{"id":22367,"date":"2025-01-31T14:13:31","date_gmt":"2025-01-31T19:13:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/?p=22367"},"modified":"2025-01-31T15:41:09","modified_gmt":"2025-01-31T20:41:09","slug":"marriage-under-threat-how-marriagea-woman-can-find-joy-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/index.php\/2025\/01\/31\/marriage-under-threat-how-marriagea-woman-can-find-joy-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"NEW ARTICLE: Marriage Under Threat: How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage… DO YOU KNOW?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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<\/strong>Amazon.com: Sound Bite Marriage: Getting married in 3 words, staying married in 2 words: 9798867308643: Taylor, Bill and Roberta: Books<\/strong><\/a> <\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Marriage Under Threat: How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriage Under Threat<\/a><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

This site contains papers about how marriage should work. Marriage is simple, but not easy. It’s simple to walk across a room – just put one foot in front of the other. It’s just as simple to walk from Maine to California – KEEP putting one foot in front of the other – but less easy. Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a short stroll. Feel free to use any of this material in any way that serves His cause.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Wednesday, January 15, 2025<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Feel free to use this material in any way that supports His cause! In addition to the HowWomenCanFindJoyInMarriage.doc<\/strong> file being available from the shared library https:\/\/drive.google.com\/drive\/folders\/1JQV9oEZwRL_H7Whck66UuRGruJQ2nfyk?usp=sharing<\/a>,  many posts are available as a paperback or Kindle book from our author page https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Bill-and-Roberta-Taylor\/e\/B09DTMSHT8\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Clicking any footnote takes you to the scripture verse.  The browser \u201cback\u201d button or clicking the number at the footnote takes you back to where you were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Women want badly to hang around with men, but our man-woman thing isn\u2019t working well.  Social media are full of complaints about relationship problems.  If a man doesn\u2019t meet your needs, there\u2019s no way the relationship can work, but you probably don\u2019t have the words to explain your needs to a man.  Even if he wants you to be happy, he can\u2019t fix it if you can\u2019t tell him the problem.  This paper has the words you need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women drive marriage and civilization.  Pres. Reagan said, \u201cIf it weren\u2019t for women, men would be swinging clubs and sleeping in trees.\u201d  A responsible man works hard<\/em> caring for his car, boat, or whatever matters<\/em> to him.  Without a wife, a man would sleep in a cave or in his truck.  If his wife chooses<\/em> to belong to him, he spends great<\/em> effort caring for her.  His need to keep his wife happy and comfortable drives civilization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Society once supported marriage \u2013 it was illegal for a couple to live together without being married, and divorce was difficult.  With no-fault divorce, it\u2018s easier to end a marriage than to stop paying for a refrigerator.  You must study marriage much more strongly than in the past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t Deny the Science<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Two books have esplained how these relationships work in enough detail to help you avoid disaster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development<\/em> https:\/\/a.co\/d\/23NZaPL<\/a> explains how hormones produced during sex change your brain<\/em> to bind sexual partners together.  This powerful binding makes breaking up hard, particularly on you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval.  Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .\u201d[1]<\/sup><\/a>  [Because women are made for men; men aren\u2019t made for women.]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are \u201cdesigned\u201d to be sexually monogamous<\/strong> with one mate for life<\/strong>.  This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter<\/strong>.\u201d[2]<\/sup><\/a>  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God made you for a man (I Cor. 11:8-9[3]<\/a>).  Giving yourself to a man binds you to him.  Sex binds a man to you but not as strongly.  Breaking up can make it hard for either of you to form a strong marriage later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUnprotected\u201d by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman https:\/\/a.co\/d\/fIG4k9d<\/a> confirms that casual sex is very damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 university students for depression and other emotional problems, she wrote that a woman can become very depressed when she finds that her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.  Most women associate sex with commitment; men not as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The story of the sports hero and the cheerleader happens over and over again in colleges and high schools.  As they approach the championship, cheerleaders compete to see who can encourage him the most.  One of them catches his eye, he says he loves her, and they end up in bed.  That seldom works out well for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older Women<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Rule #1 in getting a joyful marriage is no sex until after marriage<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older women are commanded to teach younger women about men.  Lesson #1 is that when a man says he loves her, he wants to bed her.  Jacob worked for Rachel\u2019s father for seven years.  He saw her regularly; they ate together, talked, and did things together.  Why wasn\u2019t this enough?  Why did he want to marry<\/em> her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob wanted to marry so he could have sex with Rachel; God and custom<\/em> required marriage before sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gave us the Book of Ruth as a romance novel: a poverty stricken widow goes to a strange land to find God, works hard, shows virtue, marries a rich guy, and becomes an ancestor of Jesus.  Naomi told Ruth to crash the harvest party and ask Boaz to marry her.  When Ruth got back and told Naomi, she got the best advice on getting<\/em> married you\u2019ll ever hear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong>  The best advice on getting<\/em> married there is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz wasn\u2019t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth suggested it, he ran out the next morning and married her.  Why?  Because he wanted<\/em> her.  If you give a man rest outside marriage, your value falls (Pr. 31:10[4]<\/sup><\/a>).  What would marriage give him that he doesn\u2019t have?  Why take responsibility to care for you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he takes you without marrying you, how can you trust him not to take other women?  If you give yourself to him without marriage, how can he trust you?  A man will marry if he wants you badly enough and marriage is the only way you\u2019ll let him have you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re on the pill, a man knows<\/em> you expect<\/em> to have sex, so why not with him?  If you aren\u2019t on the pill, you can say \u201cNo, I\u2019ll get pregnant.  Not unless we\u2019re married, and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d  That\u2019s taught in Gen. 24:67[5]<\/sup><\/a>.  If a man\u2019s offer to you doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter, it\u2019s not Biblical<\/em>.  If he can\u2019t pay for you, all he can do is play with you and discard you.  God hates that!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThose who abstain from sex until marriage significantly add to their chance for avoiding problems and finding happiness.\u201d[6]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201c. . . we know that people who have had sex before they entered into marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who had not had prior sex.\u201d[7]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201c. . . the inability to bond after multiple liaisons is rooted in the fact that our behaviors actually physically change our brains.  The pattern of hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again can eventually override the natural bonding that occurs between two intimately involved individuals.\u201d[8]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201c. . . love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction.  The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.\u201d[9]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t Get Physical Before Marriage<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Some tell women not to kiss because kissing may give a man ideas.  That\u2019s wrong. <\/em> Men don\u2019t get<\/em> ideas, men have<\/em> ideas.  Kissing can give you<\/em> ideas.  When both parties have the same idea, it\u2019s hard to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug<\/strong> from a partner.[10]<\/sup><\/a>  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Men are easily aroused by touching you.  Your desire can also be triggered, particularly if you happen to be fertile.  You can\u2019t understand how urgently your boyfriend wants to touch you because you aren\u2019t a man; he can\u2019t understand childbirth or nursing because he\u2019s not a woman.  Protect yourself by avoiding situations where he could touch you even if you have a hard time believing that you should be careful at all times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s easy for you to fall into fornication through \u2018date rape.\u2019  A man has an opportunity, yields to temptation, ignores your protests, and takes you.  Men feel that if you\u2019re aroused to the point that you want sex, it\u2019s not rape – you wanted it.  A man may admit that sex outside marriage is wrong, but believes that sex isn\u2019t rape if you wanted it at the time; he can\u2019t understand how much you\u2019ll regret it later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe hardest breakup I ever had was with the first person I had sex with.  Fifteen years later, I still don\u2019t think I\u2019m over him.  I still dream about him and think about him and compare every guy since then to him.  I\u2019m married now and I feel like it\u2019s a threesome in my heart.  He is still there.  It is like he is a part of me and I still can\u2019t get over him.\u201d[11]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was the hardest thing we ever did, but we\u2019re so glad we waited.  We had to talk through our disagreements.  We couldn\u2019t just feel close by having sex; we had to really work things out.\u201d[12]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Why He Wants You<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Men pursue you because theyknow how much joy you can give.  You must explain that God created you to be His treasured gift for one man<\/em>, not a sex toy who wanders from man to man seeking love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and obtaineth favour<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do babies do when anything<\/em> goes wrong?  Scream for mommy.  Toddlers run and find<\/em> mommy.  A child knows that daddy\u2019s wife is a Good Thing; your husband should know this and proclaim it to everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:10-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  I Corinthians 7:34<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9<\/sup>Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Corinthians 11:8-9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting attention from men without setting boundaries leads to trouble:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and he shall rule over thee.  Genesis 3:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God multiplied sorrow to women by making them sensitive to how men treat them, and He strengthened your desire to be with a man as a punishment<\/em>.  You must be careful<\/em> about getting involved with men:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t let yourself get emotionally tangled with a man until after<\/em> he marries you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus told us that men marry, women are given in marriage.  A wife is a gift to her husband:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage<\/p>\n\n\n\n

,  Luke 17:27a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a church wedding, some old guy comes in with the bride.  What\u2019s he doing?  He says that he and her mother are giving her to her husband.  That\u2019s OK, but a wife is also a gift from whom?  From God:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?  Matthew 7:11<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

You will be a good and perfect gift from God to your husband.  He must honor you for your emotions!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1 Peter 3:<\/strong>7 commands giving honour unto the wife.  Being honored by her husband gives her rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you involve yourself with a man, you take on the yoke of pleasing him.  Will he make his yoke easy and his burden light by helping you learn of him?  You can\u2019t please him without knowing his wants in detail<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must explain that you are God\u2019s good and perfect gift to your husband<\/em>, and insist<\/em> on marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting Marriage on the Table<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

90% of how a relationship works depends on how the man treats you, but 90% of that depends on how you set your value in his eyes<\/em>.  What you do speaks so loudly that no man can hear what you say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You set your price by what you do.  If a man can have you for the price of a few dinners, you aren\u2019t worth much.  If he can have you without marriage, what would marrying give him that he doesn\u2019t already have?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man expresses interest and there\u2019s a possibility that you and he might make beautiful music together, you have to establish your price before the first date<\/em>.  When I offered to buy my wife lunch, she said \u201cYes,\u201d but before we left church for the restaurant, she set her terms and conditions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBefore you spend any money on me, you should know that I\u2019m looking for a husband.  I\u2019m not just looking for fun; I want to get married.  I\u2019m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether you and I should marry.  God made me to be a treasure for some man<\/em>.  If you aren\u2019t that man, fine, we can part friends, but I\u2019m not a toy<\/em>.  I don\u2019t want a man to play with me; I want a man to stay with me.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Putting marriage on the table was part of guarding her heart. If you let yourself fall in love with a man who isn\u2019t willing to marry anyone, you\u2019re crusin\u2019 for a brusin\u2019; you\u2019re in for a world of hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she spoke of my spending money on her, she signaled that she expected me<\/em> to pay her<\/em> way.  In the past, a woman wouldn\u2019t give herself to a man without marriage and she wouldn\u2019t marry unless he\u2019d grown up enough to have a job.  Even back in 1971, many women lived with men without marriage, paid \u201ctheir share\u201d of the rent, and became \u201cfriends with benefits.\u201d  She was letting me know she<\/em> wasn\u2019t going to do that<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When God told Adam he\u2019d eat by the sweat of his face, God made no provision for Eve to eat.  Women aren\u2019t strong enough to hunt or farm without machinery.  For generations, a woman starved if she didn\u2019t please a man enough for him to choose to feed her.  The Bible sums up marriage in one verse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She made the same points.  She expected me to pay, she expected marriage, she expected me to treat her as a treasure, and she planned to be<\/em> a treasure.  Rebekah knew<\/em> Isaac loved her so she was able to comfort him.  You can\u2019t<\/em> comfort your husband unless you feel loved<\/em>.  You can\u2019t create much love, but you multiply<\/em> all the love your husband gives you and fill your house and church with love and light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She re-emphasized marriage by telling me she wasn\u2019t a toy.  She\u2019d seen her friends get involved with men who didn\u2019t see anything wrong with sex outside marriage even if the woman wasn\u2019t willing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every man knows that a woman can give him the joys of Heaven, that\u2019s why men want women.  I was attracted to her, I liked talking to her, and she tells me she plans to be God\u2019s treasure for her husband!  I knew exactly<\/em> what it would be like to have her be God\u2019s treasure for me<\/em>.  If she decided she wanted to be my<\/em> treasure, I\u2019d be a fool not to marry her.  I said, \u201cSure,\u201d and we went to lunch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before dating, ask him to agree that the purpose of being together is to determine whether he and you will marry, his life for your life.  \u201cA wise woman<\/em> buildeth her house,\u201d starting before marriage.  You won\u2019t do exactly<\/em> as Ruth did because cultures are different, but God\u2019s principles<\/em> don\u2019t change.  Few young people are taught how<\/em> to get married; you can save yourself a lot<\/em> of grief by knowing how marriage works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Marriage<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The Song of Solomon explains how to maintain<\/em> a happy marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) It starts with the wife praising her husband for getting physical with her (Song 1:2[13]<\/a>).  Feeling appreciated by his wife makes a man more inclined to take care of her and to appreciate her by praising her in return.  How will a husband respond to being praised for kissing her?  Sex exalts a man:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Psalm 19:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) There is no criticism at all<\/em> in the Song, only praise in mind-numbing detail.  Husband and wife are constantly looking for little things about each other to praise and appreciate.  Their words sound odd, but you can re-word it to make sense to your spouse.  Married people need constant help, praise, support, appreciation, and affirmation from each other.  Thank God for marriage and for your spouse!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) The husband is totally involved with his wife.  He tells everyone that she’s uniquely perfect<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Song of Solomon 4:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My dove, my undefiled is but one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; she is the only one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her mother, she is the choice one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s so focused on her that he doesn’t see other women as women, only as people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4) The wife has the security of knowing that her husband belongs to her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 2:16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

What should a man do to convince his wife that he belongs to her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5) The wife recognizes and encourages her husband’s desire for her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.  Song 7:10<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

She asks her mother for advice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother tells her to welcome her husband into her body whenever he wants her<\/em>.  There are many complaints on social media about men cheating.  Psychology Today<\/em> found that men are more likely to cheat than women.[14]<\/a>  Encouraging your husband to have you often<\/em> is the best way to get him to focus on you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giving yourself when you\u2019d rather do something else is what submission is<\/em>.  You can do it more often than he; you can drain off all of his sexual energy.  You can say you could do it more often if he was in better shape; exercising helps him live longer.  Gladly encouraging his possessiveness makes it very hard<\/em> for other women to get his attention, but if you send him off to work loaded, he’ll be tempted by other women (Pr. 6:28[15]<\/sup><\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33<\/sup>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:22, 33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as it is fit in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

His Open Heart<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God led my wife to teach that a husband\u2019s goal is 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner and bed.  God seldom gives him that much strength, but that\u2019s his plan<\/em>.  5 times<\/em> before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deu. 21:14, 22:9 and Eze. 22:10-11 say that a man \u201chas humbled\u201d a woman by having her.  A girl understands that 5 times will wipe out her independence and make her belong to him.  She\u2019ll be upset until my wife reminds her that she wants her husband to open his heart to her in open talk at least<\/em> that often.  Girls know<\/em> that having a man open his heart makes him belong to her.  Giving his life for her life makes it OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opening your body makes you belong to your husband.  Opening his heart makes him belong to you.  God knows that opening his heart is as frightening for a man as opening your body can be for you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, so that he shall have no need of spoil<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:11-12<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That verse teaches that it is safe for a man to open his heart to you if you\u2019ve kept your virtue.  The Bible also tells us how a woman feels if a man doesn\u2019t open his heart<\/em> when taking her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And she [Delilah] said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me?  Judges 16:15a<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Delilah was upset that Samson wouldn\u2019t open his heart to her.  He said<\/em> he loved her, she gave herself to him, but he wasn\u2019t hers.  What good was he to her?  Why not get some cash by selling him to the Philistines?  She knew that what\u2019s in a man\u2019s heart defines him.  It\u2019s the sports hero and the cheerleader all over again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 23:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man can give a woman food, clothing, and shelter but not give her his heart.  It\u2019s far easier to love God or another person with your mind than with your heart, but love as a mental exercise doesn\u2019t do much good.  That\u2019s why God always put \u201cheart\u201d first.  If we first love Him and our spouses with our hearts<\/em>, our minds, strength, might, and everything else follow.  We must guard<\/em> our hearts so that we do not become emotionally involved with anything that can become more important to us than God or more important than our spouse:Keep<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 thy heart with all diligence<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; for out of it are the issues of life.  Proverbs 4:23<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects our minds to be diligent, that is, very careful<\/em>, to rule our emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.  Proverbs 25:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Make Him Feel Safe Around You<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Naomi gave the foundation of marriage when she hoped her daughters would find rest<\/em> with new husbands:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD grant you that ye may find rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On our very next date after my wife agreed to marry me, she asked that I never criticize her.  \u201cYour opinion of me will be very important to me.  I want to love you very much,\u201d she said.  \u201cThe more I love you, the more your disapproval will hurt me.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She had a point \u2013 nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a husband criticize his wife.  I don\u2019t want to keep her from loving me.  I watch what I say so she can feel safe<\/em> and find rest<\/em> in loving me.  Scripture tells how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Pro. 12:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Colossians 3:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 31:26<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

People who love each other can be hurt badly by unkind words.  We try to be sure<\/em> our tongues are health<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32<\/sup>And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 1<\/sup>Be ye therefore followers of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as dear children; 2<\/sup>And walk in love<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.  Ephesians 4:31-5:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our sins have been washed away.  When God looks on my wife or me, He sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 6:11[16]<\/sup><\/a>).  To be a follower of God, we must see each other and think of each other and speak of each other as having the same perfection that God sees in us by His grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her healthful words make it safe for me to rest in loving her.  Men don\u2019t want to admit their feelings for fear of being hurt, but how can you expect him to open his heart to you if your words hurt him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rewards of Obedience<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Remember the saying \u2013 \u201cThe time my father got me, his mind was not on me.\u201d  What was he thinking?  Was he thinking at all?  The only way you can give her child a father is by belonging to him thoroughly<\/em> before getting pregnant.  If you require that he commit himself by marrying you before<\/em> giving yourself and convince him that you belong to him by encouraging him to have you whenever he can, your children belong to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVasopressin [the neurochemical that affects a man\u2019s brain as oxytocin affects a woman\u2019s brain] seems to have two primary functions related to relationships: initiation of bonding of the man to his mate and attachment to his offspring<\/strong>. . . . it plays an important role in initiating sexual bonding<\/strong> and bonding between fathers and children<\/strong>.\u201d[17]<\/sup><\/a>  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Women communicate heart to heart; men communicate belly to belly.  It\u2019s a sacrifice<\/em> for a man to talk as much as you need.  It\u2019s a sacrifice<\/em> for you to meet your husband\u2019s needs.  You think he wants to do<\/em> the same old thing over and over.  He thinks that you want to talk about the same old thing over and over.  God expects a man to open his heart to his wife often enough and thoroughly enough to learn each other\u2019s needs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  I Peter 3:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a man won\u2019t honor you by listening to you enough to know how to nourish and cherish you, his prayers are blocked.  This takes a lot of talk.  Just before our wedding, my fianc\u00e9 told me she was really<\/em> looking forward to being married.  I was too.  I thought we were on the same page, but she went on.  \u201cI like talking to you.  Once we\u2019re married, we can talk more in a day than we can talk in a week of dating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s more talk than a man can imagine<\/em>, she was expecting hours per day!  We\u2019d talked a lot <\/em>while dating because we couldn\u2019t yet do what I wanted to do.  I thought once we were married, we wouldn\u2019t have<\/em> to talk about it any more.  The Holy Spirit led her to tell me that talking to her a lot more than I could imagine <\/em>was an important part of our marriage covenant.  Men and women have very different views of what marriage is<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unprotected<\/em> shows that a woman can become depressed if she finds out that her boyfriend saw her only in terms of sex.  Your husband must talk to you enough to learn about your other characteristics, skills, gifts, interests, and knowledge so that he can appreciate you as an entire person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible Gives Balance<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

The more a man takes you, the more you want to talk.  The more a man talks, the more he wants to have you.  You must both \u201cbe subject one to another (1 Pe. 5:5[18]<\/sup><\/a>)\u201d to make this work.  The Bible tells how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5<\/sup>Defraud ye not one the other<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.  I Corinthians 7:4-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.  Matthew 10:39<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.  Mark 8:35<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

You not having power means you must open herself to your husband to keep him from temptation.  Your man not having power of his body means he must open his heart to protect you from temptation.  If he doesn\u2019t meet your emotional needs, you\u2019ll be tempted to talk emotionally to other men.  This often leads to physical infidelity.  God warns that its fraud<\/em> against your marriage vows not to meet your spouse\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God rewards you for giving yourself to your husband by arranging that his hormones bind him to you and to your children if you give yourself often.  God gives a similar reward to a man who opens his heart:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 24:67<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n