This idea is known as \u201cuniversalism.\u201d  Some people will go to Hell (Rev. 20:14-15[472]<\/a>, Rev. 21:8[473]<\/a>), however, so double predestination as Calvinism defines it is false.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapters 2 and 3 of Ezekiel show that saying people cannot choose is against the Word of God.  John 3:16 shows that God wants everyone, not just a few.  Double-pre says that God draws only the elect few with “irresistible grace” to salvation whether they like it or not; the Bible says Jesus draws everyone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  John 12:32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

DID THE PROPHETS LIE?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Calvinism declares that everyone suffers from \u201ctotal depravity\u201d which makes lost people unable<\/em> to repent.  The only way anyone can get to Heaven is for God to elect to draw them with irresistible grace.  Their beliefs and actions have nothing to do with it.  This means that Moses, Joshua, the OT prophets, and John the Baptist lied<\/em> when they urged people to repent and that Jesus lied<\/em> when He wept over Jerusalem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

!  Matthew 23:37<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

!  Luke 13:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Double predestination argues that people who are predestinated to Hell could not accept Him, so Jesus lied<\/em> when He said \u201cye would not\u201d instead of saying \u201cye could not.\u201d  He also lied<\/em> in saying that Tyre and Sidon would have repented after believing His \u201cmighty works\u201d because they couldn\u2019t repent either:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 in sackcloth and ashes.  Matthew 11:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD PERMITS FREE WILL<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jesus wanted the Jews to accept Him as Messiah.  They chose not to accept His offer of saving grace and He did not force them.  God takes our actions into account:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.  Psalm 18:20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God has given all of us free will such that God\u2019s supernatural grace is not irresistible; we are free to reject God\u2019s offer of grace and His other commands, but we bear the consequences of our choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever<\/p>\n\n\n\n

!  Deuteronomy 5:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he gave them their request<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; but sent leanness into their soul.  Psalm 106:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2 Kings 17:10-15 speaks of the Lord sending prophets and seers urging His people to turn away from idols, but the people refused.  Did the Holy Spirit lie<\/em> in inspiring this account?  Why send the prophets if the people were unable to choose to turn?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is Ezekiel\u2019s warning a lie?  How can a just God (Gen. 18:25[474]<\/a>) hold anyone accountable for not warning the lost if the wicked person is predestinated to go to Hell regardless of what we or they do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. 9<\/sup>Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.  Ezekiel 33:8-9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Double pre says that the Holy Spirit lied<\/em> in inspiring the prophet Ezekiel to urge, \u201cTurn ye, and live,\u201d – they were predestinated to go to Hell and could not choose to turn and live:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord GOD: and not that he should return from his ways, and live<\/p>\n\n\n\n

?  Ezekiel 18:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord GOD: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ezekiel 18:32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SINGLE PREDESTINATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Scripture teaches that \u201cthe elect\u201d must hear the Gospel to know what to believe:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when the Gentiles heard this [I have set thee to be a light of the Gentiles], they were glad, and glorified the word of the Lord: and as many as were ordained to eternal life believed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Acts 13:48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.  Romans 10:13<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth:  II Thessalonians 2:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is consistent with Rom. 8:28-30[475]<\/a> which explains how God\u2019s people are called: Foreknowledge, predestination, calling, justification, and glorification.  That sounds like salvation is totally up to God, but Rom. 10:13-17[476]<\/a> speaks of people calling on the name of the Lord to be saved and points out that the unsaved must hear<\/em>, which requires a preacher, and that preachers must be sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These passages show \u201csingle predestination\u201d in that some are ordained for Heaven but the word must be preached to them so that they can choose<\/em> to believe.  Being of \u201cthe elect\u201d doesn\u2019t guarantee<\/em> salvation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore I endure all things for the elect’s sakes, that they may<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 also obtain the salvation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.  II Timothy 2:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re given examples of God Himself explaining what He wanted when He called people to His service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Isaiah Chapter 6 tells how God called Isaiah.  When Isaiah protested that he was unworthy, an angel touched a coal to his mouth and pronounced his sins taken away (6:6-7).  When the Lord asked whom He could send, Isaiah said, \u201cHere am I, send me (6:8).\u201d  God doesn\u2019t call the qualified; He qualifies the called as Jesus called Saul on the road to Damascus and then<\/em> instructed him in Arabia (Gal. 1:17[477]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeremiah chapter 1 tells how the LORD called Jeremiah who said, \u201cI cannot speak: for I am a child (1:6).\u201d  God touched his mouth and said, \u201cBehold, I have put my words in thy mouth (1:9).\u201d  God doesn\u2019t call the qualified, He qualifies the called, but they have to be willing to choose to hear and obey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For if there be first a willing mind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not.  II Corinthians 8:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many refused when God called them to be prophets?  We know men who were called to be pastors but left God\u2019s path as difficulties arose.  How many refused God\u2019s command to \u201ctake unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms (Hos. 1:2)\u201d knowing the pain wifely betrayal would bring?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAbraham believed God (Rom. 4:3[478]<\/a>, Gal. 3:6[479]<\/a>, Jas. 2:23[480]<\/a>).\u201d  How many men refused God\u2019s call to father His chosen people before Abraham accepted the call?  Mary said, \u201cBehold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word (Lk. 1:38[481]<\/a>).\u201d  How many women refused for fear of being stoned for becoming pregnant out of wedlock (De. 22:21-22[482]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Double pre offers the ultimate copout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If a child goes astray, a parent can shrug, think \u201cPredestinated to go to Hell\u201d and feel no responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIMITS TO FREE WILL<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Men aren\u2019t given complete free will – God is active in human history:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By me kings reign, and princes decree justice. 16<\/sup>By me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges of the earth.  Proverbs 8:15-16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.  Proverbs 21:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This matter [Nebuchadrezzar eating grass outdoors for 7 years] is by the decree of the watchers, and the demand by the word of the holy ones: to the intent that the living may know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will, and setteth up over it the basest of men<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Daniel 4:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

These verses say that He puts some in positions of authority.  The Bible does not lie; God gave us the ability to choose what to believe and what to do.  Our Lord draws every man<\/em> sufficiently<\/em> and enlightens every man as much as necessary<\/em> for that individual to make an honest decision for or against obedience and salvation of his own free will.  If Saul, Isaiah, or Jeremiah had refused God\u2019s call, He would have called someone else as He called Aaron to help Moses lead the Exodus (Ex. 4:14[483]<\/a>) when Moses refused His call.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DID GOD HARDEN PHARAOH\u2019S HEART?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God told Moses that Pharaoh would not let His people go because of hardness of heart.  Did God force Pharaoh to harden his heart and go to Hell by making it impossible for him to obey God?  Ex. 9:34 says that Pharaoh \u201csinned yet more, and hardened his heart, he and his servants.\u201d  James 1:13-14 tells us that God does not tempt people to sin; people are drawn into sin by their own lusts.  Pharaoh chose<\/em> to sin and hardened his own<\/em> heart as God told Moses he would.  God is outside of time.  He knows the future but gives us free will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he gave them their request<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; but sent leanness into their soul.  Psalm 106:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ex. 10:20[484]<\/a> tells us that the Lord hardened Pharaoh\u2019s heart after<\/em> the plague of locusts.  That is consistent with Is. 55:6 \u201cSeek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:\u201d  Pharaoh hardened his own heart at a time when he could<\/em> have found the LORD but chose not to.  After that, the LORD withdrew from him so that Pharaoh could no longer call on him and blotted his name out of the book of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE JEWS REJECTED GOD\u2019S OFFER OF A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God had one-on-one fellowship with Adam and Eve in the garden.  Once Adam fouled himself through sin, God could no longer relate to him in the same way, but God still desired to relate to His creation.  Abraham was a friend of God.  God wants you to be His friend, but you<\/em> have to want<\/em> to be His<\/em> friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Art not thou our God, who didst drive out the inhabitants of this land before thy people Israel, and gavest it to the seed of Abraham thy friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 for ever?  II Chronicles 20:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  James 2:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Exodus 33:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God wanted to relate to the Children of Israel as individuals:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, and how I bare you on eagles’ wings, and brought you unto myself. 5<\/sup>Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine: 6<\/sup>And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and an holy nation<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel.  Exodus 19:4-6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s people chose neither to draw nigh to Him nor rely on Him.  God\u2019s people chose not to talk to God.  Moses reviewed what had happened:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And ye said, Behold, the LORD our God hath shewed us his glory and his greatness, and we have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire: we have seen this day that God doth talk with man, and he liveth. 25<\/sup>Now therefore why should we die? for this great fire will consume us: if we hear the voice of the LORD our God any more, then we shall die. 26<\/sup>For who is there of all flesh, that hath heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as we have, and lived? 27<\/sup>Go thou near, and hear all that the LORD our God shall say: and speak thou unto us all that the LORD our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it, and do it.  Deuteronomy 5:24-27<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

How sad!  How very, very sad!  They<\/em> had heard the voice of God and lived.  They chose not to relate to God as He desired so He gave them the law.  Hear the sorrow in God\u2019s voice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD heard the voice of your words, when ye spake unto me; and the LORD said unto me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, I have heard the voice of the words of this people, which they have spoken unto thee: they have well said all that they have spoken. 29<\/sup>O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever!  Deuteronomy 5:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Individual Christians are urged to ask God to forgive their sins.  That gives us the power to be Sons of God, which is a family relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:  John 1:12<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.  I John 3:2<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

WHO BLINDED THE JEWS?<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Paul gave us another pro-choice, free will verse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.  Romans 10:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

What about this?  Elect Jews found salvation, but God blinded the rest so that they couldn\u2019t find it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What then? Israel hath not obtained that which he seeketh for; but the election hath obtained it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and the rest were blinded<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 8<\/sup>(According as it is written, God hath given them the spirit of slumber<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, eyes that they should not see, and ears that they should not hear;) unto this day.  Romans 11:7-8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the LORD hath poured out upon you the spirit of deep sleep, and hath closed your eyes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: the prophets and your rulers, the seers hath he covered.  Isaiah 29:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Romans 11:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All the Jews \u201cshall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him (Zec. 12:10).\u201d  Did God apply double predestination only to Jews and block some from salvation until the fulness of Gentiles?  No, there is a limit to the opportunity God gives each of us to repent and turn to Him:Seek ye the LORD while he may be found<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, call ye upon him while he is near<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: 7<\/sup>Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.  Isaiah 55:6-7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 9:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s people hardened their own necks for so long that they could no longer find God and were cast away:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notwithstanding they would not hear, but hardened their necks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, like to the neck of their fathers, that did not believe in the LORD their God.  II Kings 17:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But they and our fathers dealt proudly, and hardened their necks<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and hearkened not to thy commandments, 17<\/sup>And refused to obey<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, neither were mindful of thy wonders that thou didst among them; but hardened their necks, and in their rebellion<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 appointed a captain to return to their bondage: but thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and forsookest them not.  Nehemiah 9:16-17<\/strong>Harden not your heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:  Psalm 95:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet they hearkened not unto me, nor inclined their ear, but hardened their neck<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: they did worse than their fathers.  Jeremiah 7:26<\/strong>Harden not your hearts<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness:  Hebrews 3:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul certainly didn\u2019t think lost Jews were unconditionally predestinated to Hell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I speak to you Gentiles, inasmuch as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify mine office: 14<\/sup>If by any means I may provoke to emulation them which are my flesh, and might save some of them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Romans 11:13-14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acts 28:17ff<\/em> tells us that when Paul arrived in Rome, he called the Jews together, and persuaded them \u201cfrom morning til evening (Ac. 28:23[485]<\/a>).\u201d  He couldn\u2019t have done that if they\u2019d been predestinated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 men;  II Corinthians 5:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And some believed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 the things which were spoken, and some believed not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Acts 28:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Isaiah predicted that some non-Jews would hear and consider Christ\u2019s teaching:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So shall he sprinkle many nations; the kings shall shut their mouths at him: for that which had not been told them shall they see; and that which they had not heard shall they consider<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Isaiah 52:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Jews were told to attract \u201cthe nations\u201d by showing how choosing to obey statutes God had given Israel benefitted them.  Scripture speaks of \u201cthe nations\u201d being astounded at God punishing Israel when they chose not to obey (1 Sa. 3:11[486]<\/a>, 2 Ki. 21:12[487]<\/a>, 2 Chr. 29:8[488]<\/a>, Jer. 18:16[489]<\/a>, 19:3, 8[490]<\/a>, 25:18[491]<\/a>, Mich. 6:16[492]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep therefore and do them; for this is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the nations, which shall hear all these statutes, and say, Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people. 7<\/sup>For what nation is there so great, who hath God so nigh unto them, as the LORD our God is in all things that we call upon him for? 8<\/sup>And what nation is there so great, that hath statutes and judgments so righteous as all this law, which I set before you this day?  Deuteronomy 4:6-8<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Modern Christians are as conspicuously visible to the lost as Jews were to \u201cthe nations.\u201d  We accomplish the goal of showing the blessings of belonging to God by choosing<\/em> to obey this command:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.  John 13:35<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

DOUBLE PRE DEEMPHASIZES SPREADING THE GOSPEL<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Belief in double predestination de-emphasizes Jesus\u2019 command to us to spread His Gospel.  When my aunt was a teenager, a visiting missionary said that Chinese maps were inaccurate.  As he traveled from one village to his next appointed meeting, he\u2019d pass villages he hadn\u2019t known because they weren\u2019t on the map.  He said that people there would go to Hell unless more missionaries were sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my aunt asked my grandfather about it, he told her that God had chosen who would go to Heaven and who would go to Hell so it didn\u2019t matter whether missionaries were sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The verses about election and predestination speak of saved people.  This supports the idea of single predestination.  There are no verses showing people being predestined for Hell.  God draws everyone to the point of making an honest choice.  How else could everyone acknowledge God\u2019s justice (Gen. 18:25[493]<\/a>, Rev. 15:3[494]<\/a>)?  Rom. 1:20 says they have \u201cno excuse.\u201d  God grades on the curve:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. 48<\/sup>But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.  Luke 12:47-48<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Those who learn the mind of God by studying His works are held accountable for what they learn.  Those who hear the word from one of His servants are accountable for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MIGHT AS WELL BE AN ATHEIST<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Calvinism teaches that God chose some for Heaven and others for Hell no matter what the do.  If that is true, what people do in this life makes no difference \u2013 their fate is already sealed no matter what.  Someone who believes that is effectively the same an atheist.  If there is no God, people can do whatever they want to do without worrying about what God wants.  What they do makes no difference.  If everyone is predestinated for Heaven or Hell no matter what they do, they might as well do whatever they want to do without worrying about what God wants \u2013 what they do makes no difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t understand how to reconcile God\u2019s sovereignty and His gift of free will any more than we can understand Jesus being fully God and fully man.  Election, ordination, single predestination, and free will are all taught in the Bible.  We are to believe them as we believe in Jesus, the God-man who was made in the flesh, whether we understand or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A verse-by-verse analysis of Calvinist\u2019s claim that God predestinating some for Hell and their denial of free will is found at<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/2021\/06\/an-examination-of-tulip-five-points-of.html\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 11 – Marriage Going Out Of Style<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The Chapter Six<\/a> on page 53 describes the mixture of logic and emotion by which my marriage came about.  The emotional, illogical part came immediately.  I saw a woman in the pew in front of me and pursued her after the service.  We had our first date in April, were engaged by the end of May, and married in August.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Settling factual and logical parts of marriage took two months: we had to make sure that we could make marriage work<\/em>.  I showed that I could afford to take care of her, that I could handle the responsibilities of adulthood, and that I would lead her gently.  She showed that she had been taught the skills to guide a house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea of romantic love, that is, emotional attachment between husband and wife, is less than 200 years old.  People used to marry for purely factual reasons; feelings didn\u2019t matter.  When God condemned Adam to eat by the sweat of his face (Gen. 3:19[495]<\/a>), God said nothing about how Eve would eat.  Women aren\u2019t strong enough to hunt or farm without modern machinery.  Until the 1960s, a woman had to persuade a man to feed her and her children or she\u2019d starve.  Hanging around a man without birth control meant that there would be babies every 2 or 3 years.  That made relationships very<\/em> important to a woman \u2013 if she didn\u2019t please the man who fed her (1 Cor. 7:34[496]<\/a>), she and her children could starve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents arranged marriages \u2013 the bride and groom often met for the first time at their wedding.  The only thing that mattered to a girl\u2019s parents was whether the man was strong enough to farm and heathy enough to last 20 years so her children could grow up and be on their own.  The boy\u2019s parents wanted to be sure she was a hard worker who could turn grain he grew into edible food and keep a house where he could live.  Emotional matters like love, tenderness, respect, and appreciation weren\u2019t considered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Powerful people used daughters as trading cards in political power games.  Pharaoh gave one of his daughters to Solomon when Solomon was a world-famous king (1 Ki. 3:1[497]<\/a>, 9:16[498]<\/a>).  During WW I, Czar Nicholas of Russia and Kaiser Wilhelm of Germany were cousins through Queen Victoria.  Many marriages were arranged to build alliances (Gen. 41:45[499]<\/a>, 1 Ki. 11:19[500]<\/a>).  Women\u2019s feelings mattered not at all<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rebecca agreed to marry Isaac when all she knew was 1) he was a relative and 2) he was rich enough to feed her.  The emotional part of marriage fell into place when he loved her (Gen. 24:67[501]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Customs and laws making divorce difficult bound men and women together so children had a better chance of being fed.  The Industrial Revolution made societies wealthy enough that parents could take emotion into account in marrying children off.  I visited Japanese friends in 1973 and saw them working through a pile of resumes to find a husband for their youngest daughter.  The marriage broker had interviewed her and made sure the photos were of her and that the resume was truthful \u2013 none of the self-serving lies which are so common on Western dating sites.  Based on her knowledge and experience, the broker sent resumes of possible husbands to the family and the family sent back their top 5 candidates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The broker sent back a list of 3 men who\u2019d put the daughter in their top 5 meaning she could marry any one of them.  When they dated, both parties knew a lot about each other including<\/em> the fact that they were serious<\/em> about getting married \u2013 paying the broker\u2019s fee ensured that.  Having logic<\/em> taken care of meant they were free to let their emotions decide.  My friend\u2019s daughter fell in love on her first date and has had a happy marriage.  The logic was taken care of by her parents and by the broker so she could safely give her heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MISSING MARRIAGES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In the West, marriage isn\u2019t nearly as common as in the past.  American customs have great influence on other nations over time.  It may help you to be warned about some of the ways American culture has damaged marriage.  Let\u2019s look at reasons why marriage is falling out of style in America.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Burning oil and coal reduced the amount of physical labor to get food enough that my Japanese friends could consider their daughter\u2019s feelings.  So many men could afford to feed her that she could choose one of them on the basis of emotion.  At that time, it wasn\u2019t yet practical for a woman to get a job and pay her own way.  Later, wealth increased to the point that women can get jobs and feed themselves without depending on husbands at all.  Customs which used to maintain marriages weakened.  There is less need to marry.  So many Americans, Japanese, Koreans, and Chinese choose not to that populations are dropping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God knew this would happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  I Timothy 5:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

At the time that was inspired, women had no alternative.  This command was put in place for a time 2,000 years later when women could choose whether to marry and whether to have children after marrying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WEAKER FAMILY TIES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

People used to marry and live near where they\u2019d grown up.  A couple had nearby relatives who could help them with children, illness, and other problems.  People now move far away from families so there isn\u2019t as much help available.  This makes the stresses of marriage and children greater \u2013 young people must figure marriage and parenthood out for themselves instead of being able to ask grandma or grandpa for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many American mothers work and put their children in day care.  We now know that skin-to-skin contact between a woman and a baby helps the child\u2019s brain grow.[502]<\/a>  Hormones on the mother\u2019s skin get into the baby\u2019s blood and have a calming effect when a mother holds or nurses her child.[503]<\/a>  This builds relationships between mother and child and helps babies learn to control their emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Day care workers don\u2019t have time to hold each child enough to do this.  They come and go so often that children can\u2019t develop trusting relationships with adults.  Children who grow up in day care have no close relationships with older people who can give advice.  They look for help from people their own age who know little more than they do.  Women tell each other how hard husbands and children are without giving useful information or encouragement.  This makes having families seem like bad burdens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOOKUP CULTURE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many Americans think nothing of having sex with lots of people, sometimes on the first or second date.  Women used to say, “Not unless we’re married, and I won’t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman says she wants to marry but lets a man have her without marrying her, he feels that she’s a liar.  Marriage means nothing to her or she would insist on it instead of just giving herself.  If she gives herself to him without marriage, how can he trust her not to give herself to someone else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intimacy without commitment is like icing without the cake.  It can be sweet, but it’s going to end up making you sick.  A woman sets her price by what she does (Pr. 31:10[504]<\/a>).  If her price is a few dinners or movies, she isn’t worth much.  If her price is that he dedicate his life to taking care of her before<\/em> getting her, she can be a priceless treasure.  What she does shouts so loudly that nobody can hear what she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he has her without marriage, what would marrying her give him that he doesn’t already have?  Men know little about women; how does a man know whom he should marry?  If he can have her without marriage, she isn’t worth marrying.  If he can’t, he will marry her if he wants her badly enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WORKING <\/a>MOTHERS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many American mothers go to work instead of staying home to care for their children.  You can\u2019t keep a job without pleasing the boss.  We often see a woman pleasing a man boss or a man pleasing a woman boss just a little too much.  They fall into sexual sin and wreck 2 families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proverbs 31:1 introduces \u201cThe words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.\u201d  The rest of the chapter is Mrs. Lemuel\u2019s advice to her son how to nourish and cherish his future wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It takes a lot of time and emotional energy for a mother to teach her son how to appreciate and honor his wife, and she can\u2019t teach him much unless her husband first teaches her son to honor and appreciate her.  Working mothers have neither the time nor the emotional energy to civilize their sons.  Women have a hard time finding a man who\u2019s been taught how to be a worthwhile husband and give up in despair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Working mothers don\u2019t have time or energy to teach their daughters about men either (Titus 2:3-5[505]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NOT ENOUGH APPRECIATION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jesus taught that men marry; women are given in marriage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.  Luke 17:27<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A wife is a gift from God to her husband, given by God as a favor, an undeserved blessing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Song of Solomon and Proverbs 31 teach that women need<\/em> appreciation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A man must teach his children to honor, respect, and appreciate their mother.  The best way to teach this is to tell her and them how wonderful she is, many times per day.  Scripture warns that anyone who fails to appreciate gifts God gives loses the blessing God intended in giving the gift:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; 48<\/sup>Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.  Deuteronomy 28:47-48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

70% of American divorces are started by unappreciated women.  Working wives get some<\/em> appreciation, if only through the paycheck, but they\u2019re often too tired to take care of husbands, children, or homes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GREAT SOCIETY<\/a> WELFARE SUBSTITUTES MONEY FOR FATHERS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

European and American welfare systems pay a woman\u2019s expenses if she doesn\u2019t get married.  Before welfare, a woman who wanted a home and children had to get a husband.  Now, all she has to get is pregnant which is a lot easier.  The women are OK with more babies because their welfare payments to up for each child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

America ran a 60-year experiment in supporting fatherless children.  We now know how it turns out \u2013 fatherlessness goes with crime and poverty.  Fatherless mobs burned down the city of Detroit and are starting on other cities.  God condemns fatherlessness \u2013 it\u2019s mentioned 43 times in Scripture:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/2021\/06\/gods-concern-for-fatherless.html\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

2 Thess. 3:10 says, “If any would not work, neither should he eat.”  It does not say “can not.”  Ecc. 10:18[506]<\/a> and Eze. 16:49[507]<\/a> condemn idleness; welfare pays for idleness and for fatherlessness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FEMINISM<\/a> \u2013 WOMENS\u2019 LIBERATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When the birth control pill arrived, feminists rejoiced that women could have sex for pleasure without worrying about pregnancy as men always had.  This is false.  The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 students for depression and other problems at a prestigious American university, she saw that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man loves a woman\u2019s soul, one woman is all he needs.  If all he sees is her face and figure, all the women in the world won\u2019t satisfy him.  Making men talk instead of having sex during courtship makes it more likely that he\u2019ll treasure her soul, but if she\u2019s just a sex toy, he\u2019ll discard her when a new toy comes along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being dumped a few times makes it hard for a woman to trust a man enough to want to marry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO-FAULT DIVORCE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The word \u201cdivorce\u201d means ending a marriage bond by some person of authority.  When Jesus said \u201clet not man put asunder (Mt. 19:6[508]<\/a>, Mk. 10:9[509]<\/a>),\u201d He meant that no man<\/em> has authority to end Holy Matrimony.  Once married in the eyes of God, a person cannot have sex with anyone else without being in adultery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As marriages fell apart and casual sex became normal, American churches seemed to be 20 to 25 years behind society in abandoning Holy Matrimony.  In 1950, mainstream American churches declared that the purpose of marriage was to benefit the two people in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This changed marriage from duty to delight.  If marriage is duty, divorce is impossible: duty cannot end until death.  If the purpose is delight, divorce should be easy: if you aren\u2019t delighted you can try again.  California passed the first no-fault divorce law in 1970, 20 years <\/em>after the church redefined marriage!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In all 50 American states, anyone can walk out of a marriage for any reason or for no reason.  70% of American divorces are started by women.  From a man\u2019s point of view, if they\u2019re living together, she can stop taking pills and make him pay child support which ends when the child is 18.  If they\u2019re married and she walks out, she can take a lot of his assets and he\u2019ll have to pay alimony the rest of her life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why should a man marry at all if he can have her without marrying?  If marriage is the only way he can have her, he\u2019ll marry if he wants her badly enough.  The emotions are still there \u2013 men want women and women want to get together with men \u2013 but the logic<\/em> of American society has changed \u2013 the facts<\/em> of American culture no longer support marriage.  Marriage has become so difficult that few couples attempt it.  Who\u2019s going to raise the children?  God made marriage so His people would raise children to serve Him (Mal. 2:15[510]<\/a>), but will there even be<\/em> any children?  We don\u2019t know.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 12 – <\/a>The Lesson of Leah \u2013 Having a Man\u2019s Baby Won\u2019t Make Him Marry You<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Scripture shows what drives men to marry.  Jacob loved Rachel the moment he saw her (Gen. 29:18[511]<\/a>) and worked for Laban for 7 years to earn the right to take her to wife:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why was he willing to do that?  He wanted her that<\/em> badly.  Women can never understand a man\u2019s physical drive any more than a man can understand how a mother feels about children, but she needs to know<\/em> this about men.  This verse tells how God intended that marriage should work:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Isaac supplied the tent.  If a man\u2019s offer to a woman doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter, it\u2019s not Biblical, and a woman shouldn\u2019t consider it.  Without that level of commitment it probably won\u2019t last, even if the family and culture force marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Taking Rebekah made her his wife because he had committed himself to nourish and cherish her when Abraham\u2019s servant set out to find her long<\/em> before he took her to wife.  Taking her without marriage would have turned her into an object or an interchangeable sex toy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7        Isaac loved her and then<\/em> she was able to comfort him.  God created women to be great<\/em> comfort to their husbands, but a man must first be publically committed to her and then convince his wife that he loves her more than life itself.  Then<\/em> she can comfort him.  Pr. 31:28-29[512]<\/a> and the Song of Solomon teach men how to do that by looking for ways to praise and appreciate her both privately and in public (Pr. 31:31[513]<\/a>).  Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife, not once<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man belongs to his wife as taught in the Song of Solomon (Song 2:16[514]<\/a>, 6:3[515]<\/a>), she will delight in belonging to him (Song 7:10[516]<\/a>) as her mother advises (Song 8:2-3[517]<\/a>).  This will convince both of them that she belongs to him.  If she\u2019s his, her happiness belongs to him in that he will find that making her happy makes him happier than anything he can do for himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The book of Ecclesiastes is Solomon\u2019s lament that everything he did was vanity and chasing after wind.  This was because he did it everything for himself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I made me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 great works; I builded me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 houses; I planted me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 vineyards:  Ecclesiastes 2:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman belongs to her husband, he can pour his life into nourishing and cherishing her and their children.  That\u2019s not<\/em> vanity because it\u2019s for others.  Nothing straightens a man like having a woman lean on him.  Caring for a woman gives meaning to a man\u2019s life; having her pay \u201cher share\u201d of the rent doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surveys of unmarried couples show that the women believe they\u2019ll marry \u201cin a year or two,\u201d but the men don\u2019t think they\u2019ll marry.  A woman may get tired of waiting and have a baby to get him to marry her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having a man\u2019s baby doesn\u2019t make a man love her enough to marry her.  When Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah instead of Rachel, the Bible tells us that Leah was hated (Gen. 29:31) and Rachel was loved.  Leah thought that giving Jacob a son would make him love her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.  Genesis 29:30-35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time her 4th<\/sup> son was born, Leah realized that having Jacob\u2019s sons wouldn\u2019t make him love her.  Abraham, father of Jews and Arabs and honored by both, didn\u2019t marry all the women who had his babies:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.  Genesis 25:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abraham, the Friend of God (2 Chr. 20:7[518]<\/a>, Isa. 41:8[519]<\/a>), got at least<\/em> two women pregnant besides his wives.  Did he marry them?  No, he sent them away (Gen. 24:73[520]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman wants marriage, the only sensible way to get a man to help raise her children, she must marry before letting him have her.  If a woman says she wants to marry but gives herself without marrying, he feels she’s a liar.  Marriage means nothing or she\u2019d insist on it instead of giving herself.  If she gives herself to him without marriage, how can he trust her not to give herself to someone else if he marries?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he can have her without marriage, what would marrying her give him that he doesn\u2019t already have?  Why should he take on the heavy responsibility of her and children if he doesn\u2019t have to?  Men know little about women, how does a man know whom to marry?  If he can have her without marriage, she isn’t worth marrying.  If he can’t, he\u2019ll marry her if he wants her badly enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intimacy without commitment is like icing without cake.  It can be sweet, but ends up making you sick.  The rewards of Pr. 31 are for a virtuous woman, not for one who\u2019s given away her virtue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A woman sets her price by what she does.  If her price is a few dinners or movies, she worth little.  If her price is that he dedicate his life to taking care of her before having her, she can be a priceless treasure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What a woman does shouts so loudly that a man can\u2019t hear what she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man will marry if he wants her badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNMARRIED COUPLES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Couples live together without marrying because of parents\u2019 failure to teach them how to create strong marriages which are safe places for children to grow up.  Husbands to love wives as Christ loves His people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A father\u2019s love nourishes wives, teaches sons how to treat wives and other women, and teaches daughters what to require of men (1 Tim. 5:2[521]<\/a>).  Women who expect honor, respect, and value wouldn\u2019t live with a man without marriage, but many find themselves in this position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How does a woman who wants to marry persuade her boyfriend?  If he has her without marriage, why take responsibility?  Society may accept this, but both partners are disobeying God who forbids fornication:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.  II Corinthians 6:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In most such cases, the woman wishes to marry while the man is reluctant.  Such reluctance is often well-founded; many couples who live together for years break up soon after they wed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why would a stable couple break up after a wedding?  An unhappy woman may cling to her \u201chappily ever after\u201d dream.  She thinks that marriage will make him value her more.  Once they\u2019re married and he doesn\u2019t treat her better, she knows her dream couldn\u2019t happen because he never valued her beyond a toy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Few realize that the way a man treats a woman determines whether she likes belonging to him.  When a man honors and respects a woman, she\u2019s free give herself to him as a love gift.  It\u2019s not something she owes him or that he demands.  Giving herself by demand instead of by love makes her feel<\/em> like his whore.  She needs<\/em> to be able to choose<\/em> to be glad to give herself instead of being taken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another problem in that many men expect a woman to act and think as he would whatever situation arises. He expects her to be an intellectual and emotional clone of him, without admitting that when God created them \u201cmale and female,\u201d He made them very different<\/a>[522]<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On top of that, \u201cOpposites attract.\u201d  A woman who\u2019s very neat in her housekeeping may marry a man who creates messes everywhere, and vice versa.  A shy man may attract an outgoing woman and vice versa.  Such differences often make it impossible for a wife to operate like her man, and his trying to make her do that frustrates them both.  He has to back off and let her be as God made her.  He must choose to value the gifts and abilities God chose to give her.  She can\u2019t expect him to act as she would either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men are possessive.  A man expects his wife to open herself to him whenever he wants her.  He dreams of 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.  God seldom gives him that much strength, but that\u2019s often his plan<\/em>.  Not all men have this much drive, but having a wife encourage him and tell him that they could do it more often if he exercised to get into better shape is a major encouragement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If she isn\u2019t his, if he can\u2019t have her when he\u2019s able to, he feels cheated, particularly if she was his before the wedding.  Women are possessive \u2013 she wants him to open his heart to her when she wants to talk.  She may need hours of two-way conversation per day, at least<\/em> 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men fear that if they give the security of marriage, the woman will trade her favors to get her way instead of giving herself willingly.  Bartering favors is whoredom, but many women do it when they feel it\u2019s the only way to express their wants or their basic artistic, musical, decorating, or other desires such as children.  A man who doesn\u2019t trust his woman to be his doesn\u2019t want her to feel secure enough to bargain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All women are sensitive to criticism from men, but wives are more sensitive than roommates.  When he criticizes his wife with the same words and tones as before, her hurt is greater.  Remarks that wouldn\u2019t bother her before marriage hurt so much that they can drive her away.  A man must be gentler with his wife than with his roommate, it\u2019s hard to change habits from living with her before marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This can happen with any couple when the wife decides to obey God and be submissive.  It\u2019s a long-term uphill struggle for a woman to give up leadership and independence in each area of her life and rely on her husband. This is especially difficult if he\u2019s inclined to oppress or micromanage her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be hard on a wife who wants to help her husband but he won\u2019t use her help.  Even if he\u2019s willing to be helped, he may not explain his plans clearly enough for her to follow effectively.  Some men pay vendors whom they trust to do things their way instead of explaining to their wives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women may think submitting means they can no longer be persons with their own thoughts and feelings, but will become a servant or clone.  Some believe this through experience and some have seen men treat women in this un-Biblical manner.  That shouldn\u2019t be so\u2014a wife is meant to be a vital part of her husband\u2019s life who uses her intelligence, skills, gifts, talents, and abilities to build her home, build up her husband, encourage his leadership, help him in his work, and serve the Lord\u2019s work under his guidance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is learned behavior.  He must learn her strengths so he can rely on her initiative; she must learn to help him and to follow him.  It may help if she says, \u201cMy husband, I realize that God wants me to belong to you and that I haven\u2019t been yours.  I promise to try my best before God and before you to be fully yours.  I have developed bad habits over the years that came before I realized how God wanted me to behave.  Please be patient with me as I struggle to be the wife God wants me to be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Submitting makes a woman more sensitive by taking away her independence, so a wife becomes more sensitive to criticism the more she submits.  A man should never criticize a woman, especially when she\u2019s struggling to belong to him.  Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Few women are taught just how physically-driven men are.  Women are often attracted to strong men because they\u2019re likely to live long enough to help get children ready for independent lives.  Women think in terms of times per month or perhaps week, a man usually wants more than she.  If his wife frustrates him enough, he may let his body get out of shape or gain weight so that he can\u2019t<\/em> do it as often and won\u2019t be as frustrated.  God seldom gives him the strength to do it as often as he\u2019d like, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many women who submit once a month feel that they\u2019re absolutely<\/em> submissive; there\u2019s no way a man could possibly<\/em> want more.  When we were discussing a couple\u2019s retreat we\u2019d attended, a woman told my wife, \u201cMy husband isn\u2019t driven like that\u201d while watching her husband indicating vehement disagreement without saying anything.  The next time we saw them, it was obvious he\u2019d convinced her \u2013 she acted differently because belonging to a man calms a woman.  Anyone who knows her can see the change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A husband must learn new speech patterns as his wife learns to be his.  A woman can\u2019t change overnight, nor does the change proceed steadily.  Learning to lean on her husband is frightening, particularly if she\u2019s spent years of independent married life.  Some days she\u2019s his, other days she\u2019s back to her old self.  Giving her loving support through the change and assuming leadership only as she gives it up teaches her husband why love is called \u2018longsuffering\u2019 in I Corinthians 13:1-8, but in the end, he has a wife who delights in belonging to him, a gift which all husbands should have but which few receive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman wants to share her husband\u2019s life by helping him in his work or in anything he wants to do, but she also wants him to share in what she does.  Having him sit in the kitchen and talk with her, or better yet, do some chopping as she prepares meals lightens her burden of guiding the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She has to be intelligent about accepting his help.  The chance of his doing it the way she would is close to zero.  If she complains, he\u2019ll stop trying to help.  Remember Proverbs 31:26  \u201cShe openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

INSISTING ON MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The woman usually wants marriage so it\u2019s up to her to get it.  A man marries if he wants a woman badly and marriage is the only way to have her; few men buy what they can rent, few rent what\u2019s available free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects a man to honor a woman enough to set her apart from all other women by marrying her before having her.  If a man doesn\u2019t value her enough to do that, it\u2019s going to be hard to persuade him to value her that much after having her for nothing while she paid \u201cher share\u201d of the rent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is going to make it very hard for him to be willing to accept responsibility by marrying.  A woman who decides to push for marriage must realize that she could lose him entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lovingly but firmly, she must say, \u201cUnmarried sex is wrong before God and before man.  You know that as well as I.  I love you and want to give my life to you, but I will no longer give you my body outside marriage.  Marry me, and I solemnly promise that I will belong to you.  I will live on your income and follow your leadership.  As my husband, you may have me whenever you want me even when I don\u2019t want you, but without marriage, you may no longer have me at all.\u201d  Say that and separate from him sexually!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is difficult unless she walks out the door<\/em>.  Walking out is hard, particularly if she has no place to go.  Her body likes attention and cutting off sex is difficult, especially if she loves him.  Most women don\u2019t particularly want touching until after they\u2019ve been touched, then they want it badly from time to time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If touching comes after marriage, a woman can give herself in confidence that he\u2019s committed to her.  If touching comes without marriage, she fears he\u2019ll abandon her and has trouble controlling her desire for his touch even if it has become rottenness to her bones.  It\u2019s better to stay chaste until marriage – giving herself even once makes it hard not to give herself again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He won\u2019t believe her unless she stops.  He\u2019ll think she\u2019s tricking him into marriage.  Having had her, he knows the tricks to make her fall and tries to get her again.  If she surrenders, she\u2019s lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women who give sex without marriage know<\/em> they\u2019re not respected.  Obeying Christ\u2019s command with respect to sex or trying to get out of a relationship which isn\u2019t working isn\u2019t manipulation.  Adopting a path of virtue is the best way to get him to value and respect her enough to marry her in sincerity and truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019ll marry her if he wants her badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he doesn\u2019t marry her, she\u2019ll want to marry someone else.  She knows<\/em> the pain of giving herself and her heart without marriage.  That should give her strength to tell another man, \u201cNo, that mistake hurts<\/em>, and never again<\/em>.  No sex until we\u2019re married and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOLY MATRIMONY IS A SACRED COVENANT SEALED WITH BLOOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A woman who\u2019s trying to repent of sexual sin will be encouraged by God\u2019s provision for such situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God planned that the marriage covenant be sealed with blood.   Mal.2:14<\/strong> refers to \u201cthe wife of thy covenant.\u201d  \u201cThy covenant\u201d refers to the husband.  A man offers his marriage covenant to the woman.  If she accepts his covenant, they\u2019re married when he takes her to wife after<\/em> a public declaration to God before witnesses.  What matters is the desire of their hearts.  If they intend to marry from their hearts, if they mean to sanctify each other before God and others, joining is holy and pure, otherwise it\u2019s polluted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Blood is very important<\/em> to God.  We Christians are sanctified through the blood of Jesus Christ:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 once for all.  Hebrews 10:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore Jesus also, that he might sanctify the people with his own blood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, suffered without the gate.  Hebrews 13:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Blood was very<\/em> important to God from the time He chose Abraham to be the first of His people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whereupon neither the first testament was dedicated without blood.  For when Moses had spoken every precept to all the people according to the law, he took the blood of calves and of goats, with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book, and all the people, saying, This is the blood of the testament which God hath enjoined unto you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Moreover he sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle, and all the vessels of the ministry.  And almost all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 are by the law purged with blood<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and without shedding of blood is no remission.  Hebrews 9:18-22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moses sprinkled the book of the law, that is, the Bible, and sprinkled the people as a sign that they would obey<\/em> the Word of God.  All of the equipment of the temple was sanctified to God by being sprinkled with blood.  The Bible then says, \u201cAnd almost all things are by the law purged with blood\u2026\u201d (Hebrews 9:22).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God created all things from a plan, He did nothing by accident.  A woman sheds blood on three different occasions.  The first time a man takes a woman, her blood is shed.  This blood, which the Bible calls \u201ctokens of her virginity,\u201d sanctifies her marriage covenant if<\/em> he takes her in marriage, otherwise shedding her blood profanes God\u2019s sacred marriage covenant.  They aren\u2019t married until he takes her to wife (Gen. 24:67[523]<\/a>); his marriage covenant takes effect when sealed with her blood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abraham, the weaker party, gave up animals to provide blood to seal God\u2019s covenant with him (Gen. 15).  The woman, the weaker party, gives up her innocence to provide blood to seal her husband\u2019s marriage covenant with her (Deu. 22:20-21[524]<\/a>).  She loses her innocence<\/em> and learns about men, but she does not<\/em> lose her purity.<\/em>  Hebrews 13:4 says, \u201cMarriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.\u201d  If he takes her to wife,<\/em> she keeps her purity, otherwise she gives her purity away and they\u2019re both defiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16<\/sup>What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.  I Corinthians 6:15-16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s more sanctification in marriage than just the marriage covenant alone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.  I Corinthians 7:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A woman sheds blood to sanctify her marriage covenant and sheds blood to sanctify her children, that is, to set them apart and make them holy, by shedding blood when giving birth.  There\u2019s no need to baptize babies, they\u2019ve been sanctified to God by their mother\u2019s shed blood.  Childbearing sanctifies the mother:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Timothy 2:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every month she\u2019s not pregnant or nursing, a woman\u2019s womb cleans itself with blood at the end of her cycle.  Her blood purifies her womb to prepare a place where God can mold and make a sanctified child.  Every month, a woman who\u2019s fallen into sin has a chance to start over again in purity if<\/em> she repents from fornication and stops doing it<\/em>.  That is far<\/em> easier said than done, but she has a way forward:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14<\/sup>I press toward the mark<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:13-14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The blood a woman sheds is important to God, but how many Christians respect it?  How many Christian men honor and sanctify by marrying her first and treating her as a gift (1 Thess. 4:3-6[525]<\/a>)?  How many Christian couples pollute God\u2019s sacred marriage covenant with the \u201clust of concupiscence?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The physical side of marriage is holy and pure (Heb. 13:4[526]<\/a>).  There\u2019s no reason to be shy; there is no reason not to teach it; we should respect and honor it.  God not only made marriage honorable, He gave women a path to recover from polluting His marriage covenant and press toward His mark in purity.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 13 – Marriage <\/a>Handout<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The foundation<\/em> of joyful Holy Matrimony is both parties being convinced in their bones<\/em> that God is good<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!  Psalm 107:8, 15, 21, 31<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The man knows<\/em> that everything about his wife that irritates him is from God to bless him.  His wife knows<\/em> that everything about him that drives her crazy is from God to bless her.  It may take years of asking God for wisdom to figure out how<\/em> they\u2019re blessed, but the way God made men and women blesses both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.  Matthew 25:40<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

BEING MARRIED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

1.      Isaac supplied the tent.  A man\u2019s proposal to a woman that doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter isn\u2019t biblical<\/em>.  If a man can\u2019t pay for her, all he can do is play with her.  That never ends well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.      She became his wife, not his girlfriend \u2013 they both<\/em> made public marriage vows before<\/em> he took her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3.      Isaac loved Rebekah and then<\/em> he was comforted.  God gave every wife the ability to comfort her husband, but comforting a man is emotionally exhausting.  Being convinced<\/em> that he loves her renews her emotional energy so she can keep<\/em> comforting him.  This requires a lot of daily detailed praise and appreciation by both husband and wife<\/em> as taught in the Song of Solomon (Song 1:2[527]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and with gladness of heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, for the abundance of all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; 48<\/sup>Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Deuteronomy 28:47-48<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man limits his wife\u2019s ability to make him happy if he limits his appreciation of everything<\/em> about her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GETTING MARRIED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong>  The best advice on getting<\/em> married there is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz wasn\u2019t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth suggested it, it was such a good<\/em> idea he ran out the very next morning and married her.  Why?  Because he wanted<\/em> her.  If a woman gives a man rest outside marriage, her value falls (Pr. 31:10[528]<\/a>).  What would marriage give that he doesn\u2019t have?  Why take on responsibility?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DWELLING ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This means knowing her needs, preferences, thoughts, and feelings and think<\/em> about her when making decisions.  If a woman prefers vanilla and her husband always brings home chocolate, does he love her?  Will she feel loved?  The only way a man can get this knowledge is though hours and days of open-hearted conversation.  There\u2019s a reward \u2013 the better your wife knows you, the more easily she can please you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

STAYING MARRIED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother tells her to welcome him into her body whenever he wants her<\/em>.  Giving herself when she\u2019d rather not is what submission means<\/em>.  She has more sexual capacity than he; she can drain off all of his energy to keep him focused.  If she sends him off to work loaded, he may be tempted by other women (Pr. 6:28[529]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HUSBAND <\/a>LEADS BY SERVING<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HUSBAND <\/a>LEADS IN APPRECIATION<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  [saying]  29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Lemuel taught her son to praise his wife and teach his children to follow his example of praising and appreciating her.  This teaches the \u201cattitude of gratitude\u201d which blesses them all their lives.  Praise is partly to encourage his wife and partly to teach her children to respect her.  If her daughters respect her, she can teach them how to be treasures for their future husbands instead of being toys.  If her sons respect her, she can teach them how to be blessed by their future wives as Mrs. Lemuel taught her son in Pr. 31.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife.  Not once.  Really?  What about this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.  But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh.  Job 2:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Job\u2019s wife lost seven sons who were her hope of being fed after her husband died \u2013 no pensions.  Her husband lost his money and spoke of dying.  He said she spoke \u201clike a foolish woman.\u201d  That implied she wasn\u2019t usually foolish, it was halfway a compliment.  He criticized what she did<\/em>; he didn\u2019t criticize her<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 17:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A husband\u2019s criticism dries his wife\u2019s bones and can shorten her life.  Praise helps her live longer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD SPEAKS TO WOMEN<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Pilate\u2019s wife expected him to value her dream<\/em>.  He should have let the help meet God gave help him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WIFE RESPECTS HER HUSBAND<\/a> AND GUIDES HIS HOUSE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33<\/sup>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:22, 33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as it is fit in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  I Timothy 5:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women are driven<\/em> to talk about caring for husbands, children, and homes.  That\u2019s a good thing.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 14 – <\/a>Handling Disputes and Anger at Home, at Church, at Work, and in the World<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God expects His church to come together in fellowship without offense or anger:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That there should be no schism in the body<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; but that the members should have the same care one for another.  I Corinthians 12:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God also told us how to resolve any disagreement, trespass, or offense.  God\u2019s plan for finding peace requires that we have a humble, practical willingness to deal with whatever robs the soul and spirit of peace and joy.  Healing disagreement is important in any group, family, or church because we need each other:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it;  I Corinthians 12:26a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t accomplish God\u2019s purpose in our local church if the Body of Believers is divided or in anger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Luke 11:17b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 18:4<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:  Ephesians 4:26<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

We must heal hurts fast because memories fade.  These are God\u2019s commands for restoring peace:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16<\/sup>But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 17<\/sup>And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.  Matthew 18:15-17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Scofield Reference Bible put the heading \u201cCHURCH DISCIPLINE\u201d before Mt. 18:15.  This suggests that God\u2019s process is only for matters that could throw someone out of church.  That\u2019s wrong – God\u2019s plan works for anything<\/em> that upsets you enough that you can\u2019t ignore it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n