{"id":22859,"date":"2025-03-10T12:16:01","date_gmt":"2025-03-10T16:16:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/?p=22859"},"modified":"2025-03-10T12:36:57","modified_gmt":"2025-03-10T16:36:57","slug":"22859","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awarningministry.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/10\/22859\/","title":{"rendered":"That was the plan. Here is a new notion: Why would a modern man want anything to do with women?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Amazon.com: God’s Simple Plan of Marriage: Building and Maintaining Lifelong Emotional Connections: 9798310488403: Taylor, Bill and Roberta: Books<\/a> <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

” I have been reading the new book. GOOD STUFF… MORE CONCISE!” <\/a><\/strong>www.Roger Fulk.com<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

BILL TAYLOR SAYS<\/a>, “That was the plan. Here is a new notion: Why would a modern man want anything to do with women? Society once supported marriage: divorce was difficult and it was illegal for unmarried couples to live together. Living together is normal now, but if she stops taking pills, she can tag him with child support for 18 years. If they\u2019re married, she usually gets full custody and alimony goes on forever. Marriage is the best plan. If she wants to spend her life with him, he better be gone on her. The time will come she’s got the flu, the kids are leaking at both ends, the house is wrecked, and she’s too sick to do anything. If he’s smitten with her, he’ll stay and help instead of leaving. How does she convince him SHE will stay? Kindness helps. She must be SURE he treats her kindly BEFORE becoming emotionally involved. https:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/2025\/01\/gods-simple-plan-of-marriage.html#feelSafe<\/a> explains the need for kindness. Why would a man open his heart to a woman who hurts him? Why would a woman open herself to a man who hurts her? Marriage can\u2019t last without deep connections but men and women connect differently. This note explains how they connect: https:\/\/successful-marriage.blogspot.com\/2025\/01\/gods-simple-plan-of-marriage.html#drawingTogether<\/a>Marriage Under Threat: God’s Simple Plan of Marriage<\/a>“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God’s Simple Plan of Marriage<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

GodsSimplePlanForMarriageConnections.doc<\/strong> is available from the shared library https:\/\/drive.google.com\/drive\/folders\/1JQV9oEZwRL_H7Whck66UuRGruJQ2nfyk?usp=sharing<\/a>.  Books about marriage are available in paperback or Kindle book from our author page https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Bill-and-Roberta-Taylor\/e\/B09DTMSHT8\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feel free to use this material in any way that supports His cause!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God Created Women and Men to be Drawn Together<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men want women; women want to be wanted.  God created us so that marriage done His way brings great joy.  Couples should be able to make it work, but many find great pain in relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marriages don\u2019t last without deep emotional connections between husband and wife, but men and women connect very<\/em> differently.  They must both<\/em> learn how to meet the other\u2019s need for connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men become close by sharing intense experiences, unlike women who draw close by talking about their deepest feelings and share experiences by talking about them.  War veterans shot at 40 years ago still get together to talk about it.  Once trust forms, they\u2019re bound \u2018til death because a man\u2019s life often depends on the faithfulness of those around him.  A firefighter can die if the other person holding the hose makes a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Veterans keep getting together because even the bonds of sharing deadly combat need maintenance.  It\u2019s hard for women to share such ties.  A woman isn\u2019t satisfied by hearing how the men were shot at, she wants to know how they felt about it.  Men don\u2019t care how they felt, they care who stood and fought instead of running when the bullets flew.  Men don\u2019t believe that talking about war builds trust, \u201cYou had to be there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men talk about experiences, of course, but their purpose isn\u2019t to build relationships as with women.  Men tell \u201cvirtue\u201d stories to teach others how to behave, women tell \u201cfeeling\u201d stories to build emotional ties.  Women feel that heroic stories are unrealistic; men feel that relationship stories are pointless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sex is God\u2019s way to bind a husband to his wife through intense<\/em> shared experience, see page<\/a> 6.  Sex hormones also bind his wife to him, make her feel that she belongs to him, and humble her, see page<\/a> 9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife teaches that a husband wants to have his wife 5 times before breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bed<\/em>.  That horrifies most women; I was horrified when the Holy Spirit led my wife to explain her need to talk.  \u201cI\u2019m really looking forward to being married,\u201d she told me.  \u201cI like<\/em> talking to you.  We can talk more in a day of being married than in a week of dating.\u201d  She put an absurd<\/em> amount of talk into our marriage vows!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being taken to wife was the most frightening experience of her life.  Opening my heart as I had promised was as scary for me as being mine was for her.  The idea of letting his wife into his heart scares most men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more often a man has his wife, the more she wants to talk.  The more they talk, the more he wants to have her.  They must \u201cbe subject one to another (1 Pe. 5:5[1]<\/sup><\/a>)\u201d to make this work.  The Bible tells how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5<\/sup>Defraud ye not one the other<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinen<\/p>\n\n\n\n

cy.  I Corinthians 7:4-5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The wife not having power means she must open her body to her husband whenever he\u2019s able to have her.  If she drains off all his energy, it will be very hard for other women to get his attention.  If she sends him out of the house loaded, on the other hand, he\u2019ll be tempted by other women and they could both be burned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God expects a man to open his heart to his wife often enough and thoroughly enough to learn her needs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 I Peter 3:7a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The only way he can get knowledge of her<\/em> is through hours and hours<\/em> of open-hearted talk.  The man not having power of his body means he must open his heart to her often enough to satisfy her emotional needs.  If he doesn\u2019t meet her needs, she\u2019ll be tempted to talk emotionally to other men.  This can lead to adultery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a great sacrifice<\/em> to meet your spouse\u2019s needs because it won\u2019t be your favorite activity.  The Bible teaches that its fraud<\/em> against your marriage vows if you don\u2019t make the ties between you strong enough to protect each other from temptation.  These are God\u2019s commands<\/em>, not suggestions.  A couple shouldn\u2019t marry unless they want<\/em> each other badly enough to meet these obligations gladly until one of them dies.  She learns whether he trusts her enough to open his heart during courtship.  They also find out whether they both speak kindly enough to create a \u201csafe space\u201d where they can rejoice in each other, page<\/a> 14.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Contents<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 1 – Secular Support for Scripture\u2019s Commands for Holy Matrimony. 1<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give Your Spouse Enough Rest to Feel Safe in Marriage to You. 1<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Handling Conflict 2<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Servant Leadership. 2<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two Books: Hooked and Unprotected. 3<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older Women. 3<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Marriage. 5<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

His Open Heart 5<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rewards of Obedience. 6<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible Gives Balance. 7<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To Sum Up. 8<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 2 – How A Woman Can Find Joy In Marriage. 9<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t Deny the Science. 9<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older Women. 9<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t Get Physical Before Marriage. 10<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why He Wants You. 11<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting Marriage on the Table. 12<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s Expectations When You Marry. 13<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Marriage. 13<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

His Open Heart 14<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make Him Feel Safe Around You. 15<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your Three Gifts to Your Children. 16<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rewards of Obedience to God. 16<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bible Gives Balance. 17<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To Sum Up. 18<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 3 – The Lesson of Leah \u2013 Having a Man\u2019s Baby Won\u2019t Make Him Marry You. 19<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unmarried Couples. 20<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Insisting on Marriage. 22<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Holy Matrimony is a Sacred Covenant Sealed with Blood. 23<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 4 \u2013 Having Answers Before and During Marriage. 25<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give Your Spouse Enough Rest to Feel Safe in Marriage to You. 25<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Answers for the Lost 27<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our Answers. 28<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents and Churches Must Teach Holy Matrimony. 28<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advantages of a Meek and Quiet Spirit 29<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men Don\u2019t Always Respect or Honor Women. 30<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women need Answers when a Man Approaches. 31<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her Terms and Conditions. 32<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Course Of True Love Never Did Run Smooth – William Shakespeare. 33<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting Marriage on the Table. 33<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Answers While Dating. 34<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Would I Rule Her?. 34<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Protecting Her Purity. 34<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being Confident She\u2019s Wanted. 35<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talking is More Important to Wives than Men Can Imagine. 36<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talking the Way a Wife Needs is Difficult for a Man. 37<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Our Purity Was Important 38<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Serve God by Serving You. 39<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men and Women See Marriage Differently. 40<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And We Lived Happily Ever After. 40<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Made Her Mine. 41<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Made Me Hers. 42<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Wife is a Mirror, She\u2019s Not a Light 43<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Wife is What Her Husband Makes Her. 44<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Simplicity of God\u2019s Marriage Rules. 44<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 5 – God Explained What Happened to Women After the Fall 45<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everybody Sees how God Punished Adam.. 45<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think About Eve\u2019s Life in the Garden. 46<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Greatly Multiply thy Sorrow Through Sensitive Emotions. 46<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thy Desire shall be to thy Husband. 47<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He Shall Rule Over Thee. 47<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 6 – What Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters. 49<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Draw a Line in the Sand. 50<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 7 \u2013 A Man is Pursuing Your Daughter.  What do you tell him?. 51<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Rewards of Marriage. 52<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leading in Meekness. 53<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How is His Walk with God?. 54<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will he Appreciate Her as God Appreciates Her?. 54<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mk. 10:8) 56<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Man Must Be Able To Pay Before Marrying. 56<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if she likes the guy and wants to get to know him?. 57<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Modern Dilemma. 57<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 8 – Confessing Your Faults to Your Children. 59<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to Say. 59<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 9 \u2013 Having Sex Changes Your Brain. 61<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t Touch until after Marriage. 62<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

David and Bathsheba. 63<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men Must Possess Their Wives in Honor, Not in Lust 64<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Few Americans Treat Others As People As Opposed To Treating Them As Men And Women. 64<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife and I talked the day we met; I told her I was going to date her. I didn\u2019t ask her, I told her. 65<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other Science Reports Which Show How God Did What He Did. 65<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seminal Fluid Absorbed into a Woman\u2019s Bloodstream Improves Her Mood. 65<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

9 Surprising Things To Know About Semen. 66<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Britannica Confirms That Semen Contains Hormones. 66<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 10 \u2013 How A Man Can Open His Heart 67<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reporting and Rapport 67<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Women Think. 67<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Explaining Her Thoughts. 68<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing versus Understanding. 69<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 11 – Handling Conflict in Marriage. 71<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disagreement in Marriage. 71<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logic and Emotion. 71<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotion drives Conflict 72<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Making You Angry is Usually an Accident 72<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The conflict is about you, it has nothing to do with the other person! 73<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you talk about anger or hurt, never say, \u201cyou,\u201d always say \u201cI\u201d. 73<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good Faith is Unbelievably Important 74<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What You Believe Determines What You Do. 75<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relating to God and His Word. 76<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 12 – Sources of Conflict \u2013 Sex and Communication Styles. 77<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Personality. 77<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflict with In-Laws. 78<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children. 80<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pleasing Her Husband. 82<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reporting and Rapport 82<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 13 – Sources of Conflict \u2013 What We Say and What We Do. 85<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communication. 85<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sex Communicates. 87<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflicts over Money. 88<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Belong to Each Other. 89<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 14 – Comparing Marriage and Salvation. 93<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Glorious Wife, Without Spot or Wrinkle. 97<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3-Mar-25<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About the Authors<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bill\u2019s parents were missionaries to Japan.  For thousands of years, Japanese lived by growing rice in flooded paddies.  Muscle-powered farming is such hard work that the character for \u201cman\u201d combines the characters for \u201cfield\u201d and \u201cstrength\u201d because a man provides strength in the fields.  This made women totally dependent on men for food.  Japanese men exploited their position of power so much that modern Japanese women want nothing to do with men or with having children.  \u201cRelationships are simply too much trouble.\u201d  Japanese culture is doomed because the women have decided not to raise the next generation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having grown up in the Bible, Bill rejected the way Japanese men treated their wives in favor of the Biblical approach.  Christianity is the only faith that places women and men on equal footing before God:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.  Galatians 3:28<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

As he earned a master\u2019s degree in electrical engineering from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he saw that MIT men weren\u2019t considered to be good husband material but he wasn\u2019t sure why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His wife Roberta started helping teach Sunday School in Massachusetts at 13; that gave her a teacher\u2019s heart.  She earned a degree in Elementary Education and taught 6th<\/sup> grade until Bill claimed her for his own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time they married in 1971, most of his friends were already divorced.  They soon realized that God had given them something precious in their marriage but they could not explain it.  When her sister and his brother divorced, they had nothing to say even though God had told<\/em> them to study marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After 50 years of trying to explain Gods plan so others could enjoy the blessing God intended for all couples, they got marriage down to just 2 words, \u201conly praise\u201d page<\/a> 5.  God gave every woman the ability to be an extraordinary treasure for a man, but that won\u2019t work unless he convinces her that he thinks of her, speaks of her, and treats her as an extraordinary treasure given to him by the Lord God Almighty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older women aren’t teaching younger women how to behave so that a man will want to marry her, connect to her, nourish her, and cherish her as she needs.  Working mothers don\u2019t have time to teach their sons how to nourish and cherish their future wives as Mrs. Lemuel taught her son (Pr. 31:1 page<\/a> 52).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bill understood enough to write Roberta the week before their engagement, \u201cFor God so loved man that He gave him woman; for God so loved me that he gave me you.\u201d  Marriages work better if a man believes that and acts on it.  That fact helped their marriage work, but it took many years of prayer, Bible study, and passing books around for comment to generalize his insight enough to make it useful to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Society prospers only if women insist on marriage before giving themselves to men.  If she gives herself without insisting on marriage, he can\u2019t trust her not to give herself to others.  If he takes her without marriage, how can she trust him not to take other women?  Society prospers only as men work to provide for their wives and children.  If a man can have a woman without taking any responsibility for her, why work hard?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Taylor\u2019s books urge every woman to state firmly and gently that she wants to get married because God made her to be a treasure for her husband.  If a man won\u2019t agree that the purpose of dating is to decide whether he and she will marry, if he won\u2019t at least consider<\/em> marrying a woman who wants to be God\u2019s treasure for him, he\u2019s not worth her time.  If he won\u2019t relate to her as a potential treasured wife, playing with her as a disposable sex toy is the only other possibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roberta had seen men play with many of her friends and throw them away when they found another toy.  That\u2019s why she insisted that Bill treat her as a treasure and<\/em> as his only<\/em> potential wife from before the first date<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 1 – Secular Support for <\/a>Scripture\u2019s Commands for Holy Matrimony<\/h1>\n\n\n\n

God ordained both salvation and marriage.  If you try to go to Heaven your own way, you go to Hell when you die.  If you try to do marriage your own way, you can make life Hell on earth.  If you do it God\u2019s way, you can give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven on earth, but Churches have forgotten how Holy Matrimony works.  Our divorce rate is the same as among the lost.  When lost people see that we can\u2019t handle this life any better than they, why should they care what we say about the life to come?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Society once supported marriage \u2013 it was illegal for a couple to live together without being married, and divorce was difficult.  With no-fault divorce, it\u2018s easier to end a marriage than to stop paying for a refrigerator.  Parents and churches must teach marriage much more strongly than in the past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God\u2019s Simple Plan of Marriage isn\u2019t being taught.  Older women must teach young women about men (Ti. 2:4-5[2]<\/sup><\/a>).  Older men must teach young men to honor, praise, respect, and protect women (Ti. 2:6[3]<\/sup><\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ll explore two secular books which uphold and amplify Biblical teaching about marriage.  Research has found that our brains can be flooded with dopamine when a man and woman interact.  Any<\/em> interaction can trigger neurochemicals which change the couple\u2019s brains <\/em>to bind them strongly to each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDrugs such as cocaine and amphetamine target dopamine neurons.[4]<\/sup><\/a>
. . . love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction.  The healthy addiction<\/strong> of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits<\/strong>.\u201d[5]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dopamine is the \u201cpleasure hormone;\u201d people badly want anything<\/em> that generates dopamine.  God uses dopamine to addict couples to each other for our good, but there are many harmful ways use dopamine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being addicted to a spouse who treats you kindly helps you live longer, but an unkind spouse can cause a lot of harm.  You must make sure<\/em> the other person treats you kindly before<\/em> letting yourself become emotionally connected.  Recovering from any addiction can be very hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God made women for men (I Cor. 11:8-9[6]<\/a>).  Giving herself to a man binds her to him.  Sex binds a man to her but not as strongly.  Breaking up can make it hard for either of them to form a strong marriage later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval.  Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .\u201d[7]<\/sup><\/a>  [Because women are made for men; men aren\u2019t made for women.]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Before the books, we\u2019ll review the most important part<\/em> of any marriage!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give Your Spouse Enough Rest to Feel Safe in Marriage to You<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Naomi gave the foundation of marriage when she hoped her daughters would find rest<\/em> with new husbands:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The LORD grant you that ye may find rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, each of you in the house of her husband.  Ruth 1:9a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A hurtful spouse is like a bad addiction.  My wife asked God to choose her husband.  God couldn\u2019t give her to me without sanding off some rough spots, so God led her to ask me not to criticize her.  \u201cYour opinion of me will be very important to me,\u201d she said.  \u201cI want to love you very much.  The more I love you, the more your disapproval will hurt me.  I won\u2019t be able to love you as much as I want<\/em> to love you if you hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any man can get that.  Men, you<\/em> know why you married your wife.  She probably doesn\u2019t know why you married her, women marry for other reasons, but you<\/em> know.  Why<\/em> make it hard for your wife to love you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nowhere<\/em> in the Bible does a husband criticize his wife.  I want to make it as easy for her to love me as I possibly can.  I watch what I say so she can feel safe<\/em> and find rest<\/em> in belonging to me.  Scripture tells how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Pro. 12:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Colossians 3:19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Proverbs 31:26<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

People who love each other can be hurt badly by unkind words.  We try to be sure<\/em> our tongues are health<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32<\/sup>And be ye kind<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 1<\/sup>Be ye therefore followers of God<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as dear children; 2<\/sup>And walk in love<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.  Ephesians 4:31-5:2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our sins have been washed away.  When God looks on my wife or me, He sees the purity and perfection of His Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 6:11[8]<\/sup><\/a>).  To be a follower of God, we must see each other and think of each other and speak of each other as having the same perfection that God sees in us by His grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That<\/em> makes it safe for me to rest in loving her.  Men don\u2019t want to admit their feelings for fear of being hurt.  Men are afraid to open their hearts because every man knows that women can slice men to ribbons:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death<\/p>\n\n\n\n

;  Judges 16:16<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotions scare men.  He may not admit his love to himself.  God says it\u2019s safe to love a virtuous wife:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The heart<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her husband doth safely trust in her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

,  Proverbs 31:11a<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, how can you expect him to open his heart to you as you need if you hurt him?  Men, how can you expect your wife to open herself to you if you hurt her?  Kindness is fundamental<\/em> to healthy marriage addition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Handling <\/a>Conflict<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

What do you do when your spouse hurts you?  This will happen: people get careless, or thoughtless, or selfish.  Your hurt is all about you, your spouse may have no idea why you\u2019re upset.  Handle it is by honestly discussing your hurt, but talk about yourself, not your spouse.  Say, \u201cI was hurt when I heard . . .\u201d or \u201cI felt unloved when this happened . . .\u201d  Never say \u201cwhen you\u201d as if you\u2019re blaming<\/em> your spouse.  That leads to fights.  Keeping your spouse out of the discussion makes you allies working together to solve a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Servant <\/a>Leadership<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

God values women and men equally (Gal. 3:28[9]<\/a>) but He gave different roles.  A wife is to submit to her husband and follow him.  A man maintains her addiction by fulfilling his God-given duty to nourish and cherish his wife (Eph. 5:29[10]<\/sup><\/a>) by serving her as long as they both shall live.  God tells how<\/em> husbands should lead:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43<\/sup>But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: 44<\/sup>And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.  Mark 10:42-44<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all.  Mark 9:35b<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 a ransom for many.  Matthew 20:28<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Apostle Paul opened three of his letters with \u201cPaul, a servant . . . (Ro. 1:1; Phi. 1:1; Tit. 1:1)\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Servant leadership works only<\/em> on willing followers.  Men know they should lead.  We\u2019ve seen couples where the man doesn\u2019t think his wife follows and tries to dominate her or get physical with her.  This is often because he hasn\u2019t taken the time to explain what he wants.  She can\u2019t follow unless she understands in detail<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ladies, don\u2019t marry a man who won\u2019t explain.  Men, don\u2019t marry a woman who won\u2019t follow.  Page<\/a> 65 explains how my wife knew that I\u2019d lead her and page<\/a> 34 explains how she made sure I\u2019d lead gently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two Books: Hooked and <\/a>Unprotected<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Hooked: The Brain Science on How Casual Sex Affects Human Development<\/em> https:\/\/a.co\/d\/23NZaPL<\/a> explains how hormones produced during sex change our brains to bind sexual partners together.  As God put it,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, and with their children for ever!  Deuteronomy 5:29<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hooked<\/em> explains God\u2019s command that men and women marry before having sex.  Hooked<\/em> has 173 pages.  If God explained each of His commands, the Bible would be far too big for hand-copying.  God seldom explains the reasons for His commands, He expects us to obey through faith.  Hooked<\/em> reports:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The most up-to-date research suggests that most humans are \u201cdesigned\u201d to be sexually monogamous<\/strong> with one mate for life<\/strong>.  This information also shows that the further individuals deviate from this behavior, the more problems they encounter<\/strong>.[11]<\/sup><\/a>  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

God made women for men (I Cor. 11:8-9[12]<\/a>).  Giving herself to a man binds her to him.  Sex binds a man to her but not as strongly.  Breaking up can make it hard for either of them to form a strong marriage later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOne significant but sad outcome of becoming involved in an intense romantic relationship that breaks up, especially if it has become sexual, is emotional upheaval.  Men can experience these feelings, but women suffer more . . .\u201d[13]<\/sup><\/a>  [Because women are made for men; men aren\u2019t made for women.]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The book \u201cUnprotected\u201d by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman https:\/\/a.co\/d\/fIG4k9d<\/a> confirms that casual sex is very damaging.  Having treated more than 2,000 university students for depression and other emotional problems, she wrote that a woman can become very depressed when she finds that her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.  Most women associate sex with commitment; men not as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The story of the sports hero and the cheerleader happens over and over again in colleges and high schools.  As they approach the championship, cheerleaders compete to see which can encourage him the most.  One of them catches his eye, he says he loves her, and they end up in bed.  That seldom works out well for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Older Women<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Older women are commanded to teach younger women about men.  Lesson #1 is that when a man says he loves her, he wants to bed her.  Jacob worked for Rachel\u2019s father for seven years.  He saw her regularly; they ate together, talked, and did things together.  Why wasn\u2019t this enough?  Why did he want to marry<\/em> her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Genesis 29:21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacob wanted to marry so he could have sex with Rachel; God and custom<\/em> required marriage before sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman must know the difference between being wanted and being valued.  Rachel knew that Jacob valued her enough to work for her father for seven years to earn the right to marry her. How about Leah?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God gave us the Book of Ruth as a romance novel: a poverty stricken widow goes to a strange land to find God, works hard, shows virtue, marries a rich guy, and becomes an ancestor of Jesus.  As a widow, Ruth knew what men were all about, but she followed when Naomi told her to ask Boaz to marry her.  When Ruth got back from the party and told Naomi, she got the best older woman<\/em> advice on getting married you\u2019ll ever hear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then said she, Sit still, my daughter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, until he have finished the thing this day.  Ruth 3:18<\/strong>  The best advice on getting<\/em> married there is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boaz wasn\u2019t thinking of marriage, but when Ruth suggested it, it was such a good<\/em> idea he ran out the next morning and married her.  Why?  Because he wanted<\/em> her.  If a woman gives a man rest outside marriage, her value falls (Pr. 31:10[14]<\/sup><\/a>).  What would marriage give him that he doesn\u2019t have?  Why take on responsibility?  If he takes her without marrying her, how can she trust him not to take some other women?  If she gives herself to him without marriage, how can he trust her?  A man will marry if he wants her badly enough and marriage is the only way she will let him have her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If a woman\u2019s on the pill, a man feels she expects<\/em> to have sex, so why not with him?  If she isn\u2019t on the pill, she can say \u201cNo, I\u2019ll get pregnant.  Not unless we\u2019re married, and I won\u2019t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.\u201d  That\u2019s taught in Gen. 24:67[15]<\/sup><\/a>.  If a man\u2019s offer to a woman doesn\u2019t include food, clothing, and shelter, it\u2019s not Biblical<\/em>.  If he can\u2019t pay for her, all he can do is play with her and discard her.  God hates that!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women must also be taught that God created them to be His treasured gift for one man<\/em>, not sex toys who wander from man to man seeking love.  More support from Hooked:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThose who abstain from sex until marriage significantly add to their chance for avoiding problems and finding happiness.\u201d[16]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201c. . . we know that people who have had sex before they entered into marriage have a higher divorce rate than those who had not had prior sex.\u201d[17]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201c. . . the inability to bond after multiple liaisons is rooted in the fact that our behaviors actually physically change our brains.  The pattern of hooking up and breaking up and hooking up again can eventually override the natural bonding that occurs between two intimately involved individuals.\u201d[18]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201c. . . love, on a biochemical level, is a lot like addiction.  The healthy addiction of a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship even has measurable physical benefits.\u201d[19]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Some tell women not to kiss because kissing may give a man ideas.  That\u2019s wrong. <\/em> Men don\u2019t get<\/em> ideas, men have<\/em> ideas.  Kissing can give her<\/em> ideas.  When both parties have the same idea, it\u2019s hard to stop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman<\/p>\n\n\n\n

. 2<\/sup>Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  I Corinthians 7:1-2<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin [a hormone that draws men and women together] is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug<\/strong> from a partner.[20]<\/sup><\/a>  [emphasis added]<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was the hardest thing we ever did, but we\u2019re so glad we waited.  We had to talk through our disagreements.  We couldn\u2019t just feel close by having sex; we had to really work things out.\u201d[21]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe hardest breakup I ever had was with the first person I had sex with.  Fifteen years later, I still don\u2019t think I\u2019m over him.  I still dream about him and think about him and compare every guy since then to him.  I\u2019m married now and I feel like it\u2019s a threesome in my heart.  He is still there.  It is like he is a part of me and I still can\u2019t get over him.\u201d[22]<\/sup><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

After Marriage<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Song of Solomon explains the principles of maintaining<\/em> a happy marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) There is no criticism at all<\/em> in the Song, only praise in mind-numbing detail.  Husband and wife are constantly looking for little things about each other to praise and appreciate.  The way they praise sounds odd, but you can re-word it to make sense to your spouse.  Married people need constant praise, support, appreciation, and affirmation from each other.  Thank God for marriage and for your spouse!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) It starts with the wife praising her husband for getting physical with her (Song 1:2[23]<\/a>).  Feeling appreciated by his wife makes a man more willing to take care of her and to appreciate her by praising her.  What will happen when a wife praises her husband for kissing her?  Sex exalts a man:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Psalm 19:5<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) The husband is totally involved with his wife.  He tells everyone that she’s uniquely perfect<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Song of Solomon 4:7<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My dove, my undefiled is but one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; she is the only one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her mother, she is the choice one<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 of her that bare her. The daughters saw her, and blessed her; yea, the queens and the concubines, and they praised her.  Song 6:9<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s so addicted to her that he doesn’t see other women as women, only as people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4) The wife has the security of knowing that her husband belongs to her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 2:16<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.  Song 6:3<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

What must a man do to convince his wife that he belongs to her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5) The wife recognizes and encourages her husband’s desire for her to strengthen his addiction to her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

.  Song 7:10<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

She asks her mother for advice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. 3<\/sup>His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.  Song of Solomon 8:2-3<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her mother tells her to welcome her husband into her body whenever he wants her<\/em>.  Giving herself when she\u2019d rather do something else is what submission means<\/em>.  She has more capacity than he; she can drain off all of his sexual energy.  She can say they could do it more often if he was in better shape; exercise helps him live longer.  Her gladly encouraging his possessiveness makes it very hard<\/em> for other women to get his attention, but if she sends him off to work loaded, he’ll be tempted to get a fix from another women (Pr. 6:28[24]<\/sup><\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 33<\/sup>Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  Ephesians 5:22, 33<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands<\/p>\n\n\n\n

, as it is fit in the Lord.\u00a0\u00a0Colossians\u00a03:18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

DOWNLOAD MORE: <\/strong>Marriage Under Threat: God’s Simple Plan of Marriage<\/strong><\/a> <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

” I have been reading the new book. GOOD STUFF… MORE CONCISE!” www.Roger Fulk.com BILL TAYLOR SAYS, “That was the plan. Here is a new notion: Why would a modern man want anything to do with women? Society once supported marriage: divorce was difficult and it was illegal for unmarried couples to live together. Living…
Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,139,106,108,8,13,112,89,17,122,134,113,7,121],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-warning-ministry","category-apologetics","category-children","category-divorce","category-family","category-feminist","category-husband","category-marriage","category-materialism","category-mens-studies-courses","category-truthdefended","category-wife","category-wolf-watch","category-womens-studies"],"yoast_head":"\nThat was the plan. Here is a new notion: Why would a modern man want anything to do with women? - Earnestly Contend For The Faith Jude 3<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"That was the plan. Here is a new notion: Why would a modern man want anything to do with women? - Earnestly Contend For The Faith Jude 3\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"” I have been reading the new book. GOOD STUFF… MORE CONCISE!” www.Roger Fulk.com BILL TAYLOR SAYS, “That was the plan. Here is a new notion: Why would a modern man want anything to do with women? Society once supported marriage: divorce was difficult and it was illegal for unmarried couples to live together. 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