{"id":15937,"date":"2024-02-06T18:48:18","date_gmt":"2024-02-06T23:48:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/?p=15937"},"modified":"2024-02-06T19:31:01","modified_gmt":"2024-02-07T00:31:01","slug":"15937","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/06\/15937\/","title":{"rendered":"HAPPY SPOUSE… HAPPY HOUSE…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"May
‘The Transformed Wife @godlywomanhood It’s NOT your husband responsibility to make you happy, women. If you go into marriage thinking it is, your marriage is doomed from the beginning. Happiness is a choice you make. You decide whether or not to be thankful and joyful or moody and difficult. It’s that simple.’ The Transformed Wife<\/strong><\/a>
5h <\/strong><\/a> 02\/06\/24<\/a>  \u00b7  <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Instead of going into marriage thinking of ways your husband should meet your needs (emotional, mental, physical\u2026) whatever they may be, go into marriage thinking of ways to be the best help meet suitable to him that you can be – Earnestly Contend For The Faith Jude 3 (awarningministry.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bill Taylor<\/a> It may not be his responsibility, but his life will go better if he does. “Happy wife, happy life.” the Bible warns 5 times that an unhappy woman is a hardship. My wife asked God to choose her husband, God could not give her to me to be my wife without teaching me important facts about her, so the Holy Spirit led her to say some very surprising things about herself while we were dating. This information became the foundation of our marriage. We found later that many women had similar needs, so we wrote it down for our granddaughter: https:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/…\/what-drove…<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her words will help you make a man confident he can make you happy. This will make him feel safe opening his heart to you and convince him that making you happy will make him very happy indeed. It worked for me! There is no joy for a man on this side of heaven that compares with having a woman LIKE belonging to him, but he has to convince her that he is glad to belong to her and glad to take care of her for that to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SUCCESSFUL-MARRIAGE.BLOGSPOT.COM – Marriage Under Threat: What Drove Jesus’ 11 Nobodies to Turn the World Upside-Down?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage Under Threat: What Drove Jesus’ 11 Nobodies to Turn the World Upside-Down? (successful-marriage.blogspot.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage Under Threat: What Drove Jesus’ 11 Nobodies to Turn the World Upside-Down? (successful-marriage.blogspot.com)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT MY WIFE TOLD ME BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED BY BILL & ROBERTA TAYLOR<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

My wife and I have been happily married since 1971.  It\u2019s obvious to people who know us, and to most who see us for the first time.  Years ago, our granddaughter Veronica asked us why we were so happily married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a girl becomes a woman, the way she manages her relationships with men, or better yet, with a<\/em> man, has a profound effect on how her life turns out.  Kids today are subject to many wrong influences, far more than when we grew up.  Veronica wanted to avoid the path of marital misery so many travel today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The strongest influence on a marriage is how the husband treats his wife.  The way he treats her is based on what happens before marriage, and most of that is determined by how the woman conducts herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before we were married, my wife told me vital facts about herself which became the foundation of our marriage.  We wrote them down for Veronica in the hope that she would position herself to be as valued, treasured, appreciated, and nourished as her grandmother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW SHE KNEW WHAT TO SAY<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

About a year before I found her, my wife was planning to marry a man she\u2019d dated in college.  He looked really good \u2013 youth group leader, served in the church \u2013 so she asked God if she ought to marry him.  To her shock and dismay, God plainly said, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing her distress, the Holy Spirit brought a missionary who knew her friend well to her college.  He confirmed that the flaw God had pointed out would make it a bad idea for her to marry him.  When she asked him about it, he huffed, \u201cThat\u2019s how I am.  If you don\u2019t like it, good bye!\u201d and broke up with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A year went by and her friends were marrying.  She prayed, \u201cOh God, please, send me a husband or make me content without one.\u201d  One day, as she opened her hymnbook, she realized she\u2019d been seen<\/em> by a man behind her.  \u201cIs this my husband?\u201d she thought.  She was thinking of marrying me before she\u2019d even seen me.  We had our first date in April and married in August.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019d asked God to choose her husband.  Knowing that I had no idea how to nourish or cherish her, the Holy Spirit led her to tell me astounding things about her.  She was embarrassed by some of what she said and had had no such thoughts before saying them.  This guidance to me was clearly of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Proverbs 31:1 says that Mrs. Lemuel taught her son how to bless his future wife; mothers are better qualified to teach sons how to nourish wives than fathers are.  Working mothers don\u2019t have time for that.  It\u2019s hard for her to get through to her son because men aren\u2019t inclined to listen to women.  The angel criticized Manoah for not accepting what the angel told his wife (Judges 13:13) and Pilate ignored his wife\u2019s advice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19 *<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

There is a time, however, when a man may listen.  When he\u2019s attracted enough to pursue a woman, his<\/em> agenda is well defined and focused.  If he\u2019s drawn strongly enough to her, he\u2019ll listen as she explains the terms and conditions under which she would enjoy fulfilling his plans.  If he won\u2019t listen, she must walk away<\/em> because he\u2019ll never pay closer attention to what she says than when he\u2019s pursuing her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every man knows that a woman can give him the joys of Heaven, but he also knows an unhappy woman can give him the torments of Hell.  What she said was so reasonable and so workable that I was confident I could make her happy.  Once I decided she wanted to make me<\/em> happy, marrying her was a no-brainer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Veronica couldn\u2019t count on a man having been taught because few working mothers have time to do that.  We wrote down what her grandmother told me to give her ideas to tell a prospective mate what God wanted me to know about sanctifying and nourishing my wife.  It worked as well for her as for her grandmother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DATING IS <\/a>NOT A GAME, IT\u2019S SERIOUS BEYOND MEASURE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Veronica, my best beloved, the Bible teaches that you were made for your husband; he\u2019s not made for you (I Co. 11:8-9[141]<\/a>).  That means that even though your role as wife is of critical importance to your home, your husband, as your leader, has more influence than you do after you\u2019re married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re a mirror, you\u2019ll multiply whatever your husband gives you.  Consider babies.  Your husband gives you one tiny cell.  You gather his life force unto yourself, nourish and multiply his seed within you, and bring forth a child with billions of cells.  Every cell of your baby has the mark of your husband\u2019s DNA (Gen. 5:3[142]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your husband gives you joy, love, appreciation, praise, and sanctification (Song 6:9[143]<\/a>), you\u2019ll multiply what he gives you and fill your home with love and light to the Glory of God.  If he gives you anger, criticism, or harshness, Satan will tempt you to multiply that<\/em> and your house will fill with anger and pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A virtuous wife \u201copeneth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Pr. 31:26).\u201d  A man who\u2019s emotionally involved with you can be hurt terribly by your words even if he won\u2019t admit it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Real Biblical love is a choice, not an emotion.  Jesus loves in spite of being hurt (Mt. 23:37[144]<\/a>) and so can a man or woman whose love of Christ strengthens (Philip. 4:13[145]<\/a>), but why should your words make it hard for your husband to open his heart to you?  How can he trust in you as Pr. 31:11 promises if you hurt him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your husband has the most impact on your life after marriage, but what you do before<\/em> the wedding sets your value to him.  The path God gives you may be different from ours, but as long as you let God lead, He\u2019ll get you where you ought to be.  The wisdom the Holy Spirit led your grandmother to convey to me as we courted was vital to our walk with God, so I\u2019m sharing it with you for you to pass along to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next chapter tells our granddaughter what the Holy Spirit wanted me to know before God could give her grandmother to me to be my wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 10 – Saturday Afternoon 4-5 \u2013<\/a> Wisdom Your Grandmother Shared With Me<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

My best beloved granddaughter, you\u2019re old enough that the choices you\u2019re making now<\/em> will affect the rest of your life.  Your theology, that is, what you believe about God, is your most important choice.  What you choose to believe about God determines what you do, and what you do affects how things turn out for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve prayed, \u201cGod is great, God is good, let us thank Him,\u201d but do you believe<\/em> it?  Your grandmother chose to believe that God was great enough to give her life and breath and good enough to give His Word to bless her.  She tried to follow the parts she understood and she asked God to protect her to keep her on His path.  She also believed that God was good enough to want her to have an abundant life (John 10:10b[146]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She knew God knew her better than she knew herself.  She believed that if God wanted her to marry, He would give her to a man who would bless her if she let Him choose.  She spent years<\/em> asking God to work in her heart to make her a Proverbs 31 woman, that\u2019s why she was able to hear what God told her about me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These two passages became her key to letting God choose her husband:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Keeping her heart was the key.  Women can get emotionally involved with very<\/em> wrong men after which it\u2019s hard to hear the Lord\u2019s warning to pull away.  She tried to keep her heart from me until after<\/em> I married her.  All through dating and up the aisle, she prayed, \u201cGod, if Bill isn\u2019t the right man for me, please stop this!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To make me right for her, God had to teach me how to nourish and cherish her.  Men are pretty clueless about women.  God worked on me by having your grandmother say some vital, astounding things to me while we were courting and after we were married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019M A TREASURE LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND, <\/a>NOT A TOY LOOKING FOR FUN<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When I first asked her out, she said, \u201cBefore you spend any money on me, you should know that I\u2019m looking for a husband.  I\u2019m not looking for fun; I want to get married.  I\u2019m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether you and I should marry.  God made me to be a treasure for some man<\/em>.  If you aren\u2019t that man, fine, we can part friends, but I\u2019m not a toy<\/em>.  I don\u2019t want a man to play with me; I want a man to stay with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting marriage on the table was part of guarding her heart.  When a woman lets herself \u201cfall in love\u201d with a man who isn\u2019t willing to marry anyone, she\u2019s crusin\u2019 for a brusin\u2019; she\u2019s in for a world of hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she spoke of my spending money on her, she signaled that she expected me<\/em> to support her<\/em>.  In times past, a woman wouldn\u2019t give herself to a man without marriage and she wouldn\u2019t marry him unless he\u2019d grow up enough to have a job.  Many modern girls live with guys without marriage and even pay \u201ctheir share\u201d of the rent.  Your grandmother was letting me know that she<\/em> wasn\u2019t going to do that<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every man knows in his heart that a woman can give him the joys of Heaven, that\u2019s why men pursue women.  I was attracted to her, and she tells me she plans to be God\u2019s treasure for her husband!  I didn\u2019t know that she had no idea what being my treasure would mean, but I knew exactly<\/em> what it would be like to have her be God\u2019s treasure for me.  If she meant that<\/em>, marriage would be a no-brainer, so I said, \u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A wife can\u2019t make her husband any happier than he makes her.  God knew I had no idea how to nourish and cherish her.  He had to teach me how to learn how to make her happy so that she could make me happy.  If I couldn\u2019t make her happy, we\u2019d both be miserable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I WANT TO BE PURE AT THE ALTAR<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

On our second date, she told me to dump the other girl I was seeing; she wanted me to focus on her and on her alone.  She then said she wanted to be a virgin on her wedding night.  We agreed that the promises of Proverbs 31 are for a virtuous woman, not the other kind, and that God reserves intimacy for marriage.  She was embarrassed about having said that, but she in effect made me responsible for protecting her purity.  She\u2019d been asking God to protect her all along, now she asked me to help God protect her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good thing, too.  My classmates were pretty casual about men and women coming together without marriage.  This discussion gave me the strength to preserve our purity when we were tempted later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHE CALLED ME \u201cSIR.\u201d<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

From early in our courtship, she\u2019d occasionally say \u201cYes, sir\u201d when I addressed her.  Not every time, but as the spirit moved her.  I like that a lot, but we had no idea how important it was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches you to call your husband \u201cLord (I Pe. 3:8)\u201d and to reverence him (Eph. 5:33[147]<\/a>).  This is difficult if you don\u2019t respect him.  Ladies should wait<\/em> for a man whom they want<\/em> to call \u201cSir.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSir\u201d meant she\u2019d respect me in spite of my mistakes.  We\u2019re told to confess our faults one to another (Jas. 5:16[148]<\/a>).  Men don\u2019t like doing that and they really<\/em> don\u2019t like telling wives things they\u2019re afraid will cost them respect.  Many men ignore Pr. 31:11a[149]<\/a> and won\u2019t open their hearts to their wives.  Calling me \u201cSir\u201d helped me open my heart to her when I realized that God wanted me to belong to her; we\u2019re glad she could do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DON\u2019T FUSS AT ME<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Weeks later, she asked that I never fuss at her.  \u201cI want to love you very much,\u201d she said.  \u201cThe more I love you, the more disapproval hurts me.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That made sense \u2013 the Bible speaks of women as \u201ctender and delicate.\u201d  I didn\u2019t want to keep her from loving me, so I watch what I say.  We didn\u2019t know it then, but God said the same thing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Pro 12:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I need this too.  A man can be hurt as badly by a woman he loves as a woman can be hurt by a man whom she loves.  We\u2019ve tried always to be sure<\/em> our tongues are health to each other.  She tries to speak so that the 10-foot area near her is the best place in all the world for me to be, that\u2019s why I like hanging around her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

TALKING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN <\/a>YOU CAN IMAGINE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A few days before our wedding, she told me she was really looking forward to being married.  I was too.  I thought we were on the same page, but she went on.  \u201cI really like talking to you.  Once we\u2019re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What??!!  That\u2019s more talk than a man can imagine<\/em>, she was expecting hours per day!  I\u2019d been talking a lot <\/em>while dating because we couldn\u2019t do anything else.  I thought once we were married, it would be a done deal and we wouldn\u2019t have<\/em> to talk about it any more.  As she got marriage on the table, as she asked me to focus my attention on her alone, as she made me responsible for protecting her purity, she told me that talking to her a lot more than I could imagine <\/em>was an important part of our marriage covenant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had no idea how vital this was.  Let\u2019s just say that a woman can\u2019t follow her husband unless she knows what he wants.  She can\u2019t do what he wants unless he opens his heart to her so that she knows him well enough to know<\/em> what he wants.  Then she can be sure<\/em> he\u2019ll be happy with her, which makes her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made women so that they think very differently from men (Pr. 19:14b[150]<\/a>).  It takes hours and hours of talk before a man can understand what a woman is saying.  If I hadn\u2019t promised to talk to her, I\u2019d probably have been too impatient to open my heart to her enough for her to feel that I valued her mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opening my heart to her was scary, but Proverbs 31:11 says \u201cThe heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.\u201d  God wanted me to know that it was OK to open myself to her.  Opening myself to her made me hers as opening herself to me made her mine.  The Song of Solomon teaches that husband and wife are supposed to belong to each other.  God led her to ask me to promise to talk to her and all that talk made me hers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I SERVE GOD BY SERVING YOU<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

24 hours after our wedding, she said, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about being married to you.\u201d  I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re married, what\u2019s to talk about,\u201d but she had<\/em> told me talking would be important, so we talked.  \u201cThe Bible says God wants me to belong to you, obey you, and submit to you,\u201d she said.  I thought, \u201cNeat-o!  We\u2019re on the same page!\u201d but she wasn\u2019t done.  \u201cI\u2019ll do my best to do that,\u201d she said, \u201cbut I\u2019m not doing it just for you.  I\u2019m doing it for God because He<\/em> told me to.  I\u2019m serving God by serving you because God wants me to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoa.  I thought about that<\/em> for a long time and I still think about it.  The next day, I told her, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about what you said.  God wants me to lead you and take care of you.  The Bible says that anyone who would be first of all must be least of all and servant of all.  If I\u2019m to lead you as God wants, I have to lead you by serving you.  You said it well \u2013 I\u2019ll serve God by serving you because God wants me to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see, Veronica, marriage, like salvation, is an unmerited gift of God.  The only way to be saved is to die to your former life and be married to Christ.  Your husband won\u2019t deserve your submission, you won\u2019t deserve his giving his life to nourish you; those are undeserved gifts of God\u2019s grace.  God expects married people to serve Him by serving each other and their children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus said that husband and wife are no more twain, but one flesh.  The only way 2 people can become one is for each of them to die to themselves in favor of their new family.  Each of you must give the other the same love and grace God gave in saving you (I Pe. 4:10[151]<\/a>).  As Christ chose to love you regardless of your failures, you and your husband must choose to love each other regardless of failure, \u2018til death do you part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As God sees you as perfect, you must treat each other as perfect (II Co. 5:14a[152]<\/a>); you can only do this by the Grace of God.  Watching your husband love you in spite of your failures increases your love for Christ and for him, and vice-versa.  When lost people see you give God\u2019s grace to each other, they\u2019ll want God\u2019s grace, and we have the privilege<\/em> of laboring together with God (1 Cor. 3:9[153]<\/a>) to tell them how to get it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salvation is about God giving \u2013 for God so loved that He gave.  Your grandmother so loves God that she let God give her to me, I so love God that I let God give me to her.  Our love for each other is based on our love for God.  He must be first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just before our wedding, I wrote a letter, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman, for God so loved me that He gave me you.\u201d  It never occurred to me that she wouldn\u2019t belong to me, but I know many wives who don\u2019t belong to their husbands.  Beg God to increase your love for Christ and for Him.  Ask that He help you become a Proverbs 31 woman whether He wants you to marry or not.  Then<\/em> if God chooses for you to marry, He can give you to a man who\u2019ll treasure you as He treasures you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AND WE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I told you, oh my best beloved, that although your role is important after you\u2019re married, your husband has more influence on your happiness than you do.  Having told you how God led your grandmother to prepare us both for marriage, it\u2019s time to tell you why our marriage has worked out as well as it has.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, your grandmother actually let God give her to me.  When we first came together on our wedding night, she was terrified because God gave her a deep, frightening desire to belong to me and to serve me.  Nobody had warned her of this, but she\u2019d prayed for years that God would work on her heart to prepare her for marriage; this had<\/em> to be from God.  She clung to her faith that God was good and prayed, \u201cLord, You must want me to belong to Bill.  That doesn\u2019t make sense, but if that\u2019s what You want, I\u2019ll do my best to submit to him and to belong to him.\u201d  That\u2019s why she was able to tell me she planned to serve God by serving me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It never occurred to me that she wouldn\u2019t belong to me.  When I stood at the altar and vowed to God that I\u2019d give up my right to pursue all the other women in the world and focus my masculinity on her, I expected<\/em> her to be mine.  To show that I\u2019m not unusual, look at \u201cthe heart of her husband\u2026\u201d (Pr. 31:11)  The Hebrew word is \u201cBa-el.\u201d  \u201cEl\u201d means \u201cgod\u201d as in \u201cel-shaddai\u201d or \u201celohim.\u201d  \u201cBaal\u201d appears in the Old Testament as the name of a deity.  It could be translated \u201cLord,\u201d \u201cgod,\u201d or \u201cowner\u201d in Pr. 31:11.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider the Japanese word \u201cshu-jin\u201d which is translated \u201chusband.\u201d  \u201cJin\u201d is \u201cperson;\u201d \u201cshu\u201d is \u201cLord\u201d as in \u201cShu yesu kiristo;\u201d Lord Jesus Christ.  Shujin is literally \u201clord person.\u201d  A Japanese wife can\u2019t refer to her husband without calling him \u201cLord;\u201d it\u2019s built into the language as in Eph. 5:33.  My possessiveness is normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many women honor their husbands with their lips (Mt. 15:8[154]<\/a>, Mk. 7:6[155]<\/a>) without honoring them with their hearts.  If your grandmother had done that, I would have been deeply hurt and deeply disappointed.  I would also have been deeply ashamed which would have harmed my health (Pr. 12:4[156]<\/a>).  Very little shames a man worse that having his wife not be his; I know of two heart attacks where such shaming was involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When your grandmother chose to let God give her to me, her happiness became my happiness.  Proverbs warns 5 times that an unhappy woman is a hardship (Pr. 19:13b[157]<\/a>, 21:9[158]<\/a>, 19[159]<\/a>, 25:24[160]<\/a>, 27:15[161]<\/a>), but the opposite is true, too.  When she was happy, life was good.  When she was happy with me, life was very good.  When she was happy in being mine, I got the taste of the joys of Heaven that I\u2019d expected when she told me God had made her to be a treasure.  Being a practical engineer, I started learning how to make her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had another reason to study her.  I\u2019d heard many men complain about women, and they complained about the same things.  When I told her, she told me her friends had said, \u201cHe may love you, but he won\u2019t like things about you once you\u2019re married\u201d and they named the same things my dorm mates disliked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This disagreed with my theology.  I had always thought that God was good and had written her \u201cFor God so loved me that He gave me you.\u201d  She had told me she was a gift from God, the Bible said that (Pr. 18:22[162]<\/a>), and I knew that God gives good and perfect gifts (Mt. 7:11[163]<\/a>, Jas. 1:17[164]<\/a>).  Therefore, and this was my important insight, all those men who had disliked characteristics which were common to women were wrong<\/em>.  Those traits were not defects; God made women that way on purpose<\/em> to bless men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I told your grandmother that we\u2019d explore her nature.  Anything true of most women was intended to bless all men; any trait unique to her was to bless me because God had chosen to give her to me.  If I couldn\u2019t understand how or why something blessed me, it was my problem, not God\u2019s, and we\u2019d wrestle with it until we figured out how it blessed me.  I treated it an engineering problem.  To build a strong bridge, I must understand the nature of concrete and steel; to build a strong marriage, I had to understand her nature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With that understanding, she was happy to look into herself to explain her characteristics to me.  God commands that a husband dwell with his wife according to knowledge (I Pe. 3:7[165]<\/a>).  My working to learn how she blessed me not only made her happy, it helped me obey God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also wanted to know how she was like other women and what was unique to her.  When she\u2019d say, \u201cMy friends feel that way,\u201d I\u2019d conclude most women were like that.  Sometimes it was, \u201cI don\u2019t know anyone like that,\u201d for things unique to her.  At other times, she\u2019d have to ask; her friends either agreed with her or didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was another area where my engineering mind led me to obey God.  God commands that a husband know how to possess his wife in honor and sanctification (I Th. 4:4[166]<\/a>).  \u201cSanctification\u201d means \u201cset apart,\u201d God expected me to know how she was like other women and how she was God\u2019s special gift for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read the Song of Solomon carefully.  The husband praises his wife in mind-numbing detail.  This is because he\u2019s paid attention to what\u2019s unique about her so that he can appreciate it.  He says that she\u2019s \u201cbut one,\u201d (6:9) which means he\u2019s sanctified her by setting her apart from all other women.  She says 3 times that she belongs to him (2:16[167]<\/a>, 6:3[168]<\/a>, 7:10[169]<\/a>).  In 7:10, she says, \u201chis desire is toward me.\u201d  She enjoys knowing how badly he wants her.  8:2-3[170]<\/a> shows that she likes<\/em> belonging to him as your grandmother likes<\/em> belonging to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In all this talking about her emotions, skills, her feelings, and other characteristics, I ended up opening my heart to her rather often.  This was as frightening to me as her opening herself to me had frightened her, and I ended up belonging to her as she belonged to me.  God designed us so that opening his heart to a woman makes a man belong to her; opening herself to a man makes a woman belong to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not enough for a man to have a woman belong<\/em> to him.  Solomon owned 1,000 women (I Ki. 11:3).  They were his property and had to do what he told them.  There was none of this \u201cI\u2019m not in the mood\u201d or \u201cI have a headache.\u201d  This sounds like a masculine paradise, but how did it work out for Solomon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.  Ecclesiastes 7:27-28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solomon owned a thousand women, yet his soul was empty.  Why?  They belonged to him, he could command, but he couldn\u2019t make them like it.  Instead of having a woman enjoy belonging to him as his first wife had, he had 1,000 unhappy women running around the palace.  No wonder his soul was empty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was Solomon\u2019s fault.  His first wife was \u201cbut one,\u201d and she liked belonging to him.  He had time to talk to her enough to open his heart to her which made him hers.  You see, oh my best beloved, it\u2019s nearly impossible for a woman to like belonging to her husband unless he not only belongs to her, he likes belonging to her.  Belonging to her requires that he open his heart to her.  So much talk takes so much time that a man can\u2019t possibly belong to more than one woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I said, your grandmother strives to make her words health to me.  I can open my heart without fear that she\u2019ll hurt me, which keeps me belonging to her.  I started talking to her in this way because I\u2019d promised and as a by-product of wanting to understand how God had designed her to bless me.  It took 20 years of talk, but we can explain how the characteristics my dorm mates disliked about women actually bless them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bottom line, Veronica, is that you can\u2019t make your husband any happier than he makes you.  Your happiness is greatest when he likes belonging to you.  As a side benefit, opening his heart to you will teach him all kinds of ways to make you happy if he pays attention.  The happier he makes you, the happier he will be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s rules are very<\/em> simple.  Salvation is two words, \u201conly believe.\u201d  Staying<\/em> married is as simple as salvation, its two words, \u201conly praise.\u201d  We must praise our spouses as much and as often as God expects us to praise Him, that keeps us focused on what God has given so that we don\u2019t worry about what he hasn\u2019t given.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When God looks on you, He sees the purity and perfection of His son, your Lord and Savior (Is. 43:25[171]<\/a>, Heb. 10:17[172]<\/a>).  Eph. 5:1 commands<\/em>, \u201cBe ye therefore followers of God.\u201d  God sees us as perfect, so we must follow God and see our spouses as perfect.  When you look on your spouse, you should see the purity and perfection of His son, your spouse\u2019s Lord and Savior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects bride and groom to enter into Holy Matrimony with one perfect heart.  Keep your hearts perfect with the Lord your God and with each other.  Think about your spouse as perfect.  Talk about your spouse as perfect.  Tell your spouse and everyone you know that your spouse is perfect.  The words that come out of your mouth will work back into your heart and you will treat<\/em> your spouse as perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If both parties work as hard as they can to do that, will the marriage work?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Questions and Discussions<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Sunday School \u2013 Split Sessions, Men and Women Separately<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 11 – How a Man Protects His Wife<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

You must earn<\/em> your wife\u2019s trust from the moment you meet her until death<\/em>.  How can she respect, follow, obey, honor, open herself to you, and submit herself to you if she can\u2019t trust you?  She\u2019ll want to know whether you\u2019re able to lead her, will you lead her, and if so, will you lead by serving her gently<\/em><\/a>, page 15?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will you blame her for everything that goes wrong as Adam did (Ge. 3:12[173]<\/a>) or will you<\/em> take responsibility?  God appointed you<\/em> to lead her; you must be worthy<\/em> of her trust.  As leader, failure belongs to you, so you must work with her and use her gifts along with yours to figure out how to prevent future failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made men bigger and stronger than women; you are the person most likely to hurt your wife by bumping into her or tripping over her.  God generally gives women more sensitive emotions than He gives men, so you are the most likely person to hurt her feelings by being careless in how you talk to her.  God made them male and female, and they\u2019re very<\/em> different.  Be careful to protect her from you<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shortly before our wedding, my future wife asked that I never fuss at her.  \u201cI want to love you very much,\u201d she said.  \u201cThe more I love you, the more your disapproval will hurt me.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want<\/em> to love you if you hurt me.\u201d  The Bible speaks of women as \u201ctender and delicate (De. 28:56[174]<\/a>, Is. 47:1[175]<\/a>).\u201d  I want to make it easy for my wife to love me, so I watch what I say.  Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife!  The Song of Solomon teaches \u201conly praise.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE PROTECTION SHE NEEDS MOST<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There is no joy this side of Heaven for a man that compares with having his wife enjoy belonging to him; having her follow him gladly is an additional benefit.  For her to follow you happily, or to follow you at all, it\u2019s vital that she trust you to protect her from your emotions and your passions and from hers<\/em> starting the moment you meet her and continuing until one of you dies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible explains this man-woman thing.  Jacob loved Rachel the moment he saw her (Ge. 29:18[176]<\/a>) and worked for Laban 7 years to earn the right to take her to wife:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob wanted Rachel badly enough to work for years<\/em>.  Why did he do that?  He wanted her that<\/em> badly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God knows<\/em> that marriage brings great responsibilities and great trials.  He put powerful<\/em> desires into men so they would protect their wives and care for them when things get tough, but there\u2019s a problem \u2013 when a man\u2019s attracted to a woman, he\u2019s driven to get physical with her, and his desire increases the more he\u2019s with her.  How can a woman tell when a man\u2019s sexually aroused?  He\u2019s breathing.  Nurses in old-age homes say that when a man is no longer aware of them as women, he\u2019s a few hours from death<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife tells a woman that her husband dreams<\/em> of having her 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed<\/em>.  He seldom has that much strength, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em>.  That tends to horrify her.  When she realizes that she\u2019ll want him to open his heart to her whenever she wants to talk, which is at least<\/em> that often, she sees it will be OK for her to belong to him if<\/em> he belongs to her.  Women have no idea how scary it is for a man to admit his feelings and open his heart to her, but that\u2019s how a man belongs to his wife.  If he\u2019s hers, seeing his joy in having her makes her happy.  The wife in the Song of Solomon agrees (Song 1:2[177]<\/a>, 2:16[178]<\/a>, 6:3[179]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches that giving herself to a man humbles a woman (De. 21:14, 22:29, Ez. 22:10-11).  Your fluid which you<\/em> inject into her<\/em> body is about 1-3% sperm.  80% is a sugar solution which may feed the sperm as they swim through her fallopian tube to fertilize her egg.  The rest is a mixture of hundreds<\/em> of chemicals that are absorbed into her bloodstream.  Some affect her brain, either triggering ovulation or the production of other hormones by other organs.  These powerful hormones bind her to the man who takes her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling dependent can be frightening.  Rebecca veiled herself before meeting Isaac (Gen. 24:65[180]<\/a>).  It wasn\u2019t the custom to veil or Isaac wouldn\u2019t have told her to say she was his sister (Gen. 26:7[181]<\/a>).  Why did she do it?  She knew Isaac had plans<\/em> which would have a strong effect on her.  Covering herself gave a little space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The section Biblical principles her relatives should discuss with a young man<\/a> who\u2019s pursuing her on page 115 explains the value God puts on a wife.  She will have a much easier time belonging to you if you convince<\/em> you that you value her as highly as God does and that you love her as God loves you<\/a>, page 101.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEN AND <\/a>WOMEN ARE MORE DIFFERENT THAN WE IMAGINE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Bible tells us how a man reacts to taking his bride to wife:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.  Psalm 19:5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

He feels like Superman<\/em>, he\u2019s ready to leap tall buildings at a single bound!  What of her?  The hormones produced in her body by his chemicals have bound her to him.  She realizes that this<\/em> is the man she must please, this<\/em> is the man who will lead her, and she hopes it will work out well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She may not have been particularly interested in coming together.  Research shows that most<\/em> women aren\u2019t greatly aroused except when they\u2019re fertile.[182]<\/a>  Depending on the woman, this can be a few hours per month or as little as fifteen minutes when her desire can be easily aroused by a man\u2019s touch.  Men are interested all the time, so we have to learn to control our impulses, urges, and desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women who haven\u2019t made love are seldom interested, so she\u2019ll have no<\/em> experience controlling such powerful urges.  Older women may tell girls not to kiss \u201cbecause it\u2019ll give him ideas.\u201d  That\u2019s totally wrong<\/em>.  Men don\u2019t get<\/em> ideas, men have<\/em> ideas.  Kissing can give her<\/em> ideas during her fertile time.  When both the man and the woman have the same idea, it\u2019s very<\/em> hard to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

PROTECT HER FROM YOU AND FROM HERSELF<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

On our second date, the Holy Spirit led my future wife to tell me that she wanted to be a virgin on her wedding night.  She had no idea she was going to say that, it just popped out.  This made me<\/em> responsible for protecting her purity.  She\u2019d asked God to protect her for years, now she asked me to help God protect her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We had no idea <\/em>how important purity is to successful marriage, but we found out why God had her tell me that.  My desire for her had been building since we met, but she\u2019d make purity important and I played things very cool for weeks.  We knew fornication was wrong; we were saving ourselves for marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was put off because I was so aloof.  She was about to marry me, she was about to commit her life to me, and she wanted to know<\/em> I loved her and that I wanted<\/em> her badly enough to stay<\/em> with her.  She looked at me with a peculiar look and said, \u201cYou\u2019re acting so cold and aloof, I\u2019m not sure you really want me!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That blew me away.  Here I was, doing my very best<\/em> to keep our marriage pure, and she didn\u2019t know I wanted her!  There are times when there\u2019s nothing you can say to a woman, there are times when the only way to convince her is with action.  I put my arms around her, and kissed her thoroughly, just like romance stories, I put a burning kiss on her upturned face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t know that kissing could trigger her desires.  We hadn\u2019t understood the warning:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Greek word translated \u201ctouch\u201d carries the meaning of kindling her or arousing her.  Having had no<\/em> instructing in that area, I had crossed God\u2019s line without understanding the danger to our future happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She relaxed for a few seconds, then struggled, then went limp.  I finished kissing and looked at her.  She was stunned.  She was panting lightly; her face was flushed.  I picked up her hand and it flopped down to her side, she was limp<\/em>.  My kiss set her off, her hormones<\/em> were in charge, and she was mine<\/em> for the taking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I then did the most difficult thing I\u2019ve ever done.  That kiss worked on me, too, I was no longer cool or aloof, I wanted her as badly as she wanted me to take her, but I backed her up until she sat down in a chair, I backed up to another chair, and sat down to get my breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a few minutes, she said, \u201cWow, you really do<\/em> want me!\u201d  I said, \u201cYeah, but we better get out of here,\u201d and we got.  We were never, ever alone again until after our wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She told me what happened.  She said, \u201cI felt a falling sensation, that\u2019s when I struggled, then I was lost.  You could\u2019ve done anything<\/em> you wanted with me, and I couldn\u2019t have done anything about it.  I couldn\u2019t yell, I couldn\u2019t struggle, I was yours.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s how date rape happens, a man rubs her or kisses her at the wrong time, and she\u2019s his.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A wife who\u2019s on the pill will never<\/em> be fertile.  Although she can<\/em> have sex, she generally won\u2019t be nearly as interested as when she\u2019s fertile.  Giving herself when she isn\u2019t interested is what \u201csubmit\u201d means<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHY PURITY WAS IMPORTANT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Serving God by belonging to me cost her more than she expected.  My wife knew that God told Eve that her desire would be to her husband (Gen. 3:16[183]<\/a>) and she knew that women are made for men (I Cor. 11:8-9[184]<\/a>), women must think<\/em> about those passages.  She thought<\/em> God meant that she\u2019d want to get married.  She\u2019d wanted to be a wife and mother all her life; she thought<\/em> she understood what God had in mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nobody<\/em> had told her what to expect.  She didn\u2019t know that God had worked on her hormones so that she\u2019d really<\/em> be mine.  A few hours after our wedding, she was shocked<\/em> at how strongly she yearned<\/em> to belong to me.  My taking her to wife had deeply <\/em>changed her feelings.  She\u2019d expected to love me, but she also lost her sense of independence as God gave her a deep, frightening desire to belong to me and to serve me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deu. 21:14, 22:9 and Eze. 22:10-11 say that a man \u201chas humbled\u201d a woman by taking her, that\u2019s part<\/em> of the cost of having a man in her life.  We may think this is something the man does to the woman, but the Hebrew word shows that a wife should choose<\/em> to humble herself as Jesus humbled Himself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.  Philippians 4:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God wants children to have fathers.  God made women so that a woman wants<\/em> to cling<\/em> to the man who takes her.  Humbling herself by clinging to her husband and serving him gladly helps her children have a father, but her feeling of belonging to me gave her an endless feeling of falling through space.  This was the most frightening experience of her life.  She wanted to run away!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weddings are a circus, I was worn out; she couldn\u2019t sleep.  Her mind wanted her to run and get back her independence, but instead of running, she went in the next room and cried out to God, \u201cOh, Lord, what have I done, I let this man take me, now I belong<\/em> to him!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then she prayed, \u201cGod, I asked you to stop me if he wasn\u2019t right for me, and You didn\u2019t.\u201d  She knew God was faithful.  All her days, she\u2019d prayed that God would work on her<\/em> heart to make her the wife He wanted her to be.  This feeling of belonging to me didn\u2019t make sense, nobody had told her about it, but such a strong feeling from within her had to be God working on her heart as she\u2019d asked Him to do.  She finally prayed, \u201cLord, You must really<\/em> want me to belong to him.  If that\u2019s what You want, I\u2019ll do my best to submit to him and to belong to him.\u201d  Having chosen to humble herself by belonging to me, she came back to bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being mine was an act of her will.  Her mind didn\u2019t see any reason to give up her independence and belong to me but God had answered her prayer and worked on her heart so that she wanted<\/em> to be mine.  As she prayed, she decided that her heart wanted what God wanted and her mind followed where her heart led.  Having decided that she would<\/em> belong to me, she\u2019s always done her best from her heart and<\/em> from her mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once she humbled herself, she could be a keeper at home.  Many women want to keep working because earning money gives them freedom and independence.  Having willingly given up her independence, however, the money, recognition, and praise of work had no appeal.  Humbling herself made her content to give up her job and take care of our children, her husband, and our home as God desires (1 Tim. 5:14[185]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fact that I had earned<\/em> her trust made her able to give up her job when the time came.  A woman who doesn\u2019t trust her husband generally wants to keep her own income stream just in case<\/em>.  Consider this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Song of Solomon 2:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why is he rushing home?  To admire the curtains?  To see how neatly she\u2019s stacked her towels?  No, he\u2019s rushing home because he\u2019s confident that his wife will welcome his intimate touch.  She, on the other hand, is eagerly awaiting his desire to talk to her, tell her everything that happened, how he felt about it, and to hear all about how her day went, in mind-numbing detail<\/em>.  It\u2019s as scary for a man to open his heart to his wife as for her to open her body to him, but that\u2019s what the Bible teaches.  God did indeed<\/em> make them male and female.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE IMPORTANCE OF TALK<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Just before our wedding, she told me she was eager to be married.  I was too (Gen. 29:21[186]<\/a>, 1 Cor. 7:9[187]<\/a>).  I thought we were on the same page, but we weren\u2019t even in the same chapter.  She went on.  \u201cI really<\/em> like talking to you.  Once we\u2019re married, we can talk more in a day than in a week of dating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s more talk than a man can imagine, she was expecting hours per day<\/em>!  I\u2019d talked a lot while dating because we couldn\u2019t do anything else.  I thought once we were married, it would be a done deal and we wouldn\u2019t have to talk about it anymore.  As she got marriage on the table, as she made me responsible for keeping her pure, she told me that talking to her beyond measure was an important part of our marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had no idea how vital this was.  You must understand that a woman can\u2019t follow her husband unless she knows what he wants.  She can\u2019t do what he wants unless he opens his heart to her so that she knows him well enough to know<\/em> what he wants.  Then<\/em> she can be sure he\u2019ll be happy with her, which makes her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I hadn\u2019t promised to talk to her, I\u2019d probably have been too impatient to talk with her enough for her to feel that I valued her mind.  Opening my heart to her was scary, but Proverbs 31 says \u201cThe heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.\u201d  God wanted me to know that it was OK to open myself to her.  Opening to her made me hers as opening herself to me made her mine.  The Song of Solomon teaches that husband and wife should belong to each other (Song 2:16[188]<\/a>, 6:3[189]<\/a>).  God led her to ask me to promise to talk to her, and all that talk made me hers.  Talk convinced her that I was hers so that she was no longer afraid to belong to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

KEEPING <\/a>HER CALM<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The hormones which take away independence wear off in a few hours.  If her husband makes love to her more often than that, she\u2019ll stay calm and always feel like belonging to him.  When he leaves for a while, these feelings fade, independence returns, and she can guide the house more vigorously while he\u2019s gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A married woman takes on herself the yoke of pleasing her husband as we take on Christ\u2019s yoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29<\/sup>Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  Matthew 11:28-29<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Making sure your wife can trust you helps her find rest in belonging to you.  She won\u2019t like flipping back and forth between independence and dependence unless she trusts you deeply<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife in the Song gets advice from her mother how to please her husband (Song 8:3[190]<\/a>); a man should read the Song and follow her husband\u2019s example of appreciating her and Mrs. Lemuel\u2019s advice to teach their children to praise and appreciate her (Pr. 31:28-29[191]<\/a>).  It gives his wife comfort and rest in belonging to him; she\u2019ll rejoice that God made her so desirable to him and that he enjoys her so much.  If he doesn\u2019t give her rest, she\u2019ll find his desires an ugly burden.  I\u2019ve heard women say, \u201cI\u2019d rather die\u201d than submit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WOMEN NEED PROTECTION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Years later, my wife explained why waiting until we were married was so<\/em> important.  Her emotional reaction of belonging to me was so frightening<\/em> that she didn\u2019t think she could have stayed with me if I hadn\u2019t already promised before God and before both our families that I\u2019d be hers until death.  If we hadn\u2019t been married at the time, she would have walled off that part of her emotions, and they might never come back<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is non-Biblical evidence for her fears.  The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 students for depression and other problems at one of America’s most prestigious universities, she saw that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women know<\/em> that men should protect them for their emotions.  If he takes her out of season, she\u2019ll think of him as a cad and a thief even if she wanted it at the time<\/em>.  Having seen that I was strong enough to protect her not only from my passions but also from hers, she decided to trust me.  A man wants to have his wife several times per day.  This seems like more than a little much to a woman, especially in the first months of marriage when she isn\u2019t sure how well her lubrication works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she was nervous, I\u2019d tell her I\u2019d stop if she said, \u201cOuch!\u201d and I did<\/em>.  Knowing that she could trust me not to hurt her, she was willing to try.  Except when she was ill, or hadn\u2019t drunk enough water, or right after giving birth, God made her able to absorb all the passion I can generate so \u201cOuch\u201d didn\u2019t happen often.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW STUPID CAN HUSBANDS BE?<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are few stupider things a man can do that are as stupid as showing his wife that he doesn\u2019t care about hurting her in his passion.  A woman has a thousand thousand ways of deflecting her husband\u2019s desires.  She\u2019ll evade him and frustrate his desire unless she trusts him to be careful<\/em> with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being humbled makes her more sensitive to how he feels about her.  If he\u2019s as appreciative of her as the husband in the Song of Solomon, she\u2019ll be OK with feeling his love and desire more strongly (Song 7:10[192]<\/a>), but if she thinks he\u2019s unhappy with her, she won\u2019t want to feel put down any more often than she has to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God designed women so that your wife multiplies whatever you give her and reflects it back to you.  When making babies, you give her one tiny cell.  She nourishes your strength within herself and gives you a baby with billions of cells.  Every cell of that baby has your<\/em> DNA (Gen. 5:3[193]<\/a>).  If you give her a boy cell, she gives a boy, if you sow a girl cell, you reap a girl.  We reap what we sow; it\u2019s best to sow kindness and forgiveness:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.  Galatians 6:7<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ephesians 4:31-32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gave your wife sensitive emotions so that a she wants you to be pleased with her (1 Cor. 7:34[194]<\/a>) and so that she can tell whether you\u2019re pleased or not.  Her emotions make her a mirror; she\u2019s not a light.  Give her anger, criticism, unhappiness, she\u2019ll be tempted to use her power to vex your soul to death (Jud. 16:16[195]<\/a>), multiply your unhappiness, and give all<\/em> your unhappiness back to you.  If you give her praise, appreciation, honor, and love, she\u2019ll multiply all the happiness you give her and fill your house with the light of your joy in her.  Men and their sons reap what they sow to the woman guiding the house, very quickly<\/em>.  A man must<\/em> teach his sons to honor and appreciate their mother.  If a meal turns into a kitchen disaster, for example, they must<\/em> appreciate it, help clean up, and fix it if possible, if only for the sake of the effort<\/em> she put into it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife or a son his mother.  Not for burned food, not for broken houseware, not for anything at all<\/em>.  Not ever!  We know wives who received so many complaints that they quit cooking and bought prepared food so they could say, \u201cTake it up with the manufacturer.\u201d  Wives seek praise.  A woman is more likely to stop doing something that\u2019s not praised than if she\u2019s ordered<\/em> to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sow love; reap a house of love.  The secret of happiness in marriage is for you and your children<\/em> to convince your wife that they are<\/em> happy with her and protect her so that she trusts you enough to follow you and enjoy giving herself to you.  That makes her happy, and her happiness fills your home with love and light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The choice is yours; God made her a mirror reflecting back your<\/em> relationship to her and your<\/em> feelings toward her.  It really is that simple.  That\u2019s why you should base your marriage on Only Praise<\/a>, page 17.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CAN YOU LOVE HER AS CHRIST LOVES YOU?<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Now we get to the final and most difficult question for you.  Christ expects you to love your wife as He loves you.  God knows that women often do things that drive men crazy, but that\u2019s part of the package God gives as a gift, you don\u2019t get to pick and choose which features you want and which you don\u2019t.  Neither does she \u2013 you, too come as a complete package.  That\u2019s why both of you should ask God to choose His best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  Colossians 3:19<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26<\/sup>That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27<\/sup>That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:25-27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Greek word translated \u201clove\u201d is agapao<\/em>, which is an act of will, it is not an emotion, it is something you are commanded<\/em> to do if you marry her.  Note also that Christ sanctifies the church and cleanses it to present it \u201cto himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing.\u201d  Are you prepared to help her develop her gifts and talents to present her to yourself a \u201cglorious wife?\u201d  \u201cWithout spot or wrinkle or any such thing\u201d means that you must treat her as perfect for you<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eph. 4:31-32[196]<\/a> tells us to forgive each other as God forgives.  God forgives completely<\/em>; He forgets our sins (Ps. 103:10-12[197]<\/a>, Is. 43:25[198]<\/a>, Heb. 10:17[199]<\/a>).  When God washes away our sins (Heb. 9:14[200]<\/a>, 10:19-22[201]<\/a>), what\u2019s left is perfect<\/em> and without condemnation (Rom. 8:1[202]<\/a>, 15:13[203]<\/a>).  Eph. 5:1 commands<\/em>, \u201cBe ye therefore followers of God.\u201d  God sees you as perfect, so you must follow God and see your wife as perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul wrote that we do the work of spreading the Gospel because our love for Christ \u201cconstraineth us,\u201d that is, makes us do it.  We serve Him because our love for Him makes us want to please Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the love of Christ constraineth us; II Corinthians 5:14a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In the same way, our love for our spouses should<\/em> constrain us to do whatever we can to please him or her.  If lost people see married Christians working to please each other out of love, they\u2019ll often ask how we can handle the problems the other person causes.  That gives us a chance to talk about God\u2019s love and God\u2019s forgiveness.  God forgives us, so God expects us to forgive other people in the same way He forgave us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you ready to think about dedicating the rest of your life<\/em> to nourishing, cherishing, and serving<\/em> (Mk. 9:35[204]<\/a>, 10:42-45[205]<\/a>) this woman as Christ expects?  If not, it would be dishonest for you to pursue her or marry her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 12 – What Should Older Women Teach?<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Older women should teach younger women about men because they don\u2019t know<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4<\/sup>That they may teach the young women<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5<\/sup>To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that the word of God be not blasphemed.  Titus 2:3-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife tells a young lady that her husband dreams<\/em> of having her 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed<\/em>.  God seldom gives him that much strength, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A girl who hasn\u2019t even dated knows that she\u2019ll belong to a man who does that<\/em>.  This tends to scare her, but she\u2019ll want him to open his heart to her whenever she wants to talk, which is at least<\/em> that often.  She\u2019ll see it will be OK to belong to him if<\/em> he belongs to her.  If he\u2019s happy with her, seeing his joy in having her makes her happy and she\u2019ll want to keep doing it.  The wife in the Song of Solomon agrees (Song 1:2[206]<\/a>, 2:16[207]<\/a>, 6:3[208]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible explains this man-woman thing.  The moment he saw her, Jacob wanted Rachel badly enough to work for Laban for 7 years<\/em> to earn the right to take her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man will marry if he wants a woman badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her.  If he can have her without marriage, what would marriage give him that he doesn\u2019t already have?  Why marry?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man\u2019s desire for a woman can be strong enough to drive him to commit murder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon. 8<\/sup>And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife. 9<\/sup>And Abimelech called Isaac, and said, Behold, of a surety she is thy wife; and how saidst thou, She is my sister? And Isaac said unto him, Because I said, Lest I die for her. 10<\/sup>And Abimelech said, What is this thou hast done unto us? one of the people might lightly have lien<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us.  Genesis 26:7-10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

David murdered Bathsheba\u2019s husband to have her; Isaac thought that the \u201cmen of the place\u201d would kill him to have his desirable wife.  Abimelech was angry because \u201cone of the people might lightly have lien with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us.\u201d  There would have been no guilt for \u201clightly have lien\u201d with Rebekah if she wasn\u2019t married.  She<\/em> had no right<\/em> to her body; raping her would have been no crime.  She was married, though, so rape would have been a property crime against her husband<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the flesh, a man doesn\u2019t see much wrong with sex without marriage even if she isn\u2019t willing.  The book “Unprotected” by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 students for depression and other emotional problems at a prestigious university, she wrote that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.  Women associate sex with commitment; men generally don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a man tells a girl he loves her, he means that he wants her to open her body to him.  Men think the birth control pill means a girl plans to have sex.  This makes it hard for her to say \u201cNo,\u201d so she shouldn\u2019t use it.  When a man asks for sex, she can say, \u201cWe can\u2019t do that \u2013 you\u2019re a stud, you\u2019ll get me pregnant.  The pill can cause blood clots and other dangers so I\u2019m not taking it.  Abortions are risky and some women get really depressed afterward.  No sex unless we\u2019re married, and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made women for men (Gen. 2:18[209]<\/a>, 1 Cor. 11:8-9[210]<\/a>).  Marrying puts on the yoke of pleasing her husband (1 Cor. 7:34[211]<\/a>).  She shouldn\u2019t get involved with a man who isn\u2019t naturally pleased with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD GAVE MEN STRONG DESIRES ON PURPOSE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Marriage brings great trials.  God put powerful<\/em> desires into men to make them stay with their wives when things get tough.  When a man\u2019s attracted to a woman, he\u2019s driven to get physical with her, and his desire increases the more he\u2019s with her.  No woman can understand this any more than a man can understand how women feel about babies.  Girls must know<\/em> this and be careful<\/em> of any man<\/em> not her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can a woman tell when a man\u2019s sexually aroused?  He\u2019s breathing.  Nurses in old-age homes say that when a man is no longer aware of them as women, he\u2019s a few hours from death<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giving herself to a man humbles a woman (De. 21:14, 22:29, Ez. 22:10-11).  Losing independence can be frightening – Rebecca veiled herself before meeting Isaac (Gen. 24:65[212]<\/a>).  It wasn\u2019t the custom to veil or Isaac wouldn\u2019t have told her to say she was his sister (Gen. 26:7[213]<\/a>).  Why did she cover herself?  She knew Isaac had plans<\/em> and that his plans would have a powerful effect on her<\/em>.  She veiled herself to get a little space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEN AND <\/a>WOMEN ARE MORE DIFFERENT THAN WE IMAGINE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Bible tells how a man reacts to taking his bride to wife:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Psalm 19:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He feels like Superman<\/em>, he\u2019s ready to leap tall buildings at a single bound!  What of her?  The hormones produced in her body have bound her to him.  This<\/em> is the man she must please, this<\/em> is the man who leads her, and she hopes for the best.  She probably wasn\u2019t very interested – few women are aroused except when they\u2019re fertile.  Her fertile time can be as little as fifteen minutes when his touch can arouse her desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men are always interested so they must learn to control their impulses, urges, and desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women who haven\u2019t made love may not be interested, so a girl has no<\/em> experience controlling such powerful urges.  Older women may tell girls not to kiss \u201cbecause it\u2019ll give him ideas.\u201d  That\u2019s wrong<\/em>.  Men don\u2019t get<\/em> ideas, men have<\/em> ideas.  Kissing during her fertile time may give her<\/em> ideas.  It\u2019s very<\/em> hard to stop when they both want it.  The Bible teaches that it\u2019s better for a man not to touch a woman so as to kindle her desires (1 Cor. 7:1-2[214]<\/a>).  The chaperone\u2019s job is to stop the couple when they can\u2019t stop themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A wife has many needs she expects her husband to supply.  Telling a young woman about a man\u2019s physical desires and discussing what my wife told me<\/a> about herself on page 69 will help.  The better she understands her needs, the better she can explain, and the more confident she can make him that he can make her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A grandmother read one of our articles on how to be a husband.  \u201cMust I read what you said about being a wife?\u201d she asked.  She had married daughters.  I knew she knew what men want, so I said \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLet me put it this way,\u201d she said.  \u201cIf my husband treated me that way, I would not only be willing<\/em> to give him what he wants, I would not only be glad<\/em> to do what he wants, I would be honored<\/em> to do that for him.\u201d  Giving herself to a man makes a woman more sensitive to his true<\/em> feelings about her.  If he really<\/em> appreciates her, feeling his joy in her more strongly makes her happy.  If she believes he\u2019s upset or critical, she won\u2019t want to feel his negative views more strongly and will evade his desires whenever she can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women are so different from men that God warns men to love their wives instead of being bitter (Col. 3:19[215]<\/a>).  Men can irritate women, often without knowing why.  The Bible shows how to handle that:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  Proverbs 31:26<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?  Ruth 2:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you scream when your husband upsets you, he won\u2019t want to listen to what you say.  When Boaz told Ruth he\u2019d told other men to leave her alone, she asked him why!  Instead of ignoring her, he opened his heart to her.  Ask your husband gently<\/em> why he did what irritated you.  He may have a good reason, or he may not have known it would bother you.  There\u2019s more detail in Handling Conflict in Marriage<\/a> on page 41.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT A MOTHER-IN-LAW TAUGHT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Book of Ruth shows how Naomi instructed Ruth, her daughter-in-law, how to get<\/em> married.  Ruth was a widow who knew about men so Naomi didn\u2019t have to explain a man\u2019s physical drive.  A woman should know about a man\u2019s basic drive and then<\/em> study How Ruth Found Rest in the Home of her Husband<\/a> on page 125.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a summary of Ruth\u2019s Rules for Getting Married:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Seek ye first<\/em> the kingdom of God, it\u2019s better to have God and no husband than to have a husband without God.  2) Realize that you\u2019re made for him and he\u2019s not<\/em> made for you.  You\u2019re the tail on his kite, so you\u2019d better be sure his kite has a string.  If he has a string, you and he can soar together, but if he has no string, you\u2019ll bump along the ground and get all muddy.  3) Wait<\/em> for a man who respects<\/em> and honors you<\/em> so you can find rest in cleaning up after him and enjoy belonging to him.  4) Be<\/em> hard to get, don\u2019t<\/em> give a man rest outside marriage. 5) Get advice from an older woman no matter how old you are.  6) The time of courtship is when you find out if he trusts you enough accept your help and to open his heart.  Make sure<\/em> he listens to you by opening his heart to you and that he values you enough to meet your need to talk all your days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT A MOTHER TAUGHT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Song of Songs was written 3,000 years ago to show how husbands and wives should treat each other.  It was passed down by hand-copying over centuries because it captures the rules for a happy marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) It starts with the wife praising her husband (Song 1:2[216]<\/a>).  Men don’t seem to understand women very well; maybe having a wife praise her husband teaches him how to praise her?  Feeling appreciated by his wife makes a man more inclined to take care of her and to appreciate her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) The wife recognizes, appreciates, and encourages her husband’s desire for her (Song 7:10[217]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother tells her how to keep her husband\u2019s desire focused on her (Song 8:2-3[218]<\/a>) to keep him from noticing other women (Song 6:8-9[219]<\/a>).  She has more sexual capacity than he; she can drain off every bit<\/em> of his sexual energy.  That makes it hard for other women to get his attention.  If she sends him out of the house loaded, he’ll be tempted by other women.  Women are often amazed<\/em> at how often men want this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giving herself whenever he wants her proves that she belongs to him.  Men are possessive.  Knowing she belongs to him helps him want to take care of her.  Giving herself is humbling (Deu. 21:14, 22:29, Ezekiel 22:10-11).  She won\u2019t want to do it unless she knows<\/em> that he belongs to her and values her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caring for a wife properly is a lot of work, but there is no joy this side of Heaven for a man that compares with having a woman like<\/em> belonging to him, but he must first convince her that he likes<\/em> belonging to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can’t praise his wife in such detail without paying attention to her and opening his heart to her when she wants to talk.  Marriages are based on communication; women communicate heart-to-heart, men communicate belly-to-belly.  How many marriages would fail if husband and wife never, not ever, criticized each other and looked for ways to give thanks instead?  That\u2019s the essence of the Song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WHAT SHOULD <\/a>HER HUSBAND KNOW ABOUT HER?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

80-90% of how a marriage works out lies in how the husband acts toward his wife, but a high percentage of how he treats her is based on how she<\/em> behaves before they marry.  As a girl becomes a woman, how she chooses to relate to the opposite sex has great influence on her happiness.  It’s important to get it right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a girl gets together with a boy, she can be his Toy, Treasure, Trophy, or Trash.  God created women to be treasures but our society teaches girls to be toys.  They dress in marketing mode.  They’re taught to undulate around sending the message “Come play with me” and boys are happy to do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ever watch a boy play with a toy truck?  He pushes it this way and that until he’s tired of it.  Then he discards it and grabs another toy.  Being discarded is hard on women.  Any boy can play with her but it takes a man<\/em> to stay with her.  Toy or Treasure, play or stay summarizes the issue for a woman.  It doesn’t take many times being discarded before her heart is so scarred that she’s little more than trash in a man’s eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being a trophy isn’t much better.  When he tires of showing her off, he’ll discard her find a newer, flashier model.  Being discarded harms women badly \u2013 after it happens too often, they feel like Trash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man knows that a woman can give him a taste of the joys of Heaven but few realize that she can make him no happier than he makes her.  A man who isn’t sure he can make her happy holds back his emotions so he won’t be hurt.  Few women have the words to explain their needs to men.  If a woman wants to be treated better than a toy, she has to say so up front and show him that he will be able to make her happy.  The goal of this section is to give a woman the words to explain herself so that a man can be confident he\u2019ll make her happy and so that he will see that making her happy will make him very<\/em> happy indeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife asked God to choose her husband.  God had to teach me how to care for her before He could give her to me, so the Holy Spirit led her to tell me about her.  This made me want to marry her because I knew<\/em> how to care for her.  This became the foundation for our very happy marriage.  We wrote it down<\/a> on page 69.  Her ideas will help a woman make a man confident he can make her happy.  He\u2019ll feel safe opening his heart to her and show him that making her happy will make him very happy.  The section Biblical principles her relatives should discuss with a young man<\/a> who\u2019s pursuing her on page 115 explains the value God puts on a wife.  She must understand her value and insist<\/em> that any man pursuing believe<\/em> that she\u2019s beyond price.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no joy for a man this side of Heaven that compares with having a woman like<\/em> belonging to him, but he has to convince her that he likes<\/em> belonging to her<\/em> and caring for her for that to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SOUND BITE MARRIAGE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Internet generation has limited attention span.  Everything must be short:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Accepting salvation is two words: \u201conly believe (Ro. 10:9[220]<\/a>).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Sexual morality, that is, when a man and woman may come together physically, is 50% more complicated than salvation, it\u2019s 3 words, \u201cOnly in marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-2[221]<\/a>).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Entering Holy Matrimony is three words, \u201cvowing, paying, taking\u201d (Gen. 24:67[222]<\/a>, Ru. 4:13a[223]<\/a>).\u201d  These men made public marriage vows before<\/em> taking the women.  Isaac supplied the tent and Boaz had wealth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Staying married is two words, \u201conly praise<\/a> (p 17).\u201d  Nowhere<\/em> in Scripture does a man criticize his wife.  The Song shows a couple praising every little detail<\/em>.  We must rule our tongues (Pr. 25:28[224]<\/a>, Jas. 1:26[225]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Marriage is built on \u201cseed and speech (1 Cor. 7:3-4[226]<\/a>, 1 Pe. 3:7[227]<\/a>).\u201d  A husband plans to have his wife 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed<\/em>.  God doesn\u2019t often give him that much strength, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em> (Ge.29:21[228]<\/a>).  She wants him to open his heart to her at least<\/em> that often.  He puts himself into her body.  She puts herself, that is, her words, her thoughts, her feelings, her nature, into his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He leaves his seed in her body where it affects her mood and can give her a baby.  She leaves her essence, her being, in his heart where it affects his thinking about her, how he treats her, and how they relate to others (1 Pe. 3:7[229]<\/a>).  People know whether a couple belongs to each other by watching them or hearing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wants to hear him thanking God for creating marriage and for giving her to him.  He should tell her she\u2019s important to him and that he\u2019s becoming more and more involved with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He wants her to say, \u201cThat was wonderful, I like belonging to you.  Let\u2019s do that again as soon as you can.\u201d  This encourages him to stay awake and talk to her for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wants him to say how much hearing her ideas and thoughts helps him make better decisions.  She should point out that they could it more often if he was in better shape.  Giving him a motive for exercise helps him live longer and shortens her time of being a widow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He wants her to encourage him to have her when he hasn\u2019t asked; she wants him to seek out her knowledge, ideas, thoughts, and feelings when she hasn\u2019t suggested that they talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a saying, \u201cIf a man loves a woman\u2019s soul, one woman is all he needs, but if he sees only her face or figure, all the women in the world won\u2019t satisfy him.\u201d  He can\u2019t come to love her soul without being willing to spend many, many hours in open-hearted talk with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple is \u201cone flesh\u201d as Adam and Eve were before God separated Eve from Adam\u2019s body (Mk. 10:8[230]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 1<\/sup>Be ye therefore followers of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as dear children; Ephesians 4:32-5:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus expects us to follow after God.  When God looks on your spouse, He sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ whose blood washes away all sins (Ps. 103:12[231]<\/a>, I Cor. 6:11[232]<\/a>).  To follow God, you must look on your spouse and think of a reflection of the perfection and purity of Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

See your spouse as perfect<\/a> (page 63), thank God for a perfect spouse, and speak of your spouse as perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LET US REASON TOGETHER, SAITH THE LORD \u2013 ISAIAH 1:18<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God made women for men (Gen. 2:18[233]<\/a>); men are not made for women (I Cor. 11:8-9[234]<\/a>, Pr. 18:22[235]<\/a>).  Jesus taught that a wife is a gift from God and the bride\u2019s parents to the groom (Lk. 17:27[236]<\/a>, 20:34[237]<\/a>).  The story of the talents (Mt. 25:14-30) teaches that God holds a man accountable for using every gift God gives to glorify Him including<\/em> all the gifts God gave his wife.  Once he marries, her groom is as accountable to God for developing and using her gifts as he is accountable for developing and using his own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pr. 31:1[238]<\/a> shows that Chapter 31 was written to men and that King Lemuel\u2019s mother<\/em> taught him how to nourish and cherish his future wife.  Working mothers don\u2019t have time to do that so few men have learned how to bless a wife.  A girl has to be ready to explain her needs and the Biblical principles for helping a man make her happy enough to receive the joy God intended for both parties when He instituted marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all, a wife can make her husband no happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9[239]<\/a>).  The happier he makes her, the happier he will be.  She must tell him that she plans to be a treasure for her husband and that she expects him to treat her as a potential lifelong treasure before the first date<\/em>.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 13 – Sunday Morning \u2013 Christians Must Forgive<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

How many of you have heard of Ingrid Betancourt?  The Colombian military rescued her from the FARC drug dealers on July 2, 2008.  She\u2019d been captive for six years; her scars from being chained to trees give evidence of cruel treatment.  She knows<\/em> that every<\/em> human has an animal inside.  \u201cIn any situation like the ones I experienced, perhaps any of us could do those kinds of cruel things. For me it was like understanding what I couldn’t understand before<\/strong>, how for example the Nazis, how (things like that) could have happened.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Tribune<\/em> described her treatment by FARC:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was not treatment that you can give to a living being,\u201d \u2026  She added: \u201cI wouldn’t have given the treatment I had to an animal, perhaps not even to a plant.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The New York Times<\/em> reported that she had been tortured and quoted her as saying that her captors had fallen into \u201cdiabolical behavior,\u201d adding, \u201cIt was so monstrous I think they themselves were disgusted<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple of months after she was kidnapped, she was given her meal wrapped in a newspaper.  This was the first reading matter she’d seen since being snatched; she absorbed it eagerly.  It was the account of her father’s funeral, brought especially<\/em> to her for her reading pleasure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Betancourt has looked in the face of evil.  A gang of drug dealers tortured a helpless captive for years<\/em>.  They were disgusted by what they did, yet they did it for six years<\/em>.  There was no profit in torturing her, she<\/em> knew nothing they needed to know; she was a hostage, a tool to get leverage against the outside world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The people of FARC define<\/em> evil.  They did evil, they were disgusted by their evil, they knew it was evil, they gained nothing from their evil; they did evil for the sake of doing evil<\/em>.  If they were like the Nazis, they played games among themselves, trying to think of newer, more exotic ways to outdo each other in how evil they could be.  She says that what they did to her gave her an understanding of what the Nazis did to their helpless victims; looking daily in the face of evil explained<\/em> the lamp shades the Nazis made from human skin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone wants to know what happened to her but she isn\u2019t ready to say.  Newsweek <\/em>quotes her<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know that I have to testify to all that I lived.  I know it is something that has to be done, but I need time<\/strong>.  It is not easy to talk about things that still hurt.  It will probably hurt all my life.  I want to forgive, but forgiveness comes with forgetting.<\/strong>  I have to forget in order to find peace in my soul and be able to forgive.  But at the same time, once I have forgiven and forgotten, I will have to bring back memories [to tell others]. They will probably be filtered by time so they won’t come with all the pain that I feel right now.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Betancourt understands that she must<\/em> forgive her torturers to find peace in her own soul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FORGIVENESS IS NOT AN OPTION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When something really<\/em> bad happens, how often have we heard, \u201cJust let go of it and move on.\u201d?  Wounded people have<\/em> to move on, of course, but \u201cjust let go\u201d is far<\/em> too simplistic to be of help.  Mrs. Betancourt knows it’s not just<\/em> \u201clet go and move on,\u201d it’s \u201cforgive, then<\/em> you can let go and move on.\u201d  The Bible teaches that you can’t move on until you let go and you can’t let go until you forgive through the grace of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; [not forgive] lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled<\/p>\n\n\n\n

;  Hebrews 12:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Betancourt has it right – being bitter will defile her soul.  She must forgive those who tortured her with such calculated cruelty.  Forgiving is the only<\/em> path to finding peace in her soul.  She\u2019s been treated so badly that if she keeps her bitterness inside her, bitterness will defile her and destroy her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have many friends who’ve been treated badly, but I don’t know of anyone who’s been treated as badly as Mrs. Betancourt except possibly Sen. McCain.  As Sen. McCain went to Vietnam, visited his former prison, and forgave those who tortured him, Mrs. Betancourt knows<\/em> that she must forgive if only to find peace in her own soul.  Her captors may never know of her forgiveness; they may not care if they ever hear of it, but granting forgiveness is essential for her<\/em> to move on.  Forgiveness is for her<\/em>, not for them.  Forgiveness is for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GAZING IN THE FACE OF EVIL<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What happened to her was so traumatic that she’ll have to forget temporarily<\/em> to gain enough strength to forgive.  Once she forgives, however, she plans to remember<\/em> so she can tell others.  Her experience led her to \u201cunderstanding what I couldn’t understand before.\u201d  Having been unable to understand evil before being kidnapped and tortured, she realizes that ordinary citizens can’t understand why we must<\/em> fight the forces of evil.  She wants to help naive people understand that evil is real in the hearts and lives and minds of men<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?  Jeremiah 17:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Betancourt gazed every day, every hour, in the face of evil, eyeball to eyeball, for six long years<\/em>.  She knows<\/em> that the heart is deceitful above all things.  She understands that, \u201cperhaps any of us could do those kinds of cruel things.\u201d  She knows<\/em> that all men have sinned (Ro. 3:23[240]<\/a>).  She plans to remember all<\/em> her pain and tell us about it.  She wants us to know<\/em> what evil is like.  Maybe we’ll understand why<\/em> we must fight the forces of evil which are loose in our world.  I hope she can convey her message before it’s too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is<\/em> evil in the world.  People will<\/em> wrong us, but we must<\/em> forgive.  We must forgive for two reasons:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, Mrs. Betancourt recognizes that she must forgive for the sake of her own soul.  If you don\u2019t forgive, bitterness springs up and troubles you and defiles you.  We all know that, we\u2019ve all been bitter at one time or another; we know the harm bitterness does to our sense of peace.  We must forgive if only for our own sake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second reason to forgive is that God commands us to forgive and promises us the power to forgive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE POWER OF GOD TO FORGIVE<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The newspapers say Mrs. Betancourt is Catholic; the only possession she could bring out of her captivity was a rosary she\u2019d made from leaves and thread.  She said that her prayers to God kept her alive.  I can believe that, but I wonder whether she plans to forgive her torturers in her own strength or whether she\u2019ll lean on the power of God to forgive.  I suspect she\u2019s trying to do it in her own strength.  She said, \u201cI have to forget in order to find peace in my soul and be able to forgive.\u201d  She says she can\u2019t forgive unless she forgets first<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s not what the Bible teaches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ephesians 4:31-32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Colossians 3:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible says twice<\/em> we must forgive as Jesus forgave.  Did Jesus have to forget our sins in order to forgive them?  No, He said, \u201cFather forgive them for they know not what they do\u201d (Lk. 23:34a[241]<\/a>).  He knew their sin and He forgave them anyway.  Mothers forgive children without forgetting what their kids did; Jesus doesn\u2019t have to forget what we do in order to forgive us.  We needn\u2019t forget to forgive; we need His help to forgive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t forgive in our own strength; forgiveness requires the grace of God.  Ever hear of Corrie Ten Boom?  The book, \u201cThe Hiding place,\u201d tells how her family hid Jews during WW II.  This was against the law; the Nazis\u2019 laws said Jews had to be turned in.  She and her family were criminals in the eyes of the law.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toward the end of the war, the Nazis caught them and took them to concentration camps.  Every one of her family except Corrie died in the camps.  She and her sister were imprisoned together.  Her sister became ill.  She knew her sister would get well if she got better food and was kept warm for a few days.  She begged the guards to help her just a little<\/em> so her sister would live.  They mocked her sorrow; her sister died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s one thing to lose a loved one when doctors do all they can.  It\u2019s something else to be in prison and hear, \u201cWe could<\/em> cure her; we\u2019ll let her die.\u201d  Could you forgive men who mocked your tears as they let your child die?  Not in your own strength, you couldn\u2019t.  How do I know?  Corrie couldn\u2019t in her own strength.  After months of travel in Europe and America preaching forgiveness, she visited Germany.  This is her testimony:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former SS man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck [the prison].  He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time.  And suddenly it was all there-the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie\u2019s [her sister] pain-blanched face.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019d put memory aside, but \u201csuddenly it was all there,\u201d she couldn\u2019t<\/em> forget.  Neither can Mrs. Betancourt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He came up as the church was emptying, beaming, and bowing.  \u201cHow grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,\u201d he said, \u201cto think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

His hand was thrust out to shake mine.  And I, who had preached so often to the people in Blomendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Had she forgiven the men who murdered her sister and the rest of her family?  No.  She was saved, God had forgiven her<\/em> sins, but she couldn\u2019t forgive, she couldn\u2019t shake his hand, not in her strength alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them.  Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more?  \u201cLord Jesus,\u201d I prayed, \u201cforgive me and help me to forgive him.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I tried to smile; I struggled to raise my hand.  I could not.  I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity.  And so again, I breathed a silent prayer, \u201cJesus, I cannot forgive him.  Give me Your forgiveness.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

As I took his hand, the most incredible thing happened.  From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger which almost overwhelmed me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world\u2019s healing hinges, but on His.  When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Corrie couldn\u2019t forgive the man in her own strength any more than she could save herself in her own strength, but she could<\/em> forgive him through \u201cChrist which strengtheneth me\u201d (Philippians 4:13).  Note, please, God did not answer her first<\/em> prayer to forgive the man, she had to ask again<\/em> to show she meant<\/em> it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHOWING CHRIST <\/a>THROUGH FORGIVENESS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the third reason we must forgive\u2013we show Christ in our forgiveness.  The SS man knew he\u2019d done terrible evil, yet he felt the forgiveness of Christ as Corrie told him the gospel.  What if she hadn\u2019t shaken his hand?  What if he saw she<\/em> hadn\u2019t forgiven him?  Would he have decided that her message of the gospel was a lie, rejected Christ, and gone to Hell?  But she forgave him through the power of Christ!  He was saved!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He tested her.  He saw her hesitation; he saw the horror and fear on her face, he knew she felt the pain of his sins against her as Jesus felt the pain of our sins against Him.  When she asked Jesus to give her His forgiveness to pass to the Nazi, Corrie was filled with love and became a new creature before his eyes.  The Nazi saw her forgiveness and felt Jesus\u2019 love flow through her to him.  He believed!  We show Christ in our forgiveness, we show Satan in our bitterness, it\u2019s one or the other.  Do you show God or do you show Satan?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God’s love took away her fear of this man who\u2019d hurt her.  Even if Mrs. Betancourt forgives, what if she met one of the men who tortured her on the street?  She’d be terrified.  The Bible gives the cure for fear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.  I John 4:8 *<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God’s love not only helped Corrie forgive, God’s love for the Nazi took way her fear and became a stream of living water, pouring out God’s grace, and love, and mercy, and forgiveness to this man through her<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Corrie ten Boom looked in the face of evil, saw evil kill her beloved sister and the rest of her family, and was released through a clerical error when ninety-six thousand<\/em> other women died.  She went all over Europe bearing witness to the goodness and mercy of Christ.  In spite of preaching forgiveness, she could not forgive in her own strength.  Through Christ she forgave the man who murdered her sister without having to forget!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know<\/em> she needed God\u2019s grace to forgive because I\u2019ve had trouble forgiving.  Over 65 years of work, 5 men have cheated me for a lot of money.  My wife had trouble forgiving the first, but she forgave them all.  I\u2019d forgiven 4 out of 5; I\u2019d had trouble forgiving the 5th<\/sup>.  I\u2019d asked God\u2019s help in forgiving, but as I wrote this, I realized I hadn\u2019t humbled myself to ask the Lord to channel His forgiveness through me.  Only in Christ can we be truly forgiven, only in Christ could I truly forgive.  God brought him back into my life 36 hours later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t have enough grace of myself<\/em> to forgive people who wrong me any more than Corrie ten Boom had enough grace to forgive the Nazi of herself.  God has enough grace for all of us, and He tells us how to get it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Hebrews 4:16 *<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We needn\u2019t beg, we don\u2019t have to be timid, we\u2019re to come boldly<\/em> to God\u2019s throne of grace and get all<\/em> we need.  We get grace for our sins and grace to help us forgive others.  God promises to answer when we pray \u201caccording to his will.\u201d  He commands<\/em> us to forgive; it\u2019s His will that we forgive.  If we boldly pray for grace to forgive, He\u2019ll give us the grace to forgive, and we\u2019ll get extra mercy for ourselves while we\u2019re at His throne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart goes out to Mrs. Bentacourt.  She knows she must forgive to purify her soul of the evil poured out upon her, but she thinks she can do it in her own strength.  I pray<\/em> that she calls on God for His strength.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FORGIVENESS DETERMINES OUR JUDGMENT<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s one more reason to forgive-the way we forgive others affects our joy in our own forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judge not that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  Matthew 7:1-2 *<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If I won’t forgive, I\u2019ll doubt God\u2019s forgiveness.  The more I pass on His mercy and His grace to others, the more His mercy and grace fill me and the more I can believe<\/em> I have God\u2019s mercy and His grace.  If I don\u2019t forgive, who measures my unforgiveness to me?  Not God!  He forgave me.  I do, it\u2019s my own unforgiveness that comes right<\/em> back on me.  If I\u2019m angry, it\u2019s hard to believe that God isn\u2019t angry with me.  My own anger, my own bitterness is measured back on to me.  I measure my own judgment back onto my own self!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God wants harmony in His church and in His marriages and among His people.  God knows<\/em> we can\u2019t follow His command to forgive without Him, Corrie ten Boom couldn\u2019t, I can\u2019t, you can\u2019t, but He will<\/em> help.  Jesus promised to save anyone who called on Him.  He also promised that God would answer certain<\/em> prayers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, he heareth us: and if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.  I John 5:14-15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Corrie prayed, \u201cJesus, I cannot forgive him.  Give me Your forgiveness.\u201d  That\u2019s like the sinner\u2019s prayer, \u201cJesus, I cannot save myself, I cannot forgive myself.  Give me Your forgiveness.\u201d  Many Christians doubt their salvation.  Why?  When you\u2019re saved, you feel God\u2019s forgiveness fill you, but you forget.  How do you renew the joy in your forgiveness?  By channeling God\u2019s forgiveness to others.  If you won\u2019t forgive, if you don\u2019t let God\u2019s forgiveness and His mercy flow through you to other people, you\u2019ll forget and you’ll doubt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright; with the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Psalm 18:25-26<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the Bible speaks of God shewing Himself, it speaks of how God seems<\/em> to you.  God is<\/em> a God of love, mercy, and justice, but He won\u2019t always seem<\/em> that way.  If we\u2019re merciful, that is, if we forgive other people, God seems<\/em> merciful to us and we\u2019ll feel<\/em> forgiven.  What if we’re forward?  \u201cFroward\u201d means \u201cturning from, or turning way from, perverse, unyielding.\u201d  If we\u2019re froward, God seems<\/em> to be perverse, He seems<\/em> to be turning away from us and we won\u2019t feel His love.  If we want to see<\/em> and feel<\/em> God\u2019s forgiveness for us and His love for us, we must give<\/em> God\u2019s forgiveness and God\u2019s love to others.  Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you (Jass 4:8a[242]<\/a>).  You<\/em> make the first move.  You<\/em> determine how near God seems to you.  If you want to feel<\/em> forgiven, you must forgive!  Mrs. Betancourt knows she must forgive to purify her soul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FORGIVENESS SHOWS SALVATION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Some Christians tell me they know God would help them forgive, but they won\u2019t ask because they don\u2019t want to forgive.  Do these people have Christ at all?  God says we\u2019ll be forgiven as we forgive others (Mt 6:12[243]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The guard heard Corrie\u2019s story of evil done in his<\/em> prison.  Knowing she\u2019d recognize him, he tested her.  She couldn\u2019t forgive by herself; she humbled herself and admitted<\/em> she couldn\u2019t do it.  She asked God\u2019s help to do as God commands.  Her actions proved her faith as taught in the Book of James; God gave her the power to forgive; the guard felt her forgiveness.  Would he have believed her testimony without her forgiveness?  When a Christian says he won\u2019t ask God to help him forgive, can I believe what he says about his salvation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you don\u2019t want to forgive someone, are you sure you\u2019re saved?  God sets His people apart unto God; that makes us holy.  Holiness includes grace and mercy as well as being set apart.  If you don\u2019t have the grace and mercy of holiness, you may not be holy, you may not be set apart; you may not be saved.  Saved people have the desire to use God\u2019s grace to bless others as Corrie blessed the Nazi who had harmed her so terribly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you aren\u2019t holy, if you don\u2019t have God\u2019s grace within you, shouldn\u2019t you ask for it?  God promises:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  John 7:38<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Peter 4:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Corrie was a good steward of the grace of God\u2013she asked God for grace to help when she needed to forgive the man who\u2019d wronged her; living water flowed through her to him.  We\u2019re to channel God\u2019s forgiveness to those God allows to hurt us.  God saved Corrie\u2019s life through a \u201cclerical error\u201d to channel His forgiveness.  I don\u2019t know why God allowed Mrs. Betancourt to suffer such a trial, but her story is all over the world.  Pray that she might receive the grace of God and pass it on!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RECEIVING FORGIVENESS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We must know<\/em> our own<\/em> need for forgiveness before we can be forgiven.  Then, we ask for God\u2019s forgiving grace so we can channel God\u2019s forgiveness to whoever harmed us.  Corrie ten Boom recognized her sin in not forgiving the Nazi.  She asked God to forgive her and to help her forgive him at the same time; she couldn\u2019t<\/em> forgive him in her own strength.  He recognized his sin; that\u2019s why God could forgive him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If Mrs. Betancourt calls on the Lord to help her forgive her torturers, God promises that she will be able to forgive, but what about them?  Let\u2019s assume she\u2019s able to forgive her torturers with God\u2019s help as Corrie, with God\u2019s help, forgave those who tormented her.  What then?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her FARC kidnappers may not think they\u2019ve done anything to forgive.  As bitterness of not forgiving defiles many, pride of not admitting sin defiles many.  Remember Jesus\u2019 story of the two men who prayed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.  The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.  I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.  Luke 18:10-12<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Pharisee\u2019s heart had no room for seeing that he<\/em> had done wrong.  Suppose he hurt someone who then tried to forgive him.  Could he accept forgiveness?  No, he was too full of his own righteousness to need forgiveness.  Forgiveness was for sinners like the publican, not for exalted beings like him!  We must know<\/em> our need for forgiveness to give forgiveness; we must know<\/em> our need for forgiveness to receive forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Nazi who harmed Corrie said, \u201cHow grateful I am for your message, Fraulein, to think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!\u201d  Could the man have said that without knowing<\/em> the evil he\u2019d done?  Of course not.  It takes the same humility to accept forgiveness as it takes to give forgiveness.  Forgiveness comes only<\/em> from God through the grace of God; we\u2019re channels God uses to pass our<\/em> forgiveness to others along with His.  When the man saw Corrie\u2019s forgiveness, he could accept God\u2019s forgiveness and be saved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Corrie\u2019s experience with the Nazi shows that God can touch the heart of anyone, no matter how evil.  Mrs. Betancourt\u2019s forgiveness will heal her, but it won\u2019t help her kidnappers unless they humble themselves and accept forgiveness.  God offers them forgiveness too, of course.  God\u2019s forgiveness won\u2019t help them unless they accept it; Mrs. Betancourt\u2019s forgiveness won\u2019t do them any good unless they accept it.  Given the nature of evil, they\u2019ll have to accept God\u2019s forgiveness in salvation before they can accept her forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Given the nature of men and women, we must forgive and accept forgiveness in our marriages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Of all the people you know, your spouse is the most likely to hurt you.  Men and women are so different that they get on each other\u2019s nerves.  The principles of giving and receiving forgiveness are the same in marriage as in church, but I know many, many couples who won\u2019t forgive each other.  It\u2019s usually due to pride\u2013like the Publican, one or the other or most often both won\u2019t admit that they<\/em> could possibly<\/em> have done hurt.  Without an awareness of causing hurt, it\u2019s impossible<\/em> to ask for or to receive forgiveness.  Without the forgiveness of God\u2019s grace to cover hurts, marriage sinks into a sea of pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God planned that married people wouldn\u2019t be lonely, but I know many married people who are desperately<\/em> lonely.  Marriage starts with \u201cI do,\u201d your marriage won\u2019t work unless you say \u201cI do\u201d and mean it, but marriage runs on \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d  If you can\u2019t humble yourself to say \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d from your heart, if you can\u2019t die to yourself to receive and give forgiveness, if you can\u2019t talk as long as it takes<\/em> to understand the hurt and fix it, how can you become \u201cone flesh\u201d as God commands (Mt. 19:5-6[244]<\/a>, Mk. 10:8[245]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we\u2019re hurt, or angry, or offended, we tend to define \u201csin\u201d as whatever we didn\u2019t like.  Suppose a wife gets angry and her husband asks her forgiveness.  She may not want to forgive him unless he sees what he did in the way she<\/em> sees it; she won\u2019t forgive unless he becomes like her.  I\u2019ve seen men do this, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t insist that my wife see everything my way as a condition of receiving my forgiveness.  People differ in personality, gender, habits, culture, and priorities; misunderstandings can lead to demanding an apology or offering forgiveness when the other person has no clue<\/em> what\u2019s wrong.  It may take hours or days of talk to understand<\/em> the hurt, but if you leave hurt alone, bitterness will<\/em> defile your marriage over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God defines sin, not you or me.  God doesn\u2019t have big sins and little sins.  Sin is any<\/em> violation of God\u2019s laws that we find in His book.  We sin if we don\u2019t do what God commands or if we do what God forbids.  What we think is sin might be a difference of opinion.  It\u2019s vital to really talk<\/em> about what\u2019s going on.  When my wife or I hurt each other, it\u2019s usually<\/em> because we didn\u2019t understand what was being said.  Much of the time, a hurt may not be sin at all, but it\u2019s vital<\/em> to forgive and forget the hurt.  Forgiving is commanded, not forgiving is sin.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For all the married people I know who\u2019ve suffered physical, mental, or emotional abuse; for all the married people I know who\u2019ve been betrayed through adultery or other infidelities, I don\u2019t know any who\u2019ve suffered as much as either Mrs. Betancourt or Corrie ten Boom.  Mrs. Betancourt may or may not be able to forgive, but she realizes that she has to try for her own soul\u2019s sake; Corrie forgave through the power of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God promises to forgive anyone who asks.  God promises to help anyone do as He commands.  God commands<\/em> us to forgive as He forgives; it’s not a suggestion<\/em>.  If we\u2019re Christians, if we\u2019re God\u2019s people, we had to humble ourselves to ask His forgiveness in the first place.  If we can do that, why can\u2019t we humble ourselves to ask His help in forgiving others?  Why can\u2019t we humble ourselves enough to try to understand, to ask forgiveness, and to receive forgiveness?  Are we so proud?  Or are we just too busy with the cares of this world to care enough<\/em> about obeying God to seek the peace of God through giving forgiveness?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CONCLUSION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Forgiveness is not an option;<\/em> it\u2019s a command of God<\/em>.  If you don\u2019t forgive, bitterness defiles you.  Bitterness makes it hard for you to feel God\u2019s love.  If you can\u2019t feel God\u2019s love, Satan makes you feel fear.  As with all God\u2019s commands, forgiving is very hard<\/em>.  As with all God\u2019s commands, forgiveness is so<\/em> hard that neither you nor I can forgive in our own strength, we have to ask God to forgive through us.  As Corrie felt the joy of God\u2019s love flowing through her, there are great rewards in obeying God\u2019s command to forgive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any wife knows that living with a man requires a double measure of forgiveness.  My wife forgives me more often than I know.  As she forgives me, it reminds us both that God forgives us.  Forgiving is so much harder for men that God gave a special command to men to love their wives and forgive their wives:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  Colossians 3:19<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Forgiving each other reminds us that God forgives us, but there\u2019s more to God\u2019s grace in marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me illustrate the joys of obeying God\u2019s simple, but oh, so difficult<\/em>, commands.  On our wedding night, Roberta opened herself to me; I took her to wife with joy and gladness.  She was filled<\/em> with fear; her heart knew<\/em> God wanted her to be mine; her head wanted to stay independent.  She couldn\u2019t<\/em> belong to me in her own strength.  She prayed; God gave her the strength.  She\u2019s been mine since Aug. 21, 1971, and God has honored her obedience.  Belonging to me gives her<\/em> confidence that she belongs to God, but what of me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and gave himself for it;  Eph. 5:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can I love Roberta with the love of Christ in my own strength?  Of course not, but I asked Jesus\u2019 help; He channeled His love through me to Roberta.  This isn\u2019t John 3:16 which says God loves the world, it says \u201cas Christ also loved the church.\u201d  This is Jesus\u2019 love for His very own people, for His very own church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives know<\/em> men are possessive; what about Jesus?  Is Jesus possessive of His Own?  John 10:28 says, \u201cneither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.\u201d  Ponder this.  Jesus gave Himself for the church<\/em>.  He leads us, He nourishes us, He cherishes us, but what about the lost?  What about those who aren\u2019t His?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He loves them, He longs for them, He has compassion for them, but He can\u2019t nourish them as He nourishes His own.  There are people in<\/em> the church whom Christ can\u2019t love fully because they walk their own way, they won\u2019t ask Him for leadership or guidance.  They walk in the flesh, not the spirit.  They don\u2019t act<\/em> like they\u2019re His.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Woman, how can your husband nourish and cherish you if you aren\u2019t his?  Through God\u2019s grace, he can in part, but not fully.  Roberta made it easier for me to give my life for her by belonging to me.  Through God\u2019s grace, I\u2019ve given my life to nourishing her; I belong to her as she belongs to me.  People know<\/em> when husband and wife belong to each other; a couple can\u2019t be one flesh without belonging to each other.  Couples who walk in the flesh instead of belonging to each other give little if any light to a lost and dying world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men, think about this.  Lost folks sing, \u201cStand by your<\/em> man;\u201d how can your wife stand by you if you aren\u2019t hers?  God wants married people to belong to each other and become one flesh in Him (Mt. 19:5-6[246]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible teaches that women are made for men; Roberta felt a very<\/em> strong surge of wanting to belong to me after I took her to wife.  I know many women who belong to men who won\u2019t belong to them.  When a man won\u2019t belong to his wife, it\u2019s nearly impossible for him to believe that she belongs to him; he usually tries to rule her by crushing her.  The woman dies inside; you can see death<\/em> in her eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife didn\u2019t tell me her fears for 10 years after becoming mine, but she talked about her decision the next day.  She said, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about being married to you.\u201d  I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re married, what\u2019s to talk about,\u201d but she had<\/em> told me that talking to me would be important to her, so we talked.  \u201cThe Bible says God wants me to belong to you, obey you, and submit to you,\u201d she said.  I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re on the same page!\u201d but she wasn\u2019t done.  \u201cI\u2019ll do my best to do that,\u201d she said, \u201cbut I\u2019m not doing it just for you.  I\u2019m doing it for God because He told me to.  I\u2019m serving God by serving you because God wants me to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoa.  I thought about that<\/em> for a long time and I still think about it.  The next day, I told her, \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking about what you said.  God wants me to lead you and take care of you.  If I\u2019m to lead you as God wants me to, I\u2019ll have to serve you (Mk. 9:35[247]<\/a>, 10:42-45[248]<\/a>).  You said it well\u2013I\u2019ll serve God by serving you because God wants me to serve you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She had read that women are made for men but she hadn\u2019t expected her heart<\/em> to want her to lose her independence and belong to me.  Being mine was humbling and scary, but she was saved, she knew that she belonged to God and trusted God to take care of her.  She chose to humble herself and let God give her to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I knew I loved her but I hadn\u2019t realized how much God wanted me to serve her nor did I know that God wanted me to become hers by opening my heart to her.  I was saved, I trusted God with my life, it was OK with me for God to tell me to humble myself by belonging to the woman He gave to be my wife.  Serving God in the past made it easier for us to humble ourselves, belong to each other, and become \u201cone flesh.\u201d  A wife wants her husband to be hers as much as he wants her to be his, but most married people keep their independence and won\u2019t become one.  Obeying God by belonging to each other is humbling but it has brought us great joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

John 10:29 says, \u201cMy Father, which gave them me.\u201d  Christians are God\u2019s gift to Jesus as a husband is God\u2019s gift to his wife and a wife is God\u2019s gift to her husband.  It\u2019s mutual<\/em> belonging; the Song of Solomon says twice<\/em> that the husband belongs to his wife and that she belongs to him.  Lost people speak of \u201cmy husband\u201d and \u201cmy wife.\u201d  Everybody knows<\/em> a man should belong to his wife and that she should belong to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife also belongs to Jesus.  She knows that Jesus\u2019 love is not oppressive or demanding, Jesus\u2019 love is for her good.<\/em>  Watching how Jesus nourishes her and cherishes her as God\u2019s gift to Him teaches her how to nourish me and cherish me as God\u2019s gift to her; she cherishes me for my good<\/em>.  God gave women a desire to take care of their husbands, but your wife can\u2019t care for you fully<\/em> unless you belong to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I belong to Jesus.  I see Jesus take care of me; I see how He takes care of me for my good. <\/em> When Roberta became mine, I knew I had<\/em> to care for her for her good, not for my good<\/em>.  We knew how we should care for each other from watching Jesus care for us, but neither of us can nourish the other fully<\/em> without His help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman can belong to a man for a while even if he isn\u2019t hers, but unless he belongs to her, he won\u2019t realize that she\u2019s his.  It\u2019s difficult<\/em> for a woman to continue to belong to a man who refuses to belong to her.  Some may think I\u2019m less of a man because I belong to a woman, but consider this.  I\u2019m hers, so my happiness belongs to Roberta; making me happy makes her happy.  Giving herself to me gladly<\/em> makes me very<\/em> happy.  She gives herself, not grudgingly or of necessity, but cheerfully (II Co. 9:7[249]<\/a>).  Belonging to a wife who\u2019s glad<\/em> to give herself to me makes me more<\/em> of a man; seeing my joy in her makes her happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects me to give my life for her.  I earn so much an hour; when she spends that much, she\u2019s spent one hour of my life.  I give my life, not grudgingly or of necessity, but cheerfully (II Co. 9:7).  Roberta is mine; her happiness belongs to me.  Spending money on our house or children makes her happy; her happiness makes me far<\/em> happier than spending money on me.  Your joy<\/em> lies in making your spouse happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t marry to get, you marry to give; it\u2019s just like the Christian walk.  We come to church to edify, to build up, to encourage, to minister, we don\u2019t come to church just<\/em> to get.  Coming to church blesses us just as God meant marriage to bless us, of course, but blessing comes more from giving than from getting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can you die to yourself and be saved without His help?  You can\u2019t.  You can\u2019t save yourself without His strength, you have to ask.  Can a man and a woman die to themselves and belong to each other in their own strength?  You can\u2019t.  Roberta couldn\u2019t, she<\/em> had to ask God\u2019s help, I couldn\u2019t, I<\/em> had to ask God\u2019s help.  But as we ask God to help us belong to each other, God continually reminds us both<\/em> that we belong to Him.  For with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again (Mt. 7:2[250]<\/a>); we reap what we sow.  As my wife and I sow forgiveness to each other, God reminds us that He forgives us both.  As we nourish and cherish each other, God reminds us that He cherishes and nourishes both of us because we both belong to Him<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ALTAR CALL<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s time to obey God; I speak to the saved, I speak to God\u2019s people.  If you\u2019ve never felt<\/em> the forgiveness and love of God, you probably aren\u2019t saved; you need to see someone and learn how to be saved.  You can\u2019t give what you haven\u2019t got; you can\u2019t pass on God\u2019s forgiveness unless you first <\/em>have it yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.  (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 is the day of salvation.)  II Corinthians 6:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul reminded the Corinthians that as we work to build the church, we work together with God, we\u2019re God\u2019s co-workers.  He then begged them not to receive God\u2019s grace in vain.  If you let God\u2019s grace just sit in you, it\u2019s in vain; you have to pass God\u2019s grace on by forgiving other people.  Verse 2 reminds us that God helped us by giving us His grace in our day of salvation; He will help us by giving us His grace in our day of forgiveness, sorrow, trial, or any other need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I speak to God\u2019s People who haven\u2019t forgiven.  Now<\/em> is the time to forgive.  You can\u2019t do it by yourself, I couldn\u2019t, but God can forgive anyone<\/em> who wronged or offended you as God forgave you.  If you channel God\u2019s forgiveness to someone else, you\u2019ll remember how God saved you; if not, bitterness and fear consume you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you won\u2019t do it for your own sake, if you won\u2019t forgive to restore the joy in your own<\/em> salvation, what about your children?  You want your children to accept God\u2019s salvation.  Accepting God\u2019s offer means believing<\/em> God forgives them<\/em>.  How can your children believe God forgives them if you<\/em> won\u2019t forgive?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve said anything bitter against the pastor, or me, or anyone in the church, your children know<\/em> you won\u2019t forgive.  When God draws your child, Satan whispers, \u201cGod won\u2019t forgive you-your parents don\u2019t forgive.  What makes you think God would forgive you?\u201d <\/em> Here\u2019s another of God\u2019s commands<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ephesians 4:31-32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, wives, what if there’s adultery, fornication, or anger in your lives?  What if you won’t forgive?  Your children know.  Your children may not know how<\/em> you’ve hurt each other, but they know if you won’t forgive.  Your children know whether you belong to each other.  Wife, if you won’t forgive your husband enough to call him \u201clord,\u201d how can your children call God \u201cLord?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husband, if you’re bitter against your wife, if you won’t forgive her, if you won’t honor, praise, or appreciate her, you’ll teach your sons to treat women as toys and you’ll teach your daughters to let men play with them instead of treating them as treasures.  If either of you use your tongue as an evil-speaking sword against the other, you’ll likely drive each other to the sins of the flesh, be it adultery in men and gossip and slander in women.  Your children will learn to use their tongues as swords; your house will be filled with conflict, and your children will learn to find pleasure in speaking evil one to another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s stand, we\u2019ll beg for strength to forgive one another.  I know it\u2019s hard.  If you have to come to the altar to ask God\u2019s help, come, but remember the command, \u201cAs Christ forgave you, so also do ye.\u201d  Remember, too, that if you refuse to forgive others, God will seem<\/em> unforgiving to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again (Mt. 7:2[251]<\/a>).  If you won\u2019t forgive, you won’t feel<\/em> forgiven.  God is a forgiving God, God doesn\u2019t do this to you; you do it to yourself, but you also do it to your children.  If you don’t forgive, if you don’t see God as a forgiving God, your children won’t believe in His forgiveness either.  If you want God to show Himself to you and to your children as a loving, forgiving God, you have to love and forgive.  Let\u2019s forgive and rejoice in the joy of our forgiveness!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know you can\u2019t forgive.  I couldn’t, Corrie ten Boom couldn’t; you can’t either.  God can<\/em> forgive through<\/em> you; God will<\/em> forgive through you if only you ask<\/em>.  It may take a while.  Corrie had preached forgiveness, it was near her heart; God answered her prayer on her second<\/em> request, He didn\u2019t do it right away.  It may take longer for you, but God will do it if you ask in faith <\/em>because it’s His will that you forgive.  When He does, you’ll feel rivers of living water flow through; it will be like when you first felt the joy of forgiveness in salvation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you really want<\/em> to forgive someone, if you want God\u2019s love and forgiveness to flow through you, if you want God\u2019s living waters to flow out of you, you have to pass it on.<\/em>  Pray that God will give you the strength and humility to tell<\/em> the other person of your forgiveness so you can enjoy the love and grace of God together<\/em>.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 14 – Sunday Evening \u2013 Loving Others as God Loves Us<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Revelation 13:8 speaks of \u201cthe Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.\u201d  God knew that Jesus, the Lamb of God, would have to be crucified before<\/em> the world was created.  Jesus knew<\/em> that Adam would sin and bring sin and death<\/em> into the world before<\/em> He created the world.  Jesus knew<\/em> He would have to die before He created Adam<\/em>, yet He loved all of us enough to create us anyway<\/em>!  Long<\/em> before you or I were born, Jesus chose<\/em> to die so that His blood could wash away the evil of all my<\/em> sins, and all your<\/em> sins, and all the sins everyone else ever committed and<\/em> lose His close fellowship with His Father.  When He was on the cross,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?  Matthew 27:46<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?  Psalm 22:1<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Adam walked with God in the Garden of Eden before he sinned.  After he sinned, Adam could no longer fellowship with God because he was polluted.  In the same way, God could no longer fellowship with His Son Jesus while Jesus was bearing all the sins everyone in the world had ever committed or would commit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For he hath made him to be sin for us<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 in him.  II Corinthians 5:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being separated from His Father as Adam had lost his fellowship with God was much<\/em> harder on Jesus than the physical pain.  Jesus paid the penalty of spiritual death for our sins so we can accept His free offer of forgiveness, be made the righteousness of God in Him, repent of our sins, and get back our fellowship with God.  That<\/em> is God\u2019s Simple plan of Salvation.  Salvation is simple, but few find the path:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.  Matthew 7:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many people whom we tell about Jesus accept salvation?  Very few.  God knew we would have a hard time with His plan of salvation.  We couldn\u2019t follow two different plans, so He made one plan work for both salvation and<\/em> for marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To be saved, we die<\/em> to our former lives and are born again into a new life serving God.  We no longer belong to ourselves, we choose<\/em> to belong to God (1 Cor. 6:19[252]<\/a>).  We serve Him gladly because we love Jesus:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.  Romans 7:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christians are no longer separated from God by sin, we choose<\/em> to belong to Him in a way that is like the marriage bond between husband and wife.  We choose<\/em> to become one<\/em> with Him.  In the same way, Jesus said that husband and wife are no longer two separate individuals after they choose<\/em> to become one<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6<\/sup>Wherefore they are no more twain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:5-6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To marry, we die<\/em> to our former individual lives (Mk. 10:8[253]<\/a>, 1 Cor. 6:16[254]<\/a>, Eph. 5:31[255]<\/a>) and start a new family (Ps. 68:6a[256]<\/a>).  After salvation, we serve Jesus because our love for Him makes us want to please Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the love of Christ constraineth us; II Corinthians 5:14a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In the same way, our love for our spouse should<\/em> make us want to please him or her.  In marriage, we no longer belong to our individual selves, we belong to each other and serve each other gladly because we love each other (Phil. 2:4[257]<\/a>) just as we serve God because we love Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many people whom you tell accept salvation?  How many people do you know who\u2019ve accepted God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage and show the joy of marriage in this life?  When a couple does that, you will know<\/em> their love for each other when you see them together.  How many wives do you know who like belonging to their husbands?  How many husbands do you know who like belonging to their wives?  Our God loved us so much that He died to give us a way to go to Heaven to be with Him.  He also taught us a way for men and women to give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven by loving and serving each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having God love us and expecting us to love each other is as unique as the empty tomb.  Love turned the world upside down (Acts 17:6[258]<\/a>).  Showing God\u2019s love to each other wins the lost!  They\u2019ll want to experience God\u2019s love for themselves.  That\u2019s how we<\/em> turn the world upside down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FINDING GOD BY RELATING TO GOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God gave most people a feeling that there is<\/em> a God and a sense of wondering about God (Rom. 2:15[259]<\/a>).  People are curious about God and want some sort of relationship to God.  How many religions are there?  Doesn\u2019t each one offer a different way to relate to the supernatural?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the same way, most men and women are strongly<\/em> drawn to the opposite sex.  Men want to relate to women and women want to relate to men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s plan of salvation tells us how to relate to Him, and He made His plan of salvation work for marriage.  God knew that we couldn\u2019t handle two ways to relate.  The Bible teaches that the relationship between husband and wife is a picture of the relationship between God and people.  Husband and wife relate to each other the same way they relate to God.  That relationship is built on God\u2019s love for everyone (Jn. 3:16), but we must choose<\/em> to believe in Him and return<\/em> His love in order to belong to Him and go to heaven when we die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOVING GOD <\/a>FROM YOUR HEART<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The command \u201clove the Lord thy God\u201d is in scripture 14 times<\/em><\/a> they\u2019re listed on page 110.  The first time is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Deuteronomy 6:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible tells us how<\/em> to love our God.  5 times, the Bible says, \u201clove the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul\u2026 (De. 6:5, 30:6, Mt. 22:37, Mk. 12:30, Lk. 10:7)\u201d  De. 6:5 adds \u201cand with all thy might.\u201d  De. 30:6 doesn\u2019t add anything, it\u2019s just heart and soul.  Mt. 22:37 adds \u201cand with all thy mind.\u201d  Both Mk. 12:30 and Lk. 10:27 add \u201cand with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.\u201d  To summarize, we\u2019re to love God with everything we have:<\/em> Heart, soul, might, mind, and strength.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The list always<\/em> starts with \u201cheart.\u201d  It\u2019s easier to love God with our minds because we can treat Him as an intellectual matter without involving our feelings or our emotions.  We can\u2019t truly<\/em> love God as He expects without totally involving our hearts, minds, and everything else we have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ezekiel told his group of exiles why Jerusalem was about to be destroyed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and put the stumblingblock of their iniquity before their face: should I be enquired of at all by them?  Ezekiel 14:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jewish leaders had given their hearts to idols which they valued over God.  This was so serious that God no longer heard their prayers for guidance and advice; He would no longer \u201cbe enquired of at all by them.\u201d  Centuries later, the scribes and Pharisees criticized Jesus\u2019 disciples for not following traditional eating customs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He [Jesus] answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, but their heart is far from me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 7<\/sup>Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.  Mark 7:6-7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Worship from the heart is vital.  The Pharisees lips said<\/em> they followed God but their worship was vain<\/em> because their hearts weren\u2019t involved.  What will a husband think if his wife\u2019s relationship to him is a pure mental exercise without involving her emotions so that she lives with him without loving him?  The Bible tells us how a woman feels if a man doesn\u2019t involve his heart<\/em> in taking her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And she [Delilah] said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me?  Judges 16:15a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Delilah was upset that Samson wouldn\u2019t open his heart to her.  He said<\/em> he loved her, she gave herself to him, but he wasn\u2019t hers.  What good was he to her (Song 2:16[260]<\/a>)?  Why not get some cash by selling him to the Philistines?  She knew that what\u2019s in a man\u2019s heart defines him.  It\u2019s the sports hero and the cheerleader.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 23:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can feed a woman and take care of her material needs but not value her in his heart.  It\u2019s far easier to love God or another person with the mind than with the heart, but love as a mental exercise doesn\u2019t do much good.  That\u2019s why God always put \u201cheart\u201d first.  If we first love Him and our spouses with our hearts, our minds, strength, and might and everything else follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s important to guard<\/em> our hearts so that we do not become emotionally involved with anything that can become more important to us than God or more important than our spouse:Keep<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 thy heart with all diligence<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects our minds to be diligent, that is, very careful<\/em>, to rule our emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Christianity is a thinking faith, that\u2019s why \u201cmind\u201d is on the list.  Paul spoke of \u201cpersuading\u201d men of the truth of the Bible (2 Cor. 5:11a[261]<\/a>).  Once we accept the reality of God on a mixture of thought and faith, we turn our hearts over to Him and the rest follows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOVE THY GOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Think hard<\/em> about loving \u201cthy God.\u201d  Once you choose to accept salvation, God becomes your<\/em> God and you are a member of His family.  In the eyes of God, a wife belongs to her husband and he belongs to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some church people haven\u2019t chosen<\/em> to belong to God; they aren\u2019t real Christians.  We all know \u201cmarried\u201d people who haven\u2019t chosen to belong to each other.  They haven\u2019t become one, they aren\u2019t joined in the way God expects.  How many couples do you know who truly<\/em> belong to each other?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we don\u2019t open ours hearts to Him, if we don\u2019t desire that He know us, He can\u2019t really be our<\/em> God.  We will be rejected no matter what we say or do to act like we belong to Him if we aren\u2019t truly His:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22<\/sup>Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works<\/p>\n\n\n\n

? 23<\/sup>And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.  Matthew 7:21-23 *<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOVE THINE ONLY GOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Once you accept God\u2019s offer of salvation, He is your<\/em> God.  It\u2019s exclusive<\/em>, you may not<\/em> worship any other God<\/em>!Thou shalt have no other gods before me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 4<\/sup>Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5<\/sup>Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; 6<\/sup>And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.  Exodus 20:3-6 *<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This passage mentions idols, physical images of men, animals, or whatever people worship.  Anything that you value more than you value God becomes an idol to you<\/em>.  Some people worship religious leaders.  Others worship money, clothes, the flag, or drugs.  Anything<\/em> that you value more than God is an idol to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ezekiel said that the leaders in Jerusalem had idols in their hearts; Jesus said that the Pharisees said<\/em> they worshipped God but didn\u2019t worship Him in their hearts.  They were idol-worshippers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As with a spouse, you must value all<\/em> aspects of God, not just the ones you like.  Some churches preach the \u201cbuddy god\u201d who loves everybody so much that he\u2019d never send anyone to Hell – repentance and turning from sin aren\u2019t needed.  A love-only message is empty because it doesn\u2019t define sin or tell people that God hates sin (Ps. 7:11b[262]<\/a>).  How can people ask forgiveness without knowing how God hates<\/em> their sins (Ro. 3:10-11[263]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other churches preach the \u201cbully god\u201d by hammering away on God\u2019s holiness without emphasizing His love.  The bully god wrote a bunch of rules in the Bible which the leadership interprets and extends.  The bully god watches your every thought, word, and deed so he can whack<\/em> you with the pastor\u2019s help when you get out of line.  No forgiveness for you<\/em>, miserable miscreant!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Holiness without love is repugnant<\/em> – it\u2019s too harsh.  Sinners don\u2019t want to hear about holiness alone because they don\u2019t want to feel hopelessly<\/em> bad about themselves.  Showing God\u2019s love gives hope<\/em> and helps sinners accept God\u2019s holiness.  Sinners can\u2019t understand why Jesus was willing to die on the cross unless they\u2019re taught to cling<\/em> to His love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without knowing God\u2019s love, people can\u2019t feel confident of His care for us (1 Pe. 5:7[264]<\/a>) or of His promise never to leave us (He. 13:5[265]<\/a>).  Jesus love<\/em> for us keeps us following Him because we want Him to be pleased with us (2 Cor. 5:14-15[266]<\/a>).  We follow His holiness because we love Him<\/em>.  You can\u2019t do one without the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Similarly, your spouse comes as a complete package \u2013 you must appreciate and value all<\/em> characteristics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOVE THINE ONLY MAN OR WOMAN<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Marriage is exclusive<\/em>.  God expects a man to \u201cpossess his vessel,\u201d that is, his wife, in sanctification:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;  I Thessalonians 4:4<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSanctification\u201d means to be set apart.  A man must set his wife apart from all other women by marrying her before taking her.  He must focus his desires on her and her alone (Song 6:9a[267]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Worship is exclusive to God; we worship Him and Him alone.  What is exclusive to marriage?  Sex.  God commands that men and women join physically only<\/em> in marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sex defines<\/em> marriage.  A woman may guide a man\u2019s house without marriage, we have housemaids.  It\u2019s OK to help raise a man\u2019s children without marrying him; we have women nannies and teachers.  A woman can feed a man without marriage, we have cooks.  She can work with or for a man.  A man and woman may do many things together without being married, but there\u2019s one<\/em> thing God says they must not do outside marriage,<\/em> and that\u2019s have sex.  Sex defines<\/em> marriage; Isaac and Rebecca were married the moment he took her to wife but not before.  Promising to marry didn\u2019t marry them; they were married when he took her to wife<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah\u2019s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother\u2019s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christians worship only<\/em> the Lord our God and Christians have sex only<\/em> within marriage.  Christians must be careful not to value anyone or anything more than we value God.  We can love people to whom we aren\u2019t married, but unmarried love is different and the way we talk outside marriage is different.  The Bible tells Christian men how to talk to people when they aren\u2019t married:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Timothy 5:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men have to be careful not to let talk slide toward the emotional and physical connections God reserves for marriage.  Women must stop talking to a man who\u2019s heading toward violating her emotional or physical purity.  It\u2019s OK for men and women to talk as long as they talk as persons and not as men and women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy to tell when a conversation that begins person to person strays toward man-woman.  This is wrong<\/em> if either party is married.  If they\u2019re both single, the woman must decide whether she might want to marry him and insist that he agree that the goal of being together is to decide whether he and she will marry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no<\/em> God-honoring reason for man-woman talk<\/em> between people who are neither married to each other nor considering marriage.  Some cultures assume that it is not possible for a man and woman to talk without impurity.  Men and women are able to converse as<\/em> people<\/em> by avoiding man-woman thoughts or emotions.  The only<\/em> person in the world whose gender should matter to you is your spouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man-woman talk is dangerous<\/em> in work situations.  You must please the boss to keep a job.  It\u2019s common for a woman to please a man boss or a man to please a woman boss just a little<\/em> too much.  This can easily lead to adultery or divorce, but it starts<\/em> with talk that does not meet God\u2019s standards of purity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God warns that men shouldn\u2019t get physical with women outside marriage even if they don\u2019t have sex:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Greek word translated \u201ctouch\u201d includes arousing passion or starting a fire.  Would a man take his mother\u2019s arm in a slippery place to keep her from falling or help his sister put on her coat?  Of course.  Would he try to get his mother or sister sexually aroused?  Of course not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anything or anyone which a Christian loves or follows more than God is an idol and God thinks of this as idolatry, or spiritual adultery.  If a husband allows his love for anything<\/em> \u2013 job, hobby, sports, hunting \u2013 to be stronger than his love for his wife, she<\/em> thinks he\u2019s committing emotional adultery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DIFFICULTIES WITH LOVING<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Some people have trouble letting themselves love others.  Some are afraid that if they love God enough to be willing to do whatever God tells them to do, God may send them where they don\u2019t want to go.  A man may try to block his emotions for fear that a woman might hurt him.  Jesus faced that problem after He told His disciples to start spreading the Gospel:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 22<\/sup>And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost<\/p>\n\n\n\n

:  John 20:21-22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even though Peter had been given the Holy Spirit, Peter went fishing instead of spreading the Gospel as Jesus had commanded.  Having created Peter, Jesus knew that men can be afraid to admit their feelings for fear of being hurt.  Peter\u2019s fear of hurt blocked him from acknowledging his love (1 Jn. 4:18[268]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Peter saw Jesus weep at Lazarus’ tomb (Jn. 11:35[269]<\/a>) and mourn for Jerusalem (Mt. 23:37[270]<\/a>) and Capernaum (Mt. 11:23[271]<\/a>, Luk. 10:15[272]<\/a>).  If Peter let God send him as God had sent Jesus, he\u2019d be hurt when people he loved didn\u2019t accept the Gospel.  He wanted none of Jesus\u2019 sorrow or grief (Is. 53:3-4[273]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus forced<\/em> Peter to admit that Peter loved Jesus.  That didn’t make<\/em> Peter love Jesus – he already did \u2013 but Peter didn\u2019t recognize his love for Jesus until Jesus brought it to his attention.  Men aren\u2019t always in touch with their emotions, it never occurred to Boaz to marry Ruth, but when she asked, he thought it was such a good<\/em> idea he ran out the next morning<\/em> and married her (Ru. 3:18[274]<\/a>, 4:1-11).  The Bible teaches short engagements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once Peter admitted to himself that he loved Jesus, his love for Christ drove<\/em> Peter to spread the word!  That\u2019s why Jesus wants us to accept<\/em> His love for us and<\/em> our love for Him.  God expects a man\u2019s love for his wife to drive<\/em> him to serve her and take care of her and vice versa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Building love takes time and effort.  We express our love for God through prayer, valuing His Word, and letting the Holy Spirit lead us to do the good works that God expects of us (Titus 2:14[275]<\/a>, 3:8[276]<\/a>).  Families build their love for each other through open-hearted conversation and cheerful service.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 II Corinthians 9:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God isn\u2019t the only one who loves a cheerful giver.  Cheerful service leads family members to nourish and cherish each other and other church members:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:  Hebrews 10:24<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLove one another\u201d is in the New Testament 12 times.  \u201cGood works,\u201d the result<\/em> of loving one another (Jam. 2:14-26), appears 16 times!  If a Christian doesn\u2019t love his wife or other church members, if he doesn\u2019t take care of others (1 Cor. 10:24[277]<\/a>, Phil. 2:4[278]<\/a>), if he won\u2019t belong to his wife, does he really<\/em> belong to God?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LOVE IN MARRIAGE AND LOVE OF GOD<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Bible compares marriage bonds with the bond between God and His people.  Worship is unique to God; we worship the One True God and only the One True God.  Sex and married love are unique to marriage, a husband and wife must not have sex with anyone else and must never let their emotions become involved in the same way with anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We love God fervently.  We love our spouses and we love other Christians, but love between husband and wife is different in intensity and depth from their love for anyone else.  This analogy is used in the New Testament to describe the relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.  II Corinthians 11:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.  Revelation 19:7<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Old Testament prophets used sexual terms describing love between husband and wife to express the relationship of God with his people.  Ezekiel chapters 16 and 23 and Hosea chapter 2 compared God\u2019s people being unfaithful by worshiping idols with a wife or husband betraying a spouse by committing adultery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerusalem was worshipping other gods; harlots sell sexual favors instead of giving freely to husbands:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How is the faithful city become an harlot<\/p>\n\n\n\n

! it was full of judgment; righteousness lodged in it; but now murderers.  Isaiah 1:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEspousal\u201d means committing to marry.  God\u2019s people repeatedly promised to obey God and be His people while they were in the wilderness, but had broken their engagement to God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Go and cry in the ears of Jerusalem, saying, Thus saith the LORD; I remember thee, the kindness of thy youth, the love of thine espousals<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, when thou wentest after me in the wilderness, in a land that was not sown.  Jeremiah 2:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeremiah listed sins which caused the northern kingdom to be carried into captivity and pointed out that the people of Judah did the same sins.  God is distressed<\/em> when His people value anyone or anything more than they value Him.  Married people are distressed<\/em> when a spouse is romantically tied to someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 7<\/sup>And I said after she had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. 8<\/sup>And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 9<\/sup>And it came to pass through the lightness of her whoredom, that she defiled the land, and committed adultery<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 with stones and with stocks. 10<\/sup>And yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah hath not turned unto me with her whole heart, but feignedly, saith the LORD. 11<\/sup>And the LORD said unto me, The backsliding Israel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 hath justified herself more than treacherous Judah. 12<\/sup>Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, saith the LORD; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the LORD, and I will not keep anger for ever.  Jeremiah 3:6-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE SONG OF SOLOMON SHOWS HOW MARRIAGE WORKS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Scholars debate whether the Song of Songs is literal or spiritual.  That\u2019s an empty argument because the Bible repeatedly uses marriage to illustrate God\u2019s relationship to His people and uses God\u2019s relationship to His people to describe marriage (Is. 1:21, Jer. 2:2, 3:6\u201312, Eze. 16, 23, Hos. 2).  The Song cannot describe God’s permanent, loving, joyful, and exclusive relationship with His people without also describing the pattern for a permanent, loving, joyful, and exclusive human marriage.  It is both literal and<\/em> spiritual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) The Song begins with the wife praising her husband (Song 1:2).  Men don’t seem to understand women very well; maybe having a wife praise her husband teaches him how to praise her in a way that she appreciates?  Could praising her husband make a wife less likely to focus on what she doesn\u2019t like?  Feeling appreciated by his wife does make a man want to take care of her and appreciate her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) There is no criticism at all<\/em> in the Song, only praise in mind-numbing detail.  The man and wife are constantly looking for little things about each other to praise and appreciate.  Their praise sounds odd to us, but you can re-word it to make sense for you.  The lesson is that married people need constant praise, support, and affirmation from each other in detail<\/em>.  Praising God takes our minds off our problems; praising your spouse helps you forget day-to-day annoyances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) The husband is totally<\/em> involved with his wife.  He tells everyone that she’s uniquely perfect:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My dove, my undefiled is but one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; she is the only one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her mother, she is the choice one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s so focused on her that he doesn’t see other women as women, only as people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4) The wife has the security of knowing that her husband belongs to her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 2:16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

How should a man behave to convince his wife that he belongs to her?  By opening his heart to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5) The wife recognizes and encourages her husband’s desire for her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song 7:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

As Ruth accepted Naomi\u2019s advice how to get<\/em> married (Ru. 3:18[279]<\/a>), this wife followed her mother\u2019s advice how to stay<\/em> married (Song 8:2[280]<\/a>).  Her mother points out that she has far more sexual capacity than her husband does; she can drain off all the sexual energy God gives him.  This convinces him that she belongs to him and makes it hard for other women to get his attention.  If she sends him off to work loaded, on the other hand, he’ll be tempted by other women and they might both be burned (Pr. 5:20[281]<\/a>, 6:27[282]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The entire Song deals with our human need to be appreciated.  A man can’t praise his wife in such detail without paying close attention to her.  Marriages are based on communication; a woman communicates heart-to-heart, a man communicates belly-to-belly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many marriages would fail if husband and wife never, not ever<\/em>, criticized each other and always looked for things to appreciate instead?  That is the essence of the Song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

GOD GAVE US ONE LOVE-BASED WAY TO RELATE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We relate to God and to other people in the same way.  Our relationship to God is exclusive \u2013 we worship only<\/em> the One True God.  Marriage is exclusive \u2013 husband and wife have sex only with each other and reserve their mating emotions for each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We love God and follow His commandments to please him.  Husband and wife love each other and serve each other to please each other out of love.  Our Christian walk is based on love for God, spouse, family, church members, and everyone else besides.  Love for God comes first, then<\/em> love for spouse and family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  Matthew 10:37<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Although we love other people, men and women must be careful to keep their love for others pure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s rules are very<\/em> simple.  Salvation is two words, \u201conly believe.\u201d  Staying<\/em> married is as simple as salvation, its two words, \u201conly praise.\u201d  We must praise our spouses as much and as often as God expects us to praise Him, that keeps us focused on what God has given so that we don\u2019t worry about what he hasn\u2019t given.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When God looks on you, He sees the purity and perfection of His son, your Lord and Savior.  We are commanded to follow after God, so when you look on your spouse, you should see the purity and perfection of His son, your spouse\u2019s Lord and Savior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects bride and groom to approach into matrimony with one perfect heart.  Keep your hearts perfect with the Lord your God, and with each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gave us one plan for both salvation and marriage, and He gave us one love-based way to relate to Him to our spouses and to our fellow church members.  We praise God in the same way we praise our spouses; we give ourselves to our spouses in the same way we give ourselves to God.  Showing and spreading the love of God is how we turn the world upside down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It really is that simple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Questions or Comments<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Love the Lord Thy God<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s command \u201clove the Lord thy God\u201d is in scripture 14 times<\/em>!  This shows the logic<\/em> of God\u2019s plan for us.  Choosing<\/em> to love Him as He commands helps us serve Him better.  It\u2019s obvious that couples who strive to love each other as they love God will give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul prayed \u201cthat your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment (Phil 1:9).\u201d  Pray that God will make your love abound for Him, your family, your church, and the lost.  People who see your joy in loving each other and loving them will want God\u2019s love for themselves!  Any group or society based on loving God and each other as He commands will bring joy to everyone who joins together in loving God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.  Deuteronomy 6:5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Therefore thou shalt love the LORD thy God, and keep his charge, and his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments, alway.  Deuteronomy 11:1<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And it shall come to pass, if ye shall hearken diligently unto my commandments which I command you this day, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, 14<\/sup>That I will give you the rain of your land in his due season, the first rain and the latter rain, that thou mayest gather in thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil.  Deuteronomy 11:13-14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him;  Deuteronomy 11:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.  Deuteronomy 13:3<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If thou shalt keep all these commandments to do them, which I command thee this day, to love the LORD thy God, and to walk ever in his ways; then shalt thou add three cities more for thee, beside these three:  Deuteronomy 19:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.  Deuteronomy 30:6<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

In that I command thee this day to love the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it.  Deuteronomy 30:16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.  Deuteronomy 30:20<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.  Joshua 22:5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the LORD your God.  Joshua 23:11<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  Matthew 22:37<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.  Mark 12:30<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.  Luke 10:27<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Loving God with your soul is mentioned 8 times, mind 3 times, strength twice, might once, and so on.  We choose<\/em> in our minds to give more<\/em> than just our hearts and love God with everything we have!<\/em>  This is a deliberate, practical choice.  Deciding<\/em> to love in this way binds us together with God and with each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 15 – Marriage Explained in One Verse<\/em><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Isaac supplied the tent.  A man\u2019s proposal to a woman that doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter isn\u2019t biblical.  If a man can\u2019t pay for her, all he can do is play with her.  That never ends well for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      She became his wife because they had made public marriage vows before he took her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Isaac loved Rebekah and then<\/em> he was comforted.  God gave every wife the ability to comfort her husband, but comforting a man is emotionally exhausting.  Being convinced<\/em> that he loves her renews her emotional energy so she can keep comforting him, but this requires a lot of daily detailed praise and appreciation as taught in the Song of Solomon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

80-90% of how a marriage works out depends on how a man treats his wife after they marry, but 80% of that depends on how high she and he set her value by protecting her virtue before <\/em>they marry (Pr. 31:10).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ISAAC SUPPLIED THE TENT<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Most women delight in a man\u2019s attention.  A woman can easily become emotionally involved with a man who claims to love her.  Playing boy-girl games when you aren’t ready for marriage is like playing with matches and gasoline when you don\u2019t want to start a fire.  People aren\u2019t toys, and playing with each other before you’re mature enough to think of a permanent marriage partner can lead to serious emotional damage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are only three ways it can turn out, all of them are bad:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1)   You can break up.  This hurts, but shows you can survive breaking up.  This prepares you for divorce later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2)   You can marry before you’re mature enough or have enough income.  Mature adults have troubles with the duties and responsibilities of marriage, and marriage is far harder on younger people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3)   You can get involved physically without commitment to each other, which adds to the emotional damage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The teen years and early twenties are a time for striving to learn what you must know to join the ranks of productive, responsible adults; it’s not a time to wish you were already grown up.  Isaac was 40 years old (Gen. 5:20) and had enough money to support Rebecca when he married her.  This is a husband\u2019s duty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus spoke of His servants being obliged to do their duty to Him:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.  Luke 17:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When God gives a woman to a man to be his wife, God expects him to nourish and cherish her (Eph 5:29).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HE TOOK REBEKAH<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man will marry if he wants a woman badly enough and marriage is the only way he can have her.  Marriage is wonderful enough to be worth the burden and responsibilities of marriage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love.  Proverbs<\/strong> 5:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: 19<\/sup>The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.  Proverbs 30:18-19<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.  Psalm 19:5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song<\/strong> of Solomon 7:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But if they cannot contain, let them marry:  I Corinthians 7:9a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Some wedding vows say \u201cto have and to hold.\u201d  The man marries to have her; she marries so he\u2019ll hold her.  Naomi gave Ruth the best advice on getting<\/em> marriage you\u2019ll ever hear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz wasn\u2019t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth brought it up, it was such a good<\/em> idea he ran out the very next morning and married her.  Why?  Because he wanted her.  What if a woman gives him rest outside marriage?  Her value falls (Pr. 31:10).  What would marriage give him that he doesn\u2019t have?  If she gives herself to him without marriage, how can he trust her not to give herself to someone else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SHE BECAME HIS WIFE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit.  I Thessalonians 4:3-8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some say that this refers to a man possessing his own body, but \u201cvessel\u201d in \u201cas unto the weaker vessel (1 Pe. 3:7)\u201d describes something that receives.  In marriage, the man\u2019s body gives and the woman\u2019s body receives.  Jesus said that a man and wife were \u201cno more twain, but one flesh.\u201d  It doesn\u2019t matter which body the passage refers to; there\u2019s only one body in a Christian marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man sanctifies a woman, that is, sets her apart from all other women, by entering into Holy Matrimony with her before taking her.  How often do we hear of a man persuading a woman to fulfill his lusts by claiming to love her?  Without the sanctification of marriage, taking a woman is sinful lust which God calls \u201cfraud.\u201d  God avenges this by denying the man most of the joy which God intended for marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We know from news about dates gone wrong that being defrauded by being taken outside marriage can harm a woman badly and make her bitter.  God gives a man the desire of his heart when he takes a woman through lying to her, but defrauding her and taking advantage of her brings leanness into his soul (Psalm 106:15).  Fraud followed by bitterness isn\u2019t a good foundation for marriage.  The situation can\u2019t improve unless the man takes responsibility for defrauding her and confesses his sin to her and to their parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible uses \u201ctook to wife (Gen. 26:34, 1 Ki. 16:31, 1 Chr. 7:15)\u201d to indicate that the man married the woman before taking her.  The Bible warns four times<\/em> that opening herself to a man humbles a woman (Deu. 21:14, 22:29, Eze. 22:10-11).  The chemicals a man injects into her body make her brain produce hormones that affect her thinking.  She becomes much more relaxed.  She\u2019ll lose her sense of independence and feel a desire to cling to him and to belong to him.  This makes her feel vulnerable and dependent.  This can be very frightening even if he\u2019s made her feel secure, appreciated, and valued by marrying her before taking her and by opening his heart to her enough that she\u2019s confident that he belongs to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man takes a woman outside marriage, she knows he failed to protect her from his passions as Adam failed to protect Eve from the serpent.  It is very difficult for a woman to follow a man whom she can\u2019t trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ISAAC LOVED REBEKAH<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Older women are told to teach younger women how to love their husbands (Titus 2:4) because men are very much alike \u2013 what comforts one man will make pretty much any man feel loved, and it\u2019s simple enough that the Bible explains it in one verse.  There is no simple formula for making a wife feel loved because women are so different from each other, but the Bible describes the result.  As Naomi told her daughters goodbye when sending them back to their families to find husbands, she prayed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9<\/strong>a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women aren\u2019t strong enough to hunt or farm without modern machinery.  In a muscle-powered society with no \u201csafety net,\u201d wives depend on husbands for food.  Naomi wanted her daughters to have food, clothing, and shelter, but she also wanted them to find comfort, rest, contentment, and security in knowing<\/em> that they were valued and appreciated by their husbands as taught in the Song of Solomon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watching a couple shows whether she\u2019s resting in her husband.  Many women experience this instead:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: Eat and drink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 23:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can claim he loves a woman and provide for her without giving his heart to her.  Naomi wanted each daughter to find an appreciative husband who poured his heart into nourishing and cherishing her.  God isn\u2019t the only one who appreciates a cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:7).  What was Delilah\u2019s complaint against Samson?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

?  Judges 16:15a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The woman in the Song is confident that her husband has opened his heart enough to belong to her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My beloved is mine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Delilah was upset that Samson wouldn\u2019t open his heart to her and wouldn\u2019t belong to her.  He said<\/em> he loved her, she gave herself to him, but she could see that he wasn\u2019t hers.  What good was he to her (Song 2:16)?  Why not get some cash by selling him to the Philistines?  She knew that what\u2019s in a man\u2019s heart defines him.  It\u2019s the sports hero and the cheerleader, a story that happens over and over again in colleges and high schools.  What she did wasn\u2019t nice, but who betrayed whom first?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women share their hearts routinely in helping other women bear the burdens of husbands, children, and guiding houses (1 Tim. 5:14).  They have a hard time understanding that it\u2019s as frightening for a man to open his heart as for a woman to open her body.  A man\u2019s emotions are as powerful as a woman\u2019s.  Japanese say \u201cOne hair of a woman’s head pulls more strongly than ten yoke of oxen\u201d and Chinese say that a man in love rides a wild horse.  Many men are afraid to open their hearts for fear of being hurt or vexed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death<\/p>\n\n\n\n

;  Judges 16:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotions scare a man.  Although he may declare his love to her, he may not admit his love to himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having created Peter, Jesus knew how Peter felt.  Peter saw Jesus grieve over the cities of Israel<\/a> page 106.  Peter didn\u2019t want the sorrow of seeing people he loved fall away so he hid his emotions from himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

John 21:15-19 tells how Jesus asked three times whether Peter loved Jesus.  Peter finally admitted to brotherly love.  Did Jesus’ questions make Peter love Him?  No, Peter already loved Jesus – he wept bitterly when he betrayed Jesus (Mt. 26:75) – but he didn’t want to feel<\/em> his love, knowing how love can lead to sorrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man won\u2019t admit to himself that he loves his wife enough to be hurt by her, he can\u2019t convince her he loves her and she won\u2019t be able to comfort him as he expects.  Opening herself to him makes her more sensitive to his feelings about her.  If he values her skills, feelings, thoughts, and everything else about her, feeling loved more strongly makes her happy.  She won\u2019t mind being humbled and will be glad to see his delight in her.  If she doesn\u2019t think he\u2019s pleased with her, she won\u2019t want to be more sensitive to his feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. I John 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman has a thousand thousand ways to deflect her husband\u2019s desire, but the fault is generally his.  She can\u2019t make him any happier than he makes her.  The secret of a man finding happiness in marriage is to convince his wife that he\u2019s truly happy with her.  That will make her happy with him which makes him happy.  The Song of Songs starts<\/em> with the wife praising her husband for getting physical with her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.  Song of Solomon 1:2<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song 7:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

She likes getting physical because he appreciates her.  Husbands and wives want to please each other:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I would have you without carefulness.  He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  There is difference also between a wife and a virgin.  The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 7:32-34 *<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women are made for men (Gen. 2:18), so a wife generally cares more about pleasing her husband than he cares about pleasing her.  The Book of Proverbs warns 5 times (Pr. 19:13, 21:9, 19, 25:24, 27:15) that an unhappy wife is a hardship; many say, \u201cIf mamma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 17:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men, don\u2019t<\/em> dry your wife\u2019s bones.  Can you give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she wants to please you?  She can\u2019t please you if she doesn\u2019t know what you want.  The only way she can be confident of pleasing you is for you to open your heart enough for her to learn your ways in detail<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a woman finds she can\u2019t please her husband no matter how she tries, we often see death in her eyes, even in photos.  Men, if you want to be happy in marriage, be happy with your wife<\/em>.  That makes her happy.  There is no joy this side of Heaven that compares with having your wife be glad to belong to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AND THEN HE WAS COMFORTED<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song<\/strong> of Solomon 7:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

His physical desire seems strange to her, so the wife asks her mother for advice about her husband:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother tells her to welcome her husband into her body whenever he wants her.  Giving herself when she\u2019d rather do something else is the definition of submission.  She has far more sexual capacity than he; she can drain off all of his sexual energy.  That makes it hard for other women to get his attention.  If she sends him off to work loaded, on the other hand, he’ll be tempted by other women (Pr. 6:28).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can’t praise his wife in such detail without paying close attention to her.  Marriages are based on communication; a woman communicates heart-to-heart, a man communicates belly-to-belly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How many marriages would fail if husband and wife never, not ever, criticized each other and appreciated each other constantly instead?  That is the essence of the Song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29<\/sup>Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A married woman takes on the yoke of pleasing her husband.  He\u2019s commanded to dwell with her according to knowledge of her (1 Pe. 3:7).  The only way to get this knowledge is by hours and hours of daily open-hearted conversation.  This will open his heart to her enough to make his yoke easy and his burden light and convince her that he belongs to her as taught in the Song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Courtship shows whether he trusts her (Pro. 31:11) enough to truly<\/em> open his heart and he finds out whether she respects him and honors him (Eph. 5:33, 1 Pe. 3:6) in spite of his mistakes.  Marriage prospers when a man treats<\/em> his wife as his precious gift from God and she acts<\/em> like his precious gift from God.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 16 – A Young Man is Pursuing Your Daughter.  What do you Tell Him?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Jesus told us that men marry; women are given in marriage (Luk. 20:34[283]<\/a>).  A wife is a gift from God to her groom (Luk. 17:27[284]<\/a>).  You should do your best to be sure the would-be groom is prepared to gently and wisely lead your daughter so that he will receive the full blessing God intends in giving him a wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian marriage is incredibly<\/em> simple.  God doesn\u2019t see our sins, He sees the righteousness and purity of His Son<\/a>, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Ps. 103:12[285]<\/a>, I Cor. 6:11[286]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s gift of grace means that He and His Son treat us as if we\u2019re perfect (Rom. 8:1[287]<\/a>, Eph. 5:25-27[288]<\/a>).  Note \u201cwithout blemish\u201d in Ephesians 5:27.  As Jesus sanctifies and cleanses His church, your son-in-law must sanctify your daughter to present herself to him as a \u201cglorious wife, without spot or wrinkle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us to forgive each other as God forgives.  God forgives completely<\/em>; He forgets our sins (Ps. 103:12[289]<\/a>, Is. 43:25[290]<\/a>, I Cor. 6:11[291]<\/a>, Hebrews 10:17[292]<\/a>).  When God washes away our sins, what\u2019s left is perfect<\/em>.  Ephesians 5:1 commands<\/em>, \u201cBe ye therefore followers of God.\u201d  God treats us as perfect, so we must follow God and treat our spouses as perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the key<\/em> to marriage.  Treat your spouse as perfect, praise your spouse as perfect, tell everyone your spouse is perfect for you (Song 6:9[293]<\/a>), and thank God for putting you in a perfect marriage (Ps. 68:6a[294]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage prospers if a husband treats<\/em> his wife as God\u2019s perfect gift to him and she acts<\/em> as God\u2019s perfect gift to him (Jas. 1:17[295]<\/a>).  He\u2019s to serve, love, nourish, cherish, honor, and sanctify her (Eph. 5:29[296]<\/a>, Song 4:7[297]<\/a>, 6:9[298]<\/a>) as perfect, she\u2019s to serve him and submit to him in reverence (Eph. 5:22, 33[299]<\/a>, Col. 3:18[300]<\/a>) even though neither of them deserves the other!<\/em>  Is he prepared to forgive your daughter as God forgives him?  Can she forgive him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s simple, but \u201csimple\u201d doesn\u2019t mean \u201ceasy.\u201d  It\u2019s simple to walk from Maine to California \u2013 put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there \u2013 but it\u2019s far from easy.  Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a short stroll across a continent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE REWARDS OF MARRIAGE<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There is no joy for a man this side of heaven that compares with having a woman delight<\/em> in belonging to him as the wife in the Song of Solomon delights in belonging to her husband.  Assuming he\u2019s saved and has found a job which can support her and a place to house her (Ge. 24:67<\/a> page 111), you\u2019ll want to point out Biblical ideas to help him receive all<\/em> the joy God intended for marriage (Ecc. 9:9[301]<\/a>, Pr. 5:18-19[302]<\/a>, Pr. 31:28-29[303]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nourishing and cherishing a wife as God expects is a lot of work; it\u2019s important that he be strongly<\/em> drawn to her.  The time will come when she’s got the flu, she’s pregnant out to here<\/em>, the other kids are leaking at both ends, the house is hip-deep in diapers, and she’s too sick to do anything about it.  If he’s as smitten with her as the husband in the Song, he’ll stick around and help her through it instead of running off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The story of the talents (Lk. 19) teaches that Our Lord holds us accountable for how we administer the gifts He gives us (I Cor. 12:1-18).  God expects a husband to know his wife\u2019s God-given gifts and to encourage her to develop and use them for His glory as they glorify God together (I Peter 3:7[304]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Jews were exiled to Babylon when they didn\u2019t fulfill God\u2019s conditions.  They possessed the land, but they didn\u2019t keep God\u2019s law (Je. 32:23[305]<\/a>) and they didn\u2019t give the land its Sabbaths (II Chr. 36:21[306]<\/a>).  They misused the gift, so they lost the blessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God formed your daughter in her mother\u2019s womb as a good and perfect help meet to be His gift to her husband (Mt. 7:11[307]<\/a>, Jas. 1:17[308]<\/a>, I Cor. 11:8-9[309]<\/a>).  You want your son-in-law to fulfill all<\/em> of God\u2019s conditions when he possesses your daughter so he can receive the full<\/em> blessing of receiving your daughter as an unmerited gift from God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Old Testament explains how.  Pr. 31:1 introduces the wisdom King Lemuel received from his mother.  She taught him how to lead a kingdom, a business, a church, or a family:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Don\u2019t mess with women (Pr. 31:3[310]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Don\u2019t abuse mind-altering substances (Pr. 31:4-5[311]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Take care of your people when they\u2019re hurting (Pr. 31:6-7[312]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Treat your people fairly (Pr. 31:8-9[313]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He can\u2019t fulfill the last two without building open, loving relationships.  How else can he distinguish between needy and lazy, the good and the glib?  Mrs. Lemuel\u2019s wisdom helps him in any path he walks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She also told her son what to expect from the virtuous wife you have trained your daughter to be:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Pr. 31:12).  He must explain what he<\/em> regards as good so she can follow him.  That\u2019s another reason for him to open his heart to her (1 Pe. 3:7).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her (Pr. 31:11, Pr. 12:4[314]<\/a>).  Many men won\u2019t admit their emotions even to themselves for fear of being hurt.  Jesus had to force the Apostle Peter to admit that Peter loved Christ (Jn. 15:21-17).  Will he not only admit his love for your daughter to himself, but convince her daily<\/em>?  It\u2019s easier for a woman to follow a man when she knows<\/em> he loves her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      She openeth up her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness (Pr.31:26).  God expects her words to always be health to him (Pr. 12:18[315]<\/a>) so he\u2019ll want to hear what she has to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mrs. Lemuel then outlined God\u2019s terms and conditions so that her son could receive the blessing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Teach his children, by telling them and by showing them, to praise and appreciate her every action and her never-ending labor on behalf of her home (Pr. 31:28).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      Praise her as a uniquely wonderful wife who \u201cexcelleth them all\u201d (Pr. 31:29).  The Song explains how.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00b7      She works mostly in the home, so he must praise her in the gates (Pr. 31:31), at home, and at church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LEADING IN MEEKNESS<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Having given him your daughter to be his wife, God gives him authority over her, his children, and his home.  Jesus told us to exercise authority meekly (Mk. 9:35[316]<\/a>, Mk. 10:42-45[317]<\/a>, II Tim. 2:24-25[318]<\/a>) in any<\/em> role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gave Moses authority to get water by speaking to the rock (Nu. 20:7-12).  Moses exceeded his authority and struck the rock.  Moses\u2019 acting in anger instead of in meekness (Nu. 12:3[319]<\/a>) abused the authority God had given him and cost him the blessing of entering the Promised Land.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents labor to teach children never<\/em> to react in anger by age 2 or 3 (Pr. 22:24[320]<\/a>, 25:28[321]<\/a>, 29:22[322]<\/a>).  We teach them to relate, discuss, share, and care<\/em> about the other person (Phil. 2:3[323]<\/a>).  Did his parents teach him this?  His view of your daughter will be very important to her after they\u2019re married.  She won\u2019t be able to love him as much as she wants to love him if he hurts her with his words (Pr. 22:24).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He decides whether he trusts her enough to open his heart to her and learn about her to dwell according to knowledge as God commands (I Pe. 3:7) during courtship.  God rewards this \u2013 hours and days of open-hearted talk which give him knowledge of her teaches her about him.  Learning of him makes his yoke easy and her burden light (Mt. 11:29-30[324]<\/a>), giving her rest unto her soul (Ru. 1:9a[325]<\/a>).  Once she rests knowing she pleases him (I Co. 7:34[326]<\/a>), she can make him happy in ways he would never imagine to command.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God constructed women\u2019s brains to think so differently that it takes hours and hours of daily conversation for her to understand him well enough to follow him and to please him.  A woman can\u2019t obey or follow what she doesn\u2019t understand.  Women who conclude that they can\u2019t please their husbands die inside.  We see death in their eyes, even in photographs.  You don\u2019t want that for your daughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW IS <\/a>HIS WALK WITH GOD?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Does he truly<\/em> believe that God is good?  Most Christians say that, but few search the Bible for keys to happiness.  When God created the heavens and the earth, the only \u201cnot good\u201d was Adam being alone.  After God created Eve to help Adam, it was all \u201cvery good.\u201d  Does he believe<\/em> that in his bones<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHelp\u201d comes from ezer<\/em>, as in \u201cfrom whence cometh my ezer<\/em> (Ps. 121:1).\u201d  A wife is a valuable help, but she needs to understand him to know how to help, and that takes hours of daily conversation for years<\/em>, even after children are born.  It\u2019s virtually impossible for her to rejoice in meeting his physical needs unless he meets her needs for emotional connection.  She sees what he wants as vain repetition, just as he sees her talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men think women want to talk about the same old thing, women think men want to do the same old thing.  Both wonder why the other party isn\u2019t bored.  God made them different!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WILL HE <\/a>APPRECIATE HER AS GOD APPRECIATES HER?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many men think that God made women incorrectly; that\u2019s why He commanded \u201cHusbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col. 3:19).\u201d  This is a command<\/em>.  Will he obey?  Can his tongue be health to her (Pr. 12:18[327]<\/a>, 15:1[328]<\/a>) when he\u2019s frustrated (Pr. 25:28[329]<\/a>) or when he\u2019s been too busy to give her the emotional support she needs by talking about her concerns (Phil. 2:4[330]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible describes the wife as the weaker vessel (I Pe. 3:7).  What he does or doesn\u2019t do to her, he does or doesn\u2019t do to Christ (Mt. 25:40[331]<\/a>, Mt. 25:45[332]<\/a>).  Does he know this?  Does he believe<\/em> it?  Will he act<\/em> on it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When God, the stronger party, offered His covenant, Abraham, the weaker party, gave up his animals to provide blood to seal God\u2019s berith<\/em>.  A berith<\/em> is one-sided; it bound God no matter how Abraham\u2019s descendants abused the covenant.  When your daughter accepts his berith<\/em>, she gives up her innocence to provide the blood to seal her husband\u2019s (Mal. 2:14[333]<\/a>) berith<\/em> for herself and for her children forever<\/em>.  The English language doesn\u2019t have a word like the Hebrew word berith<\/em> which the inspired words of the Hebrew Bible use to describe marriage vows.  \u201cCovenant\u201d is the best English word, but \u201ccovenant\u201d suggests that someone can break the marriage covenant if the spouse breaks it first.  This weakens God\u2019s definition of Holy Matrimony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does he value stories in the OT \u201cfor ensamples: and they are written for our admonition (I Cor. 10:10-11[334]<\/a>)?\u201d  Nowhere<\/em> in scripture does a husband criticize his wife.  Not once.  Will he teach his children to honor and appreciate the effort that goes into making food (Pr. 31:18[335]<\/a>), even if they don\u2019t like a particular dish?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does he know that God may speak to a man through his help meet (Jud. 13:2-13, Mt. 27:19[336]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible commands older women to instruct the younger.  Ruth accepted Naomi\u2019s advice even though she had been married and knew about men.  Naomi gave her the best possible advice how to get<\/em> married (Ru. 3:18).  The wife in the Song asked her mother and got the best possible advice how to stay<\/em> married (Song 8:3).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife tells young ladies that a man dreams of having her 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed<\/em>.  God seldom gives him that much strength, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em> (Gen. 29:21[337]<\/a>).  Girls who\u2019ve never dated somehow know that a husband\u2019s drive will be invasive, messy, and take away her independence.  Rebekah knew Isaac\u2019s agenda would have a major impact on her.  She veiled herself to get a little space (Ge. 24:64-65).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giving herself to her husband is what submission is<\/em>.  What drives<\/em> a man to marry (Ge. 29:21) and to come home (Song 2:8)?  What does \u201ctook to wife (Ge. 26:24, Ex. 2:1, I Ki. 16:31, I Chron. 7:15)\u201d mean<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a wife welcomes her husband’s advances, encourages him when he hasn’t asked, tells him, “I like your seed.  Let’s do that again as soon as you can” as the spirit moves her, both he and she will be convinced that she belongs to him.  That makes it hard for women at work to get his attention.  If she sends him off to work loaded, on the other hand, he’s more vulnerable to temptation and they’re likely to get burned (Pro. 6:27[338]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God was serious in saying that it was not good for a man to be alone; men generally die before their wives.  A wife can shorten her widowhood by keeping her husband healthy.  She can say, \u201cWe could do that more often if you were in better shape.\u201d  The more he exercises and the healthier he eats, the longer he\u2019ll live.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made men possessive.  If she convinces him that she\u2019s truly his, he\u2019ll tend to take care of her.  If her happiness is his, he\u2019ll find that making her happy makes him happier than anything he can do for himself.  Solomon\u2019s labor was vanity and chasing wind because he did it for himself.  \u201cI gat me<\/em>, I builded me<\/em>\u2026.\u201d  If he dedicates his work and his life to nourishing his wife, children, and church, his work won\u2019t be vain at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AND THEY TWAIN SHALL BE ONE FLESH: SO THEN THEY ARE NO MORE TWAIN, BUT ONE FLESH. (MK. 10:8)<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Her husband must make this possible.  Giving herself to a man humbles a woman (De. 21:14, 22:29, Ez. 22:10).  It calms her, takes away her independence, and makes her more sensitive to how he feels about her.  If he\u2019s angry or unhappy with her, she won\u2019t want to feel that more strongly and will try to evade him.  If, on the other hand, he works as hard as the husband in the Song to convince her that he rejoices in her to the point that he doesn\u2019t see others as women, only as people, she\u2019ll rejoice in his joy as she gives herself to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This affects the way she walks, the way she talks, and her facial expressions.  Anyone can see it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God designed women so that a wife multiplies whatever her husband gives her and reflects it back to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think about making babies.  He gives his wife one tiny cell.<\/em>  She nourishes what he gave her within herself and gives him a baby with billions of cells.  Every cell<\/em> of her baby has his<\/em> mark in it (Gen. 5:3[339]<\/a>).  If he gives her a boy cell, she makes a boy, if he gives her a girl cell, she makes a girl.  We reap what we sow:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.  Galatians 6:7<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Wives demonstrate this.  God gave your daughter sensitive emotions so that she wants her husband to be pleased with her and so that she can tell whether he\u2019s pleased or not.  Her emotions make her into a mirror; she\u2019s not a light.  Give her anger, criticism, unhappiness, she\u2019ll be tempted to use her power to vex his soul to death (Jud. 16:16[340]<\/a>), multiply his<\/em> unhappiness, and give all<\/em> his unhappiness back to him.  If he gives her praise, appreciation, honor, and love, she\u2019ll multiply all the happiness he gives her and fill his house with the light of his<\/em> joy in her<\/em>.  Men reap what they sow to their wives, very quickly.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever he feels about her determines how she fills his house.  Sow a boy cell, reap a boy.  Sow a cell of love; reap a house full of love.  The secret of happiness in marriage is to be<\/em> happy with his wife so she can multiply his happiness and reflect it back to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no joy for a man this side of Heaven like having a woman delight<\/em> in belonging to him, but he must give her<\/em> a lot to rejoice about (Ecc. 9:9[341]<\/a>) so that she rejoices with<\/em> him.  Marriage prospers if a man treats his wife as God\u2019s precious unmerited gift from God and from her, and she acts like God\u2019s gift to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can he look your daughter in the eye now, before<\/em> marriage, and tell her, \u201cFor God so loved man that he gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you?\u201d  If he can say that, and mean it, and act on it, she\u2019ll be happy in belonging to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no joy this side of heaven for a man that compares with having a woman like<\/em> belonging to him, but she can\u2019t make him any happier than he makes her.  How happy does he want to be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 17 – Why <\/a>God Made Men and Women Think So Differently<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God made males and females different to help us be fruitful and multiply.  Instead of trusting that a good God knew what He was doing when He created us, many men and women complain that God made their spouses wrong.  Women complain that men are too possessive, too controlling, and can\u2019t find anything in a refrigerator.  Men complain that women are too emotional and talk too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God doesn\u2019t expect a man to understand<\/em> his wife, He expects him to know<\/em> her (1 Pe. 3:7).  Very few women or men can explain their thought processes.  This chapter discusses the way male and female brains work to give couples a basis for sharing the way they think.  Understanding draws them closer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28<\/sup>And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply<\/p>\n\n\n\n

,  Genesis 1:27-28a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the sweat of thy face shalt thou [Adam] eat bread,  Genesis 3:19a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent,  Genesis 24:67a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house<\/p>\n\n\n\n

,  I Timothy 5:14a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God told Adam to live by the sweat of his<\/em> face without mentioning Eve.  Isaac supplied the tent where his wife would live.  A husband provides food, clothing and shelter for his wife who guides their house.  God created women to help their husbands (Gen. 2:18, 20[342]<\/a>), and the Bible values multiple sources of advice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.  Proverbs 11:14<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.  Proverbs 15:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A wife often knows things her husband doesn\u2019t, particularly about children.  It\u2019s foolish for a man to ignore his wife\u2019s knowledge and counsel when making decisions.  Even if her ideas aren\u2019t always practical, her ideas may stimulate his thoughts and help make better decisions.  In our decades of deciding, it\u2019s been rare that the first idea from either of us stands the test of the other\u2019s knowledge.  It can take hours of discussion to get all the facts, but the decision is usually obvious once everyone\u2019s concerns are understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The benefits of knowledge sharing are great.  That\u2019s one of the ways God wants us to edify one another (1 Thess. 5:11[343]<\/a>) and provoke one another to good works (Heb. 10:24[344]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God designed men and women to think differently.  I saw my mother\u2019s mind work when a baby cried in the next apartment.  The hormones of pregnancy make a mother sensitive to a baby’s cry[345]<\/a>.  My mother couldn\u2019t stand the baby\u2019s distress.  She knocked, said, \u201cCan I help you,\u201d and picked up the baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hormones on a woman’s skin affect a baby’s brain[346]<\/a>.  The mother’s hormones of fear made her baby afraid.  My mother\u2019s calmer hormones made the baby stop crying from fear and start crying about what was wrong.  Mom showed the mother how to fix it.  God designed women\u2019s hearing to be sensitive to baby noises but it takes teaching and experience for a mother to learn how to deal with the sounds of her<\/em> baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW WOMEN THINK<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When men complain that women think emotionally, women feel that men believe that women don\u2019t think at all.  This makes them unhappy and unwilling to try to explain how they think, which lowers decision quality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dismissing women\u2019s thoughts goes back to the Greek philosophers who gave us forward and backward chaining which doctors use.  The doctor collects facts \u2013 blood pressure, temperature, weight, height, and your history.  You describe your symptoms.  The doctor \u201cforward chains\u201d from the facts and guesses what\u2019s wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suppose the doctor thinks you have pellagra.  If that\u2019s true, you\u2019ll have other symptoms.  The doctor \u201cbackward chains\u201d from the guess and orders tests to see if you have the expected symptoms.  \u201cWe need more tests\u201d means that the guess was wrong, backward chaining failed, but they now have more facts.  They\u2019ve forward chained to another guess for which backward chaining needs more facts.  It is easy to explain conclusions found through forward and backward chaining.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Greeks also gave us Aristotelian logic – if A is true, not A is false.  When Rome conquered Greece, they learned geometry and logic.  They couldn\u2019t have built roads or bridges without these intellectual tools.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These ways of thinking are so useful that men tend to believe that their way is the only way to think.  When the Greek philosophers came down from their lofty discussions of logic, they found that the women whom they\u2019d left guiding the house didn\u2019t think that way.  Instead of seeing that there was another way to think, they assumed that women didn\u2019t think at all.  Modern men are no better at valuing women\u2019s thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women think holistically, which means \u201cinvolving or emphasizing the whole.\u201d  Everything in the house and everyone she knows is connected to everything else like a multidimensional picture in her mind.  This helps a woman find things and makes it easier for her to fit each new baby into the family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife once saw a group of kids running.  \u201cThat child\u2019s hurt!\u201d she exclaimed even though we were too far away to identify them.  One child had a sprained ankle and been given crutches but didn\u2019t want to use them.  The way that child ran disturbed my wife.  Being able to see or hear one wrong note in a complex situation helps raise children \u2013 a choking baby needs help now<\/em> no matter what else the mother is doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This Smithsonian article describes motherhood \u201cas an unseen and poorly understood cellular-level revolution that rebuilds the female brain.\u201d[347]<\/a>  A high-level executive was amazed to find herself watching her newborn wave and kick for hours on end.  Her brain was learning her baby\u2019s normal movements so that if her child was hurt, she would immediately<\/em> see that something was wrong and take care of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A holistic situational sense can protect women from bigger, stronger men.  Gavin de Becker\u2019s \u201cThe Gift of Fear\u201d urges women to pay attention to their feelings.  Many women who\u2019d been robbed or raped reported feeling uneasy, but told themselves not to be silly and kept walking.  His book said we should pay attention when we feel something\u2019s wrong.  Judges 16:18 teaches that a woman can see into a man\u2019s heart if she looks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IT CAN BE <\/a>HARD TO EXPLAIN<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My wife\u2019s father respected her thoughts as given of God to fulfill God\u2019s instructions to marry and have children, but he insisted that she try as hard as she could to explain her feelings.  That helped me as I learned how to care for her.  She told me many things about herself and her thoughts which were so helpful to our marriage that we wrote them down for our granddaughter<\/a> on page 69.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even with decades of practice, it can be hard for her to explain.  A friend was in the hospital for heart surgery.  His washing machine failed.  My wife offered to do his wife\u2019s laundry and bought 2 laundry carriers.  When I asked why she hadn\u2019t put the clothes in a trash bag, she said she hadn\u2019t thought of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I knew that wasn\u2019t the reason but she couldn\u2019t explain.  The next day she told me her friend folded dirty laundry in the pile waiting to be washed and would be unhappy if clean clothes came back jumbled in a bag.  With her husband in the hospital, my wife didn\u2019t want to add to her stress.  She knew<\/em> this without knowing how she knew until she figured it out the next day.  As Prof. Chomsky said, \u201cExperts don\u2019t think \u2013 they know!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When researchers used computers for Artificial Intelligence (AI), they began with forward and backward chaining.  This gave us \u201cexpert systems\u201d whose conclusions could be explained.  As AI advanced to \u201cdeep learning,\u201d computers reach conclusions we can\u2019t understand.  \u201cCan we let algorithm take decisions we cannot explain?[348]<\/a>\u201d points out that unexplained decisions make people nervous, just as men get nervous when a woman reaches a strongly-held conclusion she can\u2019t explain and which makes no sense to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW GOD D<\/a>ID THIS<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Research shows that men and women have different verbal[349]<\/a> and spatial reasoning[350]<\/a> skills.  God gave male and female brains the same basic structure and the same brain cells but the connections are different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMen’s and Women’s Brains Are Wired Differently, but What Does It Mean?[351]<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The brain is split into two halves, called hemispheres. Verma\u2019s study found that men have more connections within each hemisphere of the cerebrum, linking the regions for planning and decision-making with the regions for sight and speech.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women, on the other hand, have more connections between each hemisphere, allowing the two halves of the brain to share information more easily. In the cerebellum, the brain\u2019s physics and motion calculator, the opposite was true\u2014men had more connections between the two hemispheres, and women had more connections within each hemisphere.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The study found minimal gender differences in children under the age of 13, but the differences were much more distinct by age 17. Many brain wiring changes occur during puberty, and men and women seem to develop differently<\/strong>.  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBrain Facts To Know And Share: Men Have A Lower Percentage Of Gray Matter Than Women[352]<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you know women have a higher percentage of gray matter than men? And, not only do men have more white matter, percentage-wise, they also have more cerebrospinal fluid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

According to the researchers, the \u201cresults suggest that male brains are structured to facilitate connectivity between perception and coordinated action<\/strong>, whereas female brains are designed to facilitate communication between analytical and intuitive processing modes<\/strong>.\u201d  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIntuitive processing modes\u201d may be what helps women find things in the refrigerator better than men can.  A woman married without seeing her husband\u2019s house.  \u201cThe living room was full of tires,\u201d she said.  A man keeps tires in the living room so he can find them.  \u201cIt took a month to get the tires out on the front porch,\u201d she said, \u201cand two months to get them around back, but I got them out of the living room.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She went slowly and carefully instead of just taking over his house.  As he learned to trust her to find socks, underwear, and other unimportant things, he trusted her to find important things like his tires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our brain cells connect into \u201cneural clusters\u201d which store memories, hear sounds, process images the eyes see, and do many other things to keep us alive.  The way brain cells connect determines how the brain operates.  Hormones carried in the blood to the brain also affect thinking.  The adrenalin rush to the brain in times of fear can bring tunnel vision to focus on the threat and help you see more clearly[353]<\/a>.  A woman\u2019s hormones change during pregnancy and during her monthly cycle; this also affects her brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHormonal Influences on Cognitive Function[354]<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hormones are the chemical regulators of the human body and function critically to maintain various processes, such as growth, emotions and even cognition. Numerous studies have examined the relationship between hormonal effects and cognitive function; these studies have investigated different factors, such as aging, pregnancy, post-natal states, emotions and stress. Different types of hormones produce different outcomes for the human body and mind.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 sexual hormones \u2026 are commonly associated with cognitive function \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMenstruation And The Female Brain: How Fluctuating Hormone Levels Impact Cognitive Function\u201d[355]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Days before your period you may feel as if you\u2019re walking around in a mental fog. During premenstrual syndrome (PMS), hormones begin to fluctuate and alter the levels of brain chemicals that keep you balanced and alert, but what exactly happens to the brain during your period?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Usually, after the first few days, there will be a surge of estrogen levels that will stimulate the release of endorphins that eliminate the mental change or hormonal cloud present during PMS.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEstrogen levels are closely linked with women\u2019s emotional well-being as estrogen affects parts of the brain that control emotions,\u201d Dr. Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist in New York City and author of \u201cYour Next Big Thing,\u201d told Medical Daily.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The rise in estrogen levels during the menstrual cycle deters women from impulsive decision-making. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found greater increases in estrogen levels across the menstrual cycle compared to impulsive behavior during the beginning of menstruation when estrogen levels are low.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

When God made us male and female, He structured our brains as differently as our muscles.[356]<\/a>  These differences help husbands and wives fulfill the different roles God gave us in forming families.  A woman\u2019s holistic thinking treats the family, house, and children as one complicated picture where she can quickly see anything that\u2019s going wrong and helps her find items in the refrigerator.  This helps her keep her babies alive, but makes her easy to interrupt.  A man is harder to interrupt.  He focuses strongly as he must get his seeds planted at the right time, he must complete the harvest at the right time, or he must focus on a game trail to make sure he can shoot any edible animal that comes along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gets servants when the servants He has bear children and raise them to serve Him.  The differences in the way we think makes women better mothers than men are and helps improve decision quality in the home if husbands take advantage of the diverse thought processes God built into wives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psalm 68:6 explains that God loved us enough to put solitary people in families.  If you don\u2019t see how something about your spouse\u2019s basic nature blesses you and your family, that\u2019s your problem, not God\u2019s.  Pray to ask Him for wisdom to see why your spouse blesses you \u2013 that\u2019s a promise He will fulfill (Jas. 1:5[357]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 18 – Ruth\u2019s Rules for Finding Rest in Marriage<\/a><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God made both salvation and marriage.  If you try to get to Heaven your own way instead of God\u2019s way, you go to Hell when you die.  If you try your own way of marriage instead of God\u2019s way, you can make life Hell on earth.  Our culture has become so confused about marriage that we must review God\u2019s definition:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Matthew 19:4-6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In God\u2019s eyes, marriage is one man and one woman serving each other until one of them dies (Ro. 7:1-3).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Titus 2:4-5[358]<\/a> teaches older women to teach younger women about husbands and children.  The Book of Ruth shows how Naomi helped Ruth get<\/em> married; the wife\u2019s mother in the Song taught her daughter how to stay<\/em> married.  A woman should seek to learn from a godly grandmother who hasn\u2019t been divorced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Song 2:16 says, \u201cMy beloved is mine, and I am his,\u201d Song 6:3 says \u201cI am my beloved\u2019s, and my beloved is mine.\u201d  God expects men and women to die to themselves, to give up their independence, belong to each other, and be no more twain, but one flesh (Mt. 19:6[359]<\/a>, Mk. 10:8[360]<\/a>) just as they were one flesh before God separated Eve out of Adam\u2019s body (Gen. 2:21-22[361]<\/a>).  It\u2019s hard<\/em> to give up your wants in favor of someone else and belong to your spouse, but that\u2019s what God teaches (Song 2:16[362]<\/a>, 6:3[363]<\/a>, 7:10[364]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man expects that marriage means he can have his wife whenever he\u2019s able to take her, a woman expects that marriage means that he\u2019ll open his heart to her whenever she\u2019s able to talk.  God created women because it\u2019s not good for men to be alone (Gen. 2:18[365]<\/a>).  God had many reasons for giving women a drive to talk, but one reason was that a woman will keep her man from being alone by talking to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard for a woman to please her husband unless he talks to her enough for her to know what he wants.  A woman feels defrauded if her husband won\u2019t open his heart to her when she wants to talk \u2013 it slices her heart like a knife.  She feels as defrauded as her husband feels if she won\u2019t open herself to him whenever he wants her (I Cor. 7:3-5[366]<\/a>).  A woman can\u2019t decide when her husband needs her and he can\u2019t decide when she needs him.  Both parties must sacrifice to serve the other.  Did you marry to get, or did you marry to give?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s simple to walk from Maine to California \u2013 put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there.  It\u2019s equally simple to have a good marriage \u2013 die to yourself one day at a time, repeat until you die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man may talk during courtship, but once he\u2019s married, he believes it\u2019s a done deal and he doesn\u2019t have<\/em> to talk any more.  The Bible says 4 times that giving herself to a man humbles a woman (Deu. 21:14, 22:29, Eze. 22:10-11).  The emotional cost of opening herself is so high that she finds it hard to give herself as often as he wants unless she\u2019s convinced<\/em> that he belongs to her and that he likes<\/em> belonging to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE SACRIFICIAL COST OF A HUSBAND<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ladies, having a man in your life is a lot of work and sacrifice<\/em>.  Many marriages break down when the woman finds out how much<\/em> her husband costs after<\/em> they\u2019re married, decides he isn\u2019t worth that,<\/em> and walks out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You won\u2019t find rest in marriage to a man who won\u2019t let himself belong to you.  This makes your burden harder to bear.  A good husband belongs to you. <\/em> If a man belongs to you, if he nourishes and values you as God\u2019s gift to him, you\u2019ll find rest<\/em> in belonging to him and you won\u2019t mind <\/em>the cost of belonging to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Corinthians 7:28<\/strong> says, \u201cif a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.  Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh:\u201d  The Bible warns<\/em> that having a man in your life with all that involves brings trouble.<\/em>  Marriage is so much<\/em> trouble that the Bible says not to marry unless you must:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 for them if they abide even as I.  But if they cannot contain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.  I Corinthians 7:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible says it\u2019s good for women<\/em> not to marry and that it\u2019s not good for men to be alone.  Is marriage harder on women than on men?  God meant marriage to bless men and<\/em> women, but we must do it His way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God Teaches Women How To Marry<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Ruth was a widow and knew<\/em> what a husband would cost; she knew<\/em> she wanted to marry.  A woman should marry only if she wants to belong to one specific man<\/em> badly enough to cover his costs.  If he isn\u2019t worth it, don\u2019t marry.  Ruth\u2019s story shows salvation, but it\u2019s also a handbook how to get married, if<\/em> you want to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s no book telling men how to get married, in fact, I Corinthians 7:27<\/strong> tells men not<\/em> to look for wives.  Proverbs 14:1<\/strong> warns, \u201ca wise woman<\/em> buildeth her house.\u201d  The Bible says nothing<\/em> about men building houses; older women will tell you that men simply can\u2019t build houses.  It\u2019s the woman\u2019s job to build her house because her husband can\u2019t; and she lays the foundation before<\/em> marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are many different marriages, but successful marriages follow the same<\/em> rules given in the book of Ruth.  It shows how Ruth set a firm<\/em> foundation for her house before<\/em> Boaz took her to wife.  Maybe 80% of success or failure in marriage is determined by what goes before, and 90% of that is how the woman<\/em> conducts herself.  Proverbs 31 teaches that a virtuous<\/em> woman is beyond price.  A woman sets her price by what she does.  If a man can have her for the price of a few dinners, she isn\u2019t worth much.  If he can have her without marriage, what would marrying give him that he doesn\u2019t already have?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before dating, ask him to agree that the purpose of being together is to determine whether he and she will marry, his life for her life.  \u201cA wise woman<\/em> buildeth her house,\u201d starting before marriage.  Today\u2019s women won\u2019t do exactly<\/em> as Ruth did because cultures are different, but God\u2019s principles<\/em> don\u2019t change.  Few young people are taught how<\/em> to get married; you can save people a lot<\/em> of grief by helping them avoid divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Reality of Marriag<\/a>e<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Building successful marriages starts with knowing what marriage is.<\/em>  The Bible explains in one verse<\/a>, page 111:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah\u2019s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother\u2019s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The man pays the bills, they vow, he takes her to wife, he loves<\/em> her, and she comforts<\/em> him.  A husband houses and supports his wife and their children.  Comforting a husband takes a lot of emotional energy; a husband must convince his wife daily that he loves her to give her enough emotional energy to comfort him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 10:31<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doing all to the Glory of God builds a successful marriage.  You<\/em> were created for the glory of God and your spouse was created for the glory of God.  You\u2019ll have to ask yourself, \u201cWill doing this help us<\/em> glorify God, or will it hinder?\u201d  Can you ask yourself that?  Can you do all things to help your spouse<\/em> glorify God?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the main cost of marriage\u2014becoming one with your spouse as God expects means that you give up your desires, wants, and needs in favor of your new family.  It\u2019s humbling to belong to your husband.  You have to humble yourself to accept salvation; you must humble yourself in marriage.  Can you die to your wants and do all things to help your husband<\/em> glorify God?  Do you want one particular man that<\/em> badly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BACKGROUND OF THE BOOK OF RUTH<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many sermons call Boaz the \u201ckinsman redeemer.\u201d  Some describe him as a type of Christ who redeemed Ruth, who was not of God\u2019s people, into the body of believers.  Boaz had nothing to do with Ruth joining God\u2019s people.  Ruth chose<\/em> to follow God when Naomi told her to return to her family to find a husband:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

:  Ruth 1:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.  Romans 10:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This wasn\u2019t \u201ceasy believism.\u201d  Ruth didn\u2019t just talk the talk of belonging to God; she walked the walk from Moab to Israel.  Boaz wasn\u2019t involved in her salvation or redemption; she<\/em> chose to follow God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.  Proverbs 31:23<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Boaz is in the family line that led to Christ (Mt. 1:5[367]<\/a>), but we know little about most of them.  God put details of Boaz\u2019s life into the Bible because he married a woman virtuous enough not only to choose to belong to God but also to be drawn into the family line that led to Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Casting Boaz as Ruth\u2019s redeemer makes him the main character, but it\u2019s the Book of Ruth, not the Book of Boaz.  With Ruth as main character, it reads as a romance novel – poverty stricken widow goes to a strange land to draw nigh to God (Jam. 4:8a[368]<\/a>), works hard, doesn\u2019t date around, marries a rich guy, becomes the great-grandmother of King David, and is in the genealogy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz\u2019s mother Rahab (Mt. 1:5) was another foreign woman who believed in God (Jos. 2:8-13) and married into the line of Christ.  God accepts all<\/em> who call on Him, but they must call for themselves:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Hebrews 11:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi\u2019s advice to Ruth how to get<\/em> married takes up a major part of the book whereas the mother\u2019s advice to her daughter how to stay<\/em> married takes only one verse (Song 8:3[369]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi gave the woman\u2019s view of marriage as she told her daughters to go back to their families:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women aren\u2019t strong enough to hunt or farm without machinery.  Wives depend on husbands for food in a muscle-powered society with no \u201csafety net.\u201d  Naomi wanted her daughters to have food, clothing, and shelter, but she also wanted them to find comfort, rest, contentment, and security in knowing<\/em> that their husbands valued and appreciated them as taught in the Song.  Many women experience this instead:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: Eat and drink<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 23:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can pay a woman\u2019s expenses without giving his heart to her.  God isn\u2019t the only one who appreciates a cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:7[370]<\/a>) – Naomi wanted her daughters to find appreciative husbands who liked<\/em> nourishing and cherishing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Experience shows that 80-90% of how a marriage works depends on how a man treats his wife, but 80% of that depends on how she sets her value by her conduct before marriage<\/em> (Pr. 31:10[371]<\/a>).  A man who thinks he might want to marry a good woman should learn how Boaz honored Ruth so that she wanted<\/em> to marry him.  A woman who wants to marry should consider Ruth\u2019s Rules for marriage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RULE # 1 \u2013 PREPARE TO GLORIFY GOD WITH YOUR HUSBAND<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ladies, the main question<\/em> in deciding whether to let a man take you to wife is does he help you glorify God?  The foundation for glorifying God with your husband is glorifying God yourself before you meet him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But seek ye first<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 shall be added unto you.  Matthew 6:33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did Ruth seek first the kingdom of God?  Naomi moved to Moab with her husband and sons, the sons married, the men died leaving three widows.  As Naomi started back to Palestine, she tried to send her daughters back to their families where they\u2019d find husbands, but Ruth wanted Naomi\u2019s God:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.  Ruth 1:16-17<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ruth\u2019s parents would find her a husband, but nobody in her hometown believed in God.  Ruth had been told she wouldn\u2019t find a husband if she stayed with Naomi, but Ruth knew it was better to have God without a husband than to have a husband without God<\/strong>.  Young ladies, do you believe that?<\/em>  Ruth could have said, \u201cI prayed the prayer, I\u2019m saved, I\u2019ll let my parents find me a husband.\u201d  She said, \u201cthy God my God\u201d instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ruth swore allegiance to Naomi\u2019s country, to Naomi\u2019s home, to Naomi\u2019s people, and to Naomi\u2019s God.  Ruth summed up what marriage vows mean to your husband<\/em> as she sought the kingdom of God.  In this day of women\u2019s liberation and political correctness, you may not realize what your man believes you\u2019re<\/em> promising him<\/em>.  It doesn\u2019t matter<\/em> what marriage vows you<\/em> write.  You need to know what he<\/em> thinks you\u2019re promising him<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s take it one promise at a time.  Ruth said, \u201cwhither thou goest, I will go,\u201d your husband expects that you\u2019ll go wherever he goes.  How many women wanted<\/em> to spend six dusty months in a bumpy covered wagon getting to Oregon?  Very few, read their diaries.  They didn\u2019t want to go, but they went with their men.  Ruth said, \u201cwhere thou lodgest, I will lodge,\u201d your husband expects that you\u2019ll live wherever he puts you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Call Him Lord<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In addition to going wherever he goes and living where he puts you, your husband expects you to call him \u201csir\u201d as Sarah called Abraham \u201clord\u201d (I Pe. 3:6[372]<\/a>).  You\u2019ll know your husband\u2019s faults.  The only way you can call him \u201clord\u201d from your heart and reverence him the way the Bible commands (Eph. 5:33[373]<\/a>) is to treat him as if he were perfect, as God treats you <\/em>as perfect once you accept His offer of salvation (Heb. 10:17[374]<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man belongs to you lovingly and cheerfully, his love and grace bless you.  If you submit to your husband lovingly and belong to him cheerfully, your love and grace bless him.  This helps you bless others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Peter 4:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gave us His grace.  If we\u2019re good stewards of His grace, we\u2019ll share His grace and pass it on!  <\/em>This is powerful<\/em> testimony.  As lost people see you offer your husband the same grace God gave you, as they see him nourish and cherish you by offering you the grace God gave him, they\u2019ll want God\u2019s grace for themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a day-to-day basis, reverencing your husband means you\u2019re<\/em> the tail on his<\/em> kite, you<\/em> hold steady as he<\/em> soars.  Look at couples in cars.  Who\u2019s driving?  It\u2019s almost always the man.  He goes where he wants, the woman\u2019s along for the ride, even if it\u2019s her car.  If he wants to stop and do something, he stops and does it.  If she wants to stop, she has to ask permission and doesn\u2019t always get it.  You can also read stories that men read such as anything by Louis L\u2019Amour.  Have you read \u201cFlint,\u201d or \u201cWarrior\u2019s Path?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ever see a John Wayne movie?  He\u2019s the hero.  A crisis comes, his woman views with alarm, the hero says, \u201cA man\u2019s gotta do what a man\u2019s gotta do.\u201d  He runs off and does it while she worries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some sayings have a secret half.  Everybody knows, \u201cIf you can walk away, it\u2019s a good landing,\u201d from the early days when crashes were common.  Few know, \u201cAnd if you can re-use the plane, it\u2019s a great<\/em> landing.\u201d  There\u2019s another part to \u201cA man\u2019s gotta do what a man\u2019s gotta do\u201d which is so obvious<\/em> that men don\u2019t tell you.  The complete phrase is, \u201cI gotta do what a man\u2019s gotta do, and you\u2019re<\/em> gonna clean up the mess.\u201d  It\u2019s worse than that, when your man\u2019s done doing what a man\u2019s gotta do, he\u2019s tired, so he<\/em> takes a nap.  You<\/em> gotta clean up the mess, and do it quietly<\/em> so you don\u2019t wake him.  Does this sound familiar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make Your Home His Home<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You also have to make your<\/em> home his<\/em> home.  I\u2019ve a friend who married just after graduation from college; she\u2019d never seen her husband\u2019s house.  \u201cHe carried me over the threshold,\u201d she told me, \u201cand the living room was full of tires.\u201d<\/em>  He had 8 tires, 4 for each vehicle.  Any grandmother can tell you a man keeps tires in the living room so he can find them when he needs them.  \u201cIt took me a month to get the tires out on the front porch,\u201d she said, \u201cand another two months to get them around back, but I got them out of the living room.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She went carefully and slowly instead of just taking over his house.  As he came to trust that she could find his socks, his underwear, and other unimportant things, he trusted her to find important<\/em> things like his tires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Picture this – you\u2019ve been married a month and you\u2019ve got your apartment looking just right<\/em>.  After supper, your husband tells you he\u2019s going to drive his motorcycle up 3 flights into your living room so he can rebuild the transmission.  You now do either the right thing or the wrong thing.  You can say, \u201cOver my dead body,\u201d but if you say that<\/em>, what do you say when he drives his motorcycle into your living room and starts working on the transmission?  It\u2019s hard to get men to talk at all, its bad tactics<\/em> to say anything<\/em> that shuts off discussion.  At least he warned you, that\u2019s better than average.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s only one right answer.  You say, \u201cLets get a tarp and roll up the edges so your parts won\u2019t get lost.\u201d  You needn\u2019t mention that the tarp makes it easier for you to clean up the mess.  At the store, you ask, \u201cAre you going to clean<\/em> your parts?  Let\u2019s get some disposable roasting pans.\u201d  That way you\u2019re helping,<\/em> you\u2019re on his side,<\/em> you\u2019re part of the solution, and over time, he\u2019ll learn to trust you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is more important than you know.  Women build relationships through talk, men build relationships through shared experiences.  Men tell stories to teach, that\u2019s not how they relate.  Men who were shot at 70 years ago get together to talk about it.  They tell the stories over and over, but no matter how often a young man listens, he can\u2019t join the group because he wasn\u2019t there, it didn\u2019t happen to him<\/em>.  If you want to relate<\/em> to your man, you\u2019ll have to share experiences with him.  This gives you something to talk about<\/em>.  Fixing his motorcycle together<\/em> in your living room is a shared experience that builds your relationship with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible says of a virtuous woman, \u201cShe will do him good and not evil\u201d (Pro 31:12).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ladies, there\u2019re two ways to get a man to do what you want.  You can be \u201ca continual dripping,\u201d you can nag or rain on his parade enough, and you\u2019ll get what you want.  Samson told Delilah the secret of his strength because, \u201cShe pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death.\u201d<\/em>  (Judges 16:16).  That\u2019s a<\/em> way to deal with a man, or you can be like the virtuous woman,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 31:26<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why shouldn\u2019t<\/em> he fill the house with motorcycles, you<\/em> want to fill the house with diapers and baby toys, what\u2019s the difference?  A man thinks of home as a place to keep a woman.  If you don\u2019t convince him it\u2019s his<\/em> home, if you don\u2019t make it the place he<\/em> wants to be, he\u2019ll find reasons to go other places.  A man can work harder or go out with the boys instead of hanging around you, and you don\u2019t want to be left all alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.  Song of Solomon 2:8<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This man is so eager to be home that he\u2019s skipping!  Is he rushing home to admire the curtains or to see neat stacks of towels in the linen closet?  That\u2019s not it.  Ask an older woman why<\/em> he comes home eagerly!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belong to Him<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Think about it.  If he must<\/em> work on his cycle, wouldn\u2019t you rather he did it where you could help him and bond with him?  Even with disposable roasting pans, it\u2019s easier for you<\/em> to wash the grease off his parts for him than for you to clean the bathtub or sink after he<\/em> washes the parts.  If you<\/em> wash his parts, you not only help him, he will be known in the gates (Pr. 31:23).  His friends say, \u201cYour bike\u2019s back on the road,\u201d and he says, \u201cMy wife cleaned the chain!\u201d  That\u2019s so unusual he\u2019ll have<\/em> to talk about it and amaze his friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Proverbs 12:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Using a sword on a man drives him away.  If you\u2019re health<\/em> to him it won\u2019t take him long to see that you\u2019re lots<\/em> better than riding a motorcycle and he\u2019ll choose<\/em> to stay with you.  Win<\/em> him with words of health<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be realistic.  If a young wife eagerly helps her husband fix his motorbike in a crowded living room, washes his parts, hands him tools, looks over his shoulder, and really cares<\/em> what he\u2019s doing, how long will he work on the bike?  How long before he gets distracted and finds something better to do?  Fifteen minutes?  Five?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ladies, cleaning up after a man does what a man\u2019s gotta do and being the tail on his kite are maybe 1\/5 of the burden of having a husband.  Older women should teach younger women how to love their husbands, love their children, and to guide their houses, that\u2019s the rest of the yoke of being married.  You must<\/em> know what a man costs<\/em> so you can decide whether belonging to a particular man will be worth what he<\/em> costs.  It\u2019s difficult<\/em> to glorify God with your husband and about your husband if he costs you more than he\u2019s worth to you.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you really want to marry, rule #1 is \u201cseek ye first the kingdom of God\u201d to get yourself ready to glorify God with your husband all your days.  Rule #2 is what Ruth told Naomi:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RULE # 2 \u2013 GO WHEREVER HE GOES<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.  Ruth 1:16-17<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Look in a mirror and watch yourself say that verse several times while thinking about him.  If you can\u2019t promise him Ruth\u2019s vow from the bottom of your heart, if you aren\u2019t eager to be the tail on his kite, if his kite has no string, or if you aren\u2019t eager to follow him wherever he goes all your days, don\u2019t marry him<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women wonder if it has to be this way, \u201cWhy am I<\/em> the tail,\u201d they ask.  The Bible tells you.  Many men say that this passage means that a husband can lord it over his wife, but other verses say the opposite:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.  Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re the tail on his kite because God made you as God\u2019s gift to your husband; he\u2019s not<\/em> made for you.  He takes you to wife, you don\u2019t take him to husband.  The bride is given away; she\u2019s the gift, not the groom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Genesis 2:22-24<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The first words Eve heard from her husband-to-be were a bit<\/em> possessive.  Adam said that Eve was part<\/em> of him, she belonged<\/em> to him, he could have her whenever he wanted her, that\u2019s what \u201cbone of my bones and flesh of my flesh\u201d means<\/em> to a man.  Men haven\u2019t changed one jot since God brought Eve to Adam – men are still a bit<\/em> possessive of their wives.  God made women for men so very well that they\u2019re worth<\/em> wanting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adam called Eve \u201cwoman.\u201d  Did he ask her what she<\/em> wanted to be called?  He later named her Eve without asking her.  Do men put labels on women?  Who takes whose name?  Have men changed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adam started out saying, \u201cWant that!  Gimmie!\u201d  Eve knew Adam appreciated her and that events would take their course as defined in Ruth 3:18.  How many of you know Ruth 3:18?  If you\u2019re thinking of marriage, you\u2019d better<\/em> understand that verse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until he have finished the thing this day<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s this, \u201cwill not be in rest\u201d?  Married women know why<\/em> Boas wouldn\u2019t be in rest until he\u2019d finished the thing that very day<\/em>.  Have men changed?  Have men changed at all?<\/em>  Here\u2019s what Ruth said to Boaz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.  Ruth 3:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Is the Bible clear about the basics<\/em> of marriage, or what?  Isaac brought Rebecca into his mother\u2019s tent, he gave her a home, he took her, she became his wife, he loved her, and she comforted him.  Ruth wanted Boaz to spread his coat over her and keep her warm, what does a woman want today?  She wants her man to put his arm around her and keep her warm and safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see a young man with a young woman, she\u2019s often wearing his jacket or shirt, she\u2019s testing to see if he\u2019ll keep her warm.  What could be more basic?  Adam said \u201cMine!  Want!  Gimmie!\u201d  Just like Adam, Boaz couldn\u2019t be in rest.  He took Ruth to wife that day<\/em>, what\u2019s simpler than that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea of a woman wanting a man to keep her warm and a man not being in rest are the foundation of marriage, but that\u2019s not enough<\/em>.  In 90% of the failed marriages today, it\u2019s the woman<\/em> who walks out; she\u2019s not starving and she\u2019s not cold.  Why does she leave?<\/em>  It\u2019s usually because she<\/em> doesn\u2019t find rest<\/em> in her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RULE # 3 \u2013 BE SURE HE GIVES YOU REST<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Naomi told Ruth what\u2019s more important than food or shelter.  As Naomi started back to Palestine, she told her daughters not to come because they couldn\u2019t find husbands.  What did Naomi wish for them?  She said,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD grant you that ye may find rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi wanted each daughter to find rest<\/em> in her husband.  She didn\u2019t wish food, or shelter, or warmth, she didn\u2019t wish romantic love, she wished rest<\/em>.  A woman needs<\/em> food, shelter, warmth, love, praise, and conversation, but she also needs rest<\/em>.  Rule #2 is go where he goes, rule # 3 is be sure <\/em>he gives you rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women, given that you\u2019re<\/em> the tail on his<\/em> kite, you better make sure<\/em> this man will give you rest.  If he gives you rest<\/em>, you won\u2019t mind<\/em> motorcycles in the living room, a woman can handle anything<\/em> a man does if <\/em>he convinces her that he loves her as Christ loves the church.  A good husband and a bad husband cost you about the same.  The difference is that a good husband gives you rest so you don\u2019t mind<\/em> what he costs.  A bad husband doesn\u2019t give you rest so he isn\u2019t worth what he costs.  Note<\/strong>, giving you rest is not<\/em> physical love.  This is a supportive, serving, caring, sacrificial love that a man decides<\/em> to give you, it\u2019s not<\/em> emotional or physical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before marrying him, you must<\/em> know: does he give you rest, that is, does he love you and serve you as Christ loves the church?  Do you want<\/em> him hanging around the house?  Can you rest<\/em> while he\u2019s in<\/em> your house?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strong defines the Hebrew word used in Ruth as \u201ccomfortable, ease, quiet, resting place, abode,\u201d and states that the word applies particularly<\/em> to marriage.  Does \u201crest\u201d mean that she doesn\u2019t have to work?  No, Ruth worked hard<\/em>.  This isn\u2019t physical rest, its emotional rest, and a man owes<\/em> it to his wife.  Jesus said,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cRest\u201d in the phrase \u201cthe man will not be in rest\u201d is a Hebrew word which means, \u201crepose, idleness, quietness,\u201d which Boaz couldn\u2019t have until the thing was done,<\/em> he couldn\u2019t rest until he\u2019d taken Ruth to wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How does a wife find rest?  A man can\u2019t give his wife spiritual rest, that comes from her belonging to Christ, but Ephesians 5:25 says, \u201cHusbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church\u2026\u201d  The rest Christ gives His people is like the rest men should give their wives.  As men find rest in Christ, wives should find rest in husbands<\/em>.  Accepting salvation means taking Christ\u2019s yoke upon you and trying to please Him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men, when a woman marries, she takes your yoke upon her.  The married woman cares<\/em> how she may please<\/em> her husband (1 Cor. 7:34).  Men, your wife put on the yoke of pleasing you, a woman can\u2019t rest unless her man shows her over and over that he\u2019s happy with her and resting in her.  Women, be careful<\/em> about rest.  Some men don\u2019t find rest in Christ, they think God has a checklist and waits to whack them if they step out of line or miss a box.  Men who believe God\u2019s a bully usually bully their wives and children, you don\u2019t need that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, is your yoke easy, is your burden light?  Are you meek and lowly in heart toward your wives?  Do you make it easy for your wife to learn of you?  She can\u2019t know<\/em> she\u2019s pleasing you unless she knows you well.  As the years go by, do you spend hours and hours explaining the cares of your heart as you spend hours and hours in Bible reading to learn of Christ?  Does your wife find rest unto her soul in your house?  We\u2019re to love our wives as Christ loves us, a husband\u2019s obligations are plain, if difficult.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A wife can\u2019t please her husband unless she knows what he\u2019s planning in detail<\/em>.  If a husband says, \u201cLet\u2019s go on a picnic,\u201d his wife\u2019s mind fills with questions.  She wants to know where they\u2019re going and what she\u2019ll find there.  Are there bathrooms?  Is there a playground?  Is there a sandbox?  How long will we be gone?  How many diapers do I take?  How many meals?  Should we bring swimsuits?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If she runs out of diapers, toys, or food, buying anything in a picnic spot is expensive and she\u2019ll be criticized for poor planning.  She can\u2019t rest unless she knows the plan in detail<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rest from Criticism<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

About a year before I found her, my wife thought she\u2019d marry a man she\u2019d known for several years.  He looked good.  He was a youth group leader and served in the church, but there was a problem \u2013 he could be very negative.  Some weekends were wonderful because she liked spending time at church with the man she loved.  Other weekends were awful because he tore her down.  She never knew how their \u201cdates\u201d would go.  She became timid and introverted, not wanting to say anything for fear of being criticized or corrected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her parents had always loved and encouraged her and she had been an outgoing person before she met him.  They were quite worried at seeing her become so withdrawn and so uncertain from being around him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, she asked God if she ought to marry him.  To her shock and dismay, God plainly said, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing her distress, the Holy Spirit brought a missionary who knew his family.  He confirmed that her friend had a critical spirit and there was no way that she would ever be able to make him happy.  The missionary pointed out that it would be a bad idea to marry him.  When she asked her boyfriend about the matter, he huffed, \u201cThat\u2019s the way I am.  If you don\u2019t like it, good bye!\u201d and stopped seeing him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What was her mistake?  She had failed to guard her heart:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

She let herself fall in love with a man without asking God!  Our heartfelt emotions drive what we do:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:  Proverbs 32:7a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.  Matthew 15:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Your heart defines your life, but you\u2019re supposed<\/em> to rule your emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Keep your heart by giving it to God.  Her boyfriend\u2019s heart was not right toward her; criticism and ingratitude flowed from his mouth to her hurt.  She didn\u2019t want to go through that again.  From the first, she tested me to see if I\u2019d criticize her and I didn\u2019t.  When we visited her parents after our 3rd<\/sup> date, they knew that she\u2019d changed.  Her mother thought, \u201cShe feels safe with him.  They\u2019ll be married pretty soon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She did her very best<\/em> not to love me while we were dating.  I didn\u2019t know she wasn\u2019t in love when she agreed to marry me.  I was interesting, I had a job, I was smitten, I gave her rest, I ruled her gently, I protected her, and she was convinced that I was the man God wanted her to marry.  That was enough for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea of marrying for love is maybe a century old.  Before that, people married for duty.  A farmer couldn\u2019t eat unless a woman turned his crops into something edible, and a woman couldn\u2019t farm.  They needed each other.  Love might or might not come.  Love has strong days and weak days, but duty goes on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects you to marry for duty and keep your heart until he\u2019s committed himself to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Based on her experience with her boyfriend, she knew that she would come to love me.  She asked that I never fuss at her.  \u201cI want to love you very much,\u201d she said.  \u201cThe more I love you, the more disapproval hurts me.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That made sense \u2013 the Bible speaks of women as \u201ctender and delicate.\u201d  I don\u2019t want to keep her from loving me, so I watch what I say.  We didn\u2019t know it then, but God said the same thing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Proverbs 12:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I need this too.  A man can be hurt as badly by a woman he loves as a woman can be hurt by a man she loves.  We\u2019ve tried always to be sure our tongues are health to each other.  She tries to speak so that the 10-foot area near her is the best place in all the world for me to be, that\u2019s why hang around her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women are unbelievably sensitive.  Many of my wife\u2019s friends say they get no praise at all from their husbands.  \u201cHe\u2019ll say he liked the dinner and he appreciated my taking care of his friends, but\u2026.\u201d  There\u2019s always a \u201cbut.\u201d  Her friend is in such fear of the coming \u201cbut\u201d that she can\u2019t hear the praise.  The world\u2019s way of ending with the negative destroys.  The Bible says \u201cthe fool \u2026 but the wise\u2026\u201d or \u201cthe wages of sin is death, but\u2026\u201d  The negative comes first, then<\/em> the positive.  Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife!  As salvation is \u201cOnly believe,\u201d marriage is \u201conly praise<\/a>\u201d see page 17.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve given your wife rest, you can say, \u201cThat last plan didn\u2019t work out as well as we<\/em> expected\u2026\u201d  Note the \u201cwe.\u201d  You are the leader and she probably did it to please you.  If you take responsibility for what happened, the fact that it didn\u2019t work well won\u2019t hurt her as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me give you an example.  We were having lunch at church and my wife was cooking green beans.  It\u2019s a lot of work to prepare beans.  You break off one end, pull off the strings, and break them just so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then she tried to help a friend in distress.  This takes attention and focus.  She helped her friend but the beans burned.  I ate them and appreciated them.  Regardless of how the beans worked out, I appreciated her work<\/em>.  What\u2019s more important to God, helping heal her friend\u2019s distress or a few beans?  She must exercise her gifts of helping as we glorify God together.  Some of her fruit will rebound to my account.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rest from Worry<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

A wife\u2019s rest isn\u2019t only physical, it\u2019s emotional and spiritual, and the Book of Ruth shows how.  Ruth and Naomi got to Palestine at the beginning of barley harvest (Ruth 1:22).  They had no money, no job, and no food.  Ruth went out to glean, that is, pick up what\u2019s left by the harvesters.  Boaz gave Ruth a taste of rest that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you watched farmers harvest crops by hand?<\/em>  I grew up in Japan in the 50\u2019s.  Japan was bombed flat during WW II, there was no<\/em> farm machinery, men and women harvested grain by hand<\/em>.  It\u2019s grinding, killing<\/em> work.  You cut the stalks at ground level because you need the straw.  You bend over, cut a bunch, tie it into a sheaf, and put it in your bag.  Then you do another one and another, all day every day until it\u2019s done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gleaning is worse.  Harvesters get grain in bunches, gleaners find one stalk at a time<\/em>.  Scatter spaghetti all over the yard.  You see a stick, you bend over, pick it up, straighten up, you walk a bit and see another and grab it \u2013 how long before you get enough for dinner, one stick at a time?<\/em>   Next time you buy groceries, thank God Almighty you don\u2019t have to do as Ruth did by faith<\/em> that God would give her enough to eat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Hebrews 11:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faith is based on what we can\u2019t see, it\u2019s not fact until we look back and see what God did in caring for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.  Psalm 126:5<\/strong>  That happened when Ruth\u2019s husband died.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It took great faith<\/em> for Ruth to leave Moab for Israel when she\u2019d been told she wouldn\u2019t find a husband.  When Ruth went to glean, Ruth 2:3 tells us \u201cher hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28  <\/strong>Something that seems<\/em> bad can be a real test of faith.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

By \u201chap,\u201d scripture tells us that there was no logical<\/em> reason Ruth could see<\/em> to choose Boaz\u2019s field to glean.  We know<\/em> she did it well.  Boaz asked about her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab: and she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, that she tarried a little in the house.  Ruth 2:6-7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ruth \u201ccontinued even from the morning until now,\u201d Boaz knew Ruth worked hard<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens: let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn.  Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?  Ruth 2:8-10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz was kind<\/em> to Ruth, he gave her water, he told his men to leave her alone, and she asked why<\/em>.  When a man\u2019s nice<\/em>, it\u2019s a good idea<\/em> for a woman to ask why,<\/em> particularly when he tells other men to leave her alone.  Instead of ignoring her as men often do when women ask \u201cWhy?\u201d he opened his heart to her<\/em>, he told her why:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Boaz answered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.  Ruth 2:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz cared for Ruth because she trusted God enough to travel to a strange land where she had no hope of marrying.  He respected her character<\/em>; he valued<\/em> her trust in God.  What a testimony in the town!  He said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ruth 2:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz saw that Ruth\u2019s faith in God was strong enough to overcome fear of rejection or starvation.  When Naomi told Ruth who Boaz was, Ruth could see that God had guided her.  That made her faith fact.  We follow God in faith that obeying Him will work out, then<\/em> we look back and see how He made it happen.  Each step of faith makes the next step easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz valuing Ruth\u2019s faith is Biblical:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 31:30<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But seek ye first<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 shall be added unto you.  Matthew 6:33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did Ruth go with Naomi?  Naomi told her she wouldn\u2019t find a husband and might starve that winter without one.  Ruth sought the kingdom of God first;<\/em> it\u2019s no surprise that all these things<\/em> were added unto her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you must<\/em> marry, we have three rules of getting married: 1) seek ye first<\/em> the kingdom of God in faith <\/em>that God will guide you, 2) understand that you\u2019re<\/em> made for him so you\u2019re<\/em> the tail on his<\/em> kite, and 3) make sure<\/em> he values and respects you so that you can find rest<\/em> in his house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage happens because women want a man\u2019s appreciation and men can\u2019t be in rest, but women need rest in marriage.  When Boaz told the reapers to drop a few bundles of grain for her so she wouldn\u2019t have to work as hard, Ruth knew that Boaz appreciated her and valued her enough to help her rest a bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The book of Genesis tells us a lot about how men and women get along.  Consider Adam\u2019s punishment:In the sweat of thy face<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.  Genesis 3:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adam was to eat by the sweat of his face.  Not just his brow, his entire face<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How would Eve eat?  By the sweat of Adam\u2019s face.  Until recently, a woman had to persuade a man to feed her and her children or she\u2019d starve.  That\u2019s why relationships are so important to a woman \u2013 her tie to her man was life or death.  That\u2019s why it meant so much to Ruth when Boaz praised her walk with God.  When Boaz not only fed her but had the reapers drop bundles for her, she rested in the knowledge that he was inclined<\/em> to feed her.  That\u2019s why she was glad to obey Naomi when Naomi told her to ask Boaz to marry her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Starvation is rare now, but there\u2019s another fear.  A few months after we married, a colleague and I left work and realized we\u2019d forgotten to discuss a problem.  Instead of going back in, we talked in my car for several hours.  When I got home, my wife was in tears.  I didn’t arrive when she expected, she called the office and was told I\u2019d left.  She thought something had happened to me.  I was stunned, awed, and humbled to see how important<\/em> I had become to her.  I try to let her know where I am so she knows I’m okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.  I John 4:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman wants her love for her husband to be perfect.  A man should never let her be tormented by fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rest from Praise and Appreciation<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Which single Bible passage<\/em> says the most<\/em> about how to have<\/em> a happy marriage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  [saying]  29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Praise is important<\/em> to women, read Solomon\u2019s Song to learn how.  Proverbs 31 describes a virtuous woman.  Preachers say that there are few \u201cProverbs 31 women,\u201d but forget how Proverbs 31 commands men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Praise from husband and children is part of being a virtuous wife, it\u2019s her due<\/em>.  Her works praise her in the gates (Pr. 31:31).  A woman can\u2019t be a \u201cProverbs 31 wife\u201d without praise from a \u201cProverbs 31 husband.\u201d  A man may work from sun to sun; a woman\u2019s work is never done.  How can she keep on keeping on?  Praise is the gasoline that helps a woman go, and even a poor man can praise and think about her needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If, for example, a husband puts the toilet seat down or takes a quick swipe to clean a sink before the goo hardens, his wife appreciates his thinking of her as much as she appreciates not having to do it herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ruth 1:9 says a wife should find rest<\/em> in the home of her husband, Ruth 2:11-12 and 3:10 show Boaz giving Ruth rest, Pr. 31:28-29 tells husbands to teach children to praise their mothers and to add praise of their own.  The Song teaches a man to give his wife rest by praising her in mind-numbing detail many times per day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi\u2019s command to \u201csit still\u201d in Ruth 3:18 comes right after Ruth came back from the party, she\u2019s all fired up, she\u2019s going to get married even if she doesn\u2019t know who.  I don\u2019t have daughters so I\u2019m not sure what a young lady does when she thinks a man\u2019s interested in her, but the Bible tells what Ruth did,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And she told her all<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 that the man had done to her.  Ruth 3:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the Bible says \u201call\u201d it means \u201call.\u201d  I\u2019ve been a husband since 1971; I know<\/em> that when a woman tells \u201call,\u201d she really<\/em> tells all<\/em>, women love<\/em> details.  Ruth told Naomi what Boaz was wearing, the tone of his voice, every word he said, and what she said, and where they were, and who was at the party, and what they all wore, and what they all said, and when she got done, Naomi could\u2019ve been there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many men occasionally, well, not often, but occasionally, get a wee bit frustrated at their wives\u2019 desire for detail.  Me, too, I must confess, but over the years, I\u2019ve become convinced that a woman\u2019s concern for detail is of God<\/em> and for very good reasons<\/em>.  Here\u2019s proof<\/em> that a woman\u2019s mind is of God:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A prudent wife is from the Lord<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Proverbs 19:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPrudence\u201d means thinking, women think ahead in detail for good reason<\/em>, a woman\u2019s mind is from the Lord, the way your wife\u2019s mind works is of God, don\u2019t mess with her mind, guys, the way she thinks is of God!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All this detail, Naomi\u2019s got the picture with words and music, what does she say?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ladies, that\u2019s the best advice<\/em> on getting married there is.  \u201cSit still.\u201d  I say it again, \u201cSit still, do nothing, say nothing, just sit still<\/em>.\u201d  That\u2019s really all Naomi had<\/em> to say.  Ruth promised \u201cwither thou goest I will go,\u201d so Ruth had to obey Naomi as her own parent.  Naomi was in charge just as your husband\u2019s in charge after you marry, all Naomi had<\/em> to say was \u201cSit still,\u201d but Naomi went on.  She added \u201cmy daughter,\u201d to say, \u201cI love you and I\u2019m doing what\u2019s best for you.\u201d  She explained, \u201cFor the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day<\/em>.\u201d  Learn from this, men.  Paul told Philemon, \u201cI have authority, I could command<\/em> you but I\u2019d rather persuade<\/em> you.\u201d  As Naomi persuaded Ruth rather than commanding, as Paul persuaded Philemon rather than commanding, the Bible teaches that we should persuade<\/em> our wives, our children, and everyone else rather than commanding (2 Cor. 5:11[375]<\/a>), no matter how long it takes for them to understand.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That long?  As long as it takes?  Yeah, that long, and believe me, I know<\/em> how long it can be.  It\u2019s not<\/em> because women are difficult, the Bible says that women are made for men and that a wife wants to please her husband, but women think very differently<\/em> from men<\/a>.  It takes time<\/em> to understand what she\u2019s saying, it takes time<\/em> to explain what you want, and it takes time<\/em> to persuade her that it\u2019s best or for her to persuade you.  God said that a woman\u2019s mind is from Him.  Men, be patient and longsuffering, her mind is of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must<\/em> persuade, Romans 14:23 says, \u201cwhatsoever is not of faith is sin.\u201d  If your wife obeys without being persuaded, she\u2019s in sin because she\u2019s following you, a man, rather than following what God wants.  Following a man instead of God is idolatry.  Commanding a wife without persuading her leads to serious sin<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must persuade your children as they get old enough to understand persuasion.  If little kids don\u2019t want to go to bed, you can pick them up, but what happens when they get bigger?  You must punish rebellion, but you\u2019ll have to persuade older kids that they need sleep, that they need to dress warmly in winter, and, most important, that the Word of God is the key to a contented life.  Knowing when to punish and when to persuade is a very difficult issue in parenting.  You can\u2019t force conviction on matters of the heart through the world\u2019s methods of command.  All you can do is serve by example, persuade, and pray for conviction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi didn\u2019t command Ruth to believe in God, in fact, she told Ruth to go home.  Naomi had convinced Ruth about God so strongly that Ruth wanted God badly enough to go back to Palestine with her.  You can\u2019t just quote the Bible because it\u2019s foolishness to unbelievers and to the religious who just prayed the prayer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How can Jesus be both God and man?  That\u2019s illogical, you have to persuade by testifying about what God has done for you and for other people, showing them His grace, pointing out the results of what friends do, walking by faith no matter what God brings into your life, and showing that you care for souls.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gives us soul liberty, even the liberty to choose to go to hell.  Provoking your followers to wrath as condemned in Ephesians 6:4 shows that you may have denied soul liberty.  Extra prayer, humility, servant leadership, and searching the scripture are needed in those cases.  Try to get a competition going to see who can humble themselves the most and serve the most as opposed to struggling to be top dog.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rest from Physical Rest<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve shown the emotional rest Naomi described.  God also commands that women be given physical rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean. And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised. And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.  Leviticus 12:2-5<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Some complain that this is another of those ridiculous patriarchic passages that disrespect women.  Why should giving birth, a natural and honorable process, make a woman unclean?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An unclean woman couldn\u2019t wash dishes \u2013 they\u2019d be unclean and nobody could eat off them.  She couldn\u2019t do laundry \u2013 the clothes would be unclean and nobody could wear them.  She couldn\u2019t do housework; she got time to rest and learn to know her new baby.  She stayed home.  This protects babies from infection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Japanese mothers are told not to take a new baby out in public for 2 months and to discourage visitors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMan may work from sun to sun; women\u2019s work is never done.\u201d  Women can be so driven to take care of their homes and to try to please their men that they don\u2019t get enough rest.  Men should watch out for that.  God could have told men to make sure that their wives were able to rest, but He made it a matter of ritual impurity instead.  Maybe men wouldn\u2019t have listened otherwise?  Did He have<\/em> to make it a matter of law?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without infant formula, nursing was the only way to keep a baby alive.  I\u2019ve been told that girl babies often have a harder time settling down to nursing than boy babies and that girls are smaller at birth than boys.  It\u2019s a major milestone for a mother when her baby holds enough milk to sleep through the night.  If girls have a harder time nursing and they\u2019re smaller, it would take longer for a girl to sleep through the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If that\u2019s true, God knows all about it.  What did He do?  A mother got more time off when she gave birth to a girl than when she gave birth to a boy, 70 days versus 40 days.  The extra month made it more likely that the newborn girl would sleep through the night before the mother had to resume her normal routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God honors women.  Anna was the first to proclaim salvation (Luke 2:36-38[376]<\/a>).  A woman anointed Jesus\u2019 body for burial (Mt. 26:12[377]<\/a>).  Pilate\u2019s wife tried to persuade him not to crucify Jesus (Mt. 27:19[378]<\/a>).  Women were last at the cross (Mk. 15:47[379]<\/a>) and first at the tomb (Jn. 20:1[380]<\/a>).  Women proclaimed the resurrection (Mt. 28:5-10).  Women attended prayer meetings (Ac. 1:14[381]<\/a>).  Lydia was the first European to hear the missionaries, the first convert, offered lodging, and may have started a house church (Ac. 16:13-14).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Galatians 3:28 says, \u201cthere is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.\u201d  In modern culture, it\u2019s hard for men and women to treat each other as people; gender attraction tends to creep into conversations.  This leads to temptations and gives Satan an advantage.  The Bible tells how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Timothy 5:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s nothing wrong with men and women talking to each other and having fellowship so long as they do it \u201cwith all purity.\u201d  It\u2019s a good idea because they think so differently.  In talking to other men, my wife found that I wasn\u2019t nearly as strange as she\u2019d thought, and the same worked for me, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These conversations must stay logical.  Letting emotion into these talks opens impure doors.  We can express emotions to the church body as a whole, but emoting to an individual of the opposite sex is perilous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RULE # 4 \u2013 DON\u2019T PLAY HARD TO GET, BE HARD TO GET<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Having looked at the necessity of persuasion and getting rest, let\u2019s explore Naomi\u2019s advice to women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Naomi\u2019s advice to wait<\/em> doesn\u2019t mean that women have to be passive about wanting to marry, not at all.  Ruth crashed the party (Ruth 3:1-5) and asked Boaz to marry her.  Ruth wasn\u2019t being forward; having Boaz care for her was her right<\/em> as his relative\u2019s widow, but she had to choose the right time to ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; \u2026 a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.  Ecclesiastes 3:1<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I grew up in farm country so I know why<\/em> Ruth had to wait<\/em> before asking Boaz to marry her.  Men are much more focused than women.  When a baby chokes, the mother better hear no matter what<\/em> she\u2019s doing or the baby dies.  God made women easy to interrupt.  Men focus more strongly and can get testy when interrupted.  The harvest was important<\/em>, if they didn\u2019t get enough, some would starve to death before the next harvest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moreover the profit of the earth is for all: the king himself is served by the field.  Ecclesiastes 5:9<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If there\u2019s no food, nobody eats, not even the king.  Ruth waited until \u201chis heart was merry,\u201d then she \u201ccame softly.\u201d  Why was Boaz merry?  He\u2019d finished<\/em> the harvest, there was enough food, he wouldn\u2019t starve that<\/em> year, and he could rest a bit.  He might even be open to think about lesser matters like marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men haven\u2019t changed since Boaz or since Adam.  What Naomi told Ruth after the party was rule # 4, \u201cDon\u2019t play hard to get, be<\/em> hard to get.\u201d  There\u2019s a saying, \u201cIt don\u2019t mean a thing if it ain\u2019t got that zing!\u201d  What\u2019s the zing that makes marriage happen?  The man can\u2019t rest.  If he has rest, why marry?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toy or Treasure<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There are only two possible modes when a girl interacts with a guy: 1) she can be his toy or 2) she can be his treasure.  You’ve seen a little boy play with a truck.  He pushes it this way and that, then, when he gets tired of it, he throws it away and grabs another.  It is hard on girls when boys get tired of them and throw them away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Young ladies want attention from men.  If older women haven\u2019t fulfilled God\u2019s command to teach them about men, they tend to end up in fornication.  Even secular writers know that this can be damaging.  The book \u201cUnprotected\u201d by Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why this is so.  To oversimplify, a woman tends to become emotionally involved when she gives herself to a man.  It hurts her deeply when she finds that she meant nothing to him, and that in his mind, she was just an interchangeable toy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any boy can play<\/em> with her; it takes a man to stay<\/em> with her.  Toy or treasure, play or stay are the only possibilities.  If a girl doesn\u2019t want to be treated like a toy, she must insist that he treat her as a treasure and potential wife from before the first date<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Misconception About Conception<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s another common error \u2013 many girls think a man will marry her if she has his baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love m<\/p>\n\n\n\n

e. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.  Genesis 29:31-35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poor Leah!  It took three sons for her to learn that bearing Jacob\u2019s sons wouldn\u2019t make him love her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.  Genesis 25:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abraham was a friend of God (2 Chr. 20:7, Isa. 41:8), yet he sent away women who had his babies without marrying.  I asked a young lady why she thought he\u2019d marry.  \u201cHe\u2019d have to marry me to be near his baby.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nonsense.  She said<\/em> she wanted to get married, but she moved in with him without marriage.  To him, what she said about wanting marriage was a lie.  She said she was on the pill, but she stopped taking it and told him he\u2019d have to marry her.  Now she\u2019s a lying manipulator.  Why marry someone like that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whose are the Children?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge.  When we were in the kid biz, a child might violate a rule, be called on it, and say, \u201cYes, I know.\u201d  If the child knew the rule, why break it?  Because the rule was only head knowledge, it hadn\u2019t gotten down into his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although a man may have some vague sort of head knowledge about the birds and bees, down in his heart, where it really counts, a man doesn\u2019t believe he has anything to do with making babies.  Your baby is clearly yours \u2013 you had it last \u2013 but what has your baby to do with him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One reason God made men so possessive was to give children fathers.  If a man has a strong emotional, financial, logical, and psychological connection to a woman and she encourages and establishes his possessiveness of her as taught in the Song of Solomon before she gets pregnant, her children will be his, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman gives her children a father by belonging thoroughly<\/em> to him before they\u2019re conceived, but he has a hard time valuing her enough to value her children as God expects of him if she gives him rest out of season.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having my wife decide to belong to me changed everything.  A woman told me, \u201cYou have cat tracks on your car.\u201d  She was clearly asking a question, so I said, \u201cThey\u2019re my wife\u2019s cats.\u201d  Her questioning look got deeper, so I said, \u201cLong ago, she made a conscious decision to belong to me.  She\u2019s mine, so her cats are mine.\u201d  Her face cleared, she nodded, and walked away.  I had answered her question.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RULE # 5 \u2013 GET ADVICE FROM A GODLY GRANDMOTHER<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Rule # 4, don\u2019t play<\/em> hard to get, be<\/em> hard to get, gets to rule # 5, get advice from an older woman.  Ruth had been married, she knew what men wanted, but she took Naomi\u2019s advice.  Naomi told Ruth when to plant by gleaning with Boaz; Naomi told Ruth when to pluck up that which was planted by crashing the party.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women need advice<\/em> about men; when they\u2019re on their own, they usually mess up.  Ruth could\u2019ve asked Boaz the day she got back, Ruth\u2019s rights<\/em> didn\u2019t change during the harvest, but Naomi had Ruth wait<\/em>.  Boaz was focused on the harvest; the last thing he wanted was wedding talk when he was worried about starving.  Ruth waited until Boaz got to know her and until his \u201cheart was merry;\u201d when she asked him to marry her, he wanted<\/em> to do it.  Being wanted and appreciated gave Ruth rest<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s another area where Ruth took advice.  When Naomi told Ruth to go to Boaz\u2019 party even though she hadn\u2019t been invited, Naomi told Ruth to get all dressed up:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee,  Ruth 3:3a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Boaz had gotten to know Ruth as she worked the harvest and he\u2019d shown that he respected Ruth the day they met.  Once Boaz respected her, then <\/em>it was OK for Ruth to look her best.  Girls, it\u2019s a bad idea <\/em>for you to do anything special to attract a man\u2019s attention at the beginning<\/em>.  Suppose it works, then what?  What\u2019ll you do when you\u2019re too busy, or too tired, or too pregnant to do whatever it was that attracted him?  Girls, unless a man comes after you on his own just the way God made you,<\/em> God won\u2019t want to give you to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you worry too much about your looks, it\u2019s easy for a man to flatter you and win your heart by saying you look good.  Don\u2019t we talk about a man \u201cfeeding her a line?\u201d  Seek to put on a meek and quiet spirit.  A meek and quiet spirit is of great price in the eyes of God (I Peter 3:4[382]<\/a>), and the right <\/em>man treasures it too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does He Praise You<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s look at rest a bit more in the context of getting advice.  You may not always understand what a man means by what he says to you, particularly if you\u2019re falling in love with him.  You need for your husband to appreciate you and that\u2019s where you need advice.  Tell an older woman what he says and she\u2019ll help you figure out if he truly<\/em> appreciates you.  Someone your age can\u2019t help you with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men, a woman can give a man physical rest under pretty much any circumstances but she can\u2019t give her man rest unto his soul unless he first gives her<\/em> rest.  A wife can\u2019t make you any happier than you make her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman can\u2019t give her husband rest unless she\u2019s happy<\/em> about belonging to him and giving him rest.  She can\u2019t be happy about belonging to him unless he values her and appreciates her, and it\u2019s hard to value her if she gives him rest outside marriage.  The Bible explains how<\/em> a man should give his wife rest so that she can give him complete<\/em> rest, but a woman can\u2019t create rest or love by herself.  A woman\u2019s like a mirror, she magnifies her husband\u2019s love and rest back to him, she\u2019s not a light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If her man makes her feel appreciated, if he makes her feel respected and valued, if he gives her peace and rest as Christ gives His people perfect peace and rest, she amplifies his rest and reflects enough love back to him to take care of the whole family.  A wife can\u2019t make rest from nothing; she can\u2019t give rest if she isn\u2019t given rest to begin with.  How does a man give his wife rest?  God explains:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  [saying] 29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The Bible commands a husband to tell his wife that she\u2019s far better than any other wife he knows. It also commands a man to sanctify his wife, that is, to set her apart from all other women:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,  Ephesians 5:25-26<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does He Sanctify You<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Men should sanctify wives as Christ sanctifies the church.  Sanctification means \u201cset apart,\u201d a husband must know his wife well enough to separate her from other women, especially when taking her.  Men get so intense that a woman may think, \u201cAnybody would do.\u201d  Some men say, \u201cAll cats are gray in the dark.\u201d  This suggests that men don\u2019t<\/em> sanctify women even though Song 6:9 teaches a man to think of his wife as \u201cbut one.\u201d  Would God command men to sanctify wives if it were natural?  It isn\u2019t, a man must purpose in his heart to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man must<\/em> possess his wife in sanctification.  He must let her know he desires her as a person, a mind, a set of skills, a help meet, a companion, not just<\/em> a body.  If a wife doesn\u2019t feel sanctified, she feels she\u2019s fornicating because she could be any woman.  A man sanctifies his wife by praising her in detail, read Solomon\u2019s Song.  If he notices and praises small details, she feels he\u2019s paying attention and that he values her<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In any case, Boaz couldn\u2019t be in rest, he wanted<\/em> Ruth, so he married her, took her, and she was his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have 4 of Ruth\u2019s Rules for marriage: 1) Seek ye first the kingdom of God, it\u2019s better to have God and no husband than a husband without God.  2) Know that you\u2019re made for him, he\u2019s not made for you, when he does what a man\u2019s gotta do, you<\/em> gotta clean up the mess.  3) Wait<\/em> for a man who respects<\/em> and honors you<\/em> as Boaz respected and honored Ruth so you won\u2019t mind<\/em> cleaning up after him.  4) Don\u2019t play hard to get, be <\/em>hard to get.  When he can\u2019t be in rest, just let it happen, don\u2019t<\/em> give him rest outside marriage.  5) Get advice!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

RULE # 6 \u2013 MAKE SURE HE OPENS HIS HEART TO YOU<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Hear it again, make sure<\/em> he opens his heart to you.  Women live and die by relationships.  A wife relates to other women to share knowledge about how to raise children and how to keep husbands happy.  A wife wants to know<\/em> that the bonds are strong.  It hurts her deeply if her husband won\u2019t open his heart to her.  For generations, a woman could live only by the sweat of her husband\u2019s face.  A woman whose relationship ended through death or desertion could starve.  That\u2019s why God gave special provision for widows and the fatherless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God knows that opening his heart is as frightening for a man as opening her body can be for a woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, so that he shall have no need of spoil<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:11-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s safe for a man to open his heart to a virtuous woman who will do him good and not evil.  Some say \u201cno need of spoil\u201d means that the man shouldn\u2019t be interested in other women; Song 6:9 agrees.  Every man knows that a woman can give him the joys of Heaven right here on earth, but few realize that she can make him no happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9[383]<\/a>).  Few men know how badly women need open hearts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife teaches that a man expects to have his wife 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed<\/em>.  That\u2019s simple, but not easy.  It\u2019s simple to walk from Maine to California – put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there – but it\u2019s not easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He wants you to open your body to him.  You want him to open his heart to you.  He wants to put himself into your body.  You want to put yourself, your words, your thoughts, and your feelings, into his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He leaves his seed inside your body where it affects your mood and can give you a baby.  You want to leave your essence, your being, in his heart where it affects his thinking about you, how he treats you, and how he relates to everyone else.  People can tell you belong to each other by looking at you or hearing you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s no simple formula for a man to keep a woman happy because women aren\u2019t nearly as alike as men are.  If he opens his heart to her as sincerely, as deeply, as widely, as patiently, as attentively, as often, and as gladly as he expects her to open her body to him, they will come to belong to each other.  Once they belong to each other, they can give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Boaz opened his heart to Ruth and praised her Godliness, Ruth knew he respected<\/em> and valued<\/em> her.  He told the young men not to mess with her, he protected<\/em> her, he gave her water and lunch, he provided<\/em> for her; she rested<\/em> near him and worked with his people through the harvest.  When she asked for his coat:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he said, Blessed be thou of the LORD, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, whether poor or rich.  And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Ruth 3:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz liked Ruth asking him to marry her.  He wanted her for her virtue, her character; everybody knew<\/em> she was a virtuous woman<\/em>.  Don\u2019t you think other women were interested in him?  Boaz knew Ruth \u201cfollowedst not young men\u201d she wasn\u2019t dating around<\/em>.  Boaz knew Ruth sought God.  God made women for men.  Boaz knew that a woman who works hard, acts modestly, and seeks God makes a good<\/em> wife, so he married her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Society suggests beauty is the only thing that matters in women.  Would you rather your husband praise your looks or that he value your walk with God?  Boaz praised her character,<\/em> he knew<\/em> she sought God and valued her for it.  You don\u2019t want a man who doesn\u2019t care whether you seek God no matter how attractive you are.  If he only loves your looks, what will he do as you get older or pregnant and your looks fade?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man won\u2019t open his heart and won\u2019t belong to you unless he respects you.  \u201cBut,\u201d you ask, \u201chow will a man know to respect and honor me?\u201d  There are two ways, the right way and the wrong way.  The wrong way is to date and hope he\u2019ll respect you, maybe he\u2019ll marry you.  That doesn\u2019t work.<\/em>  Look around and see if your friends\u2019 relationships are working.  They generally aren\u2019t.  How do you do it differently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s how my wife did it.  We met at church, I told her I\u2019d be away for a month but that I\u2019d date her when I got back, and I asked her out the next time I saw her.  She said, \u201cBefore you spend any money on me, you should know that I\u2019m looking for a husband.  I\u2019m not looking for fun; I want to get married.  I\u2019m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out at all, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether we should<\/em> marry.  God made me to be a treasure for some man<\/em>.  If you aren\u2019t that man, fine, we can part friends.  I\u2019m not a toy<\/em>, I don\u2019t want a man to play with me, I want a man to stay with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I valued that and so has every man I\u2019ve told.  Men know<\/em> they don\u2019t understand women, men know<\/em> that an unhappy woman is a hardship, a man worries<\/em> about keeping you happy.  If you state what you want clearly and simply and explain your needs before<\/em> you date, a man can know whether he can give you rest or not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think about it from my point of view.  Her telling me she expected to be<\/em> a treasure for her husband was a great<\/em> recommendation.  What man wouldn\u2019t want a woman who planned to be God\u2019s treasure for him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She wanted me to agree on why<\/em> we were together.  She put marriage on the table and insisted<\/em> that I treat her as a treasure.  I soon decided that she\u2019d told the truth<\/em> about being a treasure and took her to wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During my trip, my aunt asked if I knew any women, I said I\u2019d just met one, but I wasn\u2019t thinking marriage.<\/em>  When she<\/em> mentioned marriage, I realized that marrying her might<\/em> be a good idea, but without her bringing it up, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d have thought of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who mentioned marriage first, Boaz or Ruth?  Men don\u2019t always think of marriage<\/em>, ladies, I didn\u2019t, Boaz didn\u2019t.  My wife didn\u2019t ask for marriage, she asked me to consider<\/em> marriage; it\u2019s in your interest to put marriage on the table before<\/em> the first date.  So what if he walks away?  If he\u2019s opposed to marriage, if your being God\u2019s treasure doesn\u2019t move him, you don\u2019t<\/em> want to fall in love with him.  Guard your heart:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ask God About Him<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You must<\/em> know whether a man respects you before marrying.  Boaz showed Ruth respect by opening his heart and taking care of her, but how do you<\/em> know?  There are two steps in finding out, ask God, then ask the man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ye have not, because ye ask not.  James 4:2b<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women ask for very little and that\u2019s often what they get; my wife asked for respect and became my treasure.  It\u2019s hard to be a Biblical wife without your husband\u2019s cooperation.  God promises<\/em> wisdom if you ask Him (II Chron. 1:11[384]<\/a>, James 1:5[385]<\/a>).  Pray fervently<\/em> that God will show your friend\u2019s heart before<\/em> you fall in love.  Pray that God will reveal any reason you and he shouldn\u2019t<\/em> marry, and obey<\/em> what God shows you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you let God choose your husband, He\u2019ll give you to a man who delights in you.  It hurts<\/em> a woman to marry a man who isn\u2019t pleased with her.  She\u2019ll try something, he\u2019ll like it, she\u2019ll do something similar, and he won\u2019t like it.  She\u2019ll second-guess, \u201cLast week, he liked this, he didn\u2019t like that\u2026\u201d  If you find yourself constantly changing and hoping to please him, he probably isn\u2019t the right man – the right man appreciates you as God made you.  You\u2019ll have to change your ways as you and your husband grow into your new life together, but it\u2019s not a good idea to marry a man if you find yourself changing your basic nature to try to please him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask the Man to Show Himself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

After you ask God whether this guy will give you rest, it\u2019s time to ask the man.  You should have asked for respect from the beginning.  If things look good, you\u2019d better find out whether he respects your mind and your thought process before you\u2019re too much in love to back out without being hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made you to be your husband\u2019s help meet and you can\u2019t help him unless he explains what he wants.  I Cor. 11:9 says that you were made for a man and Gen. 3:16 says that your desire is toward your husband.  How did God do this?  How did God overcome your desire for independence and make you want to please a man?  God gave you and almost all women an intense<\/em> desire for a man\u2019s praise.  Why else have a man at all?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You want to please your husband (I Cor. 7:34[386]<\/a>), but you can\u2019t please him without knowing him.  The Bible commands honoring your husband; it forbids fornication, theft, and adultery.  In areas such as the car you drive or the school you attend, however, God gives us liberty to use our intelligence and free will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you and your husband make decisions, you\u2019ll feel left out unless he asks your views and draws on your knowledge.  Any man who ignores his wife\u2019s gifts and knowledge when making decisions is a fool (Mt. 27:19[387]<\/a>).  God gave you a different way of thinking so that you could help him more effectively.  Your womanly point of view helps make it less likely that you\u2019ll overlook possibilities.  What doesn\u2019t occur to him may suggest itself to you, and vice versa, but you can\u2019t help him if he won\u2019t listen to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask his views on drinking coffee, dancing, movies, rock music, Bible versions, spanking children, TV, or women wearing trousers to see whether he discusses<\/em> issues with you or just tells you.  A woman has a hard time<\/em> telling flattery from praise, it\u2019s hard to tell whether he wants to toy with you or to have you be his treasure and take you to wife.  If you tell an older woman what he says, she can tell a man who treasures you from a man who\u2019s toying with you.  A friend your age can\u2019t do it; Naomi was a generation older<\/em> than Ruth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask him what Jacob should have done when he awoke and \u201cBehold, it was Leah,\u201d (Gen. 29:25).  Most men say Jacob was right to demand Rachel because she was beautiful, but God looks on the heart instead of appearance.  God let Laban trick Jacob into taking Leah to wife.  All things work together for good to them who are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).  Should Jacob have let God order his steps (Ps. 37:23[388]<\/a>)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God doesn\u2019t force people to follow His will.  Jacob got what Jacob wanted (Ps. 106:15[389]<\/a>), but he had four jealous women fighting for his attention.  All but two of his children knew their father didn\u2019t love their mother, how did that turn out?  Contentment comes from yielding to the Master.  Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim. 6:6), and Jacob found little contentment.  Should he have been content with Leah?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discuss Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11.  Ananias wanted to keep back money, they discussed it, she agreed, they were struck dead.  Some say they were co-conspirators, but the use of singular and plural in the passage shows that it was his idea and his wife agreed; that\u2019s what submission is<\/em>.  A husband should<\/em> get his wife\u2019s agreement when making decisions.  Sapphira was submitting to her husband\u2019s idea when she was struck dead, does this teach that there are limits to your submission?  Romans 14:23 says, \u201cwhatsoever is not of faith is sin,\u201d commanding you to do things you don\u2019t agree with forces you to sin because you can\u2019t have faith in what you do.  You need to know whether he believes there are limits to your submission.  Should you marry a man who believes that God wants you to obey him without question no matter what<\/em>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask him why God put this verse in the Bible:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Most men ridicule the idea of acting on a wife\u2019s dreams,<\/em> but Pilate should have listened.  Does God ever try to tell a husband something by telling his wife (Judges 13:2-13)?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must find out his beliefs about what women are<\/em>.  Men have two basic views of women, \u201clast in creation, first in the fall\u201d or \u201clast at the cross, first at the tomb.\u201d  The first blames women for the fall; everything that ever goes wrong is a woman\u2019s fault just as Adam blamed Eve:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.  Genesis 3:12<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A man who believes this thinks he\u2019d be OK if his wife didn\u2019t lure him to sin.  The nicer she tries to be, the subtler he thinks Satan is and the harder he resists her.  A woman who marries such a man dies inside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.  Proverbs 17:22<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

She yearns to please her husband and can\u2019t, her bones dry and you see death in her eyes.  But it\u2019s a lie!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 5:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For Adam was first formed<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, then Eve\u2026  I Timothy 2:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eve wasn\u2019t last in creation; they were created on the same day as one creature in the image of God.  They were one flesh while Adam named the animals.  God then separated Eve out of Adam\u2019s body into her own form.  A wife completes her husband\u2019s image of God when they become one flesh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherefore, as by one man<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned: \u2026 For as by one man’s disobedience<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.  Romans 5:12, 19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eve didn\u2019t cause the fall, \u201cone man\u201d did.  The fall came after<\/em> they were separated into a man and a woman; Adam caused the fall.  The 1st<\/sup> view of women is false.  The 2nd<\/sup> view is Biblical; women were<\/em> last at the cross and first at the tomb.  Which way do you want your husband to think about you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask who misquoted God.  Comparing Gen. 2:17[390]<\/a> with Gen. 3:3[391]<\/a> shows that Eve misquoted God to the serpent.  Eve didn\u2019t get it from God, did Adam add to what God said?  Exo. 19:10-11, 15[392]<\/a> shows that Moses added \u201ccome not at your wives\u201d to what God said to him.  This was wrong<\/em>: Heb. 13:4[393]<\/a> says that the marriage bed is undefiled.  Did Adam add to what God said as Moses did?  The Bible doesn\u2019t say who did it.  \u201cAdam was not deceived (1 Tim. 2:14);\u201d he heard what the serpent said.  Gen. 3:6 shows that Adam was there \u201cwith her.\u201d  Why didn\u2019t he protect or \u201ckeep (Gen. 2:15)\u201d her by correcting her or by stopping her talk with the serpent?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he insists that Eve misquoted God even knowing what Moses did and that the Bible doesn\u2019t say, can you follow him?  Scripture says that a wife is a gift from God (Pro. 18:22[394]<\/a>, Mt. 7:11[395]<\/a>, Jas. 1:17[396]<\/a>).  Can he say from his heart, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman, for God so loved me that He gave me you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to understand his thought process.  Does he listen to your views, combining your knowledge, experience, and beliefs with his, or does he shut off discussion, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s the way it is\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he\u2019ll discuss<\/em> the Bible with you, not lecture<\/em> you, but discuss it back and forth, if he\u2019s willing to honor what you\u2019ve<\/em> found in the Bible, to gently<\/em> point out areas where you and he disagree, to work hard<\/em> to bring harmony, to respect your views when making decisions, and to honor your walk with God, you\u2019ll be able to accept his leadership.  You\u2019ll have trouble resting in him if he won\u2019t explain himself or if you can\u2019t respect him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CONCLUSION<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Here are Ruth\u2019s Rules for marriage: 1) Seek ye first<\/em> the kingdom of God, it\u2019s better to have God and no husband than to have a husband without God.  2) Realize that you\u2019re made for him and he\u2019s not<\/em> made for you.  You\u2019re the tail on his kite, so you\u2019d better be sure his kite has a string.  If he has a string, the two of you can soar together, but if he has no string, you\u2019ll bump along the ground and get all muddy.  3) Wait<\/em> for a man who respects<\/em> and honors you<\/em> so you find rest in cleaning up after him and in belonging to him.  4) Be<\/em> hard to get, don\u2019t<\/em> give a man rest outside marriage. 5) Get advice from an older woman no matter how old you are.  6) Make sure<\/em> he listens to you by opening his heart to you and that he accepts your need to talk all your days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pr. 31:1 shows that King Lemuel\u2019s mother taught him how to nourish and cherish his future wife.  Working mothers don\u2019t have the time or the emotional energy to do that, so you\u2019ll have to explain your needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since you probably won\u2019t meet a man who knows your reputation, you\u2019ll have to declare<\/em> that you\u2019re a treasure up front and prove it by acting<\/em> like a treasure.  Treasures dress modestly instead of dressing in marketing mode and they don\u2019t \u201cdate around\u201d or flirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make sure he respects your thoughts enough to give you rest, we\u2019ve given ways to see if he respects what the Holy Spirit gives you<\/em>.  Marriage prospers when a man treats<\/em> his wife as God\u2019s precious gift to him and she acts<\/em> like God\u2019s precious gift to him, but it\u2019s hard<\/em> for a wife to be a treasure for a man who won\u2019t give her rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This can also help fix broken marriages.  Very few women have been taught to declare that they\u2019re treasures.  A woman should<\/em> declare herself before marriage, but it\u2019s never too late to declare that God meant you to be your husband\u2019s treasure and start acting like it without nagging<\/em> (1 Pe. 3:1-2[397]<\/a>), nor is it too late for a man to start treasuring his wife and appreciating her as taught in the Song of Solomon and Proverbs 31:28-30.  Remember, nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a man criticize his wife, not even once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can he say from the bottom of his heart, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you?\u201d  If a man lives by that from the moment you meet until the day he dies, you will rest in belonging to him, and you can give him comfort in the same way Rebekah comforted Isaac (Gen. 24:67[398]<\/a>).  You can’t make your husband any happier than he makes you.  How happy does he want to be?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

[1]<\/a> But the chief priests consulted that they might put Lazarus also to death;  John 12:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[2]<\/a> But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.  Matthew 16:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[3]<\/a> But when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he rebuked Peter, saying, Get thee behind me, Satan: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but the things that be of men.  Mark 8:33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[4]<\/a> And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.  Matthew 26:75<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[5]<\/a> And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.  Luke 22:62<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[6]<\/a> I appreciated my wife more than my dad valued his because I was homeschooled.  Pr. 31 is wisdom about nourishing and cherishing a wife that King Lemuel\u2019s mother<\/em> taught.  Learning daily from my mother taught me to respect her, her knowledge, and her womanly way of thinking.  She\u2019d say, \u201cI\u2019m thinking of your future wife\u201d as she explained some of her really odd ideas just as Mrs. Lemuel must have.  I\u2019m grateful for what she taught me about how to have \u201chappy wife, happy life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[7]<\/a> Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  Malachi 2:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[8]<\/a> Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[9]<\/a> My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.  I John 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[10]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  Ephesians 5:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[11]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  Colossians 3:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[12]<\/a> For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building.  I Corinthians 3:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[13]<\/a> The business of a farmer, comprehending agriculture or tillage of the ground, the raising, managing and fattening of cattle and other domestic animals, the management of the dairy and whatever the land produces.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[14]<\/a> And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  Genesis 2:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[15]<\/a> Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!  Psalm 107:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[16]<\/a> Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!  Psalm 133:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[17]<\/a> Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ.  Acts 20:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[18]<\/a> Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.  II Corinthians 5:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[19]<\/a> God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.  Psalm 68:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[20]<\/a> And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:  Genesis 5:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[21]<\/a> And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[22]<\/a> Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[23]<\/a> Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;  I Peter 3:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[24]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;   phesians 5:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[25]<\/a> And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[26]<\/a> But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[27]<\/a> The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.  Psalm 111:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[28]<\/a> The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.  Proverbs 9:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[29]<\/a> https:\/\/www.sciencealert.com\/a-new-paper-claims-our-understanding-of-gravity-is-totally-wrong<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[30]<\/a> https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/startswithabang\/2017\/09\/15\/proof-of-god-playing-dice-with-the-universe-found-in-the-suns-interior\/?sh=2eff90203b03<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[31]<\/a> https:\/\/carnegiescience.edu\/news\/cosmic-accounting-reveals-missing-light-crisis<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[32]<\/a> https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/startswithabang\/2017\/06\/30\/science-uncovers-the-origin-of-the-first-light-in-the-universe\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[33]<\/a> \u201cMatter arises from light? We finally know the answer to this question!\u201d https:\/\/medium.com\/@darkmatterarticles\/matter-arises-from-light-we-finally-know-the-answer-to-this-question-84f3d30b0260<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[34]<\/a> https:\/\/www.smithsonianmag.com\/science-nature\/new-science-motherhood-180977456\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[35]<\/a> Saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: 3<\/sup>All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.  Matthew 23:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[36]<\/a> O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:  I Timothy 6:20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[37]<\/a> \u201cCan Scientific Relationship Advice Save Your Marriage?\u201d New York Times<\/em>, Feb. 9, 2015, http:\/\/op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com\/2015\/02\/09\/can-scientific-relationship-advice-save-your-marriage\/?_r=0<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[38]<\/a> And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.  Deuteronomy 6:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[39]<\/a> And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.  Deuteronomy 30:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[40]<\/a> Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  Matthew 22:37<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[41]<\/a> And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.  Mark 12:30<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[42]<\/a> And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.  Luke 10:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[43]<\/a> It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Proverbs 21:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[44]<\/a> A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.  Proverbs 19:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[45]<\/a> It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[46]<\/a> It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.  Proverbs 25:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[47]<\/a> A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.  Proverbs 27:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[48]<\/a> A person who was deliberately abused as a child or in an earlier relationship may have a hard time believing in good faith.  In such cases, we can\u2019t forgive in our own strength, we must ask God for strength to forgive<\/a>, page 88, and urge the offender to seek God\u2019s forgiveness.  Jesus Forgives More Than We Can Understand<\/a> on page 6 shows how He forgave His disciples when they went fishing instead of starting His church.  He will forgive anyone who choose<\/em>s<\/em> to believe in Him and asks for His help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[49]<\/a> Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10<\/sup>For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. 11<\/sup>Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? 12<\/sup>And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[50]<\/a> And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. 12<\/sup>The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.  Ruth 2:11-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[51]<\/a> Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  Malachi 2:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[52]<\/a> \u201cCan Scientific Relationship Advice Save Your Marriage?\u201d New York Times<\/em>, Feb. 9, 2015, http:\/\/op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com\/2015\/02\/09\/can-scientific-relationship-advice-save-your-marriage\/?_r=0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[53]<\/a> Time Magazine<\/em>, March 13, 2017, p 23<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[54]<\/a> As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[55]<\/a> And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.  I Corinthians 6:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[56]<\/a> And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[57]<\/a> Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2<\/sup>And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.  Ephesians 5:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[58]<\/a> Since Adam\u2019s sin brought sin into the world, some people abuse their spouses and children, causing emotional or physical hurt deliberately.  Abuse situations are very difficult to cure unless the abuser accepts the forgiveness of Christ and repents.  The Apostle Peter advised that abusers may be won \u201cwithout the word\u201d by seeing forgiveness and love (1 Peter 3:1-2).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[59]<\/a> This research is explained in \u201cYou Just Don\u2019t Understand\u201d by Deborah Tannen who found that men want to solve problems whereas women seek affirmation that they\u2019ve been understood.  She also wrote \u201cThat\u2019s Not What I Meant\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[60]<\/a> In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.  Genesis 3:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[61]<\/a> a prudent wife is from the LORD.  Proverbs 19:14b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[62]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[63]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[64]<\/a> The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.  Song of Solomon 2:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[65]<\/a> But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23<\/sup>Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[66]<\/a> For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:  Ephesians 5:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[67]<\/a> But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.  I Timothy 5:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[68]<\/a> And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.  I Kings 11:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[69]<\/a> I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[70]<\/a> Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold.  Deuteronomy 17:17<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

[71]<\/a> the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.  Proverbs 19:13b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[72]<\/a> It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Proverbs 21:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[73]<\/a> It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[74]<\/a> It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.  Proverbs 25:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[75]<\/a> A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.  Proverbs 27:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[76]<\/a> For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;  Romans 3:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[77]<\/a> Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:  Romans 5:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[78]<\/a> For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Romans 6:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[79]<\/a> As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[80]<\/a> And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.  I Corinthians 6:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[81]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26<\/sup>That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27<\/sup>That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:25-27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[82]<\/a> There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  Romans 8:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[83]<\/a> Let your heart therefore be perfect with the LORD our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day.  I Kings 8:61<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[84]<\/a> But the high places were not removed: nevertheless Asa’s heart was perfect with the LORD all his days.  I Kings 15:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[85]<\/a> I beseech thee, O LORD, remember now how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore.  II Kings 20:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[86]<\/a> Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.  Psalm 100:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[87]<\/a> Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated unto the gospel of God,  Romans 1:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[88]<\/a> Paul, a servant of God, and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect, and the acknowledging of the truth which is after godliness;  Titus 1:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[89]<\/a> My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.  John 10:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[90]<\/a> What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  I Corinthians 6:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[91]<\/a> For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: 15<\/sup>And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.  II Corinthians 5:14-15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[92]<\/a> For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.  Ephesians 2:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[93]<\/a> Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;  Romans 12:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[94]<\/a> For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:  Ephesians 4:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[95]<\/a> Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.  Ephesians 5:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[96]<\/a> And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[97]<\/a> But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[98]<\/a> Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32<\/sup>And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:31-32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[99]<\/a> He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 11<\/sup>For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. 12<\/sup>As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:10-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[100]<\/a> I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.  Isaiah 43:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[101]<\/a> And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 10:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[102]<\/a> How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?  Hebrews 9:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[103]<\/a> Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20<\/sup>By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; 21<\/sup>And having an high priest over the house of God; 22<\/sup>Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.  Hebrews 10:19-22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[104]<\/a> There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  Romans 8:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[105]<\/a> Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.  Romans 15:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[106]<\/a> God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.  Psalm 68:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[107]<\/a> Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[108]<\/a> For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:  Ephesians 5:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[109]<\/a> Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.  Song of Solomon 4:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[110]<\/a> My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song of Solomon 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[111]<\/a> Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33<\/sup>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:22, 33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[112]<\/a> Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[113]<\/a> I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?  Job 31:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[114]<\/a> The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[115]<\/a> Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[116]<\/a> Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.  Philippians 4:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[117]<\/a> But godliness with contentment is great gain.  I Timothy 6:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[118]<\/a> Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  Hebrews 13:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[119]<\/a> But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.  Deuteronomy 4:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[120]<\/a> work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.  Philippians 2:12b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[121]<\/a> If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  I John 1:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[122]<\/a> Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.  James 5:16a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[123]<\/a> And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6<\/sup>For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7<\/sup>If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8<\/sup>But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.  Hebrews 12:5-8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[124]<\/a>There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  Romans 8:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[125]<\/a> Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.  Galatians 6:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[126]<\/a> For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 8:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[127]<\/a> And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 10:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[128]<\/a> And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angels, preached unto the Gentiles, believed on in the world, received up into glory.  I Timothy 3:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[129]<\/a> For if the blood of bulls and of goats, and the ashes of an heifer sprinkling the unclean, sanctifieth to the purifying of the flesh: 14<\/sup>How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?  Hebrews 9:13-14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[130]<\/a> Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are,  I Peter 3:6a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[131]<\/a> and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:33b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[132]<\/a> Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[133]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26<\/sup>That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27<\/sup>That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:25-27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[134]<\/a> Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29<\/sup>[saying] Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[135]<\/a> Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.  Song of Solomon 4:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[136]<\/a> My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her.  Song 6:9a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[137]<\/a> A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.  Luke 6:45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[138]<\/a> But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:  Ephesians 4:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[139]<\/a> But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.  Matthew 12:36<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[140]<\/a> Jesus taught forgiveness.  Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22<\/sup>Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.  Matthew 18:21-22.<\/strong>  I\u2019ve been married longer than 470 months.  Assuming she had to forgive me only once per month, she\u2019s forgiven me more than 470 times.  Does that mean she doesn\u2019t have to forgive me any more?  No, Jesus taught unlimited forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[141]<\/a> For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[142]<\/a> And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:  Genesis 5:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[143]<\/a> My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song of Solomon 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[144]<\/a> O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!  Matthew 23:37<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[145]<\/a> I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.  Philippians 4:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[146]<\/a> I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.  John 10:10b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[147]<\/a> Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[148]<\/a> Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.  James 5:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[149]<\/a> The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her  Proverbs 31:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[150]<\/a>  a prudent wife is from the LORD.  Proverbs 19:14b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[151]<\/a> As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.  I Peter 4:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[152]<\/a> For the love of Christ constraineth us;  II Corinthians 5:14a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[153]<\/a> For we are labourers together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building.  I Corinthians 3:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[154]<\/a> This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.  Matthew 15:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[155]<\/a> He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.  Mark 7:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[156]<\/a> A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.  Proverbs 12:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[157]<\/a> the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.  Proverbs 19:13b<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[158]<\/a> It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Proverbs 21:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[159]<\/a> It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[160]<\/a> It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.  Proverbs 25:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[161]<\/a> A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.  Proverbs 27:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[162]<\/a> Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[163]<\/a> If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?  Matthew 7:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[164]<\/a> Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[165]<\/a> Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[166]<\/a> That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;  I Thessalonians 4:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[167]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[168]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[169]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song of Solomon 7:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[170]<\/a> I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[171]<\/a> I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.  Isaiah 43:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[172]<\/a> And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 10:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[173]<\/a> And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.  Genesis 3:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[174]<\/a> The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter,  Deuteronomy 28:56<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[175]<\/a> Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground: there is no throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans: for thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate.  Isaiah 47:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[176]<\/a> And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.  Genesis 29:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[177]<\/a>Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.  Song of Solomon 1:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[178]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[179]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[180]<\/a> For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.  Genesis 24:65<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[181]<\/a> And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon.  Genesis 26:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[182]<\/a> Some wives are more interested in making love than their husbands.  In that case, he must be careful to meet her needs.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5<\/sup>Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.  I Corinthians 7:4-5
<\/strong>Scripture calls it fraud<\/em> if either party fails to meet the other\u2019s physical needs.  This leaves them open to temptation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[183]<\/a> Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.  Genesis 3:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[184]<\/a> For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[185]<\/a> I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  I Timothy 5:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[186]<\/a> And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[187]<\/a> But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.  I Corinthians 7:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[188]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[189]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[190]<\/a> His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[191]<\/a> Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[192]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song 7:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[193]<\/a> And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:  Genesis 5:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[194]<\/a> There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  I Corinthians 7:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[195]<\/a> And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;  Judges 16:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[196]<\/a> Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32<\/sup>And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:31-32<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[197]<\/a> He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 11<\/sup>For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. 12<\/sup>As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:10-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[198]<\/a> I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.  Isaiah 43:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[199]<\/a> And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 10:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[200]<\/a> How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?  Hebrews 9:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[201]<\/a> Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20<\/sup>By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; 21<\/sup>And having an high priest over the house of God; 22<\/sup>Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.  Hebrews 10:19-22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[202]<\/a> There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  Romans 8:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[203]<\/a> Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.  Romans 15:13<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[204]<\/a> And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[205]<\/a> But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[206]<\/a>Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.  Song of Solomon 1:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[207]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[208]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[209]<\/a> And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  Genesis 2:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[210]<\/a> For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[211]<\/a> There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  I Corinthians 7:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[212]<\/a> For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.  Genesis 24:65<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[213]<\/a> And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon.  Genesis 26:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[214]<\/a> Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[215]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.  Colossians 3:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[216]<\/a>Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.  Song of Solomon 1:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[217]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song of Solomon 7:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[218]<\/a> I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[219]<\/a> There are threescore queens, and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number. 9<\/sup>My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song of Solomon 6:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[220]<\/a> That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.  Romans 10:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[221]<\/a> Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[222]<\/a> And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[223]<\/a> So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: Ruth 4:13a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[224]<\/a> He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[225]<\/a> If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.  James 1:26<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[226]<\/a> Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4<\/sup>The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  I Corinthians 7:3-4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[227]<\/a> Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[228]<\/a> And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[229]<\/a> Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[230]<\/a> And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  Mark 10:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[231]<\/a> As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[232]<\/a> And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.  I Corinthians 6:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[233]<\/a> And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  Genesis 2:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[234]<\/a> For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[235]<\/a> Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[236]<\/a> They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.  Luke 17:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[237]<\/a> And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage:  Luke 20:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[238]<\/a> The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.  Proverbs 31:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[239]<\/a> Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 9:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[240]<\/a> For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;  Romans 3:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[241]<\/a> Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.  Luke 23:34a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[242]<\/a> Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.  James 4:8a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[243]<\/a> And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.  Matthew 6:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[244]<\/a> And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6<\/sup>Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:5-6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[245]<\/a> And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  Mark 10:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[246]<\/a> And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6<\/sup>Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:5-6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[247]<\/a> And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[248]<\/a> But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[249]<\/a> Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.  II Corinthians 9:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[250]<\/a> For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  Matthew 7:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[251]<\/a> For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.  Matthew 7:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[252]<\/a> What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  I Corinthians 6:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[253]<\/a> And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  Mark 10:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[254]<\/a> What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.  I Corinthians 6:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[255]<\/a> For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.  Ephesians 5:31<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[256]<\/a> God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: Psalm 68:6a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[257]<\/a> Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  Philippians 2:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[258]<\/a> And when they found them not, they drew Jason and certain brethren unto the rulers of the city, crying, These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also;  Acts 17:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[259]<\/a> Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)  Romans 2:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[260]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song of Solomon 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[261]<\/a> Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men;  II Corinthians 5:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[262]<\/a> God is angry with the wicked every day.  Psalm 7:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[263]<\/a>As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11<\/sup>There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.  Romans 3:10-11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[264]<\/a> Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.  I Peter 5:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[265]<\/a> Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  Hebrews 13:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[266]<\/a> For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: 15<\/sup>And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.  II Corinthians 5:14-15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[267]<\/a> My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. Song 6:9a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[268]<\/a> There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.  I John 4:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[269]<\/a> Jesus wept.  John 11:35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[270]<\/a> O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!  Matthew 23:37<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[271]<\/a> And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted unto heaven, shalt be brought down to hell: for if the mighty works, which have been done in thee, had been done in Sodom, it would have remained until this day.  Matthew 11:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[272]<\/a> And thou, Capernaum, which art exalted to heaven, shalt be thrust down to hell.  Luke 10:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[273]<\/a>He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 4<\/sup>Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  Isaiah 53:3-4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[274]<\/a> Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[275]<\/a>Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.  Titus 2:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[276]<\/a> This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.  Titus 3:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[277]<\/a> Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth.  I Corinthians 10:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[278]<\/a> Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  Philippians 2:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[279]<\/a> Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[280]<\/a> I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate.  Song of Solomon 8:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[281]<\/a> And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?  Proverbs 5:20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[282]<\/a> Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?  Proverbs 6:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[283]<\/a> And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage:  Luke 20:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[284]<\/a> They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all.  Luke 17:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[285]<\/a> As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[286]<\/a> And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.  I Corinthians 6:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[287]<\/a> There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.  Romans 8:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[288]<\/a> Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26<\/sup>That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27<\/sup>That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:25-27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[289]<\/a> As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalm 103:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[290]<\/a> I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.  Isaiah 43:25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[291]<\/a> And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.  I Corinthians 6:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[292]<\/a> And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 10:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[293]<\/a> My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song of Solomon 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[294]<\/a> God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: Psalm 68:6a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[295]<\/a> Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[296]<\/a> For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:  Ephesians 5:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[297]<\/a> Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.  Song of Solomon 4:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[298]<\/a> My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song of Solomon 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[299]<\/a> Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33<\/sup>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:22, 33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[300]<\/a> Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[301]<\/a> Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 9:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[302]<\/a> Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19<\/sup>Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.  Proverbs 5:18-19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[303]<\/a> Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29<\/sup>Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  Proverbs 31:28-29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[304]<\/a> Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[305]<\/a> And they came in, and possessed it; but they obeyed not thy voice, neither walked in thy law; they have done nothing of all that thou commandedst them to do: therefore thou hast caused all this evil to come upon them:  Jeremiah 32:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[306]<\/a> To fulfil the word of the LORD by the mouth of Jeremiah, until the land had enjoyed her sabbaths: for as long as she lay desolate she kept sabbath, to fulfil threescore and ten years.  II Chronicles 36:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[307]<\/a> If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?  Matthew 7:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[308]<\/a> Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[309]<\/a> For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[310]<\/a> Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.  Proverbs 31:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[311]<\/a> It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink: 5<\/sup>Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.  Proverbs 31:4-5<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

[312]<\/a> Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. 7<\/sup>Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.  Proverbs 31:6-7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[313]<\/a> Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. 9<\/sup>Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.  Proverbs 31:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[314]<\/a>A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.  Proverbs 12:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[315]<\/a> There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Proverbs 12:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[316]<\/a> And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[317]<\/a> But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45<\/sup>For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.  Mark 10:42-45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[318]<\/a> And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25<\/sup>In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;  II Timothy 2:24-25<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[319]<\/a> (Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)  Numbers 12:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[320]<\/a> Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:  Proverbs 22:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[321]<\/a> He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[322]<\/a> An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.  Proverbs 29:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[323]<\/a> Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  Philippians 2:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[324]<\/a> Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30<\/sup>For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:29-30<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[325]<\/a> The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[326]<\/a> There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  I Corinthians 7:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[327]<\/a> There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.  Proverbs 12:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[328]<\/a> A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.  Proverbs 15:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[329]<\/a> He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[330]<\/a> Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  Philippians 2:4<\/strong>  especially his wife\u2019s!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[331]<\/a> And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.  Matthew 25:40<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[332]<\/a> Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.  Matthew 25:45<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[333]<\/a> Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  Malachi 2:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[334]<\/a> Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. 11<\/sup>Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.  I Corinthians 10:10-11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[335]<\/a> She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.  Proverbs 31:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[336]<\/a> When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[337]<\/a> And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[338]<\/a> Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?  Proverbs 6:27<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[339]<\/a> And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:  Genesis 5:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[340]<\/a> And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;  Judges 16:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[341]<\/a> Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 9:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[342]<\/a> And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 20<\/sup>And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.  Genesis 2:18, 20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[343]<\/a> Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.  I Thessalonians 5:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[344]<\/a> And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:  Hebrews 10:24<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[345]<\/a> https:\/\/www.smithsonianmag.com\/science-nature\/new-science-motherhood-180977456\/<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[346]<\/a> https:\/\/www.wsj.com\/articles\/the-politicization-of-motherhood-1509144044<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[347]<\/a> https:\/\/www.smithsonianmag.com\/science-nature\/new-science-motherhood-180977456\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[348]<\/a> https:\/\/towardsdatascience.com\/can-we-let-algorithm-take-decisions-we-cannot-explain-a4e8e51e2060<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[349]<\/a> This research is explained in \u201cYou Just Don\u2019t Understand\u201d by Deborah Tannen, she also wrote \u201cThat\u2019s Not What I Meant\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[350]<\/a> https:\/\/www.sciencedaily.com\/releases\/2019\/04\/190411154728.htm<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[351]<\/a> https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health-news\/mental-mens-and-womens-brains-wired-differently-120713<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[352]<\/a> https:\/\/www.medicaldaily.com\/brain-facts-know-and-share-men-have-lower-percentage-gray-matter-women-292530<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[353]<\/a> https:\/\/goflightmedicine.com\/on-combat\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[354]<\/a> https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC6422548\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[355]<\/a> https:\/\/www.medicaldaily.com\/menstruation-and-female-brain-how-fluctuating-hormone-levels-impact-cognitive-341788<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[356]<\/a> https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4285578\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[357]<\/a> If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  James 1:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[358]<\/a> That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5<\/sup>To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.  Titus 2:4-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[359]<\/a> Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  Matthew 19:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[360]<\/a> And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.  Mark 10:8<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[361]<\/a> And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22<\/sup>And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  Genesis 2:21-22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[362]<\/a> My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 2:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[363]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[364]<\/a> I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song of Solomon 7:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[365]<\/a> And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  Genesis 2:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[366]<\/a> Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4<\/sup>The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5<\/sup>Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.  I Corinthians 7:3-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[367]<\/a> And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse;  Matthew 1:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[368]<\/a> Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.  James 4:8a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[369]<\/a> His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[370]<\/a> Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.  II Corinthians 9:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[371]<\/a> Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.  Proverbs 31:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[372]<\/a> Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.  I Peter 3:6<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[373]<\/a> Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[374]<\/a> And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  Hebrews 10:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[375]<\/a> Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.  II Corinthians 5:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[376]<\/a> And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity; 37<\/sup>And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day. 38<\/sup>And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem.  Luke 2:36-38<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[377]<\/a> For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial.  Matthew 26:12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[378]<\/a> When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[379]<\/a> And Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Joses beheld where he was laid.  Mark 15:47<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[380]<\/a> The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre, and seeth the stone taken away from the sepulchre.  John 20:1<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[381]<\/a> These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.  Acts 1:14<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[382]<\/a> But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  I Peter 3:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[383]<\/a> Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 9:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[384]<\/a> And God said to Solomon, Because this was in thine heart, and thou hast not asked riches, wealth, or honour, nor the life of thine enemies, neither yet hast asked long life; but hast asked wisdom and knowledge for thyself, that thou mayest judge my people, over whom I have made thee king:  II Chronicles 1:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[385]<\/a> If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  James 1:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[386]<\/a> There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  I Corinthians 7:34<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[387]<\/a> When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.  Matthew 27:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[388]<\/a> The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.  Psalm 37:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[389]<\/a> And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.  Psalm 106:15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[390]<\/a> But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.  Genesis 2:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[391]<\/a> But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.  Genesis 3:3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[392]<\/a> And the LORD said unto Moses, Go unto the people, and sanctify them to day and to morrow, and let them wash their clothes, 11<\/sup>And be ready against the third day: for the third day the LORD will come down in the sight of all the people upon mount Sinai. 15<\/sup>And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives.  Exodus 19:10-11, 15<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[393]<\/a> Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[394]<\/a> Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[395]<\/a> If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?  Matthew 7:11<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[396]<\/a> Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[397]<\/a> Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2<\/sup>While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  I Peter 3:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

[398]<\/a> And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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POSTED BY BILL TAYLOR AT 11:20 AM<\/a><\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5 COMMENTS:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Justus<\/a> said…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’r marriage will stand still, only with God’s full of loveAPRIL 3, 2021 AT 12:13\u202fAM<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Justus<\/a> said…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes obeying God’s law brought blessings!!JULY 19, 2021 AT 1:02\u202fAM<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Unknown<\/a> said…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes my father thank you so much for your words of God \ud83d\ude4f am very happy for you and your work on God your welcome to visit in Uganda East Africa God bless you and your work on GodDECEMBER 29, 2021 AT 7:46\u202fAM<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Unknown<\/a> said…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thanks brother for deep sharing on marriage in fact it really inspirational, I would indeed love others to get an opportunity to read your message. May God give you more breath to write on this topic. Yes you will get many marriages started well but in between the lines things turns sour, probably it may be a man’s or woman’s fault. I am excited to read this artcleJUNE 19, 2022 AT 9:25\u202fPM<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Unknown<\/a> said…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes indeed wonderful words for a far leading marriage, thanks for sharing am so blessed. Many can try to drive their marriage by their own understanding but leaning and giving God an opportunity to lead your marriage can make it so lovely and God fearing.

Shalom brother LukoyeJUNE 19, 2022 AT 9:28\u202fPM<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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